Oct 12 2009 Eh: Marge Simpson In Upcoming Playboy

Whee, Marge Simpson is gonna be in the upcoming November issue of Playboy. Great, like I haven't already seen her naked a million times in those racy cartoon pop-ups that I got from that sketchy hentai porn site came pre-installed on my computer.

Playboy said the cover and a three-page picture spread inside was a celebration of the 20th anniversary of the "The Simpsons" and part of a plan to appeal to a younger generation of readers.

Scott Flanders (IRONIC!), the recently-hired chief executive of Playboy Enterprises, told the Chicago Sun-Times in an interview that the Marge Simpson cover and centerfold was "somewhat tongue-in-cheek."

"It had never been done, and we thought it would be kind of hip, cool and unusual," Flanders told the newspaper. He said the magazine hoped to attract readers in their 20s compared to the average Playboy reader's age of 35.

Right, "hip, cool and unusual". Listen, Playboy, this guy sucks. You want somebody to help you appeal to a younger, more influential demographic, I'm your man. And by man I mean huckleberry. You're no Daisy -- you're not Daisy at all! Wow, that just took on an all new, much sadder meaning.

Marge Simpson makes cover of Playboy [yahoonews]

Thanks to Scarlet, Camille, john and Duke, who aren't stimulated by cartoons because they're sexually repressed. Geez, you guys need some Saturday morning therapy.

Sep 20 2009 Reusable Pokémon Woman Pad Thingies

I don't even know what to say except WTF, HORF and I would totally tape that to my head like a do-rag. Available for $8 on Etsy, this reusable menstrual pad (I can't believe I'm typing this) is perfect for the Pokémon-loving, environmentally friendly chick with unshaven pits in your life. Not bleach safe or for human consumption. Really?! THEN WHY DID I JUST EAT ONE? Wait, why did I just eat one? My stomach: pump it. The contents: gotta catch 'em all!

Pokémon Menstrual Pad, Yours for Eight Bucks [kotaku]

Thanks to Aisha, I think.

Sep 8 2009 WTF Is Wrong With You?: Twlight Corn Maze

This is a Twilight themed corn maze in Utah (a state best known for people forgetting is a state) celebrating the new movie that's coming out later this year that I, for one, can't wait to see (read: I'd rather have ants eat my eyeballs while I'm awake and screaming and a dominatrix hammers at my junk with a meat tenderizer). I just put this up for you ladies out there that are in love with this garbage and know what 'Team Jacob' means. Because I sure as hell don't. *Googling* Holy shit, this teen-wolf character actually sounds pretty cool. NOOOOOOT. High five for the oldschool burn!

Also, haiku contest winners will be announced later tonight (I still have 400 haikus left to read).

'Twilight' fans can get happily get lost in corn [ohnotheydidnt]

Thanks to pstone, who has never run through a cornfield backwards but has been to prison. Similar feelings.

Aug 20 2009 For The (Clumsy) Ladies: Twilight Bandages

Look down. Do you have breasts? If so, you're a woman or a man who could afford to lose some weight. Either of which may be interested in these Twilight bandages. They're band-aids, but with Twilight shit on them. Now, not to flaunt my superior product design skills or anything, but they should have made the bandages look like vampire bites. BOOM, $1 million idea. You'd have girls throwing themselves off their bicycles just so they could wear more of them. Oh, right, Twi-hards are cutters.

Product Site (sorry ladies, currently sold out)

Thanks to ech0z, who doesn't wear bandages because he has the healing properties of Wolverine, but is way more rugged and handsome. There, I did it -- now pay up.

Aug 14 2009 Solar Shower Provides Hot Water In 2 Hours

The $200 Solar Power Shower can heat up to 8 liters of water to 140° Fahrenheit in as little as two hours, provided it's outside in the sun and not in your basement.

It's a lot more sophisticated than a simple camping solar shower, because this one mixes that 140° water with cool water from the garden hose, giving you plenty of toasty warm water at just the right temperature.

Impressive, but I don't really have a need for a solar powered shower. I do, however, have a need for that chick in the picture. Seriously, I'm getting hungry. HIYO!

Solar Shower heats water in two hours [dvice]

Aug 6 2009 Gotta Eat 'Em All!: More Geeky Cupcakes

If there's one thing I learned in baking school it's how to put out a fire (stop, drop and roll). And there's another, it's how much I enjoyed eating the things other people made. Mine? Mine never turned out because baking is a women's sport. High five, ladies! Wait -- is that batter? Let me lick your fingers. Anywho, this is a little gallery of geeky cupcakes. It's just a grab-bag really, so there's something here for everyone -- including you folks in prison (I slipped a file into the third robot). And for the last time, DON'T SWALLOW IT.

Hit the jump for nine more, including some Dangermouse action. DANGERMOUSE, SON!

Continue Reading " Gotta Eat 'Em All!: More Geeky Cupcakes "

Aug 2 2009 Craft Time!: Make Your Own D-20 Handbag

Be honest, every single one of you would rock this handbag. I know I would, and I don't give a dang if it clashes with my live bear chaps or not (all man, baby). Available from evilmadscientist as mini and full-size kits ($20 and $25, respectively) you're still gonna have to know how to sew. Which I, unfortunately, do not. Last time I tried mending a tear in my jeans I ended up sewing my penis to my ankle. True story.

Hit the jump for some shots of the unfinished kit so you can get a real sense of all the fun to be had.

Continue Reading " Craft Time!: Make Your Own D-20 Handbag "

Jul 30 2009 Pikachu Was The Hottest Girl At Comic-Con?

According to who? Because I don't remember getting a ballot. Or past security. But there's a bunch more shots of Pikachu girl Jessica Nigri after the jump so you can draw your own conclusions. Personally, I prefer the original Pikachu girl (this one, not this one) better. And I'm not just saying that because I know her, but I do. And before you ask, no, she sadly doesn't do birthdays.

Hit it for a whole bunch more.

Continue Reading " Pikachu Was The Hottest Girl At Comic-Con? "

Jul 23 2009 Good Times: Librarian Book Cart Competition

This is a video of the winners from the American Library Association's Book Cart Drill Team World Championship. I'm not even kidding. I AM ADULTING.

The secret lives of librarians took center stage at the American Library Association's annual conference earlier this month. There was dancing, there were costumes, there was music, and, of course, there were book carts.

Teams bring acrobatic splits, book cart headlights, and dry ice effects to the floor in the quest to win first place and the coveted gold book cart trophy that comes with it. "It changes the whole image of librarians," added Ison.

Needless to say, this is some of the sexiest footage I've seen IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. And I used to judge the Geriatric Olympics, so I know my stuff.

Hit the jump for the second and third place winners.

Continue Reading " Good Times: Librarian Book Cart Competition "

Jul 22 2009 TASER TASER TASER!: New Taser Shoots Three Probes For Zapping Multiple Perps

The TASER X3 is just that, a taser that shoots three separate probes for shocking several victims at once. Or, fire them all into one perp and watch that sucker light up like a Christmas tree!

The new weapon will be officially unveiled on July 27th, but in anticipation of that glorious day, TASER has kindly posted an employee demonstration video of shooting three entirely underpaid women in the back, to the applause of onlookers.

Yes, women. And yes, the guy yells TASER TASER TASER before blasting them all. Which, apparently, is the cool thing to do. Now I'm not saying I could have taken all three shots and still been standing, but I totally could have. Hell, I could have probably taken five. No, ten. Twenty! GIMME THE CHAIR!

Triple-shot TASER X3 imminent, deranged employees celebrate with mock executions [engadget]

Thanks to Julian and michelle, who could take like fifteen shots and still punch you in the face.

Jul 22 2009 Robot Built To Model Wedding Dresses

'Miimu', a HRP-4C robot, is seen here being utilized as a runway model for Japanese fashion designer Yumi Katsura's line of bridal gowns. And, since I know women so well, I'll give you men a little insight into how their minds work.

"I really love this dress -- but how would it look on a robot?"

Which brings up another disconcerting thought -- robot marriage. And you know what's sad? They'll probably allow unholy robotic matrimony before gay marriage. And that, my friends, makes me want to blow up the moon. And I don't even care if it's delicious cheese.

It's a nice day for a robot wedding [metro]

Thanks to Doctor Steel and Graf Zeppelin, who together form Doctor Graf Steel Zeppelin, which, you know, is pretty cool.

Jul 20 2009 Found Her!: Carmen Sandiego Spotted In Wild

I swear this is old, but honestly, that's never stopped me from posting anything in the past, so why stop now? I'M RUNNING THIS RED LIGHT! Anyway, the law finally caught up with Carmen Sandiego at an undisclosed airport. And as you can see, she hasn't aged as well as I was hoping. Remember when Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? first came out and your friend convinced you if you beat the game 200 times you got to see her naked? Yeah, I know all my world capitals.

Carmen Sandiego Has Been Found! [geekstir]

Thanks to Joemo, who once found a Carmen Sandiego shaped barbecue chip but accidentally broke it before he could sell it on eBay.

Jul 19 2009 Hot Dog!: Weinermobile Crashes Into Home

One of the iconic Oscar Meyer Wienermobiles crashed into a Wisconsin home on Friday, following a failed turn-around.

Police say the driver was trying to turn the Wienermobile around in the driveway and thought she was moving in reverse. But she instead went forward and hit the home. It sat in the driveway as if it were stuck in the garage Friday afternoon.

Ha, women. I can't believe we still issue them licenses. But seriously, if any of you ladies need a hot dog parked in your garage, call me. I'm sensitive to a woman's needs.

Wienermobile Crashes Into Wisconsin Home [foxnews]

Thanks to Dustin, FDSY, Masami and phil, who prefer to park it around back.

Jul 14 2009 Good Lookin': Punkified Nintendo Heroines

This is a drawing by Agent Melon of Princess Peach, Princess Zelda and Samus Aran hanging out all sexy and punkified. Now why Peach has a Bowser tattoo on her stomach is beyond me, but that wouldn't stop me from talking to it when we're getting intimate. I SAID "RAWR!", BOWSER, ANSWER ME!

Nintendo Punk [agentmelon]

Thanks to Paul, who may or may not troll Hot Topik to meet girls.

Jul 8 2009 Sure, Why Not?: Twi-Hard Tattoo Gallery

This is a massive gallery of chicks with Twilight tattoos. Because Twilight is like the female equivalent of blowing shit up with fireworks for a guy. Most of the tattoos are quotes and the book cover art. This one about the lion falling in love with the lamb seems to be particularly popular. And guess what ladies? That's not romantic. You see, I fell in love with a lamb once AND NOW I'M BANNED FROM THE PETTING ZOO. Miss you, Bleaty.

Hit it for all the ink.

Continue Reading " Sure, Why Not?: Twi-Hard Tattoo Gallery "

Jun 23 2009 Don't Squash Me, Bro!: Cockroach Heart May Hold Key To Better Artificial Human Hearts

Sure it may look like an electric motor inside a bocce ball inside a bomb with nipple shields glued on, but it's actually a pump inside a bocce ball inside a bomb with nipple shields glued on. And apparently it's the key to building a better heart.

...while human hearts have four chambers, a cockroach heart uses 13 leaving plenty of redundancy. When a chamber fails in a human heart, you basically have a heart attack and most likely die, while a cockroach can have a chamber fail and barely notice it.

This new Biventricular Pump artificial heart developed at the Indian Institute of Technology in Kharagpur, uses a multi-chamber design just like those pesky roaches, and designer Sujoy K. Guha says that this vastly improves its long term reliability when compared with more traditional pneumatic designs.

Well alright, I'm all for a better built heart. Especially considering how women are so prone to RIPPING THEM OUT AND TEARING THEM APART. No, really, I'm not bitter.

Indian artificial heart design uses cockroach heart technology [dvice]

Thanks to FDSY, who is helping me build an iron heart.

Jun 6 2009 (May) Deter Suitors: Fake Engagement Ring Kit

Ms. Taken is a fake engagement ring that comes in a discreet keychain holder so you can secretly slide it on before some dingdong at the bar tries to talk to you about how much money he makes being a giant effing loser. It costs $50 and I just bought them out. No more fooling me, ladies! Yeah, one time a chick tried to tell me she was engaged with a Ring-Pop on. I asked her who was she engaged to, Candyman? Then she said she'd summon him if I didn't leave so I ran home crying and broke all my mirrors. You know, because I'd hate to have to WHIP HIS WILLY WONKA ASS.

Hit the jump for two shots of the ring and a relatively must-see video ad they made which is a parody of The Lonely Island's Jizz In My Pants. Seriously, how'd that get there?

Continue Reading " (May) Deter Suitors: Fake Engagement Ring Kit "

Jun 5 2009 Gallery: Sexy Star Trek and Star Wars Corsets

It's Friday, and, since I love you all, how about some sexy Star Trek and Star Wars themed corsets made by Etsy seller Evening Arwen? The Star Trek corsets go for $200 a pop and the Star Wars models (which include the rest of the costumes, but not the actual women), are $500 (trooper) and $600 (Vader). So hit the jump to see them and get all beep boop and blah blah blah is anybody still reading this? No? Okay good. I SAID HIT THE JUMP ALREADY.

Hit the jump. Do it now!

Continue Reading " Gallery: Sexy Star Trek and Star Wars Corsets "

May 18 2009 Experiment: Which Dog Do Women Like Best?

This is a video of an experiment called 'Puppy Pulling Power' that helps determine which breed of dog women respond to most. Basically some guy attached a digital camera to a dog's collar that takes a picture every time it detects a smile. Or breasts. Quite possibly breasts. Whatever the case, I'm adopting everything the pound has to offer. Cats too. Ladies?

Hit the jump for some of the sweater yammier images, along with a graph showing the success of the various dogs, and a longer, 10 minute movie about the project.

Continue Reading " Experiment: Which Dog Do Women Like Best? "

May 12 2009 Good Times, Good Times: Burlesque Cosplay

So apparently a bunch of burlesque dancers did cosplay routines at LA's Bordello Bar over the weekend. This is Princess Peach, but hit the jump for Chun Li, Link, Princess Zelda and Samus Aran (complete with arm blaster!). Yow yow! Blah blah blah blah blah blah are you still reading this? Because nobody else even started.

Hit the link for a whole bunch more.

Video Game Girls Burlesque @ Bordello [laweekly]
via
Burlesque goes nerdy at Los Angeles' Bordello club [destructoid]

Thanks to Margo the Jeweler, who could put all these chicks to shame. IF SHE WANTED. And to Marc, who could too.