Nov 18 2009 You're Gonna Burn In Hell!: Dino Car Decal

Listen, I'm not here to tell you to follow Jesus or smoke buddha or whatever, I'm just here to report the things I see and maybe make a couple drug connections in the process. And this is a 'dinosaur eating the Jesus fish' car decal. Love it or hate it, you've got to admit it's the first time you've ever seen a t-rex holding something with its little arms. And THAT, my friends, is biblical.

Product Site
and
Picture

Thanks to Logisticz and martyn, who are pissed dinosaurs didn't make it onto the ark. Me too guys, me too.

Oct 19 2009 Luxury SUVs: Now With Whale Penis Interiors

Italian leather is okay, but you haven't experienced luxury until you've peeled yourself from whale penis leather on a hot day. And now you can thanks to the $1.6 million Dartz Prombron Monaco Red Diamond Edition armored car! Also, penis leather is fundamentally wrong.

The leather is not the only tacky accessory on the Prombron, which Dartz claims is the world's most expensive SUV.

The bulletproof windows are gold-plated, the exhaust is made of tungsten, the gauges are encrusted with diamonds and rubies and the exterior has a Kevlar coating.

The car also comes with three bottles of the world's most expensive Vodka, RussoBaltique, although the website does warn prospective buyers not to drink and drive.

Dartz's armoured vehicles weigh roughly 4 tonnes, are powered by V8s putting out between 300kW and 400kW and are "rocket grenade-proof" according to the website.

For those wondering just how may whales may need to be harvested to outfit the special edition, the answer is not many. The penis of the Blue Whale, for example, can grow up to 2.4 metres.

Yeah, no. If I catch anybody with one of these you can rest assured I'm stealing your windows, exhaust, instrument panel and vodka. AND I MAY RUB MY FACE ALL OVER YOUR SEATS.

The 4WD with seats made of whale penis [sydneymorningherald]

Thanks to Russell and Dan the man, who both drive unicorn penises.

Sep 28 2009 I Would Ride In That: Super Luxuriant Brabus Mercedes-Benz Viano Lounge/Mobile Office

This is the interior of the 2010 Brabus Mercedes-Benz Viano Lounge. As you can see, it has everything a person could want in a van. Except little kids. I'm looking at you, pederast!

Aside from its 426hp 6.1L V8 engine, the 2010 Brabus Mercedes-Benz Viano Lounge features a 32-inch LCD, two Sony VAIO laptops, a PlayStation 3, Nespresso machine, and even a Vertu Constellation phone. Unfortunately, this is just a concept...for now.

"Two power comfort seats provide maximum comfort for both rear passengers. Similar to long-distance flights in business class both seats can be reclined to full sleeping position at the push of a button."

I, for one, would not be ashamed to be driven around in this thing. I don't care if it looks like a soccermom mobile from the outside, I would totally hang out in the back and get my business on. And by business, I quite literally mean business. I've got money to make, son, no time for hanky panky! Mobile counterfeiting lab FTW.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots.

Continue Reading " I Would Ride In That: Super Luxuriant Brabus Mercedes-Benz Viano Lounge/Mobile Office "

Sep 19 2009 That's Classy: Truckvette Spotted At Walmart

That has got to be the fastest looking truck I've ever seen. And I saw a truck shot out of a cannon before, so I know. Still, needs truck nuts.

TRUCK-VETTE [peopleofwalmart]

Thanks to Alan, who once drove a truck to the moon and did donuts in a crater. Bitchin'!

Aug 13 2009 Batman Would Be Proud Cramped: Guy Builds Mini-Tumbler Out Of Go Kart

Want your own Batman Tumbler but can't afford to hire Morgan Freeman to build you a full-size one? Well fear not, intrepid crime fighter, because some guy on eBay is selling $30 plans to build one out of a go kart. Of course, if you don't want to pay, I'll tell you how to make one for free.

Step 1: Steal a go kart.
Step 2: Add a bunch of spray painted sheet metal.
Step C: Multiply your chances of getting tetanus and lockjaw by four score.
Step 4: Subtract any street cred you may have accumulated over the years.
Step 5: Divide by Robin. And by divide by I mean have intercourse with in the back.
Step 6: Safety first -- make sure to wrap your junk in a costume (I guess this should have been Step 5).
Step G: Get tested.

Hit the jump for a video of a finished Dangermobile in action.

Continue Reading " Batman Would Be Proud Cramped: Guy Builds Mini-Tumbler Out Of Go Kart "

Aug 10 2009 That Was Quick: How Not To Wash A Car

This is a great example of how not to wash a car. Another example is driving your car into a neighbor's pool. Which, I already told you, I'll have out of there just as soon as I can rent a crane.

LiveLeak

Thanks to Joemo, who once drove a convertible through a car wash and ruined the interior.

Aug 2 2009 iPhone Allegedly Catches Fire, Ruins Upholstry

Allegedly some Dutch guy's iPhone spontaneously combusted in his passenger seat when he stepped away from his vehicle to fix a windmill and make a pair of wooden shoes. Per the translation:

Pieter from Leiden had this afternoon, unfortunately the Dutch premiere of his iPhone 3G spontaneously started burning. His iPhone 3G was on the passenger's seat in standby mode and not the charger. By returning to his car came thick black smoke through the door to the outside and the cause was his iPhone 3G in spontaneously fire was flown. Besides a total devastated iPhone 3G Pieter has also considerable damage to his car.

Pieter has direct contact with Apple Netherlands and T-mobile but n och Apple or T-mobile still take some responsibility.

Hey, weirder things have happened. I can't think of any right now but I'm sure they have. Well, there was this one time I parked my car, opened the door, and there was a $10 SITTING RIGHT THERE. Explain that one without aliens. Exactly, you can't.

Hit the jump for two more shots of the damage.

Continue Reading " iPhone Allegedly Catches Fire, Ruins Upholstry "

Jul 2 2009 You Gobble That Road: Pac-Man Mini Cooper

This is a Pac-Man themed Mini Cooper from The Cool Hunter. I can't tell if it's real but I'm leaning towards absolutely not. So, somebody Photoshopped a Mini Cooper -- how bout that? Hold on to your hats though, because there's a Space Invaders model after the jump. Now i know what you're thinking, and no, that wasn't me driving on the sidewalk last night (yes it was). I thought it was the bike lane!

Hit it real good.

Continue Reading " You Gobble That Road: Pac-Man Mini Cooper "

Jul 1 2009 Vroom Vroom Kabloom: 2,700 HP Jet Truck

Chris Lentz, instead of going the classy route and getting a pair of truck nuts, decided to throw a Czech built Motorlet M-701 turbojet in the bed of his truck.

The fifty-five-year-old electrical foreman from Jackson, Michigan, had longed for a jet-powered truck for decades. Two years ago, Lentz discovered a way to realize his dream when he met a pilot from New York who imported used turbojet engines. After watching an example run on a test stand, Lentz paid $10,000 for one.

Unfortunately, it's pretty unimpressive.

Without jet assist, Lentz's 231-hp V-8 accelerated its 6600-pound burden (truck, jet engine, two occupants) to 60 mph in a sluggish 14.5 seconds.

The best of three runs in hybrid mode - exploiting both piston and jet propulsion - trimmed six seconds from the sprint to 60 mph. The quarter-mile speed jumped 30 mph and we achieved 140 mph after 45 seconds of acceleration.

Wow. You could probably tape bottle rockets to your bumper and go faster. Just sayin', HAPPY CANADA DAY! Somebody burn themself with a firework for me.

Video after the jump.

Continue Reading " Vroom Vroom Kabloom: 2,700 HP Jet Truck "

Jun 27 2009 MUTANT!: Motorcycle Sidecar Is Actual Car

Francois Knorreck spent ten years and $20,000 to create this "Snaefell", a motorcycle with a sidecar made from an actual car. It looks pretty damn sleek. Not as sleek as my mane, but I use women's haircare products. Also, hygiene producst. What? I can have a cycle too!

Hit the jump for several more shots of the confusion.

Continue Reading " MUTANT!: Motorcycle Sidecar Is Actual Car "

Jun 20 2009 Pew Pew!: Guy Builds Bumblebee In Yard

As most of you probably know, the original Bumblebee was a Volkswagen Beetle. And as very few of you probably know, I still have the original toy around here somewhere because I'm gangster.

Tom Rhodes likes Transformers. So, naturally, he built an 18-foot-tall, 1,200-pound Bumblebee robot out of an old Volkswagen Beetle.

As you can see, Bumblebee protects Tom's windmill from the Decepticons. Because, fun fact: Decepticons HATE clean energy. Transform and recycle!

Man builds gigantic Bumblebee Transformer in his front yard [dvice]

Thanks to FDSY, who once tried switching the bodies on two of his old Transformer toys but it didn't work BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT G.I. JOE'S.

Jun 10 2009 Street Fighter II Bonus Stage In Real Life

Alright, I have to lay off the ropacalypse posts for a little bit, I was starting to have heart palpitations. Also, a serious decrease in libido. Thankfully, I just watched Jurassic Park in fast forward, so I think I'll be okay. Anyway, this is the 'beat up the car' bonus stage from Street Fighter II reenacted by a real life Ryu. And, as you can probably tell, he received no bonus points.

Youtube

Thanks to asiantom, who would have begun with a couple well-placed Hadoukens to get the party started quickly.

Apr 7 2009 GM And Segway Making P.U.M.A. 'Car', Looks Suspiciously Like A Motorized Wheelchair

General Motors and Segway have teamed up to produce what might very well be a slightly modified Hoveround. It's self-balancing like a Segway, but with the style and quality you've come to expect from GM. And as you can see, they do come with the Gob Bluth seal of excitement.

The self-balancing Personal Urban Mobility and Accessibility Project (P.U.M.A.) can reach top speeds of 35 MPH, has a lithium battery that lasts up to 35 miles with a single charge, and features vehicle-to-vehicle (V2V) communication for potentially reducing the number of accidents. No word on when or if this'll actually go into production but it's expected to be priced at just 25% that of a regular automobile.

Wow, that is one vehicle (in addition to a seatless bicycle) I can safely say I have absolutely no interest in driving. My God -- could you imagine getting T-boned in that thing? *BOOM* Porterhoused!

GM and Segway's P.U.M.A. unveiled and no, this isn't a joke [engadget]

Thanks to Julian, who successfully rode a Segway down a flight of stairs but then got hit by a bicycle messenger at the bottom and lost a tooth. It was never found.

Mar 4 2009 Cat Truck Designed To Pick Up Girls

This is a 1998 Dodge Truck that some guy heavily modded to look like a giant pink cat. A veritable kitty-magnet, if you will. It's currently for sale in Central Ottawa, Canada for $10K.

I have a dodge truck cut in half to make this cat mobile. It has a turbo charger, air intake, neons, aftermarket exhaust, headers and a cat body kit. Made to pick up GIRLS, THEY LOVE IT.

Of course they do. Wait -- didn't I see you circling the middle school?

1998 Dodge [usedottawa]

Thanks to Chris, who picks up chicks the way God intended: with a giant claw.

Jan 28 2009 Fail: A Lesson In How Not To Kill Yourself

If you want to kill yourself by driving your beautifully rusting 1987 Dodge van off a cliff, make sure you catch enough air to not end up teetering on the edge of a precipice.

34-year-old Daniel J. Lyons and his sweet 1987 Dodge van bounced down the rocky side of the canyon at Colorado National Monument park this past Wednesday only to be brought to an abrupt halt by an outcropping. Rescue workers found him teetering over the 170-foot drop. Eventually, a litter was lowered over the edge and Lyons was pulled to safety.

Lyons is adamant the incident was an accident, but investigators couldn't find any skid marks or other signs of mishap, indicating this was, in fact, likely a suicide attempt. The van will remain perched on the cliff below Rim Rock Drive until authorities find a way to remove it or gravity has its way.

Jesus, I can think of a lot better ways to go than driving a perfectly good van off a cliff. Including, and currently limited to: mailing yourself. To the sun.

Hit the jump for a couple more amazing pictures.

Continue Reading " Fail: A Lesson In How Not To Kill Yourself "

Nov 25 2008 New Cop Car Designed For Cops, By Cops

The Carbon Motors E7 is a new police cruiser that addresses safety and performance issues neglected due to the current practice of retrofitting Crown Victorias/Impalas.

Right now fire departments, emergency medical technicians, the military, and even mail carriers all use vehicles built specifically for them. But the country's 800,000 law enforcement first-responders drive dangerously retrofitted family sedans.

The E7 is being hailed as THE purpose-built vehicle for police officers. It was designed to jump curbs, safely detain criminals, be fuel efficient (40% more than current cruisers), and detect biological, chemical and radiation threats. In total, it has over 100 new features specifically requested by officers. Unfortunately, not a single one is a cup holder in the back.

Hit the jump for a video of the car.

Continue Reading " New Cop Car Designed For Cops, By Cops "

Aug 29 2008 Guy Makes Full Size Driveable Landspeeder

Daniel Deutsch went and built himself a 1:1 scale replica of the Star Wars Landspeeder that looks so good, I swear it's been shopped. But allegedly I'm wrong, and the vehicle has "a custom aluminum chassis, fiberglass body, and an electric drive system that hits lightspeed at 25 mph." Freaking sweet! Now you know what they say, "The Vette gets 'em wet, but the Landspeeder, well, the Landspeeder dries 'em out while they make fun of you." Awesome!

Hit the jump for several more pictures of the unbelievably accurate and good looking speeder, including a couple of the build.

Continue Reading " Guy Makes Full Size Driveable Landspeeder "

Aug 22 2008 DIY: Guy Is Building Himself A Lamborghini

33-year old Canadian Woody "Wood" Sticksandbranches is making himself a Lamborghini. The vehicle is built on top of a $60 Pontiac Fiero chassis and promises to be one hell of a good looking ride. Nice work Loggy, I can't wait to see the finished product. Maybe you could take me for a spin sometime. But no funny business -- I don't care if you do drive a Lamborghini look-alike. Just kidding, I'm cool with a little hand action.

Hit the jump for a photo gallery of the build process.

Continue Reading " DIY: Guy Is Building Himself A Lamborghini "

Aug 6 2008 Guy Builds Himself Batman's Tumbler

Bob Dullam went and built himself Batman's Tumbler using nothing but photos of the vehicle and the actual movies. It cost somewhere between $50,000-$70,000 to complete and was built entirely by himself. It looks freaking wicked. Good looking, Bob. Next, he plans to construct a Batpod. And, after that, I'm hoping he'll build me a deck.

Hit the jump for several more pictures.

Continue Reading " Guy Builds Himself Batman's Tumbler "

Jul 21 2008 Papercraft Fun Frustration: Batman's Tumbler

Ah, Papercraft. A hobby that involves two of my favorite pastimes: cutting things, and glue. Did I mention I huff glue? I huff glue. Did I mention I huff glue? Freaking love that stuff. Anyway, this is a Papercraft Tumbler. It looks complicated and I could never make it. Not in a hundred years. I could cut the tip of a finger off though. Or, if the price is right, a toe. "You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me. Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon...with nail polish." While I have no Papercraft skills, my roommate has been up for two days straight working on this thing. I just peeked in his room and he's passed out on a pile of dirty clothes with one ball hanging out the fly of his boxers. But the car looks finished. So while he's sleeping I'm gonna tape a couple fireworks to the back and shoot it down the street.

UPDATE: So it, uh, burnt up pretty quick.

Hit the jump for several more shots and a link to the PDF's if you want to make your own.

Continue Reading " Papercraft Fun Frustration: Batman's Tumbler "