Jun 2 2009 Literal Video: Total Eclipse Of The Heart

This is a literal video for Bonnie Tyler's 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' which proves beyond a shadow of a doubt the 80's were wack as a mother. Of course, current music videos could be just as weird, but I don't watch MTV because I'm not in middle school anymore. Kidding, cable got cut off.

Total Eclipse spoof [dailymotion]

Thanks to shane, who literally video'd himself banging his girlfriend.

Apr 12 2009 Woody Harrelson Assaults 'Zombie' Paparazzo

And in celebrity-related undead news, Woody Harrelson beat up a photographer and blamed it on the fact he thought the dude was a zombie. Good lookin', Woody.

Harrelson, who is being sued by another TMZ photographer for an alleged assault in 2006, did not deny his involvement.

"I wrapped a movie called 'Zombieland,' in which I was constantly under assault by zombies, then flew to New York, still very much in character," Harrelson said in a statement issued Friday by his publicist.

"With my daughter at the airport I was startled by a paparazzo, who I quite understandably mistook for a zombie," he said.

Ha, quite understandably is right. But seriously, Woody, how'd you sneak weed on the plane?

Woody Harrelson claims he mistook photographer for zombie [cnn]

Thanks to Larry, RyanThePerson, Evan and 4thirty, who once beat up a group of vampire paparazzi before realizing they were just a bunch of pale Twihards trying to score a picture of Robert Patteson.

Jan 14 2009 Australian Fixes Plasma TV With Baseball Bat

NOTE: VIDEO IS SLIGHTLY NSFW, DUE TO LANGUAGE.

This video is so full of win I don't even know where to start. But I'll try. First of all, beating the shit out of a TV with a baseball bat is just awesome. Also, humping it against the wall is cool too. And to make matters even more rad, there's a pair of chicks with Australian accents arguing in the background the whole time. Which, combined with the beating of the television, really turned me on. And let me tell you: the guy they're arguing about, Simon (who the one emphatically claims she doesn't give a shit about), must be pretty freaking special for them to ignore the epic repair going down in the next room.

How To Repair Your Plasma TV With a Baseball Bat (NSFW) [gizmodo]

Thanks to Nathan, who once fixed his DVD player with a hockey stick but had to spend two minutes in the penalty box for high-sticking.

Oct 9 2008 German Artist To Smoke Kurt Cobain's Ashes

German artist Natascha Stellmach has allegedly acquired Kurt Cobain's ashes after they were stolen from Courtney Love's home, where she had been keeping them in a pink teddy bear.

The artist is keeping mum about how exactly she came to be in possession of the remains. She tells Artworld magazine, "That's confidential and kind of magic. They came to me. And I am setting him free."

In a statement announcing her find, Berlin-based Stellmach has detailed her plans to smoke the ashes as part of the forthcoming Set Me Free exhibition at the city's Wagner + Partner gallery on October 11th.

Wow, can you really get high smoking someone's ashes?

UPDATE: Not my grandma's!

German Artist To 'Smoke' Kurt Cobain's Ashes [mtv]

Thanks to Sean, who only smokes asses. If that's cool. If not, then something else.

Sep 22 2008 Crazy Rainbow In The Sprinkler Conpiracy

This is a video of a woman who ate a bunch of lead-based paint chips filming a rainbow that appeared in her sprinkler. She's convinced it's a government conspiracy and they're pumping something into our water/oxygen supply to run tests on us. Needless to say, I think she's on to something.

Youtube

Thanks to chaosthirteen and Stevie, who both agree with me when I say where's my tinfoil helmet?

Jun 20 2008 Wow: Man Attempts Robbery With Palm Frond

Gelando Olivieri was a man with a plan. A plan of robbing V&F Discount Beverage on Voorhis Avenus in Deland, Florida with a palm frond sword and sandal shield. However the plan was foiled when a brave patron pushed Olivieri from the store with a little wooden stool. Gelando -- you're a freaking idiot. A palm frond? Really? Jesus, you could have at least used a rose bush.

Robber brandishes palm frond [cnn]

Thanks Isabel, I've never been less scared of a robber in my life

Mar 3 2008 Wrong, Wrong, Wrong: Fetish Birdo Costume

Remember Super Mario Bros. 2? Remember the Birdos, those egg spitting bosses? Yeah, I remember them too. But not like this. This is not definitely not the way I remember the Birdos of my childhood. Now I've seen a lot of sick things in my day, and I've even done a few, but NEVER EVER HAVE I EVER asked anyone to dress up like a Super Mario Bros. boss in order to get my rocks off I only asked my girlfriend to do the Bowser thing once, and I swear I felt bad afterwards.

Fettish Birdo Is The Weirdest Thing I've Seen All Day [albotas]