Nov 6 2009 Dolores: Germany's Hairless Spectacled Bear

Ever wonder what a bear with no hair would look like? This. Poor Dolores has lost her coat. She's a bare bear! I know, sometimes my word wizardry amazes even me.

Vets have been left baffled by the condition of the bespectacled bear, who lives at a zoo in Leipzig.

And Dolores isn't the only one. The sudden hair loss has affected all female bears at the zoo.

Some experts believe it could be due to a genetic defect though the animals do not seem to be suffering from any other affliction.

The bears, which originate from South America, normally have fluffy dark brown fur and would now be growing a thicker fur coat to keep warm during the winter.

Well Rogaine those bitches or something -- this shit ain't right! As much as I do love hunting bears and killing the shit out of them WITH MY BEAR HANDS (more word sorcery), bald bears make me sad as hell. Remember Fuzzy Wuzzy? Brings a tear to my eye.

Hit the jump for three more shots, including one of what Dolores normally looks like.

Continue Reading " Dolores: Germany's Hairless Spectacled Bear "

Oct 2 2009 Make Your Own Mario Piranha Plant Scarf

This is a Piranha Plant scarf made by craftster user enemyairship. Careful wearing one though, it might nip at your genitals!

Here's another Mario related project of mine...actually I just noticed that the only projects I've posted here are Mario inspired! I saw a project similar to this one on Ravelry and just had to have a go at it.

This is a Piranha Plant scarf that I made for my bf's younger sister. She's either a Junior or Senior in high school.

If you want to try knitting your own she has the pattern explained in the thread(!). I thought it was taking a stab at, but I'm no good with needles. I ended up mainlining a whole ball of yarn!

Hit the jump to see a picture of the scarf's maker modeling it.

Continue Reading " Make Your Own Mario Piranha Plant Scarf "

Aug 13 2009 Lookin' Sharp: Periodic Sweater Of Elements

This is a periodic sweater of elements made by knitter apinnick. It looks sharp and I would wear it EVEN WHEN IT'S NOT CHRISTMAS. The table continues around the sweater to the back, and the sleeves contain the names of different fungi (right sleeve) and bacteria (left sleeve). Because, as we all know, bacteria and fungi like to party with the elements. It's true, one time -- and you've got to promise you won't tell anybody I told you this -- I saw Penicillium touching Argon's butt at a school dance. THEY WERE BEING SO FREAKY!

Hit the jump for several more shots of the awesomeness.

Continue Reading " Lookin' Sharp: Periodic Sweater Of Elements "

Jun 16 2009 You + Me - Clothes + Mario = Romance

This handmade bed blanket was created by Etsy seller punzie and looks great (punzie also does custom work and has a bunch of other designs if you look in the sold items section). Granted, it would look even better with you underneath it. I'm not talking dead hooker style either, I'm talking real romantical like. What do you say, come over around 8? We'll fire up some oldschool NES, drink some sparkling cider (my parents don't allow alcohol in the house) and then retire to my luxurious twin-size. Oooh, you like a little role playing, do you? Well then, let me just slip into my Raccoon Mario costume. Okay, now pretend you're a garbage can.

Hit the jump for a ton more blankets (including some Zelda, Mega Man and Metroid action) and another link to the Etsy store.

Continue Reading " You + Me - Clothes + Mario = Romance "

May 21 2009 This Is The Awesomest Hat Ever Made

And if you could incorporate a beer helmet into it, it would be awesomest hat ever possible to make.

I made this hat for my son - he wanted a mean shark. I saw the dead fish hat pattern and loved the idea - I just varied the pattern quite a lot to make different looking species. And felted it so it looks like it jumped out of the water and landed on his head...

I basically cast 90 stitches onto a size 9 circular needle and winged it from there. I used Patons wool and it felted great.

Okay I have absolutely no idea what that means because the only thing I've ever stitched is my head to the carpet, but if somebody out there could make me one that would be just about the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. Well, besides BYOB night at the strip club. Superficial Writer -- out of my cooler!

Shark Attack Hat [craftster]

Thanks to Towee Monster and Yopoleo, who have both almost been victims of shark attacks but punched the guys before they got hold of their underwear. Good looking, guys.

Apr 28 2009 Sure, Why Not?: Animal-Shaped Radiators

Guus van Leeuwen's Domestic Animal radiators heat your home without all the shedding and feces associated with keeping a real animal in the house.

[The] radiators are made using between 40 and 60 pieces of steel tubing which are bent using a computer and then welded together by the Eindhoven-based designer. The radiators can then be connected to the heating pipes via the tail. The pelts are real and have been filled with wheat seeds in order to conserve the heat.

Well it's about time! You hear that, Mr. Badger? It's time for you to make like a tree and get out of here. I mean it -- OUT! Oh, being stubborn are we? Fine. *BLAM!* Badger steak for everyone! And, on a 100% completely unrelated note that has absolutely nothing at all to do with sleeping with a badger -- anybody know how to get blood out of bedsheets?

Hit the jump for closeups of the different animals.

Continue Reading " Sure, Why Not?: Animal-Shaped Radiators "

Apr 13 2009 For When It's Cold: Sleeping Bag Coats

Lippi Selk'bags cost $125-$150 and look like wearable sleeping bags. Because that's what they are -- sleeping bags that you wear. Any of you lovely ladies interested in sharing one with me? Awesome -- I get it on weekends!

Lippi's Selk'bag is made for mobility, comfort and a more recuperative sleep. Designed and tested in the Andes, the Selk'bag was named in honor of the lost Selk'nam natives of Chile who were known for their ferocity and ability to withstand harsh conditions.

In a recent comparison conducted by Consumer Reports, a Selk'bag actually ripped a Snuggie's sleeves off and defecated down its head hole. Which, you're right, would have made a great commercial.

Sleeping-Bag Suit Makes Snuggies Look Even Wussier [asylum]

Thanks to Stephen, who can endure temperatures down to -40 degrees Celsius because he's inside a tauntaun.

Apr 3 2009 Tuantaun Sleeping Bag Becoming Reality?

As you may recall, ThinkGeek cruelly offered a tauntaun sleeping bag as an April Fool's joke, just to break your heart. Well, because of the overwhelming demand for such a product, Thinkgeek has decided to look into actually having them made.

ATTN Tauntaun Fanatics!

Due to an overwhelming tsunami of requests from YOU THE PEOPLE, we have decided to TRY and bring this to life. We have no clue if the suits at Lucasfilms will grant little ThinkGeek a license, nor do we know how much it would ultimately retail for. But if you are interested in ever owning one of these, click the link below and we'll try!

If you go to the product site you can click on the link that says 'Email me IF available' to be notified if they actually get made. But one thing's for sure: if they're getting made, I'm getting laid (in one). Ever made love inside a tauntaun? It's warm. And squishy.

Product Site

Thanks to roflbot (who I may still kill despite the tip) and Allison, whose tauntauns could easily make to the second marker before freezing.

Mar 31 2009 Ooh, Pouchy: Carry Your Kid Like A Kangaroo

You know, or an alien bursting out of your chest. The Peekaru is an $80 vest that makes you look and feel like a wallaby. BOING BOING BOING! Look at you -- you're Tigger! Well, if Tigger were a kangaroo and didn't hang out with that Debby Downer Eeyore all the time (seriously, kill yourself already). But note: The Peekaru doesn't actually hold your kid, you have to have a baby carrier on, it just keeps them warm and makes it look like they're a joey.

Let a Peekaru Original simplify the process of getting out of the door. Wear your Peekaru over any baby carrier and you're ready for cooler weather. Add a coat and you're ready for winter. Whether it's a crisp fall evening walk, a winter carnival, or a springtime parade, the Peekaru will keep your baby toasty warm without the clutter.

Say, you know what else keeps babies warm without the clutter? Coats. Yeah, and that way they don't have to be strapped to your teat the whole time either. Just saying, sometimes daddy needs a suckle too.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots.

Continue Reading " Ooh, Pouchy: Carry Your Kid Like A Kangaroo "

Mar 23 2009 The Super Nintoaster Burnt My Cartridge :(

The Super Nintoaster is a Super Nintendo in a toaster's body. It's similar to that time I dressed as a woman and solicited men at the bar (Friday), but nowhere near as good looking. It's maker, Mr. Vomitsaw, discusses:

Built from nothing more than a Super NES, a toaster, four different types of adhesives, magnets ripped from a broken hard drive, six orange LEDs, a bunch of resistors, plexiglass, and many many spare wires. Not too dissimilar from my previous toaster, only this time the temperature comtrol knob DOES serve a purpose! If for some reason you feel the need to adjust the brightness of the orange LEDs, now you can.

Good looking, Mr. Vomitsaw. Or should I call you Mr. Barfblade? Pukepruner? Heavecleaver?

Hit the jump for a video of the SNES toasty-ness.

Continue Reading " The Super Nintoaster Burnt My Cartridge :( "

Mar 4 2009 Fully Automated, Computer Controlled Shower Will Kill You While You Bathe, I'm Sure Of It

The Aquapeutics (now to be known as AquaPEWtics) luxury steam shower has everything a person could want, plus a whole bunch of other crap, and a $4,300 pricetag.

This spaceship-worthy shower is loaded up with two handheld showers, a waterproof LCD TV, a radio, massage jets, a steam box, overhead lights, an alarm, and other crazy crap. The whirlpool and steamshower are computerized, letting you set your program to run when you get in, and it's all very fancy.

I WANT IT! I heard it even washes your balls and polishes them to a shine. Which, I think we can all agree, while painful, would be well worth the shellacking. QUICK -- LOOKIE HERE! Haha, blinded you.

Aquapeutics shower is just a little bit over the top [dvice]

Mar 3 2009 Batman Hoodie: All You Need To Fight Crime

Now that's what I call a freaking hoodie. You don this sucker and evildoers will KNOW you mean business. Or pleasure. You can even zip it up over your face and see out through the mesh holes. Sweet! They'll run you $74-$78 dollars depending on size and are available HERE. Now go get one. Then you can roam your local mall looking for criminals. Quick, over by Hot Topic -- mugging in progress! Oh, false alarm -- rebellious teen arguing with his mom over a novelty t-shirt.

New Batman Hoodie Probably Won't Protect You Against Bullies [gizmodo]

Feb 26 2009 Kid Designs Homeless Domes Out Of Trash

12-year old Max Wallack is a boy. A 12-year old one. Max Wallack, 12-year old boy, understands the plight of the homeless. Not really, because he's never been homeless, but he still feels for them all the same. Did I mention he's an inventor? 12-year old boy-inventor Max Wallack designed a homeless dome for the less fortunate, out of trash.

12-year-old Max Wallack stole the show at Design Squad's Trash to Treasure contest with his "Home Dome." The dome provides shelter for the homeless and is made from plastic, wire and packing peanuts.

This isn't his first big win. "When I was six," Max said, "I won an invention contest that included a trip to Chicago. While there, I saw homeless people living on streets, and beneath highways and underpasses. I felt very sorry for these people, and ever since then, felt that my goal and obligation was to find a way to help them. My invention improves the living conditions for homeless people, refugees, or disaster victims by giving them easy-to-assemble shelter."

Good looking, Max, I'm proud of you. It's a nice change to see a youngster finally using their superpowers for good. Because if I were you I'd have been x-ray visioning through all my teacher's shirts. ZOMG, check out the chest hair on that shop teacher -- it's like a forest!

Hit the jump for a video about Max and his invention.

Continue Reading " Kid Designs Homeless Domes Out Of Trash "

Feb 20 2009 Bear Sleeping Bag Not Nearly As Nice Or Comfy As My Bear Skin Rug, Ladies?

The Sleeping Bear Pack was designed by Eiko Eshizawa and makes you look like you're sleeping inside a bear just like Luke Skywalker inside a tauntaun. It's nice, but nowhere near as romantic as the polar bearskin rug in front of my fireplace. What do you say -- me, you, a bottle of bubbly and a bowl of ripe strawberries? Too romantic? Okay -- me, you, a sixer of High Life cans and some chocolate syrup? Still? Fine: me, a 40 of Old English and a bag of watermelon Sour Patch Kids.

Bear sleeping bag will keep you safe from bear attacks, I assume [dvice]

Feb 6 2009 Google Maps Spots God, God Loves Hugs

This is a Google Street View of what is undeniably God reaching out to give a cornfield and 2320 600th Avenue, Hartsburg, Illinois a big, loving hug. Beautiful, God. Now not to criticize or anything, but you want to join me at the gym tonight? I'm doing arms.

God Caught on Google Street View Giving the World a Hug [gizmodo]

Feb 6 2009 Joker Ski Masks Perfect For Armed Robbery

This is a $17 ski mask from Amazon that makes you look like the Joker from The Dark Knight. Wear one to scare the hell out of people. Or barbecue in the cold. Perfect for all occasions!*

*Banking Excluded

Hit the jump to see a different, more traditional version that's available.

Continue Reading " Joker Ski Masks Perfect For Armed Robbery "

Jan 17 2009 You're So Oldschool!: A NES Controller Jacket

This NES Controller Varsity Jacket is available for $200* from 80'sTees and has a giant freaking NES controller on the back, hence the name. It's only being made in a limited edition of 1,000 and allegedly they're already running out of several sizes, so if you want one, you better act quickly. Same goes for if you want some of this. No, I'm serious -- my girlfriend should be back any minute.

*Tough guy not included.

Hit the jump for a closeup of the embroidered controller above the breast.

Continue Reading " You're So Oldschool!: A NES Controller Jacket "

Jan 8 2009 Highly Questionable Yellow Glasses Supposed To Prevent Computer-Related Eye Fatigue

Gunnar glasses ($100 - $189!!!!!!!!!!) come in cleverly named styles like Bit Surfer, Wi-Five and El Doucherino, and are supposed to prevent the eye fatigue caused by blogging eight hours a day. That's right ladies and gentlemen....prepare to experience "Enhanced Computer Vision".

Ever wonder why your eyes get tired after staring at a PC screen for hours? Gunnar says it's because of the LCD screen's cold color temperature. According to these folks, the bluish tints your PC screen displays strains the eyes, you don't blink as much and your eyes don't hydrate.

So the yellow makes your screen look warmer, and as a result you blink more and your eyes don't get tired. Pffft, what nonsense. Your eyes get tired from staring at a computer eight hours a day BECAUSE YOU'RE STARING AT A GODDAMN COMPUTER EIGHT HOURS A DAY. The only things worse for your eyes are reading fine print and staring at the sun. Or getting one pecked out by a parrot. F*CK YES I WEAR MY EYEPATCH WHEN I BLOG!

Save your eyes with Gunnar PC shades [dvice]

Dec 17 2008 Just Plain Classy: Crown Royal Bag Quilts

My brother Frank knows classy shit when he sees it, and this is living proof. Personally, I can't remember the last time I had 100 Crown Royal bags, but that's because I drink too much. Did that make any sense? It shouldn't have, I've been drinking. For $350 ebay seller misteria0 will quilt you up some warmth in the form of stitched-together Crown Royal bags (for those of you that don't know, each bottle of Crown Royal comes its own little embroidered velvety bag). Quilts come in both 100+ bag and 150+ bag options, and are sure to keep you toasty on a cold winter's night. Alternatively, drink heavily and set yourself on fire. Ha, or turn the heat up you cheap f***er!

Hit the jump for a blurry closeup of the quality stitching.

Continue Reading " Just Plain Classy: Crown Royal Bag Quilts "

Dec 17 2008 I Am Stupid, These Are Better iPhone Gloves

Okay, so apparently that last pair of gloves I posted for using touchscreen devices suck because your fingers get all cold. Boy was that a stupid product design. But apparently these DOTS gloves will still work AND keep your digits nice and toasty. They work via those magical little dots on the tips of the fingers. A knit pair will set you back $15, wool $20. Despite contacting the company, I received no word on what the dots are actually made of, which begs the question -- angel nipples?

Product Site

Thanks to egleaves and David for pointing out that the other gloves are for nose-pickers, not iPhoners.