Oct 13 2009 I Said Protect The Leftovers!: Plasticdragon

Raise you hand if you like dragons. Whoa, that's a lot of hands. Okay, let's try this -- raise you hand if you don't like dragons. What the hell's the matter with you -- HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE DRAGONS!? What about Falkor the Luck Dragon? Yeah, I bet you feel stupid now, don't you? Well you should. Anyway, meet Plasticdragon. He's best friends with Metaldragon. Unfortunately, they had a falling out with Leatherdragon, which is a shame because dude's cool as shit.

A Dragon made entirely out of Plastic Kitchen Utencils (Spoons, Knives, Forks abd cups glued together using a glue gun)

approx 80 hours
material cost: all from 99 cent store

completely freestyle - no plans/blueprints/drafts

Plasticdragon was made by DeviantARTist ~toge-NYC and protects leftovers in the breakroom from hungry coworkers. Which is a good idea. Just sayin', you ever been stabbed with a plastic fork before? You have? Jesus, what were the circumstances?

~toge-NYC's DeviantART Page (with a nice high-res picture)

Thanks to sham, who doesn't need a dragon to guard her leftovers because she booby traps the fridge. Smart.

Sep 28 2009 Eat Your Peas: Construction Equipment Flatware For Kids (And Shameless Adults)

This set of Constructive Eating Kids' Utensils costs $20 but some of the proceeds go to funding health services for children. So that's cool. Plus, heavy machinery, how can you go wrong? BEEP BEEP -- back that thing up and dump some mashed potatoes IN MY MOUTH!

Transform mealtime into an educational, interactive construction zone! Construction-vehicle shaped fork, spoon, and pusher-scoop set makes learning to self-feed a fun activity.

* All materials FDA-approved, PVC/Phthalate/BPA-free
* Vibrant colors are stimulating and captivating
* An asset in the development of hand-eye coordination
* Dishwasher-safe
* Paint-free, lead-free

Okay, so they were really fishing for product attributes. When lead-free becomes a sellable product attribute for UTENSILS, you know you've hit rock bottom. That said, how much you want to bet that a study comes out soon touting lead is actually beneficial to a child's development? Trust me, these things are cyclical. Also, I make fake studies.

Product Site

Thanks to Miss Bowser, who feeds her father, King Koopa, with an airplane spoon made from a real airplane.

Jul 31 2009 I Don't Care What You Say, I Would Eat It

Yes I would. I would cut that cake with a knife and eat it with a fork OR WHATEVER UTENSIL IS AROUND. And if there aren't any I would just use my hand like a neanderthal BECAUSE I AM A SUCKER FOR ICE CREAM CAKE, OKAY? Now I know most of you guys don't like Twilight because it sucks so hard, but a lot of chicks really eat this teenage vampire shit up. Not getting any chicks? USE IT TO YOUR ADVANTAGE. I'm talking fang implants, bro.

Cake of the Day: Needs more sprinkles. [dailywhat]

Thanks to pstone, who doesn't do vampires but did date a halfling.

May 24 2009 Finally: A Venn Diagram Of Hybrid Cutlery

This is a Venn Diagram of hybrid cutlery. As you can see in the middle, the splayd incorporates all three standard eating utensils in one, high questionable design. Of course, I wouldn't want to eat cereal with it. Or you. YOU'RE DRIBBLING MILK ON MY CARPET YOU HEATHEN!

Towards a Grand Unification of Cutlery [eatmedaily]

Thanks to Andrew, who eats with his hands because he's an animal.

Feb 27 2008 Salt And Pepper Maracas Make Seasoning Your Food Much More Musical, Fun

These salt and pepper shakers are shaped like maracas. So when you go to season your salad, mashed potatoes, meat or whatever the hell you kids are seasoning these days you can shake them like you're in a Latin band and really add some flair to the experience. They cost $60, which is pretty steep, but totally worth it. You should have seen my girlfriend shaking them around like a lunatic over her plate. She just looked so...musical. Actually, much more ridiculous than musical. I told her so and she broke the pepper one on my face and seasoned the wound with salt. ¡Dios qué dolor! Por favor, no mis pelotas.
Salt and Pepper Maracas [notcot]

Feb 8 2008 Zing! Food Fight Weapon Is Questionable

I enjoy a good fight as much as the next guy. I think they're the key to a healthy marriage and having dried food particulate caked all over the kitchen walls. To help the less adept food fighter Fred & Friends developed Zing! food launching spoons. As you can see they're spoons with a spring in the middle. Personally I have no problem getting a good launch with a regular spoon, but I studied food projectiles in middle school. You should have seen the shot I made two nights ago! I hit my wife right between the eyes with a good sized portion of tuna noodle casserole. She was pissed but acknowledged the great shot. Then she waited till I was loading the dishwasher and beat me in the skull with a meat tenderizer until I was unconscious.

Product Page

Thanks to Sly, who is a craftier than a fox, for the tip

Feb 5 2008 Say Hello To My Little Friend: The Spice Gun

The spice gun, designed by Zhu Fei, holds three different spices and will blast them onto your food.

The Spice Gun is different from the other casters, it has more fun! When you pull the trigger it compresses the air in the air bag. The handspike will push the bottom of the seasoning bottle to make the nozzle in the turntable retract and spray the seasoning.

And it looks like a little gun, awesome! I don't know about using a compressed air spice dispenser, but I'll give it a go. Sure brings new meaning to (here it comes!) pepper spray. Ho ho, that was funny. What a knee slapper! Just kidding. I'm actually going to start drinking until I forget I ever wrote that. Then I can wake up tomorrow morning and actually respect myself. Unless I sleep with another dog like I did over the weekend. No literally, a dog. God I'm f***ed up.

dining in 2015 contest [designboom]

Thanks to Melissa, who gives me a reason to wake up every morning, for the tip

Jan 23 2008 Din-ink Pen Utensils: Never Without Flatware

These Din-ink pen cap utensils recently tied for first place in Designboom's 'Dining in 2015' contest. They're made of biodegradable materials and are pretty clever. These would be great for some people at work, but personally I'm not a big fan of using utensils. I like to eat standing over a sink with my meal wrapped in a paper towel. Sure it sucks for soups, pasta, and pretty much everything that isn't a sandwich, but I don't eat those things anyways. Unfortunately for me, there is no kitchen sink at work, so I only have three options for comfortable dining. 1. eating over the water fountain, 2. eating over a restroom sink, and 3. eating over a urinal. Please note: Due to health concerns I have lowered the 'dropped food rule' from 5 seconds to a much safer (and hygenic) 4 seconds.

Din-ink Utensils [notcot]