Nov 20 2009 Whaaat?: Sand People Like Scooby Snacks?

In a mash-up of universes that's about to make my head explode, it turns out Tusken Raiders love Scooby Snacks. And speaking of which -- I'd like to see Scoob and the gang try pulling THAT dude's mask off. Ruh-roh is right -- you gonna die!

Sand People like Scooby Snacks [tk8247's deviantart]

Thanks to sham, who only tried Bantha fodder once and didn't like it.

Nov 18 2009 Awh Yeah: Superhero Shaggin' Wagons

This is a little gallery of superhero shaggin' wagons. They're all Photoshopped, but that isn't stopping me from wanting to sleep in one. Gosh, I can't even remember the last time I made love in the back of a 70's van BECAUSE I BLACKED OUT LAST NIGHT. But seriously, I barely knew the guy and he said he had free candy.

Hit the jump for five more and a link to like six more after that. Jackpot!

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Sep 16 2009 Mine's Nicer: Dino Van Spotted At Walmart

Ignore the handicapped tag and West Virginia plate, that's not mine. Mine has like quadruple the dinosaurs. You know, to attract more kids because dinosaurs are so awesome. That said, I would still dive into the back of this thing no questions asked.

Jurassic Park [peopleofwalmart]

Thanks to Danielle, gator, Meganologie, Nick B, Greg and michael, who aren't allowed within 100 yards of a toy store.

Jul 18 2009 Do Or Do Not, There Is No Try: Geekologie Reader Spots Yoda Shaggin' Wagon

Geekologie Reader Dustin spotted this Yoda themed shaggin' wagon driving around in the wild and snapped a few pictures with his iPhone. Good lookin', Dustin. But seriously, next time keep both hands on the wheel. I kid, I kid, that's why God invented knees.

Hit the jump for two more shots of the van that attracts Star Wars cosplay girls like moths to a flame.

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Jun 18 2009 Aperture Laboratories Van Spotted In The Wild

"Hey kids, who wants free cake?!"

aperture science van tooling around, scaring the hell out of people [technabob]

Feb 11 2009 Chinese Death Bus Kills You, Pilfers Organs

Wow. The bus seen here is one of forty in China used as a mobile execution chamber for criminals sentenced to death. And no, it doesn't run over you.

The buses provide a setup for lethal injections, and the acts are carried out on streaming video so local authorities can observe and ensure that everything is done legally.

Critics say that the buses help the government secretly harvest organs to sell to the west, as there's already a doctor on hand to administer the injection and they never show the bodies between execution and cremation.

The government is secretly harvesting criminal's organs for sale to the west? Wow, that is freaking wrong. China, get with the program, that shit ain't right.

China's Death Buses Deliver Executions, Organ Harvesting On the Go [gizmodo]

Psst. Over here. Looking for a liver.

Thanks to Hector, who doesn't ride the bus because he bought a car. Nice, Hector, wanna scoop me and go to the mall?

Feb 10 2009 Sorry LHC, Google Beat You To It: Street View Van Rips Hole In Space Time Continuum

Ha, and all along we thought the Large Hadron Collider would be our doomsday machine. Little did we know it would actually come in the form of a free candy van outfitted to take pictures of the world's roads. That's right, as evident from these photos, a Google Street View van operating in Missouri has torn the very space time continuum we depend on to make our clocks work. So, what happens now? Your guess is as good as mine. Unless you guessed 'massive orgy', in which case, okay, yours was better.

Google Maps street view rips hole in space-time fabric [neowin]

Thanks to sean, who runs thetechpit and an illegal casino in his basement.

Jan 30 2009 Google Maps Van Hits Deer, Uploads Pics

A Google Maps van hit a deer while out on the prowl -- and recorded and uploaded the whole damn thing to the live version of Google Maps! WTF!?

The Google employee had to have known that they hit the deer but the more interesting thought is why did they proceed to upload the images? Is Google that determined to be the first to map the roads by street view that they don't care what goes live on their site?

Based on some of the other stuff I've seen on Street View, it's pretty obvious Google doesn't care what goes live -- or dead! Zing!

UPDATE: Google has responded and states "the deer was able to move and had left the area by the time the police arrived". So yeah, go Bambi! Hit the links to see a couple more graphic pictures if you're a real sicko.

Google Maps
via
Google maps car hits a deer, records it all. Oh deer [neowin]

Thanks to Spikey DaPikey, who once thought he ran over a squirrel. In reality, the squirrel passed perfectly under the car, only hitting his head on the tailpipe. In his rearview Spikey saw the squirrel standing there, scratching its melon and wondering "WTF just happened?".

Jan 28 2009 Fail: A Lesson In How Not To Kill Yourself

If you want to kill yourself by driving your beautifully rusting 1987 Dodge van off a cliff, make sure you catch enough air to not end up teetering on the edge of a precipice.

34-year-old Daniel J. Lyons and his sweet 1987 Dodge van bounced down the rocky side of the canyon at Colorado National Monument park this past Wednesday only to be brought to an abrupt halt by an outcropping. Rescue workers found him teetering over the 170-foot drop. Eventually, a litter was lowered over the edge and Lyons was pulled to safety.

Lyons is adamant the incident was an accident, but investigators couldn't find any skid marks or other signs of mishap, indicating this was, in fact, likely a suicide attempt. The van will remain perched on the cliff below Rim Rock Drive until authorities find a way to remove it or gravity has its way.

Jesus, I can think of a lot better ways to go than driving a perfectly good van off a cliff. Including, and currently limited to: mailing yourself. To the sun.

Hit the jump for a couple more amazing pictures.

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Jan 16 2009 Oh Wow -- An Even Worse Text-Messager

Remember the story earlier in the week about the girl that sent 14,528 text messages in a month? Well, it turns out she's not the only daughter I'd lock in the basement. Emilee Cox, a 14 year old from Clermont, Florida, sent and received 35,463 texts in a single month. Which, granted, were probably only half actually sent messages. But still, get a life. The best part of the interview:

Haha. Your dad was supposed to email me a picture of you to use. Do you know if he found one?
Uhm idk i think my sister is sending him one.

Got the photos. You are 14, right?
Yes i am.

Wow, even I found that creepy. Anybody else get the feeling the interviewer was at least partially responsible for Willy Wonka's third-quarter earnings?

Full text message interview with Clermont teen who had 35,463 text messages in a month [orlandosentinel]

Thanks to Jessica, who won't return my texts. WHAT'D I DO!?

Jan 5 2009 Pssst, Over Here: Cheap Knock-Off Brands

Knock-offs: they look like the real thing, but are bought out of the back of a skeezy guy's van for a quarter of the price and either break or explode within a week of purchase. Then, to make matters worse, the bastard isn't set up on the same street corner when you go to return the merchandise. What a sham! And speaking of which, I will now perform a magic trick -- Alakasham! Can you still see me? I'm supposed to be invisible. *entering women's locker room* "EEEEEEEEEEKK!!!!!!" Oh, oh shit.

Hit the jump for a few more knock-offs, including a chicken wearing the Colonel's tie.

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Dec 3 2008 Wicked!: Vincent Van Gogh Counter-strike Map

As a guy who's been playing Counter-strike since the fall of 1999, I've shot many of you poor bastards in the head time and time again. What can I say, I am the l337. So anyway, cartographer Nipper went and make a wicked Vincent Van Gogh inspired board in which all the textures were made using Van Gogh paintings. It looks pretty freaking awesome. Hit the jump for a video walkthrough of the map, which features many of the scenes from his most famous paintings. Seriously, it's worth a look. I mean, Jesus, the dude cut his ear off and gave it to a whore. Now that's a present. Also, I embedded the video in high quality because I want to get in your pants.

Hit it like a headshot for the video.

Continue Reading " Wicked!: Vincent Van Gogh Counter-strike Map "

Jun 26 2008 Brothel On Wheels Gets Busted, I Weep

Well folks, in an attempt to take away our Eighth Amendment right (the right to pay for and receive sexual acts in the back of a moving vehicle) the FBI busted what they're calling a "brothel-on-wheels" in Miami.

Miami Beach undercover detectives who paid a $40 entry fee and boarded a stretch limousine bus Sunday found women onboard offering oral sex and lap dances for money, authorities said.

Authorities arrested Christine Morteh, 29, of Miramar, and the driver, Clyde Scott, along with four other people Sunday. Miami-Dade jail spokeswoman Janell Hall said Morteh faces charges including offering to commit or engage in prostitution, conducting business without a license, directing another to a place of prostitution and deriving support from prostitution.

Whoa, whoa, whoa -- those sound like some pretty serious charges. Completely inappropriate. I was thinking more along the lines of a gas card and handicapped parking sticker.

Cops bust alleged brothel-on-wheels in Miami [cnn]

Thanks Romeo, but I kind of wish you had notified me about this service earlier.

Jun 10 2008 Security Robot Protects South Korean Children From "Free Candy" Scams

We've seen Japanese robot babysitters, but now South Korea is ramping it up a notch with an actual robotic security guard for children. The $100,000 robot, dubbed OFRO, has been placed in Seoul middle schools and alerts officials to suspicious behavior.

According to the developers the robot could be useful in alerting staff in case outsiders intend to seduce students. Chief Executive of Du Robo, Kang Jung-Won, told Korea Times that one of the possible scenarios is that in case OFRO spots someone trying to seduce a student it will immediately alert school's officials.

After the robot has alerted teachers, they have several opportunities: whether to warn the offender via loudspeaker or send school's security guards.

OFRO has a top speed of about 3 miles/hour which is slow as shit and can be programmed to walk a regular route or controlled manually. Now where the hell were these things when I was a kid? We had all kind of damned creeps hanging around the middle school. Seriously, Peder Lou's Free Candy Van was like a second home growing up.

South Korea Hires Robot to Protect Children [weirdasianews]

Thanks MIKAL, now lets go blow up some white vans

Mar 17 2008 Spy Hunter Themed Pontiac Car Commercial

In an attempt to go after the "grew up in the 80's and played the hell out of Spy Hunter" demographic, Pontiac's new G8 commercial is based on the video game. I always thought the car was supposed to be a Stingray, but I did some deep digging (~4 seconds on Wikipedia) and found out the fictitious G-6155 Interceptor was actually modeled after a 1983 Z28. So, yeah, you learn something new every day. Like yesterday (Sunday) I learned that the lady who runs the ice-cream van around here parks it in the empty middle school lot and scarfs a lot of the product. I saw her pound at least two Drumsticks, a Flinstones Push-Up, and a Rocket Pop. She better have paid for them too. Because if I find out the price of orange creamsicles went up another dime I'll just die. Now where was I? Oh right, Spy Hunter. Loved the boat part. That was my favorite.

UPDATE: Higher quality video added after the jump.

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Mar 6 2008 One String Willie Plays Guitar With One String

One String Willie is a recovering smack addict who used to turn tricks in a parked van to pay for his next fix. Not really, he's just some guy that likes playing a guitar with one string. I think his song is pretty impressive. You may not. But think about this -- if he's that good with just one string, imagine what he could do with, uh, half of one string. Not as much as a whole one? Really? Damn I hate fractions.

One String Willie [core77]

Mar 4 2008 Minivan Is Mega Fun, Jet Engine Powered

This Dodge Caravan isn’t your standard stock vehicle. No sir -- this bad boy is packing a jet engine. It does an 1/8 mile in 7.65 seconds and is way cooler than the van my mom used to drive me to school in. It even has a mechanism that opens the window and positions the jet engine out the back when you're ready for takeoff (see second video). The rest of the time you can drive around like it doesn't have a freaking jet engine in the back. Although why you'd ever do that is a mystery to me. As my girlfriend likes to say when she's standing on top of a stool at the bar and waving her penis around like a helicopter -- "If you've got it, flaunt it."

Three videos of the van in action after the jump.

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