Nov 19 2009 About Time!: Improved Steering Wheel Desk

We saw another steering wheel desk here on Geekologie quite some time ago, but I think we can all agree this is a much improved model. First of all, you can write/type at a normal angle and not the angle of the actual wheel. As a matter of fact, I'm using one now, and I've got to admit: it's quite comfortable. Secondly, HOOOOOOLY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

Hit the jump for a bunch of other worthwhile product shots.

Continue Reading " About Time!: Improved Steering Wheel Desk "

Nov 1 2009 Please Stop Breaking Into My Car: "Try Again And I'll Go Gordon Freeman On Your Ass"

Some poor bastard, fed up with his car being broken into, decided to leave this passive aggressive note for the thieves. And not only does he reference Half-Life, THE DUDE KEEPS AN OCARINA IN HIS CAR. ZOMG, do you think he's Link?! Yeah, me neither.

Also, to guy's credit, I added the asterisk to his signature. DUDE MEANS BUSINESS.

Picture

Thanks to gabby, who would have booby trapped the car with Goron bombs.

Sep 2 2009 CONTEST: Win Free Buckyball Magnets!

That's right folks, you wanna win your very own set of Buckyball rare earth magnets? Well you're in luck, cause I've got 5 free sets to give away!

Each set contains 216 powerful rare earth magnets that can be shaped, molded, torn apart and snapped together in UNLIMITED WAYS. Make sculptures, puzzles, patterns, shapes, stick stuff to the fridge, invent a new game--trying to find something more useful is useless.

The magnets regularly sell for $30 plus $6 shipping (buy two get free shipping), but the first 40 people to order and use promo code "geek" will get 20% off.

As for winning a free set, I'm holding a haiku contest. If you don't know what a haiku is go HERE (no seasonal reference necessary). To read Anticlown's contest policy go HERE. Then, enter your best Geekologie themed haiku IN THE COMMENTS. I will be choosing one grand prize winner to win two (2) sets, and 3 runners up to each receive one (1) set. I will be judging based entirely on my own sense of theology and geometry.

ONE POEM PER EMAIL ADDRESS. I WILL CHECK TO SEE IF YOU'VE ENTERED MORE THAN ONCE IF YOU WIN. So go open a million different Gmail accounts. Contest ends 5 PM Eastern, Sunday, September 6th and winners will be announced that night. I have provided the haiku below to get you all started.

There you have it, now GO GO GO!

UPDATE: CHECK YOUR POEMS, 5-7-5 SYLLABLES FOLKS, NOT WORDS. Not following proper format will result in disqualification and me whipping your ass.

UPDATE UPDATE: STOP SENDING THE HAIKU AS TIPS ENTER THEM IN THE COMMENTS I WILL KILL YOU ALL.

Buckyballs Product Page

Sep 1 2009 I LIKE BIG LETTERS: WOMAN FIRED FOR USING CAPS IN A COMPANY EMAIL

Yelling, as you may well know, is a great way to get your point across. And capitalization is yelling's written equivalent. Don't believe me? LET'S TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!

An accountant in NZ has been awarded $17,000 NZD for unfair dismissal after her boss fired her without warning for using uppercase letters in a single email to co-workers. The email, which advises her team how to fill out staff claim forms, specifies a time and date highlighted in bold red, and a sentence written in capitals and highlighted in bold blue. It reads: 'To ensure your staff claim is processed and paid, please do follow the below checklist.' Her boss deemed the capital letters too confrontational for her co-workers to read after they woke up from naptime.

I love capital letters. I don't want to marry them or anything, but I would go out on a couple dates and maybe slip a big W the tongue. Don't judge me -- I'LL TELL EVERYONE YOU BANG NUMBERS AND SYMBOLS!

Woman Fired For Using Uppercase In Email [slashdot]

Thanks to Jen, who once popped a caps lock in some bitch's ass for frontin'.

Aug 13 2009 Pen Lets You Draw With Any Color You See

First of all, thank you all for the kind birthday wishes. I just went through and read them all and that was some seriously sweet shit you all said (I'm so eloquent). I almost cried, but then I wrestled a bear (and won) so that I wouldn't. But seriously -- thanks, I had the best birthday I can remember in a long time. BUT NOW IT'S THE 13TH! And you all know what that means, don't you? International Left Hander's Day! Two days in a row, baby!

The Color Picker pen by Jinsu Park is a drawing device that allows you to write in any color you can scan with the pen's color sensor. You just hold the Color Picker up to something, push a button, and PRESTO! it mixes the right amounts of blue, green purple and yellow to make the brown you were looking for. Unfortunately, the Color Picker is currently only conceptual, UNLIKE MY CEREAL PICKER! It's a spoon that, when you think about a certain kind of cereal, fills itself with that kind! I use it to invent new delicious breakfast morsels. *concentrating* Okay, so this one tastes like shit -- you've gotta try it!

Hit the jump for a couple more shots.

Continue Reading " Pen Lets You Draw With Any Color You See "

Aug 11 2009 I Like: Sticky Notes In Wooden Block Form

This is a block of sticky notes that was designed to look like a chunk of wood. And, as I'm sure you all know, wood is good. But metal -- metal is bettel. I AM THE RHYME MASTER! Although, truthfully, metal is not bettel. Because that's the stuff they make modern robots out of. And by the associative property of mathematics (I'm excellent with numbers), that makes the material inherently cold and evil. Ever seen a wooden robot? HELL NO, I BURNT THEM ALL. High-five! Now, help me drag this BEEP BOOP BOPPER to the fire pit.

The Woodblock: Post-It Notes As Nature Intended [gizmodo]

Jun 24 2009 Interesting: Ray Bradbury Hates The Internets

Ray Bradbury, seen here showing you how to properly do an alien, hates the internet. The author, despite his often futuristic, sci-fi themes, may secretly be a unabomber.

"The Internet is a big distraction," said Ray Bradbury, author of Fahrenheit 451 and The Martian Chronicles, while speaking out in defense of libraries in The New York Times.

"Yahoo called me eight weeks ago," he said. "They wanted to put a book of mine on Yahoo! You know what I told them? 'To hell with you. To hell with you and to hell with the Internet.'

"It's distracting," he continued. "It's meaningless; it's not real. It's in the air somewhere."

It's not "in the air somewhere", Ray, it's a series of tubes. One minute of fact-checking on Wikipedia could have told you that. Just sayin'.

Ray Bradbury to Yahoo: "To hell with the Internet!" [scifiwire]

Thanks to Chase and FDSY, who love the internet for all the joy porn it brings to their lives.

May 20 2009 Craigslist: Sword That Killed Goliath For Sale

Somebody in St. Louis, Missouri is selling a sword that may or may not be the one David used to chop that punk bitch Goliath's monster nog off after getting him all stoned. Wow, I should really teach Sunday School.

B.C. sword the question is ? Is this the sword of the giant, that little young David chopped the giant head off ? I have received alot of responds on this sword because nothing like this have never came up in history of antiques, and not to much talked about because no one wants to talk about the Bible, one question why 7,000 and this is just pennies in whats it's worth, and everyone knows about the game in collecting and how things pass from hand to hand until one gets the big bucks. So if anyone is interested in this sword they must do their home work I found the information and only went to 7th grade, solike you say you need more infor you must research it yourself and then bring me 7,000 dollars ... also this sword is about three feet long ..

That made no sense. Apparently they don't teach writing in St. Louis until 8th grade. Also, David used Goliath's own sword to cut his head off right? SO WHAT WOULD A GIANT BE DOING WITH A 3-FOOT SWORD? No, more than likely this is the sword Jesus used to kill the ninjas at the Battle of Bethlehem.

Craigslist

Thanks to Todd, who, IT BELONGS IN A MUSEUM!

Feb 20 2009 WOOT!: This Is My 3,000th Geekologie Post

That's right folks, you are looking at a model of prolific writing. Well technically, a Zelda shield cake I just looked up on the internet. But that's not what's important, that's just what you're going to bake me tonight for forgetting this momentous occasion. 3,000 articles, wow. And you guys have contributed 70,425 comments to said articles -- good looking! I remember back when I wrote my 100th post I was pretty confident I was going to run out of things to say soon. Yet, another 2,900 later, here I am in the same soiled boxers. Thanks to all of you that read the site regularly and enjoy it. And even to those of you that read the site regularly but hate me and wish I'd go screw off and bang a dinosaur. Because I will totally do that. Thanks everyone!

Zelda Cake: Never Say Never [kotaku]

Feb 5 2009 The Pocket Shark: Not Mightier Than A Sword, But Could Still Put An Attacker's Eye Out

The Pocket Shark is a $7 pen that doubles as a weapon thanks to its rugged construction.

For starters, it's made from the glass-reinforced plastic, Grivory, the same tough material we use in our NIGHTSHADE SERIES (of knives), and features walls that are 4 times thicker than similar markers. This means it's built for impact and, in a self-defense emergency it can become an efficient Yawara stick for driving off an attacker. Plus, the screw-top cap will stay in place and won't pop off like a regular marker's cap would when you strike a percussion blow, or when obtaining joint locks or submission holds.

ZOMG! One minute I'm thinking, "yes, that marker does looks sturdy", and next thing you know they're talking about "percussion blows" and "submission holds". Well, I guess as long as the cap doesn't come off while I'm braining some poor sap. Hey, Superficial Writer -- come check out this pen trick I just learned!

UPDATE: Jesus, who the hell brings nunchucks to work?

Pocket Shark Isn't Your Average Marker [ohgizmo]

Thanks to Mikey, who may or may not be a pocket pool shark.

Nov 9 2008 Microsoft Running Slave Camp In China (J/K Microsoft, Please Keep Advertising With Us)

Microsoft bought a bus and now offers free transportation to and from work for some of its employees in China. The only catch? You have to sit at a workstation. Good if you like reading email and catching up on the day's news, bad if there's a sweaty man with a whip behind you demanding productivity. Seriously, the last thing I want to do on the way to work is work. If I found myself having to blog in the car I'd drive straight off a bridge -- and into your heart! Here, I got you a promise ring.

Microsoft turns a bus into a mobile office [dvice]

Nov 5 2008 R.I.P.: Michael Crichton Passed Away

It is with a heavy heart that I write Michael Crichton, 66, author of such genius as Jurassic Park, The Andromeda Strain, Congo, Disclosure, and Timeline, passed away unexpectedly yesterday. He was battling cancer.

While the world knew him as a great storyteller that challenged our preconceived notions about the world around us -- and entertained us all while doing so -- his wife Sherri, daughter Taylor, family and friends knew Michael Crichton as a devoted husband, loving father and generous friend who inspired each of us to strive to see the wonders of our world through new eyes," his family tells ET. "He did this with a wry sense of humor that those who were privileged to know him personally will never forget.

We're gonna miss you Michael, save a spot for me in that great dinosaur park in the sky.

Jurassic Park Author Dies Unexpectedly [usmagazine]

Thanks to The Superficial Writer for sadly bringing this to my attention.

Oct 27 2008 Waves Of The Future: Internet, Buckypaper

Call me crazy, but I think this whole internet thing is really gonna take off one day. And, quite possibly, Buckypaper. It may just look like a turd wafer, but it's actually a paper-thin series of (carbon nano)tubes.

Buckypaper is 10 times lighter but potentially 500 times stronger than steel when sheets of it are stacked and pressed together to form a composite. Unlike conventional composite materials, though, it conducts electricity like copper or silicon and disperses heat like steel or brass.

Buckypaper is made from tube-shaped carbon molecules 50,000 times thinner than a human hair. Due to its unique properties, it is envisioned as a wondrous new material for light, energy-efficient aircraft and automobiles, more powerful computers, improved TV screens and many other products.

Well damn, I bet ol' Buckminster is on cloud nine right now. Literally -- he died in 1983. But seriously, what good is black paper if you don't have a white pencil?

Future planes, cars may be made of 'buckypaper' [usatoday]

Thanks to The_Don, who invented Buckypaper, rock, scissors, and never loses.

Oct 23 2008 Cool!: The World's Smallest Writing

Japanese scientists have written the world's smallest letters using only a handful of atoms.

a research team at Osaka University has "written" the letters "Si" using an atomic pen that interchanges silicon and tin atoms, enabling those who have the time, resources, and patience to manipulate said atoms one by one. The results are a diminutive 2 x 2 nm (or 40,000 times smaller than a strand of hair) which took about an hour and a half to complete.

That's impressive and all, but I once had an Asian lady write my whole name on a grain of rice at the mall. Suck on that one, scientists!

Atomic pen achieves invisible victory [engadget]

Thanks to mkaggie, who can actually write with individual electrons.

Oct 13 2008 Robot Trickery: Trying To Write Like People

Scientists are running tests in Berkshire to determine if robots can "think" well enough to trick humans into believing they're humans themselves.

Scientists at the University of Reading tested five machines to see if they could pass themselves off as humans in text-based conversations with people.

The test was devised in 1950 by British Mathematician Alan Turing, who said that if a machine was indistinguishable from a human, then it was "thinking".

One robot, Elbot, came close on Sunday by reaching 5% below the pass mark.

No robot has ever passed the Turing Test, which requires the robot to fool 30% of its human interrogators.

Wow, people can actually communicate with a robot and think it's a human? That's freaking pathetic. And on a side note, who the hell is this MovieFone character on my AIM buddy list and how is he always available? He must never sleep!

Test explores if robots can think [bbcnews] (with video)

Thanks to Mike, Wayne, and Uncle Ecolli, who all agree that not only are robots stupid, but they make horrible sexual partners.

Aug 1 2008 Rowling Fans Rejoice: Collector's Editions Of The Tales Of Beedle The Bard At Amazon

That's right all you Rowling/Potter fanboys, it's time to get excited. The Tales of Beedle the Bard, a $4 million book handmade by the sorceress herself, is being made into an accurate reproduction collector's edition. It'll cost $100 and be available on December 4th. So what do you get for your Benjamin?

Collector's Edition Product Features:
• All five fairy tales from the original The Tales of Beedle the Bard
• Outer case disguised as a wizarding textbook from the Hogwarts library
• Exclusive reproduction of J.K. Rowling's handwritten introduction
• 10 new illustrations by J.K. Rowling not included in the Standard Edition or the original handcrafted edition
• Velvet bag embroidered with J.K. Rowling's signature
• Metal skull, corners, and clasp
• Replica gemstones
• Emerald ribbon
• Net proceeds from the Collector's Edition and the Standard Edition support the Children's High Level Group, an organization that benefits children living in residential institutions.

Of course, if you don't want to dish out two day's pay for the thing (despite the good cause), you can get a trade paperback the same day for $7.59. Which, based on my limited mathematical abilities, is still more than I pay for a haircut. Because I shave it myself -- nuts too!

Amazon Product Page (non-collector's edition here)

Thanks Jennifer, can you teach me some magic spells?

Jun 17 2008 Gag Pens Help Prevent Unwanted Theft

Tired of co-workers *ahem, Superficial Writer, Iwatchstuff Writer* borrowing your analog writing instruments, only to never see them again? Well the Borrow My Pen? set ($7) aims to alleviate the problem of pen theft. Each features a fictional place of business along with a catchy phrase designed to prevent people from wanting to keep them. Stuff like Van Nuys Center For Cosmetic Surgery, "Specializing in Difficult Gender Reassignments". Clever, but not clever enough. I've got the feeling I'd still get pens stolen with these. That's why I had Sharpie make a set with my own clever phrases. Stuff like: The Geekologie Writer, "If You Can Read This You've Stolen My Pen And I'm About To F***ing Stab You With It" and Center For Infectious Disease, "Free Pen For New STD's".

A Pen That Will Always Be Returned [ohgizmo]

May 22 2008 OLED Phone Will Stick Out Of Your Pocket

That is one looong phone. It certainly brings new meaning to the phrase "long distance calling" doesn't it? No, it doesn't, and that didn't make any freaking sense. If you thought it did you should see someone. Like me -- I love crazy people. So what we have here is the "NEED", a two OLED touchscreen phone by designer Tamer Koseli, whose aim was a "no frills" design.

He argues mobile phones are basic multimedia gadgets, far from their traditional aim of communication. He wanted to create a device with no superfluous features. That's right, you won't find a MP3 player, video capabilities, or even a camera.

Now call me an evil genius, but I'm pretty sure having two OLED touchscreens isn't a "no frills" feature. Honestly, that shit is frilly as hell. I mean, you write the damn number you want to call and it dials it? I think that's a little more superfluous than, oh I don't know, punching numbered buttons. That said, what in the hell kind of number is D544 B7B 3...? Do you think it's one of those phone sex things? I love those. I don't even need to talk to a real person, the automated part at the beginning is enough for me.

A bunch more pictures of the thing after the ring-a-ling-a-ding-dong. God I need help.

Continue Reading " OLED Phone Will Stick Out Of Your Pocket "

May 5 2008 How To Traumatize Your Children

My parents didn't need a book to effectively traumatize us for life. They did a fine job on their own. Well for today's slacking parents there's How To Traumatize Your Children, a book in the Self-Hurt series (along with How To Cut Yourself).

You'll learn how to:

• Determine your traumatizing "type"
• Cultivate your children's resentment
• Give your children enough material to write a memoir someday
• Defend your choices against others who've opted to traumatize differently

The 192 page full color book only runs $10 and is a great companion piece to The Superficial Writer's My Drunk As Shit Daddy, which explains to kids why their daddy peed in the fishtank, and why his urine killed the turtle. But if reading isn't your thing you can always just have sex with the door open. That'll screw a kid up for life. Even beyond if you're caught doing some freaky cosplay shit or a mommy/daddy role reversal.

How To Traumatize Your Children Book [ohgizmo]

Apr 28 2008 Word Clock: But I Never Learned To Read!

If you've been keeping up with Geekologie for a while then you know we've seen a number of different clocks that tell time with words instead of digits. Well designer Hans Tan felt none of those were verbose enough, and thus created the Idea of a Clock II (I've got the feeling someone punched the shit out of Idea of a Clock I and broke it). As you can see it has a whole bunch of words on it, less than half of which have anything to do with the actual time. So you just have to jump to the end to get your fix. Like you people that skip to the end of posts to read the joke and not all this awesome fluff. The clocks are limited edition and you have to contact Hans to get a price quote. Which is code for way too freaking expensive for an LED bulletin board. That said, I'm stealing this idea and making my own damn clock. It's gonna be called Idea of a Laser Clock and it'll basically be a piece of plywood with a laser attached and the following words painted on in bright red:

This is the idea
of a laser clock
that tells you
the time with lasers
at exactly
now a powerful burning laser
is zapping you in the nads.

Makes a great alarm too.

world clock is a little too verbose for me [technabob]