Nov 17 2009 Some Superhero You Are!: Spiderman Busted
Well folks, this just goes to show you can only dangle from rooftops staring into women's bedroom windows for so long before the boys in blue take notice. For shame, Spidey, for shame. And, on a completely and totally unrelated note that has absolutely nothing to do with this story: I have a used repelling harness for sale.
Spiderman getting arrested [jonahray]
Nov 15 2009 Kid Sings Windows 7 Song At Talent Show
This is a video of fifth-grader Will Smith (of Fresh Prince fame) singing 'Windows 7 Rising', a song about the operating system sung to the tune of CCR's 'Bad Moon Rising', at what I assume is a school-sponsored talent show. He's pretty skilled and undoubtedly left the stage that night with a number of 8th grader's hearts in his jacket pocket. Which sadly isn't many BECAUSE THEY DON'T MAKE THOSE SUIT POCKETS FUNCTIONAL. And you know why? Government conspiracy. Same reason you're not allowed to drink at the DMV EVEN THOUGH YOUR MOM DROVE YOU.
Oct 25 2009 All Windows Start Up And Shutdown Noises
Ever wanted to hear all the Windows startup and shutdown sounds from Windows 3.1 to Vista (suck it, Windows 7, you can't play with us!) in one short 1:11 video? Well you're in luck, cause here it is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AYE AYE AYE!!!! Really brings back memories, doesn't it? Yeah, mostly bad ones, but still. Hey -- just be thankful you're not that guy in Momento.
Complete collection of Windows startup/shutdown sounds [dvice]
Oct 23 2009 Dirt Slingers!: Apple Ad Taking On Windows 7
This is a just-released Apple ad making fun of Microsoft's new Windows 7. I thought it was smarmy and, despite not knowing what smarmy means or if it's even a real word, spell check didn't say anything so I'm going with it. Also, enough with the dirt slinging, Apple. Geekologie is 100% composed on a PC. But Apple, if you're reading this: I'd be willing to try writing Geekologie on a high-end Macbook Pro. Just sayin' (contact me for shipping address).
Thanks to Kevin, who doesn't take sides because the likes the way fence feels on his butt.
Oct 22 2009 For Your Internal Operating System: Japanese Burger Kings Selling Windows 7 Whoppers
Because there's no better way to market a new operating system, Burger Kings in Japan are selling limited edition Windows 7 Whoppers to coincide with the release of the operating system today. What is a Windows 7 Whopper? Try seven mostly-beef patties stacked high on a sesame seed bun with lettuce, tomato, onions, pickles, ketchup and mayonnaise. What, no cheese? But I want to die! 30 customers a day will be able to buy the whopping Whopper for ¥777 ($8.55), but after that it'll set you back a staggering ¥1,450 ($17.10). Which, I'm sorry, but no way. $17 for a burger? THOSE BETTER BE SNOW LEOPARD PATTIES. See what I did there? God I'm L337.
Burger King selling a Windows 7 Whopper in Japan [engadget]
Thanks to nichire, Jamez, and Billy Avenue, who could each eat two of these and still down a chocolate milkshake and some onion rings.
Sep 11 2009 Windows 7 Commercial With Cute Little Girl
I don't get the chance to watch much television since my tv got repo'd but if I did I may have seen this Microsoft commercial for Windows 7 featuring Kylie, the cute Asian girl. Admittedly, I did like the ad. But that's because I'm a sucker for any commercial featuring The Final Countdown. Even tampon ones.
Thanks to jon, who still sells products the really old fashioned way: from cave to cave.
Apr 9 2009 Bumptop: Your Own Personal 3D Desktop
Bumptop (which has been in the works for awhile) is a program that makes your desktop appear 3D and much more customizable and manipulable so you can resize icons according to importance and post stuff on the walls and all around have a jolly ol' time not being productive. It's a free download (for light, $29 for full), so go grab it and then show it off to your office-mates. Yell things like "BOO-YA!" and "FINGERBANGARANG!" while showcasing its features to let them know how superior your desktop is to theirs. But, if they're anything like me, they may tell you your desktop sucks and that their desktop is 4-D. At this point, you'll go back and forth 1-upping each other with ridiculous claims of 5-D and 20-D desktops, until one of you says theirs is actually Infinity-D . Then they other (you want this to be you) will insist they have an Infinity+1-D desktop, and that person will win.
Hit the jump for a video explaining all the fun to be had.
Feb 16 2009 Hooray?: Microsoft Opening Retail Stores
In a power move of questionable questionableness, Microsoft has decided to open actual brick-and-mortar retail stores. Yay? Nay? Yay-nay? Yay-no? Yay-yo?
When Microsoft demoed its retail experience privately last month, reactions were predictably mixed: some thought it made sense, others found themselves sizing it up with the Apple Store. Microsoft has a strong brand to sell, with Windows on desktops, laptops, cells and smartphones, and the Xbox 360 is no slouch, either. Putting it all together in one store, controlling its presentation, and having a physical space to demo products to the public -- such as the Surface or Sync -- seems like a smart move. Though it'll be interesting to see if the company wants to directly compete with stores such as Best Buy and Gamestop, who sell Microsoft products at retail.
I think I speak for all of us when I say I am honestly not excited about this one bit. Unless they give you a free Coke and popcorn when you enter, in which case, okay, but the Coke better come in a bottle.
Microsoft retail experience becomes a retail reality, stores to be announced soon [dvice]
Jan 18 2009 Anybody Seen My Foil Helmet?: UFO Destroys Wind Turbine, Aliens Make Off With A Piece
The alien apocalypse is upon us! Those other-worldly asslovers have already started sabotaging our power systems, starting with most crippling -- yes, the wind turbines.
The facts: The turbine suffered a catastrophic failure at night around the same time many locals reported "glowing spheres" in the sky. The manufacturer says the turbine was built to withstand extreme conditions. And the blade that snapped off still hasn't been found.
That's right folks, we can finally add destruction of property and theft to the long list of rectal crimes aliens have committed here on Earth. Apparently the little wonk-eyed bastards hate renewable energy and just all around jerks and litter bugs. Which, honestly, I've been trying to tell you all for years. Remember the time I woke up with a burger wrapper and Styrofoam cup in my ass? Exactly.
Breaking: Aliens hate wind power [dvice]
Nov 14 2008 What If?: The Matrix Ran On Windows
Is this is what would have happened if the Matrix ran on Windows? I dunno, maybe. But the real question is this: what if the Matrix ran on ethanol? If you answered "we'd be drinking buddies," you are correct.
The Matrix Runs On Windows [collegehumor]
Thanks to Jen, who once went down the rabbit hole and found herself in Wonderland. Remember, Jen, what the dormouse said: "FEED YOUR HEAD! FEED your head!"
Aug 21 2008 Windows 3.1 Windows Not Vista Compatible
John Nouanesing, the same designer behind the drippy paint table and Geekini has come up with a clever window treatment -- Fenêtres 3.1 (Windows 3.1). As you can see, they make your windows look like Windows 3.1 windows. And, if it's particularly crappy looking outside, you can pull down the blue screen of death shade (seen partially pulled in the right photo). You just better hope the neighbor's kids don't accidentally throw a ball through them, because then you'd have broken Windows! Or, if they're not sealed properly, you could get -- wait for it, wait for it -- bug-filled Windows! Haha, I am so freaking wanting to kill myself right now.
Brilliant window design looks just like Windows 3.1 [dvice]
Thanks to Andrew, king of harvest. And broken windows.
Mar 11 2008 Song Made With Only Sounds From Mac OSX
Well last week was the song made exclusively with sounds from Windows 98 and XP, and now comes the Mac version. Made with only sound effects from Mac OSX, it sounds like lots of der-ders, ding dings and clickity clicks. That said, it's kind of growing on me. Now I would like to take this time to open for discussion who made the better song -- the Windows or Mac user. Okay, discussion closed. And the winner is...they both wasted their time.
Youtube
Thanks to Jesse, who I give a big thumbs and a wink to, for the tip
Mar 7 2008 Guy Makes Music Using Only Sounds From Microsoft Windows 98 & XP, It's Pretty Neat
This is a video of some music a guy made using only sound effects from Windows. The video is of the music playing in ModPlug Tracker, the program he used to put it all together. The music only lasts for 1:31, then he starts going through all the different sounds he used. I really like the first part of the song, because it sounds like a carnival. And everyone loves carnivals, well, except for the freak show and all the freaking clowns. Once I peaked behind a tent I shouldn't have and saw a bearded woman making out with the dog-faced boy. It was really disturbing. Then I went to play the game where you try to pop the balloons with darts, but I used them to stab my eyes out instead.
Thanks to Derek, who regularly makes beautiful music with beautiful ladies, for the tip
Nov 27 2007 Bright Blinds: Add A Window To A Blank Wall
Two Japanese designers have created Bright Blinds, which are blinds to be hung on blank walls to give the appearance of a window underneath. Electroluminescent sheeting is responsible for the simulated daylight, and the amount of light emitted is controlled via the same methods as traditional blinds. Not nearly as cool as Philip's Dynamic Daylight Window, but a neat concept none-the-less. Except they won't work. It's like the time I tried to cheer myself up at the office, despite working in a windowless interior cubicle. You know what I did? I drew a window on my whiteboard -- with a beach outside, complete with palm trees and bikini babes. And let me tell you, that shit didn’t work worth a damn. If anything I was even more depressed.
Video of the blinds after the jump.
Continue Reading " Bright Blinds: Add A Window To A Blank Wall "
Nov 1 2007 New Dice Make Computer Diagnosis Easy
PC Dice are a sophisticated diagnostic tool used to determine the current problem with your computer. They run $27 for the set of three dice. You just give them a good roll, and presto -- your problem reveals itself.
The green die has the words Virus, Spyware, Modem, Video, Network and Reboot. The blue die comes with Install, New PC, Upgrade, No Idea, Quit and $$, and the red die features Windows, Unix, Linux, Wireless, Wired and Mix.
Now I'm not saying that these work better than the real IT department, but they definitely do. Their archaic method of spinning a big wheel with computer problems listed on it is simply no match for this technological breakthrough.
A painful video demonstration after the video.
Oct 30 2007 Dynamic Daylight Window Is Trippy, Cool
The video above is a demonstration of Philip's new Dynamic Daylight Windows. It's awesome. Even more awesome if you're on drugs. By waving your hand around you can adjust the level of darkness, as well as color hue. I want them installed in all my windows. Apparently hotels are considering them to aid travelers deal with jet lag. Of course hotels could probably save a lot of money and just go with the jet lag remedy I've been recommending for years -- a free mini-bar. I can get so drunk I don't remember my name, let alone the time of day. After a week or so I wake up and I'm good to go. Simple.
A much longer video demonstration after the jump that features a woman with a laugh that makes me amorous.
Continue Reading " Dynamic Daylight Window Is Trippy, Cool "
Jul 11 2007 Perl Scripting With Microsoft Vista Speech Recognition
Windows Vista's Speech Recognition is almost too good. I'm not even sure why we still have keyboards.
NOTE: I can't tell if this is real. I know Vista's Speech Recognition isn't super amazing, but this is ridiculous. Ridiculously funny that is.
