Oct 22 2009 Retractable Speed Bump Awards Slow Drivers
The Intelligent Bump is a speed bump that lowers itself if a driver is under a predetermined speed. It has no effect on me though because I drive a hovercar from the future.
Dubbed the Intelligent Bump, this clever system by Mexico-based Decano Industries actually retracts if you're "going slow enough", rewarding cautious drivers. These bumps are priced at an affordable $1,500 each.
"The system uses metal plates that measure the force of an impact against them. Cars going slow enough will cause the plates to lower, though any faster and the speed bump will remain where it is."
Listen, I hate speed bumps as much as the next person, but if I find out my state government is blowing $1,500 a pop for the things I'm gonna stop paying taxes. And by stop I mean never start. I'm flying under the radar, whee! Oh -- now I'm barnstorming! NNNNNNEEEEEAAAROOOOOOOM.
Hit the jump to see an animation of the bump in action that may or may not have contracted out to a kindergarten art class.
Continue Reading " Retractable Speed Bump Awards Slow Drivers "
Jun 24 2009 Great News, Twihards!: Twlight Makeup Line
So apparently (I can't believe I'm writing this) there's a Twilight makeup line coming out from DuWop, the cosmetic line being used during the filming of the new movie, "Blue Moon" or whatever. Want to look like a vampire and save $16? Don't sleep.
Be transformed. Let the alchemy transcend.
This special limited edition Lip Venom is a sneak preview of our highly anticipated Twilight Venom, debuting this Fall. Lip Venom V is not your typical DuWop venom. Instead of a gloss, Lip Venom V is a shimmering crimson lip stain suspended in a venom-laced liquid lip conditioner with a bite, and contains argan, avocado, olive oils and vitamin E.This product should be shaken before use to represent the blending of the human and vampire worlds and applied repeatedly until lips are plumped, revitalized and the desired intensity of color has been reached.
WOW. I just bought like 30 billion shares of DuWop stock. Also, I'm not afraid to admit that I love the Twilight series, and I'd be happy to stay up all night talking to any of you (legal) Twihards out there about Edward Cullen and just how sexy he is. Provided we do it topless. Oh, and call him by his codename: The Geekologie Writer.
Hit the jump to see the Edward and Bella Barbie dolls coming out this fall. And tell me: is it just coincidence Edward's head is shaped like a dildo? I THINK NOT.
Continue Reading " Great News, Twihards!: Twlight Makeup Line "
May 17 2009 XBox 360/Zune Mashup Device Coming?
Is Microsoft working on a device that combines functionality of the XBox 360 and Zune? I don't even know what the hell that would be, but maybe.
The project, codenamed "xYz," is said to feature a WVGA touchscreen and a way to play music and movies on both the device as well as the Xbox 360. Basically, it's going to be a connected handheld gaming system with rich multimedia features.
Eh. Also, "xYz" -- what a horrible codename. I can already think of like a million better ones. Including, and pretty much limited to, "Project Zune Liquidation".
May 5 2009 But Wait, There's More: Beer Pong Trick Shots
This is like 900 hours of beer pong trick shot footage cut down to 3:41. I'm sure most of you will hate it, but there will always be a soft spot in my heart for college-aged boys playing with their ba...ba...ba...buddies. Haha, you thought I was gonna say balls. I HAVE WHAT THEY CALL SELF CONTROL! Also, a Master's degree in Geekologie. mE=mcAwesome!
Thanks to Dave, who, for the tip, can play on my team at the weekly beer pong tournament at Orange Ball in Rockville, MD. Airfare not included, sorry buddy.
Apr 18 2009 Why Not: Pac-Man Jackassery In Real Life
This is a video of some real life Pac-Man action. The video was created by Remi Gaillard (of real-life Mario Kart fame), who I assume is France's Jackass. Although I did like like the part where he tried to eat the woman's golf ball. Through a garden hose! Which, at least according to the wall above the urinal, your girlfriend. You lucky dog!
Thanks to Jack and c devine, who once ate all four ghosts while they were blue and still saved room for more dots.
Apr 11 2009 Shhhh, Don't Tell Her: A Diamond Tester
If you're anything like me, you probably saved yourself a couple grand by going with a piece of windshield glass instead of an actual diamond in your fiance's engagement ring. Just kidding, I'm not really engaged. But I would consider safety glass as a diamond alternative depending on my fiance's vision. Unfortunately, now there's an easy to use diamond-tester on the market to foil my plans. The $200 device quickly determines whether a diamond is the real deal or Moissanite (silicon carbide). That's okay though, we still have options: namely, rewiring the device to always answer diamond to moissanite. Now, which one of you lovely ladies wants to be my bride? Diamonds everyday!
Determine if your diamond is synthetic or real in 1.5 seconds [dvice]
Mar 17 2009 Soccer Moms Outraged At Grown Up Dora
Apparently Mattel and Nickelodeon rolled out an image of a new "tween" Dora the Explorer last week and a lot of soccer moms are super pissed she's not the chubby little midriff-flashing five year-old she used to be. So Nickelodeon had to fire back.
"I think there was just a misconception in terms of where we were going with this," Gina Sirard, vice president of marketing at Mattel, says. "Pretty much the moms who are petitioning aging Dora up certainly don't understand. ... I think they're going to be pleasantly happy once this is available in October, and once they understand this certainly isn't what they are conjuring up."
"The reason for creating this new Dora line is to offer an alternative to moms who want their daughters to stay little girls, a little longer," the statement concludes. The Tween Dora doll comes with a USB port and is compatible with online story lines.
First of all, who cares. And secondly, Dora's mom, and this is just between you and me -- I think she's taking Fen-Phen.
New Tween "Dora The Explorer" Revealed [ohnotheydidnt] (with some pretty funny comments if you're bored)
Thanks to Duran, who's still pissed his children's show Tucker the Spelunker never took off.
Mar 16 2009 The Sci-Fi Channel Is Changing Its Name
To SyFy. Why? Well, I don't know why. But like Nas says in 'The Message', "a thug changes, and love changes, and best friends become strangers. Word up." Word up indeed, Nas, thanks for that.
By changing the name to Syfy, which remains phonetically identical, the new brand broadens perceptions and embraces a wider range of current and future imagination-based entertainment beyond just the traditional sci-fi genre, including fantasy, supernatural, paranormal, reality, mystery, action and adventure. It also positions the brand for future growth by creating an ownable trademark that can travel easily with consumers across new media and nonlinear digital platforms, new international channels and extend into new business ventures.
"Imagine Greater" will become the new brand message and tagline, inviting both consumers and advertisers into a new era of unlimited imagination, exceptional experiences and greater entertainment.
I didn't actually bother reading any of that, but I think it said something about becoming a much more generic cable station and not playing reruns of Star Trek: TNG anymore. Smart move. And speaking of which, rook to D2. Checkmate, bitches!
http://scifiwire.com/2009/03/sci-fi-channel-to-become.php [scifiwire]
Thanks to big jerm and Mike, who were going to change their names but realized they'd have to get new vanity license plates and decided against it.
Jan 16 2009 Virgin Auctioning Virginity Allegedly Gets $3.7 Million Offer -- I Should Know, It Was Me!
Remember 'Natalie Dylan', the 22-year old strumpet who's claiming to be a virgin so she can auction off her virginity to your dad? Yeah, well in what appears to be the longest-running auction ever (my last post was in early September), Natalie has allegedly received a $3.7 million dollar bid. Which, I want it to be noted, I wouldn't even pay for a virgin t-rex. F*** it, not even an albino virgin t-rex. Also, just look at that chick -- I've seen plenty of virgins (or at least the same one in the mirror everyday), and that ain't no Mary.
Natalie allegedly received over 10,000 bids and plans to use the money to go to college (read: get even bigger implants and become an adult-film star). Best of luck, Natalie, I'm rooting for you. And also, bidding. Tosseth aside thine chastity belt -- thou virginity is mine! F***, now I'm even creeping myself out.
22-Year-Old Sells Virginity Online -- and Feds Can't Do a Thing to Stop Her [foxnews]
Thanks to Bryan and The Superficial Writer, who, despite pooling their Whopper coupons, only came up with enough for a 30 seconds apiece with Natalie -- not that they'd need anymore. HIYO!
Dec 15 2008 Laptop Concept Has *GASP* Three Screens
This is a MacBook (Mac triBook) concept that has two additional fold-out screens for more desktop real estate. It also features a trackpad that stretches the entire length of the main console. Whee! Of course, it's just a concept, so you're probably thinking to yourself, "f***, I could Photoshop some shit together and get it on Geekologie". And you know what? You include a nudey picture of your girlfriend and you just might. But seriously, nice try, but I've already designed something far superior. It's called the quadBook, and that bitch has THREE MORE screens that fold out. Suck it, Apple, your ass just got cored!
Mac|Life 3-Screen Concept Melts Brains [spike]
Thanks to Kirk, who has a 10-screen laptop and has sex with the girl on the subway that you're always ogling. The one with the red blouse. I did her first though. Just don't tell him that.
Nov 19 2008 Hentai-fied Lamborghini Does Nothing For Me
Hirohiko Yoshida, chairman of Japanese perverted-game maker Age Soft, went and pimped out his Lamborghini and Lancia Stratos with several of the hentai girls from the games that made him rich. Itashi is a growing fad in Japan, and consists of slathering one's car in manga characters. It's not the look I'd go for, but I also don't even own a Lamborghini, so who knows?
*God does, but he's stopped taking my calls. Jesus and I are still tight though, he just can't predict the future like his old man. Isn't that right, G? Now do that wine trick in the bathtub again.
Hit it for several more Itashi-ed cars, including, and pretty much limited to: the Lancia Stratos, an Alfa Romeo, and my mom's minivan.
Continue Reading " Hentai-fied Lamborghini Does Nothing For Me "
Nov 12 2008 Best Buy Gift Card Doubles As Speaker, Target Gift Card Doubles As Digital Camera, Geekologie Writer Doubles As Your Father
Reader, I am your father. And you can tell your mother I'm not paying her shit, she's been bleeding me dry for long enough. But I'll still send you a gift card for Christmas, you know, because I love you. And also, if you grow up to play a professional sport, I want you to remember your dear old dad. Anyway, Best Buy and Target are taking a different approach to gift cards this year. By making them both gift card AND present. That's right, the Best Buy card doubles as a speaker, complete with mini-headphone jack, and the Target one is actually a 1.3 megapixel, 8MB digital camera. You ever redeemed a giftcard with pictures of your genitals on it? No? Then you haven't lived. Unfortunately, you have to buy at least $50 cards to get the cool ones. So yeah, there goes my $5 surround sound system.
Hit the jump for a shot of the camera card.
Nov 12 2008 Sexy Animal Crackers Fetch $7.25 On eBay
A bull and donkey were caught mid-coitus in a bowl of animal crackers by some guy's wife. And, like a Virgin Mary pork rind, it ended up on eBay.
As you can see from the pictures, What we have here is a bull making sweet, sweet love to a donkey. (too bad it isn't an elephant---it would make a great political piece!) My wife pulled this out of a bowl of animal crackers a few weeks ago. I have been storing it in an air-tight bag since! The cracker was baked like this!!! No foul play!
No foul play my ass! That poor donkey. I think they're stuck together. Seriously though, who knew crackers could be so sexy? Just imagine cookies! *rolling out dough* Anybody have dinosaur cookie cutters?
eBay Auction
Thanks to RyanThePerson, not to be confused with RyanTheAnimalCracker.
Nov 6 2008 The Future Is Now!: A Home Theater Watch
The Home Theater Watch costs $120 and brings all (2GB worth) of your favorite shows and movies to you in incredible unstunning quality. Truthfully, I'd rather watch hair grow out the mole on my arm. Or, alternatively, duct tape an iPod to my glasses.
You will have as home theater experience available everywhere you go. You can even use it to show people your favorite television shows or prime time specials. Simply convert your video from any of the digital formats listed above (ASF, AVI, MPEG, WMV, DAT/VCD, and ASX), and you will have your favorite television episodes whenever and wherever you want. Imagine watching your favorite sitcom while stuck on the train commute to work in the morning or while sitting in a traffic jam.
Oh yeah, watching tv on your wrist while driving, brilliant. I mean, the drivers around here are almost too good. And on a side note, a home theater watch -- what is this 2025? The future is now folks -- hoverboards, hoverboards!
Product Site
Thanks to Woo Doop "It's about a Watch with a TV and shit on it", for giving it to me straight.
Jul 28 2008 Star Wars Edited With Rush Hour Audio
I couldn't tell if you'd like this or not. Sometimes you're so picky. You love things that I think you'll hate, and hate things that I think are right up your alley. I guess what I'm getting at is this: our relationship is still in its infancy. We have lots of learning to do about one another. But that's what makes relationships so great, right? Well, that, and having a partner for the horizontal shuffle. Because, let's face it, it's just not the same with you and the bed.
If you don't like this one there are three more after the jump: one of Vader with Cheech & Chong audio, one of Han Solo and Greedo with Bladerunner audio, and the last one of Anakin and Padmé that is VERY VERY VERY NSFW because it has some audio from Clerks. "In a row?" Yeah, that part. That's the very last video, so DON'T CLICK IT AT WORK.
Jun 5 2008 'Modern Toilet' Restaurant Sounds Awesome
As a man who frequently blogs and eats his lunch on the john, I know all about the benefits of canning your food (!). And now there's a restaurant in Taiwan that is cashing in on what I've known for years -- eating on the throne is the shit (!).
Patrons sit on toilets for seats and eat food off covered sinks and bathtubs. The food is served in a mini-toilet bowls and patrons drink out of mini travel potties. To finish the atmosphere, toilet paper is provided in the place of napkins.
"It's really unusual, so special that it doesn't gross me out," said Betty Tsai, 16, a Taipei high school sophomore trying Modern Toilet for the first time on a friend's recommendation.But for a few customers, the toilet humor is too much. "My son thought it was disgusting and didn't know if he could finish his food," said Taipei mother Lin Li-ju.
Wow, Lin Li-ju, it sounds like your son has a problem. Namely that he was born with a vagina and doesn't know how to appreciate the finer things in life. Seriously, if I had one of those oldschool TV-dinner stands I don't think I'd ever leave the bathroom. So yeah, I once saw a little kid at Home Depot urinate in one of the unplumbed toilets they had on display. I wonder if they have similar problems here. Well, my legs are going numb, time to get up.
Several more pictures and a video news report about the place, after the jump.
Continue Reading " 'Modern Toilet' Restaurant Sounds Awesome "
May 28 2008 WTF Was That?: Cellphone In Microwave
This is a video of a cellphone in a microwave. If you're going to watch it, watch it before you read past this sentence. You didn't listen did you? You're just going to keep reading without watching the damn movie. Fine, but the spoiler is coming right after this colon : cell phones turn into scary ass snarling faces in the microwave. Who'd have thought? Not me. I just thought there'd be some sparking, maybe some smoke, and then a flying unicorn would shoot out or something. But not a scary face. Which leads us to a very important question -- how the hell are you supposed to cook a Hot Pocket without that bastard eating it?
Youtube (you have to be logged in to watch it)
Thanks Bailey, I didn't see that coming.
Feb 20 2008 Guitar Hero Loses Something During The Move To Pocket Sized Playability
Now I'm not saying this 7 ¾” X 3" pocket-sized Guitar Hero game isn't going to be any fun, it's just that, well, damnit, it's not. Okay maybe a little. For a minute. The questionable device has a number of songs from the first two video games and the neck of the guitar (which serves no purpose) folds into the body, so you don't have to worry about it poking a hole in your jewels. They hit shelves early next month for around $15. Just imagine -- how funny will it be when you can ask people if that's a Guitar Hero in their pocket or are they just happy to see you? If you answered not funny at all you're correct.
guitar hero: get in my pocket [technabob]
