Nov 20 2009 NSFW NSFW: WTF DID I JUST WATCH?! SERIOUSLY, W.T.F. DID I JUST WATCH?!

WARNING: NSFW VIDEO IS NSFW

This is the highly, highly, HIGHLY NSFW music video for the Flair's 'Truckers Delight'. I can't even begin to describe to you how dirty I felt after watching it. Unless you've ever swam in pig shit and then showered in vomit afterward. In which case, Jesus, join another pool.

Youtube

Thanks Smee and Kaerus, I'll split my therapist's bills between the two of you.

Nov 19 2009 Modern Warfare 2 Crybaby's Music Video

NOTE: Video slightly NSFW due to adult language from a blimey 14-year old.

You ever wonder what else is going on in the world of a kid who will cry and punch the wall about a video game not living up to his expectations? Apparently a budding music career. And by budding I mean rotting. On the vine. You will never sell those tomatoes! Still, I did find myself kind of bobbing my head from 1:15 - 1:30 (the best part, plus I'm so high I feel like I'm typing with claws). But don't say his name -- he'll knock you out! Probably with rotten-tooth breath. BRING IT NANCY!

GuitarJono1170's Youtube Channel (with a ton of other crappy videos)

Thanks to Matt, who knifed this kid in Modern Warfare 2 and had him crying for days.

Nov 17 2009 Drunkest/Pilliest Man Ever Battles Laser Wizard At The Convenience Store, Loses

Remember the video of the world's drunkest/crunkest/least stand-uppiest man trying to score some beer from the convenience store? Well it turns out he was battling a previously unseen wizard trying to prevent him from drinking and walking. This security footage, enhanced with technology so advanced you wouldn't even be able to understand it, explains it all. Even better than Clarissa -- AND THAT BITCH KNEW EVERYTHING.

Youtube

Thanks to naas and matt, who are always smart enough to don their anti-invisible wizard capes when venturing out for more brewhaha.

Nov 12 2009 Impressive: Dr. Mario Song And Music Video

This is a super impressive Dr. Mario song and accompanying animated music video, the result of a collaboration between Brentalfloss (of Mega Man, Super Mario World and Tetris song fame) and Parker Simmons. Good lookin', guys. Also, who knew that Link had Hepatitis? I mean, besides Zelda. And Talon. And *ahem* Epona. WRAP THAT OCARINA UP, SON!

Youtube

Thanks to Mr. Cow, who doesn't put up with other bull. Get it? I know, I LOL'd too.

Nov 11 2009 Blow-Up Doll Found In New Call Of Duty

Is there any better way to celebrate Veterans Day than playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2? Yes, but that doesn't mean there isn't a blow-up doll in a bathtub in the game. And, as a guy who's no stranger to trying to shower around a blow-up doll, let me tell you: I accidentally popped her with a loofah :(

Hit the jump for the arguably NSFW uncensored version.

Continue Reading " Blow-Up Doll Found In New Call Of Duty "

Nov 10 2009 World Of Warcraft Specific Search Engine

Finally, a search engine designed specifically for finding World of Warcraft information. At last, the internet is complete. No, wait -- it still needs an eHarmony for dinosaurs. I don't need 29 degrees of compatibility, I just want something with teeth and a tail! And, okay, wings. Holy shit I'm a dragon lover. Embracing it!

Mrgl-Mrgl

Thanks to Random User, who could be any one of you.

Nov 2 2009 Oooh, Nice Wheels: Pac-Man Drives In Style

I've often wondered what kind of car Pac-Man would drive, and now I know. He doesn't just gobble dots -- he gobbles the dotted line! OM NOM NOM!! And, in case you can't see this and somebody is reading it to you, the car is bright red and yellow. Kind of like a firetruck/schoolbus combo. Which -- these kids are heroes, damnit!

Hit the jump for several more shots of the car including the sweet rims.

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Oct 27 2009 Cameo!: Balloon Boy Spotted In Fallout 3

This is a screenshot from Fallout 3 taken by Geekologie Reader Fallout Boy that clearly shows balloon boy's dirigible (SANS BALLOON BOY!) floating by in the wild blue yonder. Shoot it! SHOOT IT DOWN NOW!

Picture

Thanks to Fallout Boy, who was once the center of a conspiracy involving a young boy trapped in an old fallout shelter.

Oct 21 2009 WoW Tankard O' Terror To Be Real Product

I'm not allowed to play World of Warcraft anymore because my mom canceled my account but I'm still buying this Tankard O' Terror stein because I want to brain my enemies with it. For those of you not the know, the Tankard O' Terror is a mace weapon dropped by Coren Dinebrew during the 2009 BrewFest event in the game.

Those guilty of emaciating their bodies by whiling away months of life in World of Warcraft are probably going to have a little trouble with the heft of this 4 lb tankard, especially if it is filled to its two-liter capacity (which will add another 4.5lbs to the overall weight).

The tankard will cost $50 and be available in January. Plus, I heard chugging the full stein provides +10 drunkeness. Better equip your Pukey Boots!

Product Site
via
Tankard O'Terror Replica Stein, a Manly Vessel For Uber-geeks [uberreview]

Oct 20 2009 Fight!: Mortal Kombat Vs. Donkey Kong

This is a short video of Scorpion from Mortal Kombat playing Donkey Kong. I don't want to ruin it for you so I'll just tell you a funny story instead. I went to the zoo last week and saw two tortoises going at it. I was gonna stick around to watch because I'm a pervert but they were taking foreeeeever. THAT IS NOT HOW YOU WIN RACES.

Youtube

Thanks to naas, who, GET OVER HERE! I'm serious, I need a hug.

Oct 15 2009 *Sniff* A Street Fighter 4 Love Song

This is a Street Fighter love song. It made me sad, especially after reading about missing balloon boy (who better just be hiding under a neighbor's porch). Anyway, it may not be as good as the Mario Kart love song, but it still got to me. And by got to me I mean I wept like a baby chopped down a sequoia with my bare hands and had sex with ten alligators. Excuse me, crocodiles. And there were twelve.

Hadouken: The Street Fighter 4 Love Song [techeblog]

Thanks to naas, who knows how to throw hadoukens in different colors because he practices black magic.

Oct 7 2009 Oldschool Destruction: Rampage In Real Life

This is a video of the oldschool classic Rampage in real life, brought to you by the same angry bald man that produced the real life Paperboy (but not the movie). I chuckled. But I did NOT upchuck, even though I did two nights ago. That was the night I walked into the restroom at a bar and caught a guy standing at the pisser trying to blow a snot rocket on the wall above the urinal. So you know what I did? I waited till he was done pissing THEN WHIPPED HIS MONKEY ASS. Being gross: don't do it around me.

Youtube

Sep 30 2009 Video Game Deletes Files Off Your Computer

Lose/Lose is a video game created by Zach Gage that plays like a traditional space shooter, but with a twist!

Lose/Lose is a video-game with real life consequences. Each alien in the game is created based on a random file on the players computer. If the player kills the alien, the file it is based on is deleted. If the players ship is destroyed, the application itself is deleted.

Although touching aliens will cause the player to lose the game, and killing aliens awards points, the aliens will never actually fire at the player. This calls into question the player's mission, which is never explicitly stated, only hinted at through classic game mechanics. Is the player supposed to be an aggressor? Or merely an observer, traversing through a dangerous land?

Why do we assume that because we are given a weapon an awarded for using it, that doing so is right?

I didn't actually bother reading all that because oh I dunno, I WAS TOO BUSY WHIPPING SOME ALIEN ASS! Unfortunately, the bug-eyed bastards got me in the end. Now, what happened to Photoshop?

Zach's Porfolio (game is available for download there)

Thanks to Luciano, who managed to kill all the aliens AND save the princess AND see Samus Aran naked because the man is a damn hero.

Sep 24 2009 Video Game Reality: Paperboy In Real Life

This is a video of the Atari classic Paperboy, but in real life. It's a little longer, and I know most of you have ADD (I'm right here with you), but it's definitely worth a watch while on the clock. Plus, the guys who made it are loyal Geekologists, and you know how I feel about you readers -- I love you all like little sisters! You know, from Bioshock. I'll harvest every last one of you!

Youtube
and
Funnyordie

Thanks to D_rock and cooperanimation, who don't need paperboys because they only read Geekologie. Smart. Plus you're saving trees!

Sep 10 2009 New Bouncy Feature In Ninja Gaiden Σ II

Apparently by shaking your PS3 controller while playing the upcoming Ninja Gaiden Sigma II you can make your characters boobs bounce around all crazylike (which helps explains THIS advertisement). Also, I'm more than a little disappointed we didn't have this feature for the original NES. I'm looking at you, Princess Toadstool circa Super Mario 2. You too, Mario.

See Ninja Gaiden Sigma II Boob Bouncing In Action [kotaku]

Thanks to Pedro, who makes boobs bounce the old fashioned way: with a Ping Pong paddle.

Sep 4 2009 Oldschool Flavor: Epic Farm In Farmville

I don't play Farmville because I don't have time (also, for those of you that do play on Facebook -- I'm tired of getting updates every time your cow gives birth). But if I did you better believe this is what my farm would look like (higher res version HERE). Except Kid Icarus would be there banging Samus in a cornfield. Say metroid! Say it!

Picture

Thanks to Victoria, who has a green thumb and could grow the eyes off a potato.

Aug 24 2009 Sadness: Father Leaves Copy Of Call Of Duty: World At War For Fallen Soldier Son

So yeah, this is sad. Private Richard Hunt, the 200th U.K. soldier to die in Afghanistan, was buried over the weekend. He would have been 22 yesterday.

His father Phillip, enjoyed playing Call of Duty: World at War with his son. He left a copy of the game at his grave.

"Happy Birthday 'Hunty'. Play you again one day. Dad."

Wow, that tore me up.

Dad's Tribute: Call of Duty on Soldier Son's Grave [kotaku]

Thanks to Solozaur, whose single tear splattered F10.

Aug 22 2009 New World Of Warcraft Expansion Coming

The latest World of Warcraft expansion, Cataclysm, is coming and there are gonna be lots of exciting new things to play and do. Plus, there's a wolf-people race. That's right: wolf people. OW OW OOOOOOOOOOOW!

* Two New Playable Races: Adventure as one of two new races--the cursed worgen with the Alliance or the resourceful goblins with the Horde.
* Level Cap Increased to 85: Earn new abilities, tap into new talents, and progress through the path system, a new way for players to improve characters.
* Classic Zones Remade: Familiar zones across the original continents of Kalimdor and the Eastern Kingdoms have been altered forever and updated with new content, from the devastated Badlands to the broken Barrens, which has been sundered in two.
* New High-Level Zones: Explore newly opened parts of the world, including Uldum, Grim Batol, and the great Sunken City of Vashj'ir beneath the sea.
* More Raid Content than Ever Before: Enjoy more high-level raid content than previous expansions, with optional more challenging versions of all encounters.
* New Race and Class Combinations: Explore Azeroth as a gnome priest, blood elf warrior, or one of the other never-before-available race and class combinations.
* Guild Advancement: Progress as a guild to earn guild levels and guild achievements.
* New PvP Zone & Rated Battlegrounds: Take on PvP objectives and daily quests on Tol Barad Island, a new Wintergrasp-like zone, and wage war in all-new rated Battlegrounds.
* Archaeology: Master a new secondary profession to unearth valuable artifacts and earn unique rewards.
* Flying Mounts in Azeroth: Explore Kalimdor and the Eastern Kingdoms like never before.

OMG, OMG -- I'm soooooo gonna be the first level 85 Worgen! AND THEN I'M GONNA COME BLOW YOUR HOUSE DOWN, THREE LITTLE PIGS STYLE. Afterward, a luau.

Official Site

Thanks to Pedro and lauren, who already have level 90 Worgens because they're from the future.

Aug 9 2009 Kid Plays Guitar Hero, Solves 2 Rubik's Cubes

This is a video of a kid playing Guitar Hero on expert and solving two Rubik's cubes simultaneously. Now I'm not sure where that's gonna get him in life, but I'm guessing far. Far, far away from the ladies. Kidding little buddy -- now you go out there and get 'em, tiger! No, put the cube down first.

Youtube

Thanks to Julian and Chuck Nunchuck, who can play Guitar Hero on expert while solving Rubik's cubes AND texting and eating a cheeseburger.

Jul 30 2009 Pikachu Was The Hottest Girl At Comic-Con?

According to who? Because I don't remember getting a ballot. Or past security. But there's a bunch more shots of Pikachu girl Jessica Nigri after the jump so you can draw your own conclusions. Personally, I prefer the original Pikachu girl (this one, not this one) better. And I'm not just saying that because I know her, but I do. And before you ask, no, she sadly doesn't do birthdays.

Hit it for a whole bunch more.

Continue Reading " Pikachu Was The Hottest Girl At Comic-Con? "