Jun 1 2009 Prison: Don't Drop The Soap Knuckles

MORE: choad , cleanliness is godliness , dangerous , fight , hurt , hygiene , prison , punch , shapes , shower , soap , soap on a not rope , sure why not , uh-oh , washing the taint

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This is soap shaped like brass knuckles. It's equally suited for punching yourself in the taint or fighting off would-be lovers in the prison shower. Which, miss you Big Bear.

Brass Knuckle Soap Allows You To Punch Up a Good Lather [gizmodo]

Thanks to pstone, who made me his bitch.

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May 21 2009 Well It's About Freaking Time: Tetris Soap

MORE: clean , cleanliness , cleanliness is godliness , cute , don't drop the soap , i like , shapes , shower , sink , soap , soap on a not rope , tetris , wash your hands after you piss you disgusting bastards , washing the taint

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Tetris soap is tetrad shaped soap pieces that make a perfect addition to the seashell soaps in your guest bathroom that I'm never sure if I'm supposed to use but do anyway. They're made by Digital Soaps, the same folks that brought us the video game controller soaps. 8 ounces of tetrads will set you back $10, but they also have little Space Invader bars that will run you $10.50 for 24 pieces. Hit the jump to see more of both. Then, go with the tetrads. Trust me: L pieces were practically made for the gooch.

Hit it for a bunch more cleanliness.

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Apr 18 2009 Crazy Sink Is Crazy, Drains Onto The Floor

MORE: all employees must wash hands after touching their penises , bathroom , design , eh , expensive , fine , modern , okay , peeing in the sink , questionable , sail me down the river , sink , washing the taint , water

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The Abisko Washbasin from Eumar isn't even a basin. It's a freaking waterslide. A waterslide sink that drains onto the floor. How hilarious would it be if some bar installed this thing and forgot to put in the drain? Or even better -- you clogged it with a bunch of paper towels! HAHAHA, water damage is so funny! But seriously, it would be cool to spit blood in the sink and watch it sail down the stream. And why would you be spitting blood? I dunno, sometimes you just *WA-POW!* that's why.

Hit the jump for a bunch more of the questionable modernity.

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Mar 4 2009 Fully Automated, Computer Controlled Shower Will Kill You While You Bathe, I'm Sure Of It

MORE: automation , awh yeah , balls , bath , bathroom , cleaning , computer , daddy likes , expensive , i want , impressive , lcd , luxury , nice , over the top , shower , tv , warm , washing the taint , yes please

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The Aquapeutics (now to be known as AquaPEWtics) luxury steam shower has everything a person could want, plus a whole bunch of other crap, and a $4,300 pricetag.

This spaceship-worthy shower is loaded up with two handheld showers, a waterproof LCD TV, a radio, massage jets, a steam box, overhead lights, an alarm, and other crazy crap. The whirlpool and steamshower are computerized, letting you set your program to run when you get in, and it's all very fancy.

I WANT IT! I heard it even washes your balls and polishes them to a shine. Which, I think we can all agree, while painful, would be well worth the shellacking. QUICK -- LOOKIE HERE! Haha, blinded you.

Aquapeutics shower is just a little bit over the top [dvice]

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