Nov 12 2009 Impressive: Dr. Mario Song And Music Video
This is a super impressive Dr. Mario song and accompanying animated music video, the result of a collaboration between Brentalfloss (of Mega Man, Super Mario World and Tetris song fame) and Parker Simmons. Good lookin', guys. Also, who knew that Link had Hepatitis? I mean, besides Zelda. And Talon. And *ahem* Epona. WRAP THAT OCARINA UP, SON!
Thanks to Mr. Cow, who doesn't put up with other bull. Get it? I know, I LOL'd too.
Nov 4 2009 The Airshake: Because Nobody Wants H1-N1
First of all, I thought we all agreed to call it H1N1 or the swine flu and NOT the Mexican Flu. Geez, no need to point fingers. Obvious racism aside, Belgian telecommunications company Telenet has suggested a way to shake hands in which we can still greet each other, but without actually making human contact: the airshake.
"...we desperately need a new way of greeting each other, since greeting is the cornerstone of our social and political life. It's a sign of mutual respect, friendship and equality. As of today we propose to replace the firm handshake by an airshake, that's a handshake without touching one another. So concerned are they, they even created a short video demonstration with Jarabe Tapatio--aka the Mexican Hat Dance--as the soundtrack.
That's right, they used the Mexican Hat Dance. Are all Belgians this racist? Because I will boycott their waffles. It won't be easy but I'll do it.
Hit the jump for a short video demonstration on airshaking.
Continue Reading " The Airshake: Because Nobody Wants H1-N1 "
Oct 30 2009 $899 For The World's Cleanest Keyboard
Germaphobe? Worried about the bovine flu (it's coming, you watch)? Tired of operating a keyboard when you're 99.98% sure The Superficial Writer was touching with himself while using it? Enter the $899 Vioguard self-sanitizing keyboard.
The Vioguard keyboard is aimed at medical market uses and consumers in Canada. It uses two 25-watt UV lights to kill 99.99% of viruses and bacteria in about 90 seconds. Ultraviolet light is known to be affective against harmful microorganisms such as H1N1 flu, MRSA and molds.
Alternatively, only operate the keyboard while wearing surgical gloves, which is what I do. You should see everybody in the office tense up when I'm slapping them on! I think it's the winking that really gets to them.
The Cleanest Keyboard From Vioguard [techfresh]
Thanks to naas, who doesn't need a keyboard because he rocks dual mice.
Sep 28 2009 McDomination: Map Of McDonalds In The US
This is a graphic representation of all the McDonalds restaurants in the United States. As you might be able to tell, there are a lot of them. Some might even say a McMillion. But they'd be wrong, because there's only 13,000.
This map is the brainchild of Stephen Von Worley, who got to thinking about the strip malls sprawling out along I-5 in California's ever less rural Central Valley: "Just how far can you get from generic convenience? And how would you figure that out?"
There are over 13,000 McDonald's restaurants in the US, or about 1 for every 23,000 Americans. But even market penetration this advanced doesn't mean that McDonald's is everywhere. Somewhere in South Dakota is the McFarthest Spot, the place in the US geographically most removed from the nearest McD's (*). If you started out from this location, a few miles north of State Highway 20 (which runs latitudinally between Highways 73 in the west and 65 in the east), you'd have to drive 145 miles to get your Big Mac (if you could fly, however, it'd be only 107 miles).
So you think the folks in Bumfack, South Dakota, are any skinnier than the rest of the population? Because I bet not. And no, this isn't me endorsing fast food. But one time I did find two onion rings in my fries at Burger King. Yeah, so who's the real king now? Gimme that crown, bitch!
413 - The McFarthest Place: 145 Mi to the Nearest Big Mac [strangemaps]
Thanks to Edminster and twellve, who only go to McDonalds when McRibs are in season.
May 28 2009 Okay?: Another Day, Another Glowing Animal
Well scientists have already created glowing dogs and cats, so it was only a matter of time before somebody did a monkey. Nice, guy, thanks for the AIDS.
Though primates that make a glowing protein have been created before, these are the first to keep the change in their bloodlines.
Although the work demonstrates the principle that a gene can be introduced into a primate bloodline, study co-author Hideyuki Okano of the Keio University School of Medicine said it may not be suitable for studying all diseases.That limitation is about 10,000 bases, or letters, of the genetic code. That upper bound will constrain the diseases that can be studied.
Great, so we've got more glowing animals with the promise of help curing disease. Well hurry up and cure one already! I'm starting to think these "scientists" are just making glowing pets to bring home to their daughters. Which, I think we can all agree, is despicable (glowing dinosaur, pronto). You can't hide from me, little Anchisaur!
Glowing monkeys 'to aid research' [bbcnews]
Thanks to Matt, who, LOOK BEHIND YOU - A THREE HEADED MONKEY! (swish)
May 1 2009 Swine Flu Origin, Self Diagnosis Website
If you haven't seen this already, allegedly, this is how it all began (but not really, so PLEASE don't email me about it). And, with the world in hysterics, DoIHaveSwineFlu.org has developed a web-based self diagnostic tool for the detection of swine flu. It takes just one minute to complete, so I urge you all to take the time to run through it, just to be on the safe side. Go on, do it for me. Well? Be honest. ZOMG, YOU HAVE IT DON'T YOU?!? Jesus, don't leave a comment -- you'll kill us all!
Thanks to Bailey, trishna87 and Michael, who are holding out for the ewe flu.
Apr 27 2009 Tracking The Swine Flu With Google Maps
You can now track the swine flu with Google Maps by going HERE. If a marker appears in your town, and you're a chick, take naked pictures of yourself and email them to me for verification I don't care what you do if you're a dude, but no naked pictures, please. Also, I'm a little pissed at whoever started this damn flu pandemic in the first place. I'm looking at you, bacon hater. THE PORK GOD DEMANDS APPEASEMENT!
Thanks to Romeo and Frank B., who would much prefer the chicken pox.
Apr 6 2009 For Sale: The T-Virus Vial From Resident Evil
Want to own the T-virus?
Direct from the set of Resident Evil:Extinction comes the very very key virus tube! This is one of the most sought after movie collectibles from this franchise and is yours to bring home today. This is a glass vial with non-removable metal end caps with empty spiraling inner glass tubes. (One of the Tubes is loose) This measures approximately 4.75" x 1.5" and is screen used.
What do you mean, "One of the Tubes is loose"? I ain't paying no damn $4K for a nonfunctional virus container, I'll tell you that right now. You try to fill that up and next thing you know you're spilling T-virus juice down the front of your pants. Which....
UPDATE: It grew arms! Now, who needs a Monday hug?
Thanks to OctopusPie, who's delicious with a little CuttlefishIcecream.
Mar 31 2009 Ooh, Scienc-y: Video Of AIDS Spreading
No, it's not unprotected sex, it's a video showing how an infected AIDS cell spreads the disease to other, healthy cells. It's the first time the process has ever been caught on video, and scientists hope the information will help in the search for a cure.
The study was made possible after experts created a molecular clone of infectious HIV and inserted a protein into its genetic code which glows green when exposed to blue light.
They noted that when an infected cell came into contact with a healthy one, a bridge was created between them, called a virological synapse."We should be developing vaccines that help the immune system recognise proteins involved in virological synapse formation and antiviral drugs that target the factors required for synapse formation."
Hey, whatever helps find a cure. I can't wait till we wipe out all these STDs and then the only thing you have to get worry about is getting a girl pregnant. Which, at least for me, is no concern -- I have a laptop on my balls 10 hours a day!
Scientists film HIV spreading for first time [telegraph]
Thanks to Joemo, who once got a whole women's volleyball team pregnant just by attending a game.
Mar 26 2009 No Joke: Conficker C Virus Coming April 1st
That's right folks, a beefed up version of the Conficker virus, Conficker C is scheduled to wreak havoc on April 1st. Your grandparents may think it's just a joke, but it's no joke -- this is real life, son!
What's known so far is that on April 1, all infected computers will come under the control of a master machine located somewhere across the web, at which point anything's possible. Will the zombie machines become denial of service attack pawns, steal personal information, wipe hard drives, or simply manifest more traditional malware pop-ups and extortion-like come-ons designed to sell you phony security software? No one knows.
Conficker is clever in the way it hides its tracks because it uses an enormous number of URLs to communicate with HQ. The first version of Conficker used just 250 addresses each day -- which security researchers and ICANN simply bought and/or disabled -- but Conficker C will up the ante to 50,000 addresses a day when it goes active, a number which simply can't be tracked and disabled by hand.
Well, just like I did in preparation for the Y2K bug, I'm building a rocketship and blasting off into outerspace before the damage is done. Now you may be asking yourself, "self, what the hell is he still doing here if he really blasted off into outerspace?" And the answer, my friends, is none of your business (read: I'm collecting earth women for the trip). Ladies? Freeze-dried ice cream!
Beware Conficker worm come April 1 [yahoonews]
Thanks to Ashely and Xeta, who aren't worried about the virus because they don't use computers. It's true, they sent their tips snail mail and only read Geekologie telepathically.
Mar 13 2009 Avon Selling The Resident Evil T-Virus
So apparently Avon is selling the T-virus to unsuspecting women who want fuller, plumper looking faces. Little do they know they're gonna get just the opposite!
First from Avon: injectable-grade facial filler. A skin care breakthrough! Fullness perfected, not injected!* Dramatic results for dramatically less! Super concentrated serum.** 3x the level of injectable-grade hyaluronic acid for dramatic filling & plumping.*** In just 3 days, begins to reduce the look of deep folds. In 2 weeks, 82% of women saw more youthful fullness in the cheek area.**** In 4 weeks, dramatically reduces the look of deep facial folds and hollowness.
In 5 weeks, you're a zombie and the GW has to take your head off with a shotgun because he won't put up any of your 'NAR NAR BRAINS' zombie bombie bullshit. PEW PEW, Avon, PEW PEW.
Product Site
and
Avon's Derma-Full Totally Looks Like The T-virus [totallylookslike]
Thanks to gordon and residentistEVIL, who called in Rad to the power of Sick today and rushed out to pick up Resident Evil 5.
Feb 16 2009 Microsoft: Reward For Finding Worm's Origin
And in other Microsoft news, the company is offering up a bounty of $250,000 for any information that leads to the arrest of the authors of a recent computer worm that provides hackers an easy route to identity fraud and theft.
It's not the first time Microsoft has offered a reward for information leading to the capture of a cybercriminal. In November 2003, it slapped a $500,000 bounty on the authors of the Blaster and Sobig worms, and in May 2004, it paid $250,000 to a group of informants who enabled the prosecution of Sven Jaschan, the German teenage creator of the Sasser and Netsky viruses.
"The big question is whether the Conficker bounty is big enough," said Cluley. "$250,000 may have been enough to identify Sven Jaschan, a German teenager infecting computers for kicks. "But is it going to be enough to encourage someone to inform on an organised criminal gang, making large amounts of money out of malware?"
Okay, so what the hell's a worm? Is it anything like a trojan? Because I've got a whole shoebox full of those under my bed. Magnums, ladies, magnums.
Conficker virus: Microsoft offers reward for tracking down author of worm [telegraph]
Thanks to Cap'n Jack, who only fits in desert eagles.
Feb 9 2009 Invading The Real World!: Fake Parking Tickets Used To Spread Computer Viruses
Hackers operating around Grand Forks, North Dakota (not to be confused with Giant Spoons, South Dakota) have been issuing fake parking tickets in order to get their victims to download viruses from a website.
Drivers found the following message on the yellow ticket on their windscreen: "PARKING VIOLATION This vehicle is in violation of standard parking regulations".
The ticket then instructed drivers to visit a website, where drivers could "view pictures with information about your parking preferences".Anti-virus firm McAfee says the Vundo Trojan then gets users to install a fake anti-virus scanner.
Listen folks, if you don't want to fall victim to this sort of scam, you need to do what I do: not be a senior citizen.
Parking ticket leads to a virus [bbcnews]
Thanks to Bungo, who doesn't pay parking tickets because they're just a sorry attempt by the man to keep him down.
Jan 8 2009 Whee: Watch Walmart Spread Like A Virus!
Walmart: where else can you go drink and have shopping cart races at 3 AM? Ha, besides my underground race track? Nowhere, that's where. Now click here to watch an interactive map of Walmart's virus-like growth from 1964 to 2007. As you can see, the big-box giant has been invading America like a disease for 45 years. Just imagine: if every Walmart store was actually a giant robot. We'd all be dead as shit! Now somebody get Hollywood on the phone -- I smell an Oscar.
Watching the Growth of Walmart Across America [flowingdata]
via
The Andromeda Strain [splicetoday]
Thanks to Andrew, who doesn't know anything about viruses because he's clean. Ladies? Sorry Andrew, I tried.
Jul 1 2008 Plush Microbes Don't Make VD's Less Scary
After posting yesterday's Plush Particles I got several tips asking to post the microbe versions, so here they are. They've been around for a while so you may have seen them already, and if so let me know before I sleep with you because I don't want to catch any of them. Each of the microbes comes in a 5"-7" option for $8, or you can get a "petri dish" of three mini-ones for $13. There are a ton of different microbes available, not just VD's, and I posted a few more after the jump, along with a link to them all. Oh, and despite it's cute, sunflowery form, you still don't want herpes. Trust my ex-girlfriend.
Hit the jump for more.
Continue Reading " Plush Microbes Don't Make VD's Less Scary "
Apr 25 2008 Where Do I Sign?: This Chick Will Do You If You're A Virgin And Swear By Net Neutrality
Warning: This is kind of risque. If your children are reading Geekologie over your shoulder then you should probably let them so they grow up to be the awesomest kids ever.
Tanya Devereaux is some chick that claims she'll do every virgin that takes an oath of internet neutrality.
I will make love with every virgin who defends the Internet. Certain ISP's are planning to limit internet access in a way that infringes upon internet freedom or 'net neutrality'. Description of Services The services consist of Tania performing sexual intercourse with the applicant, the form and style of the performance will be discussed prior to the act, Tania tries to allow as much freedom as possible in this area but she does reserve the right to decline suggestions. Tania covers all her personal expenses, including travel. Any sort of recording (video, audio or photographs) of the performance is allowed for non-commercial use. Tania adheres to high standards of service but due to time limitations each performance can last no longer than 30 minutes, no exceptions will be made under any circumstance.
Wow, then she goes on about some rules of conduct (which I have posted in their entirety after the jump), of which one particularly caught my eye: "If anywhere along the process, it becomes clear that the applicant is not a virgin, Tania reserves the right to terminate all activity." YES, I'M IN!! I've been having sex for well over a decade now and I guarantee there is no way in hell she'd ever think I have any experience.
Hit the jump for the full terms of service and an uncensored pic (still no nipple though).
Mar 14 2008 Neat: What Computer Malware Looks Like
This is what some of the more famous malware looks like in 3D (that particular picture is the PWSLineage trojan).
Malwarez is a series of visualization of worms, viruses, trojans and spyware code. For each piece of disassembled code, API calls, memory addresses and subroutines are tracked and analyzed. Their frequency, density and grouping are mapped to the inputs of an algorithm that grows a virtual 3D entity. Therefore the patterns and rhythms found in the data drive the configuration of the artificial organism.
Well neato, that's not what I thought they'd look like at all. I was expecting they'd look more along the lines of a dragon crossed with a millipede crossed with an octopus but with way more eyes, laser beams, and driving a tank. Or, I dunno, maybe just a wicked coldsore.
Four more after the jump, including Stormy, MyDoom, IRCbot, and Virutmytob.
