Nov 19 2009 The Monsters That Didn't Make The Cut: New Star Trek's Deleted Gorn And Salt Vampire

Wonder what the Gorn and Salt Vampire that were supposed to appear in the new Star Trek's deleted Rura Penthe Klingon prison scenes looked like? This. Good lookin', but I'll take a steroid abuser in a dinosaur mask any day. I'm serious, just show up.

J.J. Abrams' Version Of Star Trek's Salt Vampire And Gorn Revealed [io9]

Thanks to Jase, who may or may not have just ordered some Mexican roids and a t-rex mask off eBay. I'll be waiting.

Oct 26 2009 What In The...?: Vampire Mouth In A Can

This vampire mouth in a can is actually a male sex toy. It's the completely inappropriate $45 Fleshlight Sex in a Can 'Succu Dry'. Not even kidding, no matter how badly I wish I was. Now I don't really want to go into too many details, but those fangs aren't even functional. Oh, hold on, I'm getting an email.

----- Original Message -----

From: bloodlover3962@hotmail.com
To: The Geekologie Writer
Sent: Monday, October 26, 2009 3:21 PM
Subject: Geekologie Tip - Male Sex Toy

Geekologie Writer,

Instead of selling guys on that vampire mouth in can, could you just pass my # along? Thanks champ, love the site.

Edward Cullen

I knew it! Sorry you had to find out this way, ladies.

Have a Happier Halloween with the Fleshlight Succu Dry [gizmodo]

Thanks to Aisha, Closet Nerd, smith, Gable and Root Beer, who don't buy sexy toys, they buy sex tools. I don't even know what that means, but I think it involves at least a 2-stroke motor.

Aug 25 2009 "Don't Be Afraid" He Murmured, His Velvet Voice Unintentionally Seductive

That's right folks, now there's a Twilight/vampire themed sex toy. It's a sparkly dildo and marks the coming of the apocalypse.

Updated by popular request... Yes the The Vamp retains hot and cold temperature. Toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience (OR A FIRE!).

JUST IN TIME FOR HALLOWEEN! Who doesn't love those dark and mysterious vamps on the screen and in the books we all thumb through lustfully? That's what we thought. For those of us who fantasize about being spellbound and tantalized by the forbidden comes The Vamp. We promise this vamp won't be the only thing coming for you in the night.

The Vamp is a realistic form based appropriately on our Sire's design but with a deathly pale flesh tone reminiscent of the new moon's glow. Since it's a Tantus toy, The Vamp is made from Tantus' own unique blend of 100% Ultra-Premium Silicone. Don't be surprised if this toy seduces you, its long sleek shaft and deliciously ridged head calling to you in the twilight. But don't save this for just nocturnal escapades, try taking our Vamp out in the sunlight and watch him sparkle.

Yes, out in the sunlight. Because a public park is the perfect place to vamp yourself. Also, to rollerblade. Don't forget your pads and helmet!

NSFW Product Site (with video!)

Thanks to Shannon, LisaMarie, Joemo, Cloie, Ashley, sham, Evy, rya and anyone else I may have forgotten, for all chipping in and ordering me one. You did order me one, right guys?

Jul 31 2009 I Don't Care What You Say, I Would Eat It

Yes I would. I would cut that cake with a knife and eat it with a fork OR WHATEVER UTENSIL IS AROUND. And if there aren't any I would just use my hand like a neanderthal BECAUSE I AM A SUCKER FOR ICE CREAM CAKE, OKAY? Now I know most of you guys don't like Twilight because it sucks so hard, but a lot of chicks really eat this teenage vampire shit up. Not getting any chicks? USE IT TO YOUR ADVANTAGE. I'm talking fang implants, bro.

Cake of the Day: Needs more sprinkles. [dailywhat]

Thanks to pstone, who doesn't do vampires but did date a halfling.

Mar 10 2009 Remains Of Vampire Woman Found In Grave

What is being hailed by some as the world's first vampire remains have been discovered in a mass grave in Venice, Italy. The woman (who I suspect was a vampire-witch hybrid) was buried with a brick wedged in her mouth, which apparently has some link to being to vampiracy.

During the Middle Ages, many believed that the plague, or "Black Death," was caused by "vampires" chewing on their shrouds after death. According to Borrini, grave-diggers put bricks in the mouths of suspected vampires to stop them from spreading the disease this way.

Borrini, of the University of Florence in Italy, says that the partial corpse he exhumed offers the earliest "exorcism evidence against vampires" to have been forensically examined.

Interesting -- so vampires are buried with stuff in their mouths? Because one time my buddy Jimmy Jimmereeno and I found a naked dead man under a bridge with his own penis stuffed in his mouth. He didn't look like like a vampire though -- he looked Italian.

Hit the jump for another picture of how the skeleton was found.

Continue Reading " Remains Of Vampire Woman Found In Grave "

Jan 21 2009 I'm Tired Of Life Anyway: Wingsuit Madness

MUST WATCH, UNBELIEVABLE ACTION.

Wingsuits: just like being a bird, except no bird is dumb enough to do that shit.

UPDATE: A cardinal just flew into the window. Superbowl omen!?

Vimeo

Thanks to The Jerk, Jim and Phil, who don't need to almost die to have a good time, video games are enough.

Dec 26 2008 eBay: Pocket Sized Vampire Hunting Kit

Well we've already seen a $15,000 full-sized vampire killing kit. But what if you want something smaller? You know, a little vampire protection that'll fit in your pocket or man-purse? Enter the Vintage Pocket Sized Vampire Slaying Kit.

This is a Vampire killing kit that will travel with you, cause you never know when you may need it. It measures 6 5/8 inches long, and 1 1/4 inch square. One of a kind for sure.

The crucifix is from Paris, as stamped on the back of it, and it is obviously old. The Box also appears very old. The vials are brass, and contain Holy Water in the one with the copper tag with the "H" stamped on it, and the other vial has "G"stamped on it for garlic. The vial corks are sealed in red wax. A small wooden stake completes the set. A "V" is stamped on the copper plate on top for "Vampire".

The parts, crucifix, wood box, screws, and metals used are old and tarnished, and most parts of the set are vintage.

Eh, I'd make my own if I were you. But $20 isn't too bad if you're lazy. You just better hope that holy water isn't urine. I hear vampires love that shit. And speaking of vampires -- the lead in Twilight, so dreamy.*

*This message brought to you by The World For A More Effeminate Geekologie Writer.

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures of the kit, and a link to the auction.

Continue Reading " eBay: Pocket Sized Vampire Hunting Kit "

Dec 18 2008 Science!: The Periodic Table Of Awesoments

Unfortunately, it probably doesn't look that awesome since you can't read any of it. So click HERE to see the whole thing and all the awesoments that make the world cool.

In 300 B.C., years before the birth of black Jesus, Aristole postulated that all good things were made of "win." That was a pretty good guess, but he was drunk and probably also having an orgy. Modern day awesominers know there are actually 118 fundamental "awesoments" that compose all good things. The Periodic table of Awesoments can be a very useful tool. It's designed to show the relationships between awesoments, and often one can even predict how awesoments interact simply by their positions on the table.

Awesome. Although I question the awesoments in the traditional 'noble gas' section (ninja, sniper, vampire, wizard, etc.). I would argue that those particular awesoments are, in fact, highly reactive and not as tame as their position in the table suggests. Am I right? Example: "Hey ninja -- I banged your vampire mom last night. Yeah, she made me slap her ass with garlic nunchucks the whole time. Then your assassin dad walked in on us so i put my wizard robe and hat on and did him too. Then I had a sniper buddy take him out. Haha, your Jedi mind-tricks don't work on me. Now let's throw some clay on the potter's wheel and get all ghost-y." Seriously folks, you see how reactive that shit was?

The Periodic Table of Awesoments [dapperstache]

Thanks to Bryan, who I was surprised to see absent from the table.

Nov 18 2008 Old Vampire-Killing Kit Sells For Small Fortune

An authentic vampire-killing kit from the 1800's recently sold at auction for nearly $15,000 to a pale man in a black cape. "This is a complete kit that comes fully equipped - stakes, mirrors, a gun with silver bullets (because where there are Vampires there might be Werewolves), crosses, a Bible, holy water, candles and garlic." The whole kit is housed in a beautifully decorated American walnut carrying-case. You know, because vampires hate nut trees, and nuts in general. Isn't that right, Dracula? Haha, biggest pair you've ever seen!

1800s Vampire Killing Kit Sold For $14,850 [youbentmywookie]

Thanks to Dave and REW, both of whom are trained in the art of beating the shit out of vampires.

Sep 5 2008 Epic Failure: How Not To Parachute

This is a video of basejumper Hans Lange vampire suiting around in Norway. Everything goes smoothly until his parachute fails to deploy properly and he ends up tumbling down the mountainside until he's stopped by a tree. He caught it all on film thanks to a helmet cam. Hans, you are one lucky mother -- an improperly deployed parachute is better than no deployment at all. Seriously, I went on one of those discount skydiving adventures once, and, long story short: they pushed me out of the plane with a freaking bookbag. Thankfully, my ghost is a hell of a blogger.

First Person View of an Epic Parachute Fail [gizmodo]

Feb 13 2008 Illegal: Guy Convinces Girl He's A Freaking Vampire/Werewolf Hybrid So He Can Do It

A 19 year old boy by the name of Kristian Allen Carl is convinced he's a vampire/werewolf hybrid. He also convinced a 15 year old girl that he met one night that he was, and they did it. After being arrested for sexual assault Kristian showed his canine teeth to police officers to prove he was said beast, but they didn't go for it. To make matters worse the nutcase told police that he has a guardian dragon that protects him from evildoers.

Whoa there Kristian, you've gone too far. A vampire/werewolf combination I could believe, but one with a guardian dragon? Get real. You know this really makes me question the validity of your hybrid claim. I'm starting to think you're just a guy that's seriously f***ed in the head. But to be safe we'll be packing both silver bullets and stakes when the hunting club comes to pay you a visit this weekend. Several of the guys are really excited about the prospect of bagging a vampire/werewolf hybrid. Me? I've starting to hope that dragon is real after all.

Unearthly assault alleged [morningcall]
via
albotas

thanks to Brytne, who knows no news is good news, for the tip