Sep 20 2009 Good Lookin': Kiasaurus Spotted At Walmart

So I got so drunk last night I woke up this morning and didn't even know I was the Geekologie Writer. Also, I think I pissed the bed but I'm too afraid to smell it. But that's neither here nor there, what is here is this Kia Stegosaurus spotted at Wal-Mart (three Wal-Mart automotive posts in a week, I blow goats love dinos!) I'll lay off them, I swear. Seriously though, is this not the most beautiful automobile you've ever seen? Because I would 115% rear-end the hell out of that sucker. IM IN UR TAILPIPE VOIDIN UR WARRANTY!

StegaCARous [peopleofwalmart]

Thanks to killerabbit, Johannes, Spikey DaPikey, N!9htR3@p3r, TabiCat, Greg and Lizzie, who all agree I would look good in this thing.

Sep 19 2009 That's Classy: Truckvette Spotted At Walmart

That has got to be the fastest looking truck I've ever seen. And I saw a truck shot out of a cannon before, so I know. Still, needs truck nuts.

TRUCK-VETTE [peopleofwalmart]

Thanks to Alan, who once drove a truck to the moon and did donuts in a crater. Bitchin'!

Aug 29 2009 Classy: This Video Game Shopper At Walmart

That's not even a shirt, that's a baby blanket with a hole in the middle. This guy: because Lego Star Wars can't wait for decency.

Walmart Gadget Shoppers Sometime Look Like THIS [gizmodo]

Apr 28 2009 Rocks: Not Just For Christmas Anymore

As a guy who's no stranger to receiving a sockful of coal on Christmas morning, I wouldn't be surprised to open a birthday present and see the same thing. Thankfully, nobody bothers remembering my birthday anymore. But a Florida mother got pissed when she bought her son a $138 Nintendo DS from Wal-Mart, only to find out the box was full of rocks and a couple pieces of wadded Chinese newspaper (to prevent the fragile rocks from breakage). Wow, porno-laden PSP, you got nothin' on this.

The troubling discovery prompted the Florida woman to contact the local Wal-Mart where she bought the curious box and complain, but reportedly workers there told her it wasn't their problem and that she should contact Nintendo instead. Of course, Nintendo told her roughly the same thing, leaving mother and son with a $138 box of rocks.

Amazingly enough, however, Wal-Mart soon caved after learning that the same box of rocks had been previously returned by another disgruntled customer. How exactly it made it back onto store shelves remains a mystery, but for her troubles, Wykle was given a full refund and a $20 gift card.

Yes, what a mystery. We better call Sherlock Holmes in for this head-scratcher. I mean, WTF? You think a Keebler Elf broke out of a box of cookies, hiked all the way to the electronics department, and restocked the system in the middle of the night? Because that's what I'm leaning towards.

Florida teen finds rocks in Nintendo DS box [yahoonews]
and
$138 box of rocks?? [wtsp]

Thanks to Huevo and Lisa, who once had a shopping cart race in Wal-Mart and accidentally ran over the greeter.

Apr 15 2009 6-Year Old Finds Pron On New PSP, Cries

A six-year old found a bunch of nudey pictures on the PSP his mother purchased for him from Walmart and got all upset about it and cried to his mommy.

Tamatha said she found a memory card inside the PSP containing hundreds of pornographic pictures. She claimed it's not hers and it was in the PSP before she opened the box.

She then called the store wanting to speak with a manager about the problem. "I explained the situation and his response was, 'well, bring the machine down and we'll let your son pick out a new game,'" she said. "And I was like, no I don't think you heard what I said."

Tamatha is demanding a new gaming system, apology, and written promise her son won't grow up to be gay. Good luck with that Tamatha, but I've got news for you: he's been that way since birth. I mean, he cried when he saw a naked woman. What? Well, yeah, but I only do it sometimes.

Mom Finds Porn on New PSP [myfoxboston]

Thanks to Chris and Asiantom, who would have felt like they just won the fapping lottery.

Jan 8 2009 Whee: Watch Walmart Spread Like A Virus!

Walmart: where else can you go drink and have shopping cart races at 3 AM? Ha, besides my underground race track? Nowhere, that's where. Now click here to watch an interactive map of Walmart's virus-like growth from 1964 to 2007. As you can see, the big-box giant has been invading America like a disease for 45 years. Just imagine: if every Walmart store was actually a giant robot. We'd all be dead as shit! Now somebody get Hollywood on the phone -- I smell an Oscar.

Watching the Growth of Walmart Across America [flowingdata]
via
The Andromeda Strain [splicetoday]

Thanks to Andrew, who doesn't know anything about viruses because he's clean. Ladies? Sorry Andrew, I tried.

Jan 2 2009 Wood + WALL-E = WOOD-E, Hiyo!

This is WALL-E made out of wood. It was very well constructed.

Disney commissioned UK-based sculptors and a group called Morpheus Prototypes to build this wooden sculpture of Wall-E as a gift for Pixar/Disney Chief Creative Officer John Lasseter.

Impressive, but I could have made the same thing out of a bunch of popsicle sticks and some wood glue. Unfortunately, mommy says I'm not allowed to use the glue anymore because I fed some to my turtle and now he's different. Slower. And he was already slow to begin with! ZING!

Hit the jump for a closeup of a tread.

Continue Reading " Wood + WALL-E = WOOD-E, Hiyo! "

Nov 7 2008 IGN Names Wal-Mart #1 Video Game Retailer

According to a recent IGN poll of 2,000 gamers (that's not enough), Wal-Mart is the go to for buying video games. I find it hard to believe, but I find a lot of things hard to believe. Moon landing my ass -- I'm gonna be first!

Wal-Mart, the world's largest retailer, is also king when it comes to videogame sales.

To prove it, they've linked to a chart showing that 62% of respondents bought games at Wal-Mart, compared to 54% who bought games at Best Buy or Gamestop. Only 17% of the people surveyed bought games from Blockbuster, where they're dirty and used.

Wal-Mart? Really? I don't like it. Nope, the only thing I buy there are late-night shopping cart races. Beat you to the toy department! Also, let's try to return something we bought on eBay.

Wal-Mart declared 'king' of videogame sales [dvice]

Oct 20 2008 Hank The Comedic Robot (Should Die)

Hank is a little animatronic comedian built by Ford which runs a comedy act at the State Fair in Texas. I guess you could call him a robot, but I'm pretty sure (SPOILER ALERT: don't read if you still believe the tooth fairy is an actual fairy and not a goblin that touches you while you're sleeping) Hank just stands there waving his arms around while somebody does all his speaking for him from a hidden location. There, I ruined it. The gig is up Hank, you'll never work in this town again.

UPDATE: Now he's a Walmart greeter. I hit him with my cart!

Hank the robot has State Fair auto show crowds laughing, wondering [dallasnews]

Thanks to Ken, who promised to run into him a few times with one of those complimentary Hoverounds first chance he gets.

Oct 14 2008 Oops: Possible Mistake On Walmart's Website

This is a screencap from Walmart's Canadian website for Summer's Eve Feminine Spray Ultra - Extra Strength. As you can see, it's applied with a pressure washer. I actually went to the website and the picture was still there, but there wasn't a description of the product. But, FAKE! or not, I think we can all agree that you'd have to be growing psychedelic mushrooms in your vagina to need this shit.

Uh... [baldheretic]

Thanks to Jenny, The Bloggess, who allegedly knows a woman that has to douche with a firehose.

Jun 10 2008 Disney Tours Now Available On Google Earth

We've all known for some time how useful Google Maps can be to spot drug deals in progress, but now Google, in their unending quest for interweb supremacy, is offering Disney tours through Google Earth.

Visitors can walk or fly around the park as they wish. Information on the park's 1,500 attractions pops up on the side of the screen, along with photos, videos and booking details. Even the park's numerous statues, benches, lamp posts and banners are included.

It currently only features the outside of buildings, but there are plans for an update that will allow virtual visitors to enter the attractions and hotel rooms.

"HEY KIDS, WHO WANTS TO GO TO DISNEYWORLD!?!? Okay, now gather around the monitor..."

Disney World 3D tours on Google Earth [telegraph]

Thanks Steve, now my kids hate me