Nov 19 2009
Air Blower iPhone App Really Blows Air (See What I Did There? There's More To Come!)
Looking for the latest and least greatest in iPhone apps? Check out the $1 "Blower" app. It sucks blows sucks and blows is f***ing stupid.
Thanks to the new "Blower" app, iPhone owners will now be able to blow out candles with their handset. Just "switch on your app, turn the iPhone volume to the max and feel the air flowing from the speaker opening."
Unlock the new mind-blowing secret feature on your iPhone. Turn your iPhone into a real Air Blower!
Mind-blowing secret feature my ass. An x-ray camera, now THAT'S a mind-blowing secret feature. Or the ability to make calls to the dead. Phone developers, are you getting all this? Because I'm not buying another phone until I can talk to George Washington and take pictures of Martha's underwear. Just saying.
Hit the jump for a video of the app blowing out candles. WHEE, what a birthday!
Nov 12 2009 I'd Eat Them Both!: Pac-Man Can Art
Ever wonder what Pac-Man eating a ghost would look like constructed out of a shitload of tuna cans? Well now you do. The internet: it's magic, folks. These shots were taken at Canstruction, an annual food-and-drink can stacking event that I can't even believe exists. If there's a damn Canstruction you can bet your bottom diaper there should be a Geekologie-con. Somebody get on that. Somebody, anybody. Not me. And bring snacks booze. Wait, snacks too. Oh, AND YOU BETTER HAVE GOOD ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS. Kidding, anybody will do.
Hit the jump for two more.
Nov 5 2009 Shower With 3-D Wrap Around Touchscreen
Listen, I love standing in the shower watching full-length movies as much as the next water waster (which is why I just had a swimming pool sized hot water heater installed), but what's the matter with a traditional projection setup? I swear, people are always trying to one-up me. Too bad I know how to do that turtle shell trick in world 3-1 of the original Super Mario and can get unlimited one-ups. Suck it -- I will always out one-up you!
The Roca Waterdrop Shower Room surrounds you by a 3D touchscreen, allowing you to watch movies while you bathe. The touchscreen also allows you to control the temperature of the water and the intensity of the jets.
I mean, sure if you want to be tacky about it. I think we can all agree the touchscreen is a little much. I would have gone with voice-control. AND WHERE ARE THE LASER EXFOLIATORS? Cheapskates.
Oct 30 2009 Making Not So Beautiful Music Together
Ever wanted a toilet seat that looks like a guitar? It's not high on my list of priorities either, but if you already have every other thing in the world maybe it's time for one. Jammin' Johns come in guitar and piano varieties and will set you back about $180. They go perfect in music themed bathrooms. Which -- oh God please tell me you don't have a themed bathroom. Unless it's beach themed, those are fine. I love the little shell soaps!
Hit the shot for another guitar and a shot of a piano.
Oct 20 2009 Scientists Want to Develop Robotic Cheetah To Chase You Down, Dine On Your Carcass
Because life is progressively becoming a series of nightmares, scientists want to develop a robot that mimics the movement of a cheetah so they can chase us down and maul us to death. Why did I even get out of bed this morning? Oh, right. Well why did I even wake up this morning?
Professor Sangbae Kim designer of the Stickybot and a Robotic designer at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Is trying to understand how he can replicate natural animal mechanisms by creating a robot inspired by the cheetah.
The idea is to build a prototype robot from a construction of lightweight carbon-fiber-foam that will then be able to match the cheetah's speed of 70 miles per hour.Over the next 18 months, Kim and four other MIT graduate students are going to start constructing the prototypes. Starting with a computer model of the robotic cheetah to establish the optimal limb length, weight, gait and torque of the hip and knee joints.
It's an ambitious project. Current wheeled robots are efficient, but can be slow in rough terrains. For instance, iRobot's PackBot, which is used by the U.S. military, can only travel at speeds of up to 5.8 miles per hour.
I'm sure this seemed like a good idea to somebody at some point, but it's not. Like I don't have enough to worry about without a 70 MPH cheetah-bot running around. Also, like four children. And you wonder why daddy drinks in bed all day!
Cheetah Inspired Robot [geekygadgets]
Thanks to Excaliber, who I will use to slice through these bastards like room temperature butter.
Oct 16 2009 That Looks Awful: Samurai Gaming Joypad
There comes a time in every gamer's life when you have to ask yourself, "Is the original manufacturer's controller good enough, or should I opt for a questionably constructed peripheral that looks like a skeletal samurai?" Enter the $25 Warrior USB Joypad. Did I mention the samurai's eyes glow green and the face mask is removable? Because that should make it a no-brainer. Suck it, Dual Shock, your ass just got feudal Japan-inated!
Hit the jump for a picture of the rear and one with the face mask on and eyes glowing. YOINKS!
Continue Reading " That Looks Awful: Samurai Gaming Joypad "
Oct 13 2009 Waste Of Good Pews: Kellogg's To Begin Lasering "Kellogg's" Onto Corn Flakes
Kellogg's plans to begin laser-burning the signature Kellogg's emblem onto random corn flakes so you know you're getting the real deal. Pfft, what a waste of a perfectly good laser.
Kellogg's embarked on the project to reinforce that they don't make cereals for any other companies and to fire a shot across the bows of makers of 'fake flakes'.
Helen Lyons, lead food technologist at the company, said: 'In recent years there has been an increase in the number of own brands trying to capitalise on the popularity of Kellogg's corn flakes.'We want shoppers to be under absolutely no illusion that Kellogg's does not make cereal for anyone else.
First of all, I'd like to point out that, unlike Helen Lyons, I would make a great food technologist. I don't even know what that is, but if it involves cereal and lasers I AM THE MAN FOR THE JOB. As a matter of fact, I just invented a new cereal just thinking about it. They're called Laser Flakes, and they're jam-packed with real bits of blinding laserbeams. Marshmallows? Hell no -- try cut up circuit boards. NOW WHO'S THE FOOD TECHNOLOGIST?!
Kellogg's will use laser to burn logo on to individual corn flakes to stamp out fakes [dailymail]
Thanks to SONJEETA, who doesn't eat cold cereal because her refrigerator broke and the milk spoiled. I like milk chunks!
Oct 12 2009 Eh: Marge Simpson In Upcoming Playboy
Whee, Marge Simpson is gonna be in the upcoming November issue of Playboy. Great, like I haven't already seen her naked a million times in those racy cartoon pop-ups that I got from that sketchy hentai porn site came pre-installed on my computer.
Playboy said the cover and a three-page picture spread inside was a celebration of the 20th anniversary of the "The Simpsons" and part of a plan to appeal to a younger generation of readers.
Scott Flanders (IRONIC!), the recently-hired chief executive of Playboy Enterprises, told the Chicago Sun-Times in an interview that the Marge Simpson cover and centerfold was "somewhat tongue-in-cheek.""It had never been done, and we thought it would be kind of hip, cool and unusual," Flanders told the newspaper. He said the magazine hoped to attract readers in their 20s compared to the average Playboy reader's age of 35.
Right, "hip, cool and unusual". Listen, Playboy, this guy sucks. You want somebody to help you appeal to a younger, more influential demographic, I'm your man. And by man I mean huckleberry. You're no Daisy -- you're not Daisy at all! Wow, that just took on an all new, much sadder meaning.
Marge Simpson makes cover of Playboy [yahoonews]
Thanks to Scarlet, Camille, john and Duke, who aren't stimulated by cartoons because they're sexually repressed. Geez, you guys need some Saturday morning therapy.
Oct 8 2009 Wow, That Was Sad: Tree Electrocutes Itself
This is a video of a tree which, unable to cope with the unruly birds and squirrels that have taken up residence in its branches, has decided to off itself with the help of a nearby power line. It's almost as painful to watch as your apartment building going up in flames because you were trying to grow pot in your closet. Almost. NOT THAT I'D KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT. Pfft, I went to D.A.R.E.!
Tree Electrocutes Self [collegehumor]
Thanks to NUTZBABIE, who I would probably steer clear of.
Oct 8 2009 More Sprinkles!: Custom $25K Cupcake Cars
These are three examples of custom cupcake cars that Neimen Marcus is selling for Christmas this year. Each cake will set you back $25K, but makes the perfect gift for the Lollypop Guild member on your list who has everything. Plus, they come with matching hats!
Put on your matching hat, slip under the muffin top of your Cupcake Car, and let the world figure itself out for awhile. Get (or give) the sheer, joyful chaos of a gift that is mind-blowing, triple-dog-dare, double-infinity forever cool. Make the kids or grandkids literally squeal with joy. Bring it to work and buzz the breakroom. Crash parades! Putter about the 'hood. Ever had a crowd of kids chasing after you just for the crazy gleeful heck of it? (No worries, the top speed is a comfy-safe 7 mph.) What's it made of? A 24-volt electric motor, a heavy-duty battery, sheet metal, wire, fabric, wood...and mad genius. Launched at Burning Man as a cooperative art car project, the Cupcake Car sprang from the fevered mind of Bay Area artist Lisa Pongrace and her less-rules-more-laughs posse of artists and techno geeks. Yours will be tricked out with your favorite topping, so start thinking flavors.
Yeah, if I ever see a cupcake driving down the sidewalk I'm swearing off drugs forever. Except alcohol. Which, fun fact: I'm petitioning to be included in the food pyramid. STOP FIGHTING IT, FDA!
Oct 5 2009 It Buuuuurns!: Laser Projection Wrist Watch
This conceptual Alessi laser watch by designer Andy Kurovets projects the time onto your wrist with lasers. Pfft, what's the matter with Indiglo technology? That shit's hot! But if you do opt for lasers, just make sure you buy the right powered battery or that bitch might burn right through your arm! Kidding, future laser technology will be kinetically powered by the motion of your arm. So no masturbating. Kidding -- I say go for it!
Concept Watch Actually Projects the Time Onto Your Wrist...With Lasers [gizmodo]
Thanks to charlie and Aisha, who don't need watches to tell what time it is cause they have magnets in their brains like birds or whatever. Yes I paid attention in school!
Oct 3 2009 It's On eBay: A Sarah Palin Signed XBox 360
Want an XBox 360 signed by Sarah Palin? Me neither. But if you still want to go and blow a cool $1.1 million on one, congratulation, you're an idiot. Also, what's your home address?
The infamous Sarah Palin XBOX 360 was autographed at the governors picnic on July 24, 2009, in Wasilla, Alaska, just two days before her resignation as governor of that state. You can own this 60GB, perfect-condition, one-of-a-kind item before her expected run for president of the United States of America in 2012.
When the governors picnic took place, there were hordes of people trying to see her, but I pushed my way through the crowd to the front of the line. When I was in front of Sarah Palin, I told her that I had traveled three days to see her and asked her to sign my Xbox360. She said it was the most extravagant thing she had ever been asked to sign. I shook her hand, removed myself from the crowd, and then I packed up my Xbox360 and headed home. It was one of the greatest thrills of my life to have watched Sarah Palin on CNN, SNL, Youtube, and then to see her right in front of me.
What the hell's the matter with this guy? Reminds me of all the idiots trying to sell Wii's for $1 million the week before Christmas. Just saying, I wouldn't even pay that for a console signed by Princess Peach AND Zelda. I would pay that for one signed by The Geekologie Writer though. Contact me for more info.
Hit the jump for a picture of Palin signing it.
Continue Reading " It's On eBay: A Sarah Palin Signed XBox 360 "
Sep 28 2009 Not Just For Vampires: Blood Energy Drink
Blood Energy Potion is a $6 energy drink (availableJanuary 2010) that was made to look -- and have the same nutritional value -- of real blood. That's pretty gross.
"The fruit punch flavor packs 4 hours of energy along with iron, protein, and electrolytes. Not only does Blood Energy Potion have a similar nutritional makeup to real blood, but it has the same color, look, and consistency of blood. Get real blood nutrients without that real blood taste! The re-sealable transfusion bag style pouch provides the convenient delivery of fluids for vampires and humans alike! Contains no real blood, just synthetic! "
Pfft, forget synthetic blood. I drink the real deal. ISN'T THAT RIGHT, MY FALLEN ENEMIES?! Say, none of you had AIDS, right?
Product Site
via
Blood Energy Drink [likecool]
Thanks to Ste, who is holding out for a bile energy drink. HORF.
Sep 22 2009 Idiot Moron Uses 600K Text Messages/Month
Some idiot moron, in an effort to become the world's biggest failure at life, used 662,258 text messages on his iPhone in a month. Plus the jerkbag got the 12,301 page itemized bill sent to him, so he doesn't even care about trees. I did the math, and it comes out to sending a text message just about every 4 seconds, all day every day. So I assume there was some sort of automated program involved. Also, a monster douche.
Hit the jump for two videos of the idiot looking at his bill.
Continue Reading " Idiot Moron Uses 600K Text Messages/Month "
Sep 21 2009 The World's Most Expensive Booze (Bottle)
The world's most expensive booze is (and I did absolutely no fact checking about this) is a bottle of Chambord valued at $3.24 million. That's too much.
Donald Edge has created with French company Chambord a £2 million bottle of their liqueur to celebrate the new stage version of Breakfast at Tiffany's.
The iconic Chambord Royal orb bottle, hand-wrought from 18 carat yellow gold, will be encrusted with the finest round pearls, over 1,100 exquisitely cut round and pear shaped diamonds, and a square cut emerald diamond.
So, how much if I just want the booze (I've got plenty of empty two-liters!)? Cause, at least according to the Virginia ABC website, they're selling 750ml bottles for $35.50. That means I can get 91,267 bottles for the exact same price! And you know what? That's exactly what I'm gonna do. Glug till I die, bitches!
Chambord Bottle Worth $2 Million [luxuo]
Thanks to Fran, who drinks unicorn blood out of a jewel-encrusted goblet because he doesn't know they're an endangered species.
Sep 18 2009 Japanese 'Break The Table' Arcade Game
This is a video of a Japanese arcade game in which you try to disturb a dinner party by breaking the table. WTF, I know. That said, I woulda karate-chopped the grain outta that bitch. High score? Or score high? You have two boobs....you have four boobs.
Thanks to Shorty, who would have hid under the table and looked up your skirt.
Sep 16 2009 Blockhead!: Face Rendered In Tetris Shapes
This is a head rendered in Tetris blocks as imagined by Rihards Rozans. I have no idea if he used his own face for the model, but if he did, he's a pretty handsome guy. You know, in a Donkey Kong sort of way. Speaking of which: remember Candy Kong in Donkey Kong Country? I wanted to hit that like a bushel of bananas: still green and $0.79/lb?
Hit the jump for three more shots of the blocks.
Continue Reading " Blockhead!: Face Rendered In Tetris Shapes "
Sep 11 2009 Crimes Against Humanity, Alternatively, Why I Decided To Rob You: A $135K Blu-Ray Player
Nobody should own a $135,000 Goldmund Eidos Reference Blue Blu-ray player. That's the bottom line. I mean, there are children in Africa who don't even have Laserdisc players. So how someone could knowingly spend six figures on a Blu-ray player makes me sick. BLAAAAAAH! There, I hope you're happy now.
This 66-pound behemoth has such beautiful design, we're thinking it would be right at home in an art gallery. But does it make the Blu-ray movies look any better? Only those with golden eyes and ears will know for sure.
Those precision spring-loaded legs, a completely isolated power supply and fancy Goldmund Magnetic Damping drives the price up into the stratosphere, along with that ritzy Goldmund name.
I've never heard of the Goldmund name, so that doesn't mean anything to me. I guess I'm not an audiophile. Although, admittedly, I did experiment with a girl's ear once in college, but it just wasn't my thing (she got an inner-ear infection and dumped me).
Hit the jump for one more shot of the ridiculousness.
Sep 2 2009 Silent But Violent: Students Made Gas Detector
Two college students went and made a fart detector. Nice one guys, but I can honestly say I never made anything like this in college. ALL I MADE WERE STRAIGHT C's AND LOVE TO WOMEN. Ooooooh!
I'm sure the two Cornell computer engineering students who made it are quite bright, and combining a hydrogen sulfide monitor, a thermometer, a microphone and custom software was impressive.
Um, no. You see, I don't know if you knew this or not but God gave us all our own fart detectors. Take a big whiff. Does it smell like ass? Congratulations, you shat yourself.
Fart detector solves a problem I've never encountered [dvice]
Aug 27 2009 Stripteas Teabags Aren't What You Think
Unless you thought they were teabags that cling to the side of your teacup via paper stripper, in which case, congratulations, you were correct. Unfortunately, unlike those novelty pens that showcase a naked women when you turn them upside down, you don't get to see any privates. Which is actually fine with me CAUSE I DON'T WANT NO MAN'S JUNK IN MY TEA ANYWAYS. Except you, Earl Grey.
Super sexy tea bags [newlaunches]
Thanks to Tim and sergei, who never miss tea time because they like to put on their big hats and be dainty.
