Nov 19 2009 About Time!: Improved Steering Wheel Desk

We saw another steering wheel desk here on Geekologie quite some time ago, but I think we can all agree this is a much improved model. First of all, you can write/type at a normal angle and not the angle of the actual wheel. As a matter of fact, I'm using one now, and I've got to admit: it's quite comfortable. Secondly, HOOOOOOLY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

Hit the jump for a bunch of other worthwhile product shots.

Continue Reading " About Time!: Improved Steering Wheel Desk "

Nov 12 2009 Google Streets Spots Fire Truck Hit Old Lady

Honestly, I bet the old lady ran right into the side of the thing (old ladies are notoriously bad bike riders. *ahem* Grandma -- I saw you hit that bus shelter!). There's a before shot after the jump, but unfortunately the above image has since been removed from Google Maps. I smell conspiracy. I mean, it's not like the old lady asked to have have it removed. Old people using computers -- HA! They're better at avoiding fire trucks!

Hit it for the before shot and a link to the action area.

Continue Reading " Google Streets Spots Fire Truck Hit Old Lady "

Nov 12 2009 You're Doing It Wrong: Super-Rich Idiot Moron Drives $2 Million Bugatti Veyron Into Marsh

An unnamed member of the Illuminati recently drove his Bugatti Veyron into a Texas marsh because he's stupid and can't drive.

The man, who refused to give his name, was looking at real estate in Galveston.

About 3 p.m. a low-flying pelican distracted him as he traveled north on Interstate 45 just south of the hurricane levee near Omega Bay.

The man jerked the wheel, dropped his cell phone, and the car's front tire left the frontage road and entered a muddy patch, which foiled his attempt to maneuver away from the lagoon.

The Veyron's powerful engine gurgled like an outboard motor for about 15 minutes before it died.

Low-flying pelican? Really? That's the BEST you could come up with? No, I propose this man was playing a little tickle the moneybags and freaked when he realized he was gonna make a small cash deposit on the leather seats. Watson -- my pipe, please.

$2 million Bugatti crashes into lagoon [galvestondailynews]

Thanks to Demon Spawn, who may or may not have horns and a tail.

Nov 3 2009 Plane Passenger Accidentally Ejects Himself

I know what you're thinking, "big deal, I eject myself all the time", but you're thinking of something different. You see, this guy accidentally ejected himself from a plane mid-flight. WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

The South African air force has confirmed the incident that took place last Wednesday, when the passenger took off for a flight with an experienced pilot from South Africa's Silver Falcons air display team. Investigators are assuming that the passenger tried to steady himself while the pilot was putting the Pilatus PC-7 Mk II through its paces by grabbing the eject lever.

A retired SAAF instructor pilot said the passenger was extremely lucky to have survived the ejection with barely a scratch.

He discounted the possibility that the seat fired of its own accord, as too many safety features were built into the system.

"All it takes is for the firing handle [the rubbery black- and yellow-striped loop] to be pulled up about 2,5cm and you're on your way out."

Haha, that's awesome. I wonder what was going through the poor bastard's head. I imagine something like, "HOOOOLY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!". Also, I would have done the same thing. How many people can say they've ejected from a plane before? And, more importantly, does it warrant a free drink at the bar? It does? Sweeeeeet. Because then I pulled the lever and was all like PSSSSSHOOOOOOW!! Bourbon please.

Man accidentally ejects himself from plane [mail&guardian]

Thanks to Russell, who once ejected himself from a Big Wheels trying to jump a recycling bin. And to Equalizer, who once ejected himself from bed and ran like hell after sleeping with a Wookie.

Nov 2 2009 You're Doing It Wrong: Crazy Fork Lift Accident

I got to operate a fork lift once, and let me tell you: I've never seen Lowe's employees run so fast. WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I NEEDED PAINT MIXED?! Anyway, this is a horrible fork lift accident that destroys nearly $250K of precious vodka in distribution center. Oh the humanity! Still, it is pretty awesome. And by awesome I mean devastating. And by devastating I mean very, very awesome. FULL CIRCLE BABY, who's down for an elephant walk?!

Fork Lift Accident Brings Down The Warehouse [break]

Thanks to Closet Nerd, Zach and Kelly, who don't destroy booze, booze destroys them. Same here, guys.

Nov 1 2009 White House Halloween Captioning Fail

I dunno, maybe that's the way Buzz is gonna look in Toy Story 3.

Michelle Obama channels Catwoman for White House Halloween extravaganza [dailymail]

Thanks to Bill, who's smart enough to recognize Samus when he sees her.

Oct 22 2009 You're Doing It Wrong: Confidential British Anti-Leak Documents Leaked Online

Apparently a 2,400 page British document outlining how to prevent government officials from leaking confidential information to the internet has been leaked onto the internet.

The 2,400 page Defense Manual of Security, authored by the Ministry of Defense to help high-ranking military and defense officials keep documents safe from leaks, was published on Wikileaks, a Web site designed for anonymous leaks of documents from governments and other organizations, The Daily Telegraph reported Monday.

"Leaks usually take the form of reports in the public media which appear to involve the unauthorized disclosure of official information (whether protectively marked or not) that causes political harm or embarrassment to either the U.K. Government or the Department concerned," the document reads in its "Leaks of Official Information" section.

That's funny. Now I'm not saying I would have leaked the document as well, but I'll be damned if I'm reading 2,400 pages of jibber-jabber. Better to let the media summarize it for me. Hire me, government!

British anti-leaking document leaked [redorbit]

Thanks to Lee, who doesn't leak anything but beer.

Oct 15 2009 UPDATE: 6-Year Old (NOT) Floating Around In Homemade UFO Balloon

That's no 'Get Well' balloon, that's a 20' foil aircraft with a 6-year old boy inside, floating aimlessly 8,000 feet above eastern Colorado. Uh-oh.

The helium balloon was tethered to the boy's family home in Fort Collins, the Larimer County Sheriff's Department said. The boy got into the craft Thursday morning and undid the rope anchoring it.

Margie Martinez of the Weld County Sheriff's Office said a sibling saw the boy climb into the basket before the balloon took off. Since the door on the balloon was unlocked, Martinez said it's possible the boy had fallen out.

"The structure at the bottom of the balloon that the boy is in is made of extremely thin plywood and won't withstand any kind of a crash at all," said Erik Nilsson, Larimer County emergency manager, according to CNN affiliate KMGH.

Great, so he either fell out or won't survive the crash. Hooray for positive thinking. Come back down safely, balloon boy.

UPDATE: No boy when balloon landed. Not good.

UPDATE UPDATE: Falcon (the boy's actual name) was found hiding in a box in the garage attic (great search effort). This calls for celebration! (you hold him down, I'll tie on the fireworks)

6-year-old Colorado boy floats away in balloon [cnn]

Thanks to Jimmothy, stacy, jordana, dorothy, NICKSTER, rya, Jake, e.,The Superficial Writer, steven, Nigel, Valhalla, Lizzie, Noah and pepe la PEW PEW, whose parents thankfully never let them play around giant UFO balloons unsupervised.

Oct 14 2009 Bottle Tops: Because Cans Can Be Tricky

Bottle Tops are plastic lids that snap onto aluminum cans. You know, because you're too special needs to drink out of a can without spilling. Jesus, ask your mom for a sippy-cup already. However, if you absolutely must, a 12-pack of different colors will set you back $10. But be warned!

But seriously the tops of canned drinks can be really dirty; one commenter on Boing Boing Gadgets agrees with me and gives the thumbs down to the Bottle Tops as well. But the others say that it's perfect for beer for a couple of reasons - one, because it keeps the carbon dioxide from escaping, so you don't have to worry about not being able to empty huge cans of booze, and two, because if you cover the can itself the bottle top makes it look like you're drinking an energy drink.

No. But you know what IS perfect for beer? My mouth. Which, MEDICAL FACT: is also perfect for burritos!

Hit the jump for the terrible tv commercial.

Continue Reading " Bottle Tops: Because Cans Can Be Tricky "

Sep 30 2009 Video Game Deletes Files Off Your Computer

Lose/Lose is a video game created by Zach Gage that plays like a traditional space shooter, but with a twist!

Lose/Lose is a video-game with real life consequences. Each alien in the game is created based on a random file on the players computer. If the player kills the alien, the file it is based on is deleted. If the players ship is destroyed, the application itself is deleted.

Although touching aliens will cause the player to lose the game, and killing aliens awards points, the aliens will never actually fire at the player. This calls into question the player's mission, which is never explicitly stated, only hinted at through classic game mechanics. Is the player supposed to be an aggressor? Or merely an observer, traversing through a dangerous land?

Why do we assume that because we are given a weapon an awarded for using it, that doing so is right?

I didn't actually bother reading all that because oh I dunno, I WAS TOO BUSY WHIPPING SOME ALIEN ASS! Unfortunately, the bug-eyed bastards got me in the end. Now, what happened to Photoshop?

Zach's Porfolio (game is available for download there)

Thanks to Luciano, who managed to kill all the aliens AND save the princess AND see Samus Aran naked because the man is a damn hero.

Sep 16 2009 Don't Friend Your Mom: More Facebook Fails

You gotta love it when your mom publicly congratulates you on Facebook for breaking your spell of sexlessness. Isn't that right, mom? *high-five* But seriously, knock next time. Also, this sock needs washing.

Hit the jump for three more Facebook faux pas.

Continue Reading " Don't Friend Your Mom: More Facebook Fails "

Sep 9 2009 Cowboy Stadium's Big Black Screen Of Fail

This is a picture in the Dallas Cowboys stadium of a giant display that is connected to a computer that (and I'm using my Sherlock Holmes-y powers of deduction here) was improperly shut down. Just a guess. Oh, here comes another!: morbidly obese. I know, I'd make a killing at the fair.

Dallas Cowboys Stadium Continues Streak of Giant Screen Fails [gizmodo]

Aug 25 2009 How Not To Private Message On Facebook

This is 41-year old idiot moron Tracy T-something trying to send lover Michael a Facebook message expressing how much she loved him recently railing her but instead posting the note ON HER OWN WALL (admit it, we've been there). Wow, Tracy, what are you doing with this Michael character anyway if you're engaged? And what the hell is a permanent invitation to "the-love-cave-between-my-legs?" Don't get me wrong, I love camping with bears as much as the next guy, BUT I'M NOT MOVING INTO THE CAVE. I would, however, start a fire in there and grill some mammoth.

Picture [buzzfeed]

Thanks to Lee and Lisa, who understand the internet is magic but can still send a message where they mean to.

Aug 7 2009 You're Doing It Wrong: Dell Shipping Options

I don't even want to know how much this shipping option is, but one thing is certain: it's not worth it. Not only is the box being crushed, but it's upside down! Dude, you're getting a Dell broken computer.

Thanks to Todd, who, for actually taking the picture, receives today's unsafe driver award. Congratulations!

Aug 2 2009 You Did It Wrong: Building Demolition Fail

This is a video of a building demolition in Turkey (arguably my favorite country on rye) gone horribly wrong. Now I'm not saying I could have done better, but I totally could have. With fireworks.

Youtube

Thanks to Lord Tarl, who once imploded a building simply by looking at it funny (and secretly pushing the detonator).

Jul 19 2009 Hot Dog!: Weinermobile Crashes Into Home

One of the iconic Oscar Meyer Wienermobiles crashed into a Wisconsin home on Friday, following a failed turn-around.

Police say the driver was trying to turn the Wienermobile around in the driveway and thought she was moving in reverse. But she instead went forward and hit the home. It sat in the driveway as if it were stuck in the garage Friday afternoon.

Ha, women. I can't believe we still issue them licenses. But seriously, if any of you ladies need a hot dog parked in your garage, call me. I'm sensitive to a woman's needs.

Wienermobile Crashes Into Wisconsin Home [foxnews]

Thanks to Dustin, FDSY, Masami and phil, who prefer to park it around back.

Jul 15 2009 VISA Card Users Charged $23 Quadrillion

Several people rocking VISA prepaid credit cards got a peculiar $23,148,855,308,184,500 charge this week when using their VISA BUXX cards. That's 23 quadrillion dollars. To put that figure in layman's terms, it's almost double what I'm suing Disney for.

In New Hampshire, Josh Muszynski said he swiped his debit card at a gas station to buy a pack of cigarettes and when he later checked his account online found that he had been charged

In North Texas, Jon Seale saw the same 17-figure bill on his credit card statement, presumably for a meal July 13 at a restaurant owned by celebrity chef Wolfgang Puck.

Uh-oh -- I smell a Wolfgang Puck/big tobacco conspiracy. Rumor has it that dirty Austrian's been cooking with tommaco for years!

Visa card surprise: $23,148,855,308,184,500 [msnbc]

Thanks to Justin, Stephanie and debaser, who are now addicted to Wolfgang Puck brand pasta sauce.

Jul 13 2009 Idiot Moron Falls Into Manhole While Texting

Teenager Alexa Longueira fell into a manhole while texting and walking. And I think we can all agree: under no circumstances should she be granted a license.

She was walking along Victory Boulevard about to read a text message on her girlfriend's cell phone when the sidewalk was suddenly gone.

"Like, there was no warning about a big, open hole," she said.

It was a big, open manhole.

Alexa tumbled six feet underground and landed in four inches of raw sewage.

Warning? You don't need a warning IT'S A GIANT HOLE. I bet at least six blind people avoided it that very same day. And what was the other thing? Oh yeah -- I hope Master Splinter and the gang whipped your ass while you were down there.

Texting teen falls into manhole [abclocal]

Thanks to Slopez, who fought off three ninjas and two vikings while sending me this tip via SMS.

Jun 22 2009 Girl Electrocutes Herself Tweeting In Bathtub

Following in the trend of tweeting from the bathroom, a 17-year old Romanian girl died while apparently trying to Twitter from the tub (this new loofah feels great!).

The Austrian times says that Maria Barbu was, in fact, in the tub while using Twitter when she likely reached to plug in her charger with a wet hand, electrocuting herself in the process.

As much fun as I do want to make of Maria, you really can't blame her. Women understanding electricity? BWHAHAH AHAH HA HA! God, I needed that.

Girl Dies by Electrocution While Twitting in Bathtub, Apocalypse Draws Nearer [gizmodo]

Thanks to Julian, who once showered with a toaster but the bread got all soggy.

Jun 18 2009 Gorilla Gets All Stabby At Calgary Zoo

A gorilla at the Calgary Zoo picked up a knife left by one of its keepers and threatened to stab another primate if it didn't reveal the whereabouts of its banana horde. Okay, not really. But it did swing the knife around menacingly. I lie. BITCH I'LL CUT YOU!

"He grabbed the knife exactly in the correct position and he smelled it and looked at it," said Calgarian Joe Scheffler, who was at the zoo with his wife, Heike. "A few seconds later, another gorilla came and he was very interested.

"He tried to get the knife, but the gorilla with the knife lifted the knife for his buddy . . . it seems to me that the gorilla with the knife was a little bit angry and he lifted his hand with the knife.

"It was just (like) a scene from a crime," added Scheffler, whose wife snapped photos of the incident.

Suddenly, as though it sensed danger, Scheffler said the second gorilla stepped away and the knife-wielding gorilla walked a short distance and placed it on an old chair in the exhibit.

Oh man, animals with weapons. This reminds me of the future!

Gorilla caught holding knife at Calgary Zoo [calgaryherald]

Thanks to Jeremy, who once brought a lightsaber to a knife fight but was disqualified for cheating.