Nov 11 2009 Blow-Up Doll Found In New Call Of Duty

Is there any better way to celebrate Veterans Day than playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2? Yes, but that doesn't mean there isn't a blow-up doll in a bathtub in the game. And, as a guy who's no stranger to trying to shower around a blow-up doll, let me tell you: I accidentally popped her with a loofah :(

Hit the jump for the arguably NSFW uncensored version.

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Nov 10 2009 Close Calls: Killer Robot Plane Goes Rogue, Is Shot Down Before It Can Turn On Its Master

An autonomous killer Reaper jet recently went rogue in Northern Afghanistan and had to be shot down before it got the chance to go berserk and blast the shit out of the blue team. Eff that!

The aircraft was flying a combat mission when positive control of the MQ-9 was lost. When the aircraft remained on a course that would depart Afghanistan's airspace, a US Air Force manned aircraft took proactive measures to down the Reaper in a remote area of northern Afghanistan.

It wasn't clear from the US military announcement whether the erratic death-bot had turned on its masters and was planning an attack on critical US logistics bases located north of the Afghan border, or whether it had sickened of reaping hapless fleshies like corn and was hoping merely to escape. Alternatively the machine assassin may merely have succumbed to boredom or - just possibly - a mundane, non-anthropomorphic technical fault of some kind.

Okay, I don't know exactly how this fits into my government/robot conspiracy, but I assure you it does. Importantly. Like the last piece in a very critical puzzle. Provided my dog didn't eat any pieces. Because then I'll have to cut a similar shape out of construction paper and color it with markers. AND IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. My parents will tell me you can barely tell the difference BUT YOU CAN TELL. You can tell.

Robot Fighter Jet Killed Before It Could Go AWOL [io9]

Thanks to AdmiralN00b, Shawn, Beanbones, Paul, Timothy, Anonymous, Sambob, That Guy and Jason, who are all welcome to stay in my anti-robot shelter, provided they shower. And spoon.

Nov 2 2009 Whittlin': Guns Carved Into Old School Desks

Ben Turnbull is a London-based artist that hates America (USA! USA! USA!) and whittles guns into old wooden school desks. I smell a detention slip!

Ben Turnbull is fascinated by the global dominance of American culture, and his works unsettling effects result from re-presenting the toys of our innocent youth in symbolic forms that reveal the shocking truths about war, death and guns in the world's most powerful country. Turnbull is a passionate critic of the contemporary American political system, and explains why toys are central to his work: 'Force fed on violence, abused by a controlling superpower and blackmailed through patriotism, the public are ultimately as disposable as the toys they once played with'.

Damn Ben, why don't you tell us how you really feel? Over a spot of tea with your queen while I whip your crumpet-munching ass! Jingoism FTW! I'm serious, meet me behind the pub.

Hit the jump for five more.

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Oct 16 2009 I Like: Superheroes In Old War Photographs

This is a little gallery of old photographs with pictures of superheroes Photohaxored in. I thought they were pretty neat, but perhaps you don't. And maybe that's the fundamental difference between you and I. Well, besides how handsome and smart you are. Did I say you? I meant me. It's true, one time I looked in a mirror and it shattered itself because it was so jealous of my handsomosity (and word wizardry). I jest -- I was so ugly I put my fist through it. REFLECT ON THAT, YOU STUPID MIRROR! Also, my hand bled and this nancy Edward begged to lick it but I wouldn't let him. Just sayin', I can be a lamb too.

Hit the jump for three more, including a little Fidel action.

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Aug 24 2009 Sadness: Father Leaves Copy Of Call Of Duty: World At War For Fallen Soldier Son

So yeah, this is sad. Private Richard Hunt, the 200th U.K. soldier to die in Afghanistan, was buried over the weekend. He would have been 22 yesterday.

His father Phillip, enjoyed playing Call of Duty: World at War with his son. He left a copy of the game at his grave.

"Happy Birthday 'Hunty'. Play you again one day. Dad."

Wow, that tore me up.

Dad's Tribute: Call of Duty on Soldier Son's Grave [kotaku]

Thanks to Solozaur, whose single tear splattered F10.

Jul 14 2009 Great: EATR Robot Feeds On Dead Bodies

Well we've already seen robots that can feed on organic matter, and now, an even scarier one. Wait, does that say chainsaw?

Robotic Technology Inc.'s Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot -- that's right, "EATR" -- "can find, ingest, and extract energy from biomass in the environment (and other organically-based energy sources), as well as use conventional and alternative fuels (such as gasoline, heavy fuel, kerosene, diesel, propane, coal, cooking oil, and solar) when suitable," reads the company's Web site.

That "biomass" and "other organically-based energy sources" wouldn't necessarily be limited to plant material -- animal and human corpses contain plenty of energy, and they'd be plentiful in a war zone.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! I'm okay, I'm okay. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! No I'm not. Hold me. Lower. Little lower. Lower. What?! THIS COULD BE OUR LAST NIGHT ALIVE!

Upcoming Military Robot Could Feed on Dead Bodies [foxnews]

Thanks to everyone who sent this in. No, really, thanks -- I hate sleeping. WITH YOUR SISTER! (snores)

Jun 26 2009 It Buuuuuurns!: India To Make Chili Grenades

India's Defense Research and Development Organization has plans to start manufacturing hot chili grenades. Hot chili grenades are exactly what they sound like: hot. chili. grenades.

Indian defence scientists are planning to put one of the world's hottest chilli powders into hand grenades.

They say the devices will be used to control rioters and in counter-insurgency operations.

The chilli, known as Bhut Jolokia, is said to be 1,000 times hotter than commonly used kitchen chilli.

Wow, this might very well be the second most delicious grenade I've ever heard of. But NOTHING tops a good tear-gas grenade. I eat sadness!

India plans hot chilli grenades [bbcnews]

Thanks to i like it spicy, whose urine can melt concrete.

Jun 23 2009 Stay Away!: The Robotic Needle Of Death

We've already seen one robotic death needle, so what's another? EVERYTHING, THAT'S WHAT. I am honestly *this close* to drinking the Kool-Aid. But allegedly, this robot was designed to do good. Pfft, I've heard one that before. I'm looking at you, Elmo. You tried to touch me while I was sleeping.

Bioengineers at Duke University have developed a laboratory robot that can successfully locate tiny pieces of metal within flesh and guide a needle to its exact location -- all without the need for human assistance.

I stopped reading there because my pants were getting full, but just look at that needle. You really want a robot operating on you with that thing without human intervention? Fine, but it's gonna be your second butthole, not mine.

Robot surgeon uses frighteningly large needle to remove shrapnel, your resistance [engadget]

Thanks to STOMPY, who already has three.

Jun 18 2009 It's A Boy!: Periodic Table Gets New Element

That's right young'n, the periodic table finally gave birth to element 112, temporarily named 'Ununbium', until it's official name 'Geekologium' can be verified by the International Union of Pure and Applied Chemistry (IUPAC), who I may or may not be holding at gunpoint. I SAID SIGN THE PAPERS!

More than a decade after experiments first produced a single atom of the element, a team of German scientists has been credited with its discovery.

The team, led by Sigurd Hofmann at the Centre for Heavy Ion Research, must propose a name for their find, before it can be formally added to the table.

To create element 112, Professor Hofmann's team used a 120m-long particle accelerator to fire a beam of charged zinc atoms (or zinc ions) at lead atoms. Nuclei of the two elements merged, or fused, to form the nucleus of the new element.

Oh yeah? Well I was born when a beam of charged awesome atoms were fired at badass ones. Nuclei of the two elements merged, or fused, to form my nuts. Then, a stork wrapped me in a blanket and flew off. But mid-flight I cut myself out of the sack and parachuted behind enemy lines, where I shot the everliving shit out of them. And that, my friends, is how I became the youngest recipient of the Congressional Medal of Awesome.

Periodic table gets a new element [bbcnews]

Thanks to Ari and Julian, who were born after a sperm fused with an egg.

Jun 17 2009 It's Been Fun: Teaching AI How To Kill Us All

In one of the sickest and twistedest announcements I've read in recent history, programmers attending the Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers symposium will attempt to program AI to destroy us all in a game of DEFCON.

Part of the symposium is a sort of "Turing Test" challenge, in which contestants program an AI to play a videogame. The objective is to try to trick a panel of human judges into thinking the AI is a human player.

This year's videogame is DEFCON, the brilliant nuclear war strategy game from indie developer Introversion.

A group of talented programmers will pitch their DEFCON bot against enemy bots in a series of one-on-one thermonuclear chess games. The winner is the programmer whose bot successfully annihilates its opponents and racks up the highest death count. IEEE is offering a $500 prize to the deadliest DEFCON AI bot competition winner.

WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! Like I don't have enough to worry about without people programming artificial intelligence to kill us all. You KNOW the robots are behind this. And also, BEHIND YOU -- DUCK! *pew pew* I just saved your life. No need to thank -- actually, yes, sing my praises. *cocking laser blaster* DO IT!

Symposium will teach AIs how to wage nuclear war [fidgit]

Thanks Kenny, shall we play a game?

Jun 15 2009 Tactical Corsets Provide Pew Pew Protection

Tactical Corsets are "high-fashion high-function clothes for empowered women" and are available with or without body armor depending on the level of "action" you see on a day to day basis.

Tactical gear is no longer an all boys club. Tactical Corsets bring female operators MILSPEC features like MOLLE modular pouch attachment webbing and self-adjustable quick-release buckles in a load-bearing carrier designed to support the female form.

Count me in. And by me and I mean you, ladies. Okay, and me. What -- I look good in black! Also, stilettos.

Tactical Corsets

Thanks to Watch-303, who once took out a whole tribe of amazon women but made them all pay for their own dinners.

Jun 10 2009 Aaaah!: Israeli Army To Deploy Robot Snakes

Well folks, based on the tips I've been getting, it looks like today might turn into Robot Apocalypse Awareness Day (RAAD -- which is ironic, because this is far from the power of sick). Long story short: it's probably best to empty your bowels now. So, apparently the Israeli army has been working on the development of creepy robot snakes (not to be confused with these ones) for use in battle. Not cool. Also, they may need to brush up on their Photoshop skills if they were trying to inconspicuously remove the power cord from that picture.

Well, apparently, the snake's physical attributes and all-terrain mobility advantages haven't gone unnoticed by the Israeli military. The Jerusalem Post is reporting that the Israel Defense Forces (IDF) have introduced an all-terrain snake-like recon robot/UGV (Unmanned Ground Vehicle) a.k.a. robotic snake or "robot snake" to crawl around the battlefield looking for the enemy and potential targets. If it locates the enemy, the robot snake can then slither up to the enemy/target and record audio and video of that target, and then slither right back off.

There is even talk of packing the things with explosives (making them much more like my snake) so you can detonate your enemies from afar. You know, just like that computer game Worms, except nothing like that at all. More like that game Oh Shit What the Eff Are You Thinking, Israel?!. Yeah, just like that one.

Hit the jump for a video of the snake in action.

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Jun 5 2009 XM-25 Shoots Laser Guided Exploding Bullets

I haven't decided if the new XM-25 will be a useful weapon against the robotic uprising yet, but I'm leaning towards *pew pew*. Hook me up government, I pay my damn taxes. Well, I did last year anyways.

The system is clever enough to detonate its exploding 25mm bullets within 3 feet of their targets, picking off unfortunate foes with uncanny accuracy, even when they're hiding behind obstacles.

After calculating the target's distance with a laser rangefinder, this lethal weapon sends a radio signal to a chip inside the bullet. That brilliant projectile can precisely measure the distance it's traveled, exploding at precisely the right distance for maximum killage.

Oh shit yeah I need one of these. Maximum killage, that's what I'm talking about. You here that, Skynet -- MAXIMUM KILLAGE. I will ride into battle atop my trusty tyrannosaur steed and pew pew your shit all up. Then, my mount will dine on all the dead Terminators while I reach around him for a job well done.

XM-25 rifle shoots tiny laser-targeted smart bombs [dvice]

Apr 27 2009 BA-BOOM: This Vase Is The Bomb, Son!

Can you believe that's actually the title I used? Me neither. Maybe I'll come back and change it later (read: I won't). So, A Peaceful Bomb Vase is a flower depository designed by Owen & Cloud to look like a bomb. It's supposed to serve as a statement about how not cool war is (despite what video games may have taught you).

Taiwanese design duo Owen and Cloud designed this piece as a statement against war, and the result is a one of a kind, striking piece.

I hate to break it to you, but that's not one of a kind -- I count like thirty of them. Still, I like. And they do carry a powerful message. One about how beautiful bombs can be. No? Make floral arrangements, not war? Okay, so maybe I don't get it. Fun fact: you could almost write a novella about the things I don't know. Almost.

A Peaceful Bomb Vase [likecool]

Thanks to Spikey DaPikey, who once dropped a bomb so powerful they had to close the bathroom for two whole days.

Apr 24 2009 Robotic Heli-Sniper Is Sadly No ROFLCopter

The army is testing out a new robotic-helicopter mounted sniper rifle for urban warfare because, well, CONSPIRACY! Are you ready for this? Our government is....are you sitting down? Our government is....ROBOTS! AAAAAHH! Did you hear that? I thought I heard something.

It's called the Autonomous Rotorcraft Sniper System. It mounts a powerful rifle onto highly stabilized turret, and fixes the package on board a Vigilante unmanned helicopter.

The system is intended for the urban battlefield -- an eye in the sky that can stare down concrete canyons, and blink out targets with extreme precision. Attempting to return fire against the ARSS is liable to be a near-suicidal act: ARSS is described as being able to fire seven to 10 aimed shots per minute, and it's unlikely to miss.

Thankfully, the system is not autonomous (yet) and relies on a ground-based pilot with AN XBOX 360-LIKE CONTROLLER to maneuver and fire. Haha, and everyone said all those hours headshotting prepubscent boys in Halo wouldn't get you anywhere! *sniff* I'm just so proud, you little army of one, you!

Army Tests Flying Robo-Sniper [wired]

Thanks to Bo, Lethak, WunderKraut, jk and Todd, who, BOOM, headshot!

Mar 25 2009 Wow: Man Survived Two Atomic Bombings

93-year old Tsutomu Yamaguchi was recently recognized as the first survivor of both the Nagasaki and Hiroshima atomic bomb droppings of 1945. Allegedly, he still pisses depleted uranium.

Yamaguchi was in Hiroshima on a business trip on Aug. 6, 1945, when a U.S. B-29 dropped an atomic bomb on the city. He suffered serious burns to his upper body and spent the night in the city. He then returned to his hometown of Nagasaki just in time for the second attack, city officials said.

"As far as we know, he is the first one to be officially recognized as a survivor of atomic bombings in both Hiroshima and Nagasaki," Nagasaki city official Toshiro Miyamoto said.

Thousands of survivors continue to seek official recognition after the government rejected their eligibility for compensation. The government last year eased the requirements for being certified as a survivor, following criticism the rules were too strict and neglected many who had developed illnesses that doctors have linked to radiation

Speaking of radiation, I want some freaking superpowers already -- and I'm not afraid to go atomic to get them. Atomic Fireballs that is! *CRUNCH* ZOMG, too hot, too hot!!!

Man Survived 2 Atomic Bombings [aolnews]

Thanks to Pat and MoD, who have both survived three bombings and now have x-ray vision. So, what color underwear am I wearing, guys? Ha, those are my nuts is right!

Mar 13 2009 Killzone Ads Pulled From Canadian Bus Stops

Over 300 Toronto bus stops have had their Killzone 2 ads pulled due to the violent imagery present.

Teacher Davis Mirza emailed Sony Canada, which makes PlayStation games, after seeing an ad for Killzone 2 in the bus shelter near his Scarborough school.

"My kids, who come from a lot of different countries, who have to experience violence, who basically come here to seek shelter and safety, that's the stuff they don't need to see," said the Grade 4/5 teacher at Pauline Johnson Junior Public School, near Birchmount Rd. and Sheppard Ave. E.

The central image in the ad is a "menacing head with glowing eyes," wearing a mask with a breathing tube, Mirza said.

The secondary image shows what appears to be a war zone, "like Iraq," he said.

Hmm, I didn't read about any actual kids complaining. Live in reality, Mr. Mirza -- the apocalypse is coming. Would you rather have our children prepared, or cowering in a corner? And speaking of cowering in a corner: the end of Blair Witch Project -- scary.

Violent video game ads pulled from bus shelters [thstar]

Thanks to Ryan, who had to stop advertising his sexual services because his female customers were too satisfied.

Mar 11 2009 Lincoln's Pocketwatch Contained Secret Message, Secret Not So Secret Anymore

Apparently a watchmaker who was repairing President Lincoln's watch on the day gunfire broke out at Fort Sumter, SC (sparking the civil war), secretly immortalized the day by engraving a note inside Lincoln's pocketwatch.

The engraving, by watchmaker Jonathan Dillon, is dated April 13, 1861, and reads in part: "Fort Sumpter was attacked by the rebels" and "thank God we have a government."

Forty-five years later, Dillon the watchmaker told The New York Times that he was repairing Lincoln's watch when he heard that the first shots of the Civil War had been fired.

Dillon said he unscrewed the dial of the watch and used a sharp instrument to mark the historic day on the president's watch. He told the newspaper that, as far as he knew, no one had ever seen the inscription.

The National Museum of American History agreed to open the watch to see if the inscription was there after being contacted by Dillon's grandson. And lo and behold -- there she blew! Apparently Lincoln never knew about it -- probably because he was too busy chopping down cherry trees. Am I right? What do you mean, "that was Washington?" Carver? I thought he was the peanut guy.

Museum finds "secret" message in Lincoln's watch [reuters]

Thanks to NTF, who found a hidden message in her Tokyoflash. It read "Made in Japan".

Feb 19 2009 This Has Gotten Way Out Of Hand: Army Robots Will Require A 'Warrior Code'

How many times do I have to emphasize that I am not kidding about a robot apocalypse? Did the Terminator series teach us nothing besides Arnold Schwarzenegger should run for governor? Now, in a recent report by the US Navy, it has been suggested that robots participating in battle be programmed with a 'Warrior Code' to help prevent destruction of the entire human potato-sack race.

"There is a common misconception that robots will do only what we have programmed them to do," Patrick Lin, the chief compiler of the report, said. "Unfortunately, such a belief is sorely outdated, harking back to a time when . . . programs could be written and understood by a single person." The reality, Dr Lin said, was that modern programs included millions of lines of code and were written by teams of programmers, none of whom knew the entire program.

It's been suggested we use Isaac Asimov's Three Rules Of Robotics as a starting point for the 'Warrior Code'. Isaac's Rules were as follows:

1 A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm

2 A robot must obey orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law

3 A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law

Being the Geekologie Writer, I got a sneak peak at the Warrior Code in progress, and I've got to say, not good:

1 There is no warrior code

2 PEW PEW

3 PEW PEW

Military's killer robots must learn warrior code [timesonline]
and
Experts Warn of 'Terminator'-Style Military-Robot Rebellion [foxsnews]

Thanks to Bryan, Chris, timgrab, T6000 (what are you doing here!?), Matt, Sprite and Thumperchica, who are all smart enough to know this is life or death, but not smart enough to know I just stole their identities. Hello, credit cards!

Oct 3 2008 Buns And Guns Is A Real Freaking Restaurant

Buns and Guns is an actual freaking restaurant in Beirut and I would totally eat there.

At the "Buns and Guns" fast food restaurant, deep in Beirut's Hezbollah-dominated southern suburbs, the chefs wear military helmets, the food is wrapped in camouflage paper, and the motto is "a sandwich can kill you."

The glossy camouflaged menus feature burgers with names like "the mortar" and "the 155 mm howitzer," while grilled chicken sandwiches can be a "magnum" or a "rocket-propelled grenade."

Lebanon's most common and popular weapon, the AK-47 Klashnikov assault rifle, is a beef steak sandwich served in long baguette-style bread.

Oh man, I love a good beef steak sandwich, I'm gonna have to go try one. I'll get it with extra hot peppers too, really blow my o-ring sky high.

Hit the jump for a ton more pictures of the restaurant.

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