Oct 7 2009 It's About Time: A Fake iPhone Pocket Scale
Let's face it, we don't all sell drugs *whistling*, but we do all need pocket scales. Maybe you just want to know how much a letter weighs before sending it. Or like to precisely measure ingredients while cooking. Or maybe you sell coke and weed. Enter the fake iPhone pocket scale. With a cover that looks unconvincingly like a real iPhone, this has got to be the cheese-whizziest scale disguise I've ever seen (and I once owned a scale designed to look like a Twilight dildo). Geez, make a scale that looks like a book already! That's what I did (I've got what you're looking for). You're not a cop, right? Cause boy you'd look cute in one of those hats!
Hit the jump to see the display case the scale was spotted in, just in case there was any question to its intended porpoise. Porpoise? I'm a dolphin, bitch!
Continue Reading " It's About Time: A Fake iPhone Pocket Scale "
Aug 21 2009 Uh-Oh: Gamers More Likely To Be Depressed
No that isn't me. That is a sad gamer. You see, a recent study found that gamers are more likely to be depressed than non-gamers. Shocking, I know.
The average gamer is 35, overweight, and more likely to be depressed, says a new study conducted by researchers at the Center for Disease Control and Prevention.
The study, which was carried out in the Seattle-Tacoma area, found that gamers reported "lower extraversion, consistent with research on adolescents that linked video-game playing to a sedentary lifestyle and overweight status, and to mental-health concerns."
Oh yeah? Well I'm only 28, overweight and depressed. So put that in your study and smoke it like a bong (BLUBLBLUBLBLUBLBLUBLUB)!
Study: Games are depressing...or are they? [yahoo]
Thanks to Matt, who is like a giraffe in a potato sack.
Jun 22 2009 I Do BLAAAHHH!: First Weightless Wedding
Erin Finnegan and Noah Fulmor got married over the weekend while hovering weightlessly in the back of an airplane. Allegedly it's the first weightless wedding, provided if you don't count the time I married alien in outerspace (read: I was probed, hard).
To recreate the weightless experience without going into space, the plane executed parabolic flight maneuvers, climbing sharply and descending several times during the one-hour flight.Inside the 90-foot-long padded "floating zone," the ceremony was accomplished with a lot of bumping and fumbling, as bride and groom, guests and witnesses alike tried to coordinate their movements in a microgravity environment.
Nice. And in the famous words of Billy Idol, "It's a nice day for a weightless wedding, it's a nice day to...horf again, BLAAAH!"
Couple Float Into Zero Gravity Nuptials [aolnews]
Thanks to Pat, who once made out with a stewardess to score free peanuts.
May 7 2009 Lose Weight, Somehow: The Boneless Belt
The Boneless Belt is a Japanese weight loss product that's supposed to help you shed the pounds. From the look of things, I'm gonna guess it's far less effective than exercise or tying a dry cleaning bag over your head. But hey, different strokes for different folks gullible idiots.
In effect, the structure of the rubber belt is a large mesh grid that splits the dieter's belly, side and back fat into easily manageable blobs. This allows for increased metabolic consumption of calories and raises the propensity for increased blood flow values. More blood flow = more heat = more burning of fat.
Wow, that was really convincing. And by really convincing I mean I want to pop that shit like a sheet of bubble wrap! *SNAP POP BANG*
Boneless Belt Separates Your Fat Into Small Segments, Shames You [gizmodo]
Mar 20 2009 Bus Stop Shames You Into Joining The Gym
Fitness First is a gym in the Netherlands that installed this advertisement at a local bus stop. It has a scale attached to the seat so when you sit on it (with legs hanging) it shows your weight. It's supposed to make you think about your health and joining the gym. But all it made me think about was how long it takes to cook a 68kg turkey.
Fat Shaming at the Bus Stop [current]
Thanks to Jonathan, who once hid lead weights in his pumpkin to win the heaviest pumpkin contest at the county fair.
Mar 7 2009 Japanese Astronaut To Perform Highly Questionable Space Experiments
A Japanese astronaut is set to perform a number of worthless experiments this month while aboard the International Space Station in an attempt to piss off taxpayers and win over schoolchildren.
Koichi Wakata will perform 16 tasks chosen from 1,597 suggested by hundreds of people, from nursery school pupils to a 90-year-old man, said the official at the Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency (JAXA).
Wakata will try "a magic carpet that floats in the air" after he reaches the Japanese laboratory Kibo (Hope) at the International Space Station (ISS) later in March for a stay of more than three months, said a JAXA report.Wakata will also attempt to fold clothes, do push-ups and backflips, arm-wrestle another astronaut and "shoot liquid out of the straw of a drink container to see what happens", said the space agency.
Wow, that sounds....boring. How about you actually perform a few of the experiments I suggested, JAXA? For example: is getting drunk in space as awesome as I imagine? And, if so, is it easy to clean up puke? Lastly, are morbidly-obese people REALLY weightless in space? Because last summer I rode a centrifuge at the county fair and this one fat lady kept sliding down the wall.
Japan astronaut to try flying carpet in space lab: official [physorg]
Thanks to Fred, who wants to know if free-dried ice cream is complimentary for astronauts or if you have to pay for it like at Space Camp.
Jan 9 2009 Pre & Post Dump Weighing: The Toilet Scale
The Toilet Scale was designed by Haikun Deng so you can weigh yourself while using the john. Personally, I like to sit down while I pee. I'm not sure why I just shared that. Anway, the only problem is you have to make sure your feet aren't touching the ground while it's weighing, or it won't work. So you have to kick your legs out in front of you. Which, let's be honest, we all do anyways. One time I kicked the towel-bar off the wall! This scale is perfect for determining the weight of turds so you can brag to your friends about them later. Wow, a six pounder -- somebody call Guinness! Seriously, I think this warrants a free beer.
Hit the jump for another picture and a little comic of a rabbit sitting on a toilet, in case you've always wanted to see that.
Continue Reading " Pre & Post Dump Weighing: The Toilet Scale "
Dec 19 2008 Stocking Stuffer: Companion Cube Keychains
Want to carry a little companion cube with you wherever you go? No problem, thanks to Etsy seller donsolo's $22 companion cube keychains.
Made with geeky love from .100" thick reclaimed aluminum. It measures 1.25" x 1.25" (about 3cm x 3cm). The surface has a brushed finish that will wear over time. It's attached to a clip style key holder with a flexible metal cord. End to end it's almost 4".
Perfect for the Portal lover on your gift list, the little cubes make a great stocking stuffer. And you know what else does? Those sexy legs of yours. Ooo la la!
Thanks to Michael, who may or may not have a financial interest in the sale of these keychains.
Aug 15 2008 CD Dumbbells: Because, Despite Paying For A Membership, You Never Go To The Gym
Let's face it, going to the gym is a hassle. First you have to get there, then you have to lift stuff and break a sweat, and, as if that weren't enough hassle already, you have to wet the end of your towel and play a little whip-ass in the locker room with the other guys. Am I right? You know -- the game where you all run around trying to whip each other's buttocks with a towel. I love that shit. Well anyway, if you never leave your house you can make a CD dumbbell out of stuff you have laying around. Of course, if you want a real workout, you should come over and lift this 21" CRT monitor off my desk. Yeah, just like that. Remember: lift with the legs and *WHIP* Haha, you can take a boy out of the locker room, but you can't take the love of whipping another man's ass with a moistened towel out of the boy. Also, you dropped my monitor -- you're gonna have to pay for that.
CD dumbbells get you ripped with what you've got lying around [dvice]
Jun 6 2008 Derrie-Air: Pack Less. Weigh Less. Pay Less.
Derrie-Air is an airline that believes the less you and your baggage weighs, the less you should pays. It's fake and part of an ad campaign run by a Philadelphia newspaper to f*** with fat people.
Philadelphia Media Holdings spokesman Jay Devine said the goal is to "demonstrate the power of our brands in generating awareness and generating traffic for our advertisers, and put a smile on people's faces."
A disclaimer labels the ad campaign "fictitious" and says it is designed "to test the results of advertising in our print and online products and to stimulate discussion on a timely environmental topic of interest to all citizens.""In other words," it says, "smile, we're pulling your leg."
Oh I'm smiling alright, but only because that's not my leg you're pulling, Jay. You have such soft hands. Hey, I didn't say stop.
Derrie-Air
via
Paper runs ads about fake airline Derrie-Air [msnbc]
Thanks to Dan and Matt, one of which better sneak me into their luggage on their next vacation -- or else.
May 15 2008 RINGBO Ridable Robot For Kids Reminds Me How Much My Childhood Sucked, Was Bad
RINGBO is a robotic transportation device for children that hate walking. It was designed for kids aged 2-3 so they can run over the cat's tail. The unit has a 66-pound weight limit and a 6-8 hour charge yields about one hour of drive time. It also looks like a miniature Hoveround. Say, have I ever told you about how I always wanted one of those little motorized Jeeps when I was a kid but my parents never got me one? True story. My friend had one though, except he would never let me drive it. Or even ride in it for that matter. What he would let me do is lie in the sandbox while he backed over me. Best friends forever!
A commercial video of the thing, which features an awesome song that'll get stuck in your head and you'll sing all day long, after the jump (lyrics included).
NOTE: The lyrics start at 0:45. You MUST memorize them if you want our friendship to last.
Continue Reading " RINGBO Ridable Robot For Kids Reminds Me How Much My Childhood Sucked, Was Bad "
Mar 24 2008 More Robots Of The Coming Apocalypse
In the near future the planet will be ruled by robots and any surviving humans will live huddled in caves crying about how it was a bad idea to create them in the first place. So yeah, be warned. This is a video of a climbing robot. It looks friendly and harmless enough, but deep down, just like every robot, it wants to kill.
Called Capuchin, the robot scales vertical walls using four limbs that can shift its weight to stay balanced. It and other climbing robots could be key to uncovering the geology of Mars.
Weight shifting robot, cool. But you know what would be cooler? If it had guns. And bombs. Ooh ooh ooh -- and a laser razor chainsaw for an arm. Now that would be a damn robot.*
*Until one actually kills me, robots with weapons will remain awesome.
Thanks to Raul, a man capable of surviving the robot apocalypse, for the tip
Nov 6 2007 Drunk Driving: V8 Powered Barstools
Featured at SEMA 2007, these Hossfly V8 Barstools are exactly what they sound like. Unless you were thinking they were made from a tomato-based beverage that tastes like ass. If you were thinking that you were wrong. I'm talking engines here. I want one. Oh, and the steering wheel should have a cocktail table attachment for when you're parked. Just make sure to clear the table and stow it before taking off. Otherwise you'll have to explain to police why you were driving a barstool and cocktail table loaded with drinks down the sidewalk with no lights on. Which isn't easy.
A video of them in action after the jump, which allegedly doesn't give an accurate portrayal of the noise these things crank out.
Oct 8 2007 Scale Gives Your Weight In Animals
The Animal Scale doesn't have any numbers on it, just animals. It goes from baby rabbit to bear, with a bunch of other animals in the middle. It costs $49 and is available from Angry Associates. I'm probably somewhere between hog and ox. But not the woman I brought home from the bar last night. No sir. She was easily between water buffalo and wooly mammoth. I think she broke two of my ribs. Hairy as hell too. I think I'm going to puke.
Animal Scale [core77]
Aug 20 2007 Weight Watching Robot Keeps You Healthy
Those MIT geeks are at it again, this time developing a robot that is supposed to help you watch your weight and make healthier dietary choices. She interacts with you via touchscreen, where you can input the foods you've eaten, look up recipes, etc. She keeps track of your food intake and stats, and makes suggestions for what to eat. She even speaks (despite not having a mouth) and tracks your movement via face recognition. Speaking of which, just look at those eyes, how dreamy. I can imagine her in my kitchen now. "Hey you sexy thing, how about I drive another Twinkie into me? No? How about a bag of Doritos? No again? Then let me at some of those Girl Scout Cookies? What!? Fine, I'll settle for a kiss you hot little thing you. You're plenty sweet for me anyways. XOXO. Mmmmmm."
Weight Watching Robot Keeps You Healthy [BotJunkie]
