Jan 28 2009 Light Saber Umbrellas: Battle Sith Lords, Women And Wetness At The Same Time
These $40 Light Saber Umbrellas are the first to combine the coolness of staying dry when it's raining with the incredible sadness of wielding a nonfunctional lightsaber out in public. That said, I take mine everywhere. Wow, is it just me or is it raining lady-killer in here?*
*It's just me. Come get some, beautiful.
Hit the jump for several more pictures of the awesome. Also, when rain hits a lightsaber does it crackle and pop like a bug-zapper? That's what I imagine.
UPDATE: Bladerunner Umbrellas, not Star Wars. What, can you blame a guy for drinking?
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Jan 27 2009 The Tampon Mona Lisa For Sale On eBay
Tampon Mona Lisa (AKA Bleeding Lisa, AKA Bitching and Moaning Lisa) is just that, a picture of Mona Lisa with a bunch of tampons glued on. It's like a middle school art class/sex ed mashup gone horribly wrong.
TAMPON MONA LISA uses an enlarged photocopy of Mona's face, bodice, and hands, the only areas that show her skin in DaVinci's original. Her hair and her clothing are represented in mosaic fashion by approximately 200 tampons. Some of the tampons have the strings attached, showing up as strands of hair or threads on her dress.
Whatever. The bidding starts at a ridiculous $2,600 and if anybody is interested I'll run out to CVS right now and make one even bigger. I'm talking those super absorbent joints. Shit, I may even throw in a few pads and an adult diaper.
Hit the jump for a closeup.
Nov 25 2008 Nanotech Material Never Gets Wet, EVER
Scientists at the University of Zurich have developed a material that never gets wet. Even if you play romantic music and kiss it tenderly.
The fabric is constructed of polyester fibers that are covered in a layer of 40-nanometer-wide silicone nanofilaments. These nanofilaments are spiky and cause water to sit in a sphere above the fabric, a permanent pocket of air protected safely below.
The material even reduces drag in water by 20%! I have no idea what sort of implications that has, but I think it's something to do with waterproof sheets. Because I used to date a girl that would drink Redbull and vodka all night and then, WITHOUT FAIL, piss the bed. God she sucked. So if you want to make fun of her or call her a hosebag, feel free. Her name and address are:
UPDATE: Ha, silly lawyers.
Nanotech Material Never Gets Wet, Even When Wet [gizmodo]
Thanks to Richthegringo, who keeps the ladies like a tropical rainforest. You know, with all sorts of crazy animals and shit.
Aug 15 2008 CD Dumbbells: Because, Despite Paying For A Membership, You Never Go To The Gym
Let's face it, going to the gym is a hassle. First you have to get there, then you have to lift stuff and break a sweat, and, as if that weren't enough hassle already, you have to wet the end of your towel and play a little whip-ass in the locker room with the other guys. Am I right? You know -- the game where you all run around trying to whip each other's buttocks with a towel. I love that shit. Well anyway, if you never leave your house you can make a CD dumbbell out of stuff you have laying around. Of course, if you want a real workout, you should come over and lift this 21" CRT monitor off my desk. Yeah, just like that. Remember: lift with the legs and *WHIP* Haha, you can take a boy out of the locker room, but you can't take the love of whipping another man's ass with a moistened towel out of the boy. Also, you dropped my monitor -- you're gonna have to pay for that.
CD dumbbells get you ripped with what you've got lying around [dvice]
Jul 21 2008 World's Longest Homemade Waterslide?
Cutting the grass, drinking beer, and watching chicks run by the house in short shorts while I yell "PEW PEW PEW!" from my bedroom window -- it's what summertime is all about. Oh, and waterslides! This is a 100-yard waterslide (allegedly the world's largest homemade slide but I feel like I've seen another video somewhere of a super-duper slide that was even longer and had banked turns and stuff) that ends in a lake. Ah, summer watersports, gotta love 'em. But not the kind you perform in the shower and then have to break up with your girlfriend because you can't look at her in the same way again. Not that kind.
World's Largest Homemade Waterslide [break]
Thanks Julian, now let's build one twice as long and invite twice as many chicks than the guys in this video did.
Apr 7 2008 UFOCap Keeps You Dry, Abstinent
The UFOCap is a hands-free umbrella that makes you look like a giant condom. The thing looks so ridiculous that the majority of people in the advertisement refused to wear them. Currently only available in Korea, they probably won't make it much further. I still want one though. No, I take that back, I'm saving myself for a Nubrella. And for marriage. Otherwise Santa might fill my stocking with reindeer shit and I'll be forced to kidnap the fat bastard.
UFO Cap Makes You Look Like Spin Top, Repels Rain and Women [gizmodo]
Thanks to Andrew, who attracts women like it's his job (which it may be, I think he's a gigolo), for the tip
Feb 21 2008 It's About Freaking Time: The Nubrella
The Nubrella is a $60 hands-free umbrella. If you can't tell from the pictures it's fairly ridiculous looking. Now I've never been one to really care what I look like, particularly out in the elements, but I still don't think I could bring myself to don a Nubrella.
Nubrella is no ordinary umbrella, it stops rain, wind, snow and extreme cold- and keeps your head, face and shoulders drier than ever. It offers more protection, guaranteed! Yet, nubrella went one step further and is changing the game forever. With nubrella's new patent pending "shoulder straps" and "offset handle" you can now be completely hands free!
Wow, "changing the game forever", that's a pretty bold statement. Now exactly what game are we talking about here? I need to know so I'm never caught accidentally playing. Nubrella - I'd rather be soaked.
A couple more ridiculous pictures after the jump.
Feb 4 2008 The Rolling Bench Keeps Your Pants Dry
A lot of people don't like getting their butt wet by sitting on a wet bench. For these people I give a piece of advice: stand. But for those who absolutely must rest their legs there's the Rolling Bench. It's a wooden slat bench that can be turned via crank to expose the dry underside. You can use it to crank bums and/or old ladies off the bench as well. While a novel concept, I imagine they'd be expensive. And it's not like a wet bench is that big a deal in the first place. Just do what I do and sit on a stranger's lap. If it makes them uncomfortable you know you've found a good spot. It's when they invite you to sit on their lap that you have to be careful.
Wet Benches Suck [electroplankton]
Thanks to Nils, whose IQ rivals that of Einstein, for the tip
