Oct 13 2009 Waste Of Good Pews: Kellogg's To Begin Lasering "Kellogg's" Onto Corn Flakes
Kellogg's plans to begin laser-burning the signature Kellogg's emblem onto random corn flakes so you know you're getting the real deal. Pfft, what a waste of a perfectly good laser.
Kellogg's embarked on the project to reinforce that they don't make cereals for any other companies and to fire a shot across the bows of makers of 'fake flakes'.
Helen Lyons, lead food technologist at the company, said: 'In recent years there has been an increase in the number of own brands trying to capitalise on the popularity of Kellogg's corn flakes.'We want shoppers to be under absolutely no illusion that Kellogg's does not make cereal for anyone else.
First of all, I'd like to point out that, unlike Helen Lyons, I would make a great food technologist. I don't even know what that is, but if it involves cereal and lasers I AM THE MAN FOR THE JOB. As a matter of fact, I just invented a new cereal just thinking about it. They're called Laser Flakes, and they're jam-packed with real bits of blinding laserbeams. Marshmallows? Hell no -- try cut up circuit boards. NOW WHO'S THE FOOD TECHNOLOGIST?!
Kellogg's will use laser to burn logo on to individual corn flakes to stamp out fakes [dailymail]
Thanks to SONJEETA, who doesn't eat cold cereal because her refrigerator broke and the milk spoiled. I like milk chunks!
Sep 2 2009 Silent But Violent: Students Made Gas Detector
Two college students went and made a fart detector. Nice one guys, but I can honestly say I never made anything like this in college. ALL I MADE WERE STRAIGHT C's AND LOVE TO WOMEN. Ooooooh!
I'm sure the two Cornell computer engineering students who made it are quite bright, and combining a hydrogen sulfide monitor, a thermometer, a microphone and custom software was impressive.
Um, no. You see, I don't know if you knew this or not but God gave us all our own fart detectors. Take a big whiff. Does it smell like ass? Congratulations, you shat yourself.
Fart detector solves a problem I've never encountered [dvice]
Aug 25 2009 Never Pick Up After Your Dog Again!
If you don't like picking up after your dog but are cool strapping a plastic bag to its ass, you're in luck. All thanks to the revolutionary Pootrap (I would have gone with Shitbag)!
An amazing new device that picks up after your dog without any hassles. Dog feces is extremely dangerous to people even if you pick it up. A residue is left over and can cause blindness, liver damage and death. The Pootrap solves these problems once and for all.
Are you serious? I mean, are you serious? They should at least be advertising how you don't have to bend over and not sensationalizing how dangerous dog waste is. And to prove a point (don't ask me what), I'm gonna pick up after my dog this afternoon with my bare hand.
1981-2009
Dog shit: It's more dangerous than you think
Thanks to Gargamel, who huffs Smurfs like nobody's business. Because it's not, so stop asking questions.
Aug 19 2009 Screw Mother Nature: HP Shipping Fail
Not to be outdone by Dell's L337 shipping practices, HP decided to ramp up their efforts to show that THEY hate this planet even more. What's in the box? Hit the jump to find out. And no, it's not a tiger. But good guess.
Hit it. DO IT NOW!
Feb 10 2009 Boredom: Ever Wanted To Scroll A Mile?
Ever wanted to scroll a mile with your computer mouse? Me neither, which is why I just grabbed the sidebar and dragged it. A mile in less than a second! I must be Mercury, the text messenger of the gods. I want gold shoes. Anway, onemilescroll.com is a website where you can scroll for a whole mile and read about objects and their lengths along the way.
The One Mile Scroll transforms virtual space into an actual, physical distance. Take your computer for a scroll. Participate and add heights of things. Please only add the vertical heights. Be sure to check your measurements (with Google or other service). Once submitted entries can only be modified or deleted by site admin.
I give it less than an hour before "The GW's junk" is added right there beneath ant. And, to whoever does it: I'd like to thank you in advance for your generosity.
Thanks to Momboelitist, who once scrolled 800 miles in a week and lived to tell about it. Unfortunately, he developed carpal tunnel and had to chew his arm off.
Jan 22 2009 I've Seen It All Now: Air Guitar Strings
Air Guitar Strings cost $3 plus shipping and are an empty package that reads "Air Guitar Strings". Very clever. if you're thinking about buying them, here's an idea: why don't you give me half the money you were gonna pay, then we'll go out back, I'll kick you in the nuts, and we'll call it a day?
Hit the jump for the Vegas Vacation clip that's from and a link to the product page.
Continue Reading " I've Seen It All Now: Air Guitar Strings "
Jan 14 2009 26 Years Later, Man Solves Rubik's Cube
It took Graham Parker 26 years to finally solve the Rubik's Cube he bought back in 1983. If you can't tell by the picture, he's really proud of himself. Kind of reminds me of the first time I ate a 72-oz steak and got my picture on the wall.
'I cannot tell you what a relief it was to finally solve it,' the 45-year-old from Portchester, Hampshire, said. 'It has driven me mad over the years - it felt like it had taken over my life.
'I have missed important events to stay in and solve it and I would lie awake at night thinking about it.'I have had wrist and back problems from spending hours on it but it was all worth it. When I clicked that last bit into place and each face was a solid colour, I wept.'
Wow, Graham, so you're a little crybaby, huh? Now I'm not saying there's ever a time when a person should just accept their own mental inadequacies and bail on a project, but damnit Graham, that time was 25½ years ago.
Man takes 26 years to solve Rubik's Cube [metro]
Thanks to Praveen, who can solve a Rubik's in under a minute using either the "hammer" or "new stickers" methods.
Dec 31 2008 Eff 2008, Bring On 2009: Happy New Year!
Well folks, we survived another year. Amazing, I know. It's been one hell of a time, and I have every reason to believe 2009 is going to rock the track pants and Members Only jacket off 2008.
Happy New Year! See you in 2020! And by 2020 I mean after my Lasik surgery. HIYO!
Dec 15 2008 Dubai Resort Building Air-Conditioned Beach
A new Versace hotel in Dubai is going to feature an air-conditioned beach. Ha, and all this time I thought beaches were supposed to be hot.
A system of heat-absorbing pipes and giant wind blowers will "keep tourists cool in the searing 40-50C (104-122F) heat." Soheil Abedian, president of Palazzo Versace hotel that will be home to the refrigerated beach, said: "We will suck the heat out of the sand to keep it cool enough to lie on. This is the kind of luxury that top people want."
Top people? What the f*** is a top person? And, more importantly, how do I become one? Unfortunately, this opulence comes at a cost. Namely, mother nature's ass.
The city's continued expansion will also add to its huge carbon footprint. Each person living in Dubai has a carbon footprint of more than 44 tons of CO2 a year.
A 44-ton footprint -- that's bigger than Bigfoot's! But seriously, Satan, how about a little AC down here, it's freaking hot.
Versace hotel to refrigerate beach [news.au]
Thanks Natalie and jumpin_j, now listen: don't sin lest you want a burning coal jammed up your ass for eternity. And *TSSSSSSSSSS* OH MOTHER OF MELTING ASS TRUST ME YOU DOOOOOOON'T!
Nov 30 2008 17,000 Push-Pin Super Mario 3 Mosiac
You know, sometimes you come across something that really makes you appreciate human ingenuity and dedication to a project. This isn't one of those.
What you're looking at it is a 17,000 push-pin mosaic mural, a product of three revisions and a total of two and a half semesters of work. The final revision took a whopping two months of work by the CIS Student Association at the University of the Fraser Valley, and it's currently sitting in the Student Computing Center over there.
17,000 push-pins, wow -- impressive work! And, whether you like the piece or not, I think we can all agree that these kids should be expelled for ganking office supplies.
Hit the jump for several more of the craziness (including an in-progress shot), along with a link to the Flickr gallery.
Nov 13 2008 Styrofoam Gundam Looks Styrofoamy, Tasty
This is a Gundam-esque robot made out of recycled styrofoam packaging. Thankfully, I'm not that afraid of him because I'm pretty confident I could karate chop right through his ass. HI-YA!
Holy shit, he broke my arm. Quick, a lighter!
UPDATE: Mmmm, I love the smell of *cough* burning styrofoam in the morning. Smells like *cough*....cancer.
Recycled Styrofoam Gundam Robot [dinosaursandrobots]
Thanks to Stephanie, who knows the only good robot is one made of packaging peanuts. Or macaroni.
Nov 12 2008 Best Buy Gift Card Doubles As Speaker, Target Gift Card Doubles As Digital Camera, Geekologie Writer Doubles As Your Father
Reader, I am your father. And you can tell your mother I'm not paying her shit, she's been bleeding me dry for long enough. But I'll still send you a gift card for Christmas, you know, because I love you. And also, if you grow up to play a professional sport, I want you to remember your dear old dad. Anyway, Best Buy and Target are taking a different approach to gift cards this year. By making them both gift card AND present. That's right, the Best Buy card doubles as a speaker, complete with mini-headphone jack, and the Target one is actually a 1.3 megapixel, 8MB digital camera. You ever redeemed a giftcard with pictures of your genitals on it? No? Then you haven't lived. Unfortunately, you have to buy at least $50 cards to get the cool ones. So yeah, there goes my $5 surround sound system.
Hit the jump for a shot of the camera card.
Nov 7 2008 Why God, Why?: A Welcome Mat Mouse Pad
I've seen it all now. A $13 mouse pad that looks like a welcome mat. Jesus, what will they think of next? And could it possibly be this freaking stupid?
UPDATE: Jesus said their next pad is gonna look like a little mouse cage. Aaaaaand I'm out. *BANG*
Thanks to Reece, who knows that the only good mouse pad is a bearskin rug.
Sep 17 2008 Under The Sea: Fish 'N Flush Toilet Aquarium
The Fish 'N Flush is a 2.5 gallon aquarium that replaces your regular ceramic tank. It consists of two pieces: the actual fill tank, and the aquarium, which surrounds the fill tank for the "fish in your toilet" effect. It costs $300 and is great for pocket fishermen and people who can't keep pet fish alive (comes conveniently located atop a fish cemetery). But for the love of God, DO NOT sell one to this kid, that's just asking for it. I want one though. The only problem is you don't get to enjoy the aquarium while you're sitting on the john. Unless...
UPDATE: You ever tried straddling a toilet? I shat on the floor!
Two more pictures and a video of the flushing in action after the jump.
Continue Reading " Under The Sea: Fish 'N Flush Toilet Aquarium "
Aug 18 2008 Geez, You Could Have Just Asked Me: Scientists Confirm Beer Goggles Are Real
In an announcement that shouldn't surprise anyone that's seen the majority of women I've slept with, scientists have concluded that beer goggles are, in fact, real.
Surprisingly, the beer goggles effect was not limited to just the opposite sex among the ostensibly straight volunteers recruited for the study -- they also rated people from their own sex as more attractive.
Beer is making me gay.
"The main question is whether these effects are specific to faces, or whether we would rate anything as more attractive after a drink," Munafo said.Future research could expose people who have been drinking to landscapes or the faces of puppies and other animals, "to see if alcohol has a more general effect on perceiving beauty in the environment."
I don't like where this is going. I am NOT having sex with animals. Or a damn landscape. Well, unless it's the sun setting over a mountain range. I'd ravage that shit.
Jul 21 2008 iBeer For iPhone Is Ridiculous, Three Dollars
iBeer is an iPhone application that can be downloaded from iTunes for $3. It's every bit as ridiculous as Captain Kissyface in the picture looks. Because there is nothing sadder than pretend drinking beer. It makes me want to kill myself. If you really want it though and beer's not your scene we can't be friends but they're selling iMilk and iCantbelieveIjustpaid$3forthis as well.
Hit the jump to watch a video of the application in action. Spoiler: It looks like a taint with eyebrow spasms drinking an iPhone.
Continue Reading " iBeer For iPhone Is Ridiculous, Three Dollars "
Jun 9 2008 Putter Pisser: Relieve Yourself Discreetly
I always thought when you were out on the links and had to pee you yelled 'Fore!' and pissed in a bunker or on a tree. Well apparently that's not kosher and you need a UroClub (Putter Pisser sounds better) urine collection device. I'm not so sure what's so discreet about pissing down the shaft of a fake golf club, but whatever.
Just place an inconspicuous towel over your junk, unscrew the cap of the club disguised to look like a 7-iron, and whiz away--up to half a liter. When you're done, stick the leak-proof club back in your bag and take your next shot.
The questionable device costs $50 and doesn't hold enough if you've been following the rules of golf and drinking the whole game. And that's why I'll be sticking to the sand traps. They typically provide good cover, and you can even drop some kids off at the beach if you have to. But remember: if you do, stay classy and cover them up like a cat does.
UroClub Lets Golfers Go Pee-Pee in Public [gizmodo]
Thanks Chris, and remind me to never shake your hand
May 30 2008 Peeandgo, A Questionable Urinal For Women
The Peenandgo is a urinal for women. Because flowers and singing, moving clowns just don't cut it for chicks. The unit was designed by Chen-Karlsson and has a ball in it to prevent splashing or something. I thought it was pretty questionable, but I guess they're catching on because I heard they installed one in the women's room here at the office. I haven't seen it though. Oh, hold on, here comes The Superficial Writer.
Hey buddy, yeah I saw the Kim Kardashian post, way to put her in her place. I agree, totally butt pads. Seriously though, I can't believe she can even use a computer. Say, what you got there? A golden ball huh? You didn't happen to find that in the floor of the women's room did you? Nevermind what you were doing in there, just get it off my freaking desk. No, I don't want to buy from you. Or hold it. Dude I'm trying to post here, take the peeball back to your own cube.
One more picture after the jump in case you were wondering how the thing is used.
Continue Reading " Peeandgo, A Questionable Urinal For Women "
May 28 2008 Space Station's $19 Million Toilet Is Broken
Well folks, the 7-year old, $19 million shitter aboard the International Space Station is acting up. Although truthfully they've only had problems with the urine collection system. The solid waste part is still holding it down (thankfully), but there's no telling for how long. And I thought the plumber that charged me $60 an hour to fish out a couple G.I. Joe figures my son flushed down the john was highway robbery. This thing probably requires a $1 million/hour plumber. NASA is currently considering the best course of action, and the astronauts are currently considering getting the f*** back to earth.
Space station's toilet begins to fail, panic sinking in [engadget]
Thanks to Shawn, who uses a Gatorade bottle like a real man
May 22 2008 DIY Car Mods: Flamethrowing Exhaust Kit
What could possibly be cooler than shooting flames out the exhaust of your car (besides actually being jet powered or having rocket launchers)? Very little. Well now, thanks to the Autoloc Flame Thrower you can toast the hell out of tailgaters like you've always wanted. The $125 kit clips on to your exhaust pipe and ignites any unburnt fuel from the engine. Unfortunately, it only works on vehicles with carburetors. So if you want to use it on a fuel-injected model you're gonna have to run an extra gas line to your tailpipe. And with today's rock-bottom gas prices, you'd be stupid to NOT jump on the flame-throwing exhaust bandwagon.
UPDATE: The bandwagon just caught fire. Somebody -- marshmallows and chocolate, STAT!
Autoloc Flame Thrower for car exhaust [boingboinggadgets]
