Dec 9 2008 The End Is Nigh!: Hovering Robot Of Death

MORE: aaaah , apocalypse , bad , boom! , death and destruction , deception , doomsday , game over man! , i've got a bad feeling about this , missiles , not good , robots , rocket , run for your life! , the last thing you'll ever see , this will kill you , trickery , uh-oh , we're not safe , wtf was that?

Wonder how you're gonna die? By this thing, the Missile Agency's Multiple Kill Vehicle-L (MKV-L).

The MKV-L mission is to destroy medium through intercontinental-range ballistic missiles equipped with multiple warheads or countermeasures by using a single interceptor missile. During an actual hostile ballistic missile attack, the carrier vehicle with its cargo of small kill vehicles will maneuver into the path of an enemy missile. Using tracking data from the Ballistic Missile Defense System and its own seeker, the carrier vehicle will dispense and guide the kill vehicles to destroy any warheads or countermeasures.

Missile destroyer my ass, we're all freaking dead. Game over man, game over!

The hovering Multiple Kill Vehicle is simply a waking nightmare [engadget]

Thanks to Mike, Jake and Leigh, who know I love thinking about the robot apocalypse almost as much as I love things being jammed in my pee-hole.

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Jul 18 2008 Guy Finds Mysterious Keylogger In Laptop

MORE: apeshit , frightening , government , keyboard , oh shit , omgwtf , questionable , questionable origin , run for your life! , scary , security , spy , uh-oh , we're not safe , wrong , wtf , yikes!

keylogger.jpg

Some guy opened his laptop to make a repair and found a rogue keylogger up in that mother.

What could this mean? I called Dell tech support about it, and they said, and I quote, "The integrated service tag identifier is there for assisting customers in the event of lost or misplaced personal information." He then hung up.

I called the police, as having a keylogger unknown to me in my laptop is a serious offense. They told me to call the Department of Homeland Security. At this point, I am in disbelief. Why would the DHS have a keylogger in my laptop? It was surreal.

So I called them, and they told me to submit a Freedom of Information Act request.

You can read a scanned copy of the reply to his request after the jump, but it basically says his request warrants no freedom of information. DHS for the win! Needless to say, I'm ripping my laptop apart right now.

UPDATE: Okay, I didn't find any mysterious keyloggers, but I did find a couple rogue Cheetos.

UPDATE UPDATE: False alarm. Purportedly fake -- and old. But I'm man enough to admit when I've screwed up, and this was clearly my tipsters fault. Whew, back to surfing porn.

Hit the jump for a scanned copy of the DHS reply to the request for information.

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