Nov 18 2009 Dad Only Speaks Klingon To Son For 3 Years

This handsome dapper portly half-Santa isn't the man in the story, but that doesn't matter. What's important is that he practices good dental hygiene. Also, that some cat named d'Armond Speers decided to only speak Klingon to his son for the first three years of his life. But fret not, he did it with good cause: cruelty experimentation. I knew I had kids for a reason!

"I was interested in the question of whether my son, going through his first language acquisition process, would acquire it like any human language," Speers told the Minnesota Daily. "He was definitely starting to learn it."

And get this, Speers says he isn't really a huge Star Trek fan.

Does the fact that Speers has a doctorate in computational linguistics explain anything -- or excuse anything -- here? Maybe. His child-rearing habits were part of a larger story on the company he advises, Ultralingua, which develops language and translation software. Including Klingon.

Yeah, I don't know how I feel about that. Besides somebody get this man a 'Father of the Year' ribbon! Are you reading this B.F. Skinner? That air-crib was weak shit!

Local dad spoke only Klingon to child for three years [citypages]

Thanks to Demon Spawn and Kelly, who are only speaking jibberish to their children for six years.

Nov 12 2009 Early Computing: Children's New Alphabet

Is this how today's children learn the alphabet? No. Is this how tomorrow's children will learn the alphabet? Probably not. Is spanking the best way to teach your children things? My parents thought so, and look how smart I am. Well, you can't physically SEE how smart I am. What you're looking at is called handsome.

How Today's Kids Learn The Alphabet [verybored]

Thanks to Nick, who learned the alphabet the old fashioned way: he didn't. His tip was nothing but wingdings and a link!

Nov 1 2009 Please Stop Breaking Into My Car: "Try Again And I'll Go Gordon Freeman On Your Ass"

Some poor bastard, fed up with his car being broken into, decided to leave this passive aggressive note for the thieves. And not only does he reference Half-Life, THE DUDE KEEPS AN OCARINA IN HIS CAR. ZOMG, do you think he's Link?! Yeah, me neither.

Also, to guy's credit, I added the asterisk to his signature. DUDE MEANS BUSINESS.

Picture

Thanks to gabby, who would have booby trapped the car with Goron bombs.

Oct 23 2009 Geekiest Game Of Scrabble Ever Played?

First of all, acronyms aren't allowed in Scrabble. Or proper names. Making this 'the least played by the rules' game of Scrabble ever. That aside, is it the geekiest? Maybe -- you be the judge. I will be the jury. Except, instead of paying attention and taking notes, I'll be doing a Sudoku. You hear that, court system? STOP CALLING ME FOR JURY DUTY! I have the attention span of

Scrabble "Geek style" [flickr]
via
The Geekiest Scrabble Game Ever! [walyou]

Sep 18 2009 September 19th Is Int'l Talk Like A Pirate Day!

That's right you salty, half-masted sons of wenches, tomorrow (September 19th) be International Talk Like A Pirate Day. And to celebrate, TellTale Games is giving away free 1-part episodes of Tales of Monkey Island. Also, I will be getting drunk all day wearing an eyepatch and waving a plastic cutlass. So, if you want some free awesome gameage head over HERE tomorrow to claim your booty. Unless you already own the game like I do CAUSE YOU ARE A PIRATE 4 LIFE! Now, whattya say you and I swill some grog and yell at the wenches? What do you mean, "no"? That's it: hand me my wooden leg, I'm gonna kick your ass.

TellTale Games

Thanks to deadbodyman, who talks like a pirate all the time because he illegally downloads copywritten files online all day.

Sep 3 2009 New And Improved: The Bookmark II

I typically use a gum wrapper or dog-ear the pages to mark my place in a book, but hey, a glorified rubber band, that's cool.

The Bookmark II is a simple rubber band with an arrow on one side and a "Bookmark" tab on the other. The arrow allows you to point to the line you were last reading and the tab to open the book up to the appropriate page. It's simple.

If you'll notice, the arrow in the picture is pointing to a line with a dirty word. That's subliminal advertising! It's working too, I just ordered a hundred. I'm gonna wear them like LIVESTRONG bracelets!

The Bookmark II [ohgizmo]

Aug 7 2009 Bark Translator Tells What Your Dog Wants

The Bowlingual Voice bark translator translates a dog's barks into words a human can understand. Words like, "I'm about to pee on the carpet!"

Developed by Takara Tomy, a Japanese toy company, this little gadget is supposed to translate your dog's feelings into words you can understand (while making your dog look like something out of a sci-fi movie). The gadget can tell you if your dog is sad, joyful, alert to danger, needy, happy or frustrated.

The £129 ($215) gadget can be placed on the dog's collar and includes a receiver which would translate the dogs' barks. The translated bark is displayed on the receiver which also plays in audio phrases like 'I feel sad' or 'Leave me alone', the toy will hit the Japanese market on August 27th.

I question how well the device actually works, but what's $215 to pretend you're your Doctor Dolittle? Read: buy a stethoscope and rectal thermometer and call it a day.

Bowlingual Voice Can Help You Talk To Your Dog! [trendsupdates]

Thanks to Trevor, who once had a conversation with a mounted dear head when they were both on peyote.

Aug 7 2009 The Most Romantic Love Letter Ever Written

Jessica, you'd be a fool not to marry this guy. I mean, Star Wars references aside, just look at that penmanship! I'll bet you he was at least a solid B student in writing class. And if you won't have him, I will.

Dear Letter Writer,

You know that thing you said about crawling inside Jessica like a tauntaun? I want you to do that to me. Bring your lightsaber.

Love,

The Geekologie Writer

Star Wars Love Letter [emailsfromcrazypeople]

Thanks to G, who prefers Star Trek themed love letters.

Jul 28 2009 I'd Type With It: Font Created By Driving A Car

Personally, I've always wanted a font created out of my handwriting because I have the cutest damn handwriting in the world (I even dot my i's with hearts!), but hey, a driving font, that's cool too.

Graphic designers Pierre Smeets and Damien Aresta, known collectively as pleaseletmedesign, teamed up with professional race car driver Stef van Campenhoudt to...create a font.

As you can see Campenhoudt did the "writing". The 4 dots on the roof of the car was tracked in real time using a camera and a custom software designed by fellow artist Zachary Lieberman of openFrameworks.

If you ask me, I'd say it turned out pretty well. So go ahead -- ask me. I think it turned out pretty well. Told you! I AM A MAN OF MY WORD.

Hit the jump for a video of the font creation in action, complete with soundtrack that gave me an aural seizure.

Continue Reading " I'd Type With It: Font Created By Driving A Car "

Jul 15 2009 'Rad To The Power Of Sick' BMX Bike Actually (Successful) Experiment In Creative Marketing

That's right, the infamous 'Rad to the power of Sick' BMX bike ad on eBay was actually created by a couple guys doing an experiment (The Wicked Sick Project) to determine if some creative marketing could drive up an otherwise regular item's sale price. Obviously, it worked. And, keeping with today's theme of Geekologie's world domination, your favorite website makes a cameo in the video at 2:55. I guess what I'm getting at is this: WHERE'S MY CUT OF THE PROFITS YOU SONS OF BITCHES?! You think the booze that fuels Geekologie pays for itself? You think my girlfriend doesn't make me pay the water bill for staying with her? You think strippers tip themselves just because I'm handsome? Okay, the last one is actually true. Go ahead Savannah, give yourself another single -- you've earned it.

Youtube

Thanks to mike, whose bike horn alone is enough to get women pregnant.

Jul 15 2009 That's It, Disney -- Prepare To Be Sued!

Typically I don't post movie posters because that's IWatchStuff's job, but I'm making an exception in this case because DISNEY STOLE GEEKOLOGIE'S TAGLINE. You think you can just change "awesome" to "guinea pigs" (which, incidentally are a synonym for awesome) and get away with it? THINK AGAIN, YOU DIRTY RODENT! Now, which one of you wants to call Disney and pretend to be a lawyer? Somebody with a deep voice.

G-FORCE movie poster [disneydreaming]

Thanks to Ben, who pleads guilty to dead sexiness.

Jun 10 2009 Noob Not Millionth Word Of English Language After All. No, Apparently Now It's 'Web 2.0'

Remember last month when I reported 'noob' was going to be the millionth English word introduced into dictionaries? Well apparently I was lied to (you bitch!), and now the honor goes to 'Web 2.0', which is pretty effed up considering it's half numeral.

The buzzword that heralded the new age of social networking on the internet, Web 2.0, has been crowned the one millionth English word by a US-based language monitoring group.

The Texas-based Global Language Monitor (GLM) acknowledges new words once they have been used 25,000 times on media and social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook. It predicts that a new English-language word is created every 98 minutes.

You know what, I'm tired of this honky-tonk flip-flopping bullshit. I suggest we start a rumor that Geekologie is actually the millionth word in the English language. It's sure as hell a whole lot more believable than noob and web 2.0. As a matter of fact, I already defined it in an earlier post.

Geekologie n, v (2008)
1. the study of all things geek
Dude, this college sucks, you can't even get a Geekologie degree.

2. to utterly destroy someone else and prove your dominance, similar to pwn
Suck it, sucker, I just beat your Bomberman high score. You got Geekologied!

3. to teabag a passed out roommate who forgot to take his shoes off
Quick, grab the video camera -- I'm gonna Geekologie Davey!

Now, go forth and spread the news, LEST I HAVE TO GEEKOLOGIE THAT ASS.

'Web 2.0' is one millionth English word [msn]

Thanks to jawn and draw, who just wrote Merriam Webster and told them to suck it.

May 26 2009 13,500 Pages Of Data Etched On A 3" Disk

The Rosetta Disk is a 3" nickel disk that has been etched with over 13,500 pages of information on how to read and understand the world's languages in case aliens get tired of sticking things up our butts and want to get their learn on. It represents over 1,500 languages and requires a 500x microscope to read a single page. You hear that, aliens -- don't forget your microscopes (read: leave the probes at home).

Hit the jump for a close-up that isn't close enough.

Continue Reading " 13,500 Pages Of Data Etched On A 3" Disk "

May 12 2009 Sure, Why Not?: 'Noob' Makes It To Dictionary

I don't know how much truth there is to this, but let's be honest, I'd still post it even if my only source was overhearing the crazy guy at the bar telling himself. BECAUSE I OWN JOURNALISM. So allegedly, 'noob' is coming to the dictionary, and will also carry the honor of being the millionth word. Snap, you just got PWNED, lexicon!

The Global Language Monitor accepts words once they have been used 25,000 times by media outlets. According to the reports, this hints at "noob" becoming the millionth word, which would happen on June 10, 2009, at 10:20am. At that moment, the word "noob" will itself become a noob in the English language, and we will all polish our specatacles and smirk at the amusing irony of it all.

So a word becomes official when it's used 25,000 times by media outlets, huh? Geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie
geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie.

I think we're getting close!

Noob to become the millionth word in the English language? [destructoid]

Thanks to Salazar, who suggests we petition to have bangarang included as well.

Apr 29 2009 WHEE!: Fun With Fridge Magnet Letters

Want to play with those magnetic letters you stick on the fridge but stuck at work? No problem! Enter Lunchtimer's Letters 'game', where you can arrange a bunch of the colorful plastic letters to spell whatever you want. The only problem is, you have to do it in a room with 2-50 other people, so while you're trying to spell 'GEEKOLOGIE', other people are trying to change it to 'DICKOLOGIE'. Good times. There's also a game called Scratchpad where everyone doodles together like in Microsoft Paint. Obviously, both games fill up with penises and cuss words pretty quickly. Also, somebody kept drawing a pretty good Pedobear.

Hit the jump for a more common scene.

Continue Reading " WHEE!: Fun With Fridge Magnet Letters "

Apr 23 2009 Geographical: The Alphabet Of The World

Rhett Dashwood, a creative director from Melbourne, Australia, searches Google Maps for geographic letters when he's not busy directing creatively. Or playing with one of those swinging metallic ball thingies.

Over the course of several months beginning October 2008 to April 2009 I've spent some of my spare time between commercial projects searching Google Maps hoping to discover land formations or buildings resembling letter forms. These are the results of my findings limited within the state of Victoria, Australia.

As you can see, I used the letters to spell 'GEEKOLOGIE', but you could use them to write a really cool digital ransom note (ALL YOUR INTERNETS ARE BELONG TO ME UNLESS YOU PAY....). And I think it's pretty cool all the letters came from Victoria. I'm gonna see if I can't make a set using my own location! Kidding, I don't have time for that shit.

Hit the jump to see the whole alphabet.

Continue Reading " Geographical: The Alphabet Of The World "

Apr 21 2009 Not As Cool As Geekologie, But Nakeder

Geckology. Not exactly Geekologie, but hey, there's some side-boob action so I'll take it. And for those of you who care, this particular specimen happens to be a Tokay gecko (Gekko gecko), the second largest of the gecko species. He is NOT to be confused with that little wanker from the Geico commercials, who is obviously some form of day gecko. Just sayin', I used to study herpetology. Now, which one of you is brave enough to hold my pocket snake? He doesn't bite, but I may have lined my pocket with Super Glue.

Uncensored (and only slightly NSFW) picture after the jump.

Continue Reading " Not As Cool As Geekologie, But Nakeder "

Apr 9 2009 ILVTOFU Is An Unacceptable License Plate

Kelly Coffman-Lee is a fairly attractive 38-year old vegan who wanted to share her love of soy with the world through a custom license plate. Unfortunately, she was denied 'ILVTOFU' because of the double ententre. Which is pretty pathetic considering I just heard that steaming pile of shit Britney Spears song on the radio today. I demand justice! And also, 'ILVVGNA'.

'Tofu' License Plate Deemed X-Rated [aolnews]

Thanks to e. and Pat, who love bean curd as much as the next person, which isn't much. Edamame though, mmmm!

Apr 7 2009 Flutter: Twitter's Latest Competition

Is 140 characters too many for you? Feel intimidated by all that space? Then check out Flutter, the latest in social blogging sites. Flutter promises to take Twitter's microblogging to the next level: nanoblogging -- with a limit of 26 characters per post, or "flap". Obviously, the video is a parody. But the really sad part is that it probably won't be for long. *waving junk around like a helicopter* Flap this, scumbags!

Youtube

Thanks toysoldier, Julian and 3bee, who once sat outside my bedroom window tweeting so loud I almost shot at them with a BB gun.

Mar 27 2009 Sure, Why Not?: 'I Do' Wedding Bands

'I Do' wedding bands were created by Sakurako Shimizu and are similar to waveform bracelets but much more matrimonial. They were cast in palladium and 18K gold and feature a waveform version of the words "I do". Of course, if you were smart you'd sneakily have an "I don't" cast. That way, when you're caught groping another woman's teat at the bar you can just point to your ring and mouth the words "I don't" to your wife, who may or may not douse you with a Jager shot and stiletto you in the nads. But hey, boobs ARE the spice of life. And also, glitterstim. Now who's down for a Kessel Run?

Hit the jump for another pic and a link to artist's website, which also features a pretty badass Atari chip ring.

Continue Reading " Sure, Why Not?: 'I Do' Wedding Bands "