Oct 30 2009 $899 For The World's Cleanest Keyboard

Germaphobe? Worried about the bovine flu (it's coming, you watch)? Tired of operating a keyboard when you're 99.98% sure The Superficial Writer was touching with himself while using it? Enter the $899 Vioguard self-sanitizing keyboard.

The Vioguard keyboard is aimed at medical market uses and consumers in Canada. It uses two 25-watt UV lights to kill 99.99% of viruses and bacteria in about 90 seconds. Ultraviolet light is known to be affective against harmful microorganisms such as H1N1 flu, MRSA and molds.

Alternatively, only operate the keyboard while wearing surgical gloves, which is what I do. You should see everybody in the office tense up when I'm slapping them on! I think it's the winking that really gets to them.

The Cleanest Keyboard From Vioguard [techfresh]

Thanks to naas, who doesn't need a keyboard because he rocks dual mice.

Jul 10 2009 4GB Vision: Calvin Klein USB Sunglasses

These $200 sunglasses from Calvin Klein (available this October) feature a 4GB flash drive in the right arm so you can take your data to the beach or wherever the hell people wear sunglasses these days. Me? I just squint.

calvin klein usb sunglasses: data for your eyes only [technabob]

May 10 2009 Aaah, I Got A Brick In My Eye!: LEGO Glasses

LEGO Sunglasses are the result of the famous toy manufacturer bedding French optics company Lynx Optique. Just some heavy petting and dry humping though. The glasses, which have the iconic LEGO nubbins on the sides, allow the wearer to pimp them out by attaching LEGO pieces. So now you can build a giant plastic Jesus on your face. Or a space shuttle. Or you could, I dunno, just slap a bunch of tranny minifigs on there. Style: I wear it like a paper bag helmet.

Lego sunglasses let you build your own fashion [dvice]

Thanks to Laura, who wears her LEGO sunglasses at night so she can watch me live and breathe my story lines.