May 18 2009 Not A Plane: Winged Submarine Is Confused

The Super Falcon isn't a bird at all. OR IS IT?!? No, it's not. It's a submarine with wings. The brainchild of British inventor Graham Hawkes, the sub is capable of diving to depths of 1,500 feet, achieving breakneck speeds of up to six knots (~7MPH or some really kinky bondage), and traveling approximately 25 nautical miles on a battery charge.

Mr Hawkes said: 'After twenty years of prototyping, Super Falcon is our most advanced and elegant submersible yet, encompassing all the innovations we made in introducing underwater flight from the surface to the bottom of the ocean.'

'It is advanced enough to go barrel-rolling with dolphins, spy-hopping with whales or searching for sunken galleons,' Mr Hawkes added.

Oh hell yes -- I want to go barrel rolling with dolphins and have sex with the Loch Ness Monster! Nessie -- NESSIE! She's a relative of the dinosaurs you know. RAWR! Or should I say WUWW!? That's RAWR underwater.

Hit the jump for several more shots of all the fun to be had.

Continue Reading " Not A Plane: Winged Submarine Is Confused "

Mar 20 2009 Underwater Volcano: Ka-Boom Shacka Lacka!

That's right folks, an underwater volcano off the coast of Tonga (near Fiji) has been erupting recently, causing all kinds of mean-nasty things to happen. Just kidding. There has been some smoke and ash though.

Scientists sailed Thursday to inspect an undersea volcano that has been erupting for days near Tonga -- shooting smoke, steam and ash thousands of feet into the sky above the South Pacific ocean.

Authorities said Thursday the eruption does not pose any danger to islanders at this stage, and there have been no reports of fish or other animals being affected.

Really, no reports of fish or animals being affected? I find that a little hard to believe. Come on now folks, I'm not five anymore, I can take some deceased fishes. Seriously, you don't have secretly replace my dead hamster with one that looks like him. Wait, you did what? NOOOOOOO -- NOT MR. CHEEKEYS! WAAAAAAAAA, I JUST WANT TO DIE!

Hit the jump for a worthwhile VIDEO of the action.

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Mar 20 2009 Okay: Robo-Fish To Detect Ocean Pollution

This robotic fish, which looks like it was made out of precious jewels, isn't, but was actually created to detect pollutants in the earth's oceans.

The 1.5 meter long robotic fish each requires about $30,000 to make. Their purpose is to head out into the open water, take in data about water pollutants, return to a charging station about every 8 hours and while charging, submit data about water quality.

The issues with this first batch of fish is pretty clear - they're way too expensive to be made in numbers big enough to be very helpful; their charge lasts just 8 hours so they aren't able to have a very large range away from their charging stations; they run a pretty good risk of getting a bite taken out of them.

$30,000? Jesus. For half the cost of a single fish I'll rent a paddle boat and troll the underwater sensors myself. I swear, these idiotic scientists think a robot is the solution to every freaking problem. Which leads me to my next question -- how much do you think a robotic fish would fetch on eBay? Wow, really? Grab your tacklebox and meet me by the dinghy!

Video of the very life-like swimming fish after the jump.

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Mar 19 2009 WTF Was That?: 'Put It On A Hook' A Rap Video Featuring Mario, Link And Mega Man

NOTE: VIDEO IS PROBABLY NSFW DUE TO LANGUAGE

I have no idea what I just watched but it had Mario, Link, and Megaman standing around drinking beer, taking bong hits and fishing. Which makes it the coolest thing I've seen all day not.*

*BBW holding 'I Heart Geekologie Sign' excluded.

Put it on a hook - A rap video (featuring mario, link and megaman) by Inhumans [funnyordie]

Thanks again to Julian, who once caught a great white by dangling his hammerhead in the water. HIYO!

Mar 17 2009 Oh Grow Up: Flat Worms Fencing....Sexually

I know, I know, I should grow up. I just can't help myself. At least not when there's penis fencing involved. Superficial Writer, en garde!

Youtube

Thanks to LeftRIGHTleft, a college champion in Tit Kwon Do.

Feb 25 2009 Woman Gets Custom Mermaid Tail Prosthetic

A New Zealand woman has had a custom mermaid tail prosthetic made for her by Weta Workshop (special effects studio responsible for Lord Of The Rings, etc.). Nadya Vessey lost both of her legs below the knee as the result of a medical condition when she was young.

Ms Vessey told a little boy: "I'm a little mermaid" when he asked what happened to her legs and the idea stuck.

Weta costumer Lee Williams, who worked on the suit between film projects with seven other staff, told Close Up she "wanted [Nadya] to be beautiful and sexy".

After seeing Ms Vessey test the tail in Kilbirnie pool then frolic in the harbour, Ms Williams was stoked. "It was absolutely amazing. It's beautiful to watch Nadya swim and to see that dream come true and to be a part of that. I feel quite blessed."

Beautiful. That's beautiful, isn't it? You think she can still make love with the tail on? Because if so, I'm interested. And also, in the market for a snorkel.

Continue Reading " Woman Gets Custom Mermaid Tail Prosthetic "

Feb 24 2009 I See Your Brain: Fish Has See-Through Head

The barreleye (Macropinna microstoma for you ichthyologists) is a deepwater fish that has a see-through, fluid filled head in which it moves its eyeballs. And that, dear reader, is freaking awesome.

Barreleyes, just a few inches long, are thought to eat small fishes and jellyfish. The green pigments in their eyes may filter out sunlight coming directly from the sea surface, helping the barreleye spot the bioluminescent glow of jellies or other animals directly overhead. When it spots prey (such as a drifting jelly), a barreleye rotates its eyes forward and swims upward, in feeding mode.

What a freak! Reminds me of a girl I used to date that had a wandering eye. My God that turned me on. When she was looking at you it was like she was looking through you. Well, with her good eye anyways, the other was always wandering over your shoulder. Damn I miss that eye.

Strange Fish Has See-Through Head [aolnews]

Thanks to Pat, who has eyes in the back of his head that he can't use because he needs a haircut.

Feb 23 2009 Yes!: Google Maps Spots Lost City Of Atlantis

That's right folks, you're looking at the lost city of Atlantis, buried under the ocean off the north-western coast of Africa (the country*).

This location is awfully close to one of the spots Plato, Legendary Smart Dude, had pinpointed as a possible resting place of Atlantis. In addition, the site is about the same size as Plato described.

Google claims that the lines are remnants of the sonar traces left by boats as they surveyed the area. Plus, Plato described Atlantis as being designed as a series of concentric circles, not a grid.

Now I hate to call Google a bunch of dirty liars, but that is clearly Atlantis. Haven't you ever heard that circles look square when viewed underwater? Yeah, it's called refraction. It's the same principal that makes a toot smell worse if you do it in the bathtub. Science, folks, you can't argue with that.

Atlantis Found on Google Earth, Official Explanation Is Dubious [gizmodo]

*Stop emailing me, I'm fully aware Africa is a continent.

Feb 17 2009 Fail: Two Nuclear Subs Crash Into Each Other

In an unprecedented subbing fail, a British nuclear sub recently crashed into a French one. I've got the feeling somebody swerved out of their lane (read: the Frenchies, they're suckers for red wine).

Officials said the low-speed crash did not damage the vessels' nuclear reactors or missiles or cause radiation to leak. But anti-nuclear groups said it was still a frightening reminder of the risks posed by submarines prowling the oceans powered by radioactive material and bristling with nuclear weapons.

France said that Le Triomphant suffered damage to a sonar dome -- where navigation and detection equipment is stored -- and limped home to its base on L'Ile Longue on France's western tip. HMS Vanguard returned to a submarine base in Scotland with visible dents and scrapes, the BBC reported.

Just as I feared, they're making these stealth subs too stealthy. Next thing you know somebody's going to run into the Lock Ness Monster and kill poor Nessy. And, when it happens (and it will), we will finally know the truth: how delicious is monster BBQ?

British, French nuclear subs collide in Atlantic [yahoonews]

Thanks to Totex, who once caught a nuclear sub trying to sneak up the drain into his bathtub. And to Kyle, who once called Poseidon a bitch and lived to tell about it.

Nov 25 2008 Nanotech Material Never Gets Wet, EVER

Scientists at the University of Zurich have developed a material that never gets wet. Even if you play romantic music and kiss it tenderly.

The fabric is constructed of polyester fibers that are covered in a layer of 40-nanometer-wide silicone nanofilaments. These nanofilaments are spiky and cause water to sit in a sphere above the fabric, a permanent pocket of air protected safely below.

The material even reduces drag in water by 20%! I have no idea what sort of implications that has, but I think it's something to do with waterproof sheets. Because I used to date a girl that would drink Redbull and vodka all night and then, WITHOUT FAIL, piss the bed. God she sucked. So if you want to make fun of her or call her a hosebag, feel free. Her name and address are:

UPDATE: Ha, silly lawyers.

Nanotech Material Never Gets Wet, Even When Wet [gizmodo]

Thanks to Richthegringo, who keeps the ladies like a tropical rainforest. You know, with all sorts of crazy animals and shit.

Jul 8 2008 Dolphin Submarine/Boat Thing Could Be Fun

The Innerspace Dolphin and Seabreacher and water vessels designed to look and behave like actual dolphins. They're powered by a little engine in the back and you can do all sorts of fun stuff like barrel rolls, jumps, dives and drownings. I want one pretty bad. The Seabreacher just became available for sale this spring, unfortunately I couldn't find a price. Allegedly the smaller Dolphin model went for around $50,000, but I couldn't find any verification of this figure. Anybody know? Also, do you think they'll come out with a Dolphinbreacher model in the future? Because that's what I really see myself doing. Besides, I've already had sex with a porpoise. The porpoise was to get my girlfriend pregnant so she wouldn't leave me! HAH AHA HA HAH AH !! She left anyways. Hated puns.

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures, a commercial of the thing in action, and a link to the website if you want to buy one.

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May 15 2008 Underwater Camera Mask Is A Great Idea

The SeaLife SL321 ECOshot is (allegedly) the world's first underwater camera built into a snorkeling mask. It packs a 5 megapixel camera and is good up to depths of 15 feet. It even has crosshairs in the eye pieces so you can frame up your shot and goes for right around $100.

Sweet. Mine just arrived so I'm gonna head down to the pool and see if I can't score some shots of the college girls swim team in action. I'll post any sweet derrières I manage to capture.

UPDATE: So I was the only one in the pool. Which was weird, I mean there wasn't even a lifeguard around. I guess I missed the sign on my way in, but the pool was supposed to be closed for disinfecting. Which explains the floater in the deep end I snapped a pic of.

UPDATE UPDATE: Just got an email from a concerned reader.

Date: Thu, 15 May 2008 2:30:53
From: allstarseaworthy@snorks.com
Subject: Geekologie Tip - We came up with this shit years ago

AllStar Seaworthy (Snork)

World's First Swimming Mask With Integrated Digital Camera [tfts]

Thanks Andrew, and no, it definitely wasn't a Baby Ruth

Apr 29 2008 Imagine This Thing Sucking Your Brains Out

Festo is an industrial automation company that likes making weird shit that creeps me out. This is proof of that. It's a video of their AirJelly, which is a robotic jellyfish that runs on a lithium-ion battery, an electric motor, and a spot of helium. It reminds me of the "floater" (not of the unsinkable turd variety) aliens that Carl Sagan imagines in Cosmos when describing possible life on a Jupiter-like planet. So, yeah. Now imagine this thing attaching itself to your head and sucking your brains out through a hole it cuts with a special drill bit. It won't take your whole brain though, just enough to get a fix. That way it can come and harvest more brain juice whenever it wants. And if you think hiding underwater is the secret to saving your nog, you're wrong. They've already made the robotic bastards for the seas as well. I guess what I'm getting at here is that Festo is an organization run by robot sympathizers from the future that must be stopped. Unless you're cool being some robot's bitch. And trust me, you shouldn't be. I've had sex with a robot before, and I've got three words to say about the experience: cold, metal, could have used more oil.

A video of the underwater version (and no, it's not just a damn jellyfish) after the jump.

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Mar 31 2008 Underwater Habitat For Sale On eBay

After the homemade island debacle of a couple of weeks ago, I was reluctant to post this underwater habitat. But I'm doing it anyways in hopes of normalizing the situation and moving on with my life. For sale on eBay is a 300 square foot underwater habitat that is going to attempt a World Record in June for longest uninterrupted stay beneath water.

The record attempt will be used as a publicity event to highlight the habitat and the future company which will build these Worldwide. The successful bidder will have the option of becoming a partner in the future company. (25%) It will be there for a period of 3 months and then raised again. The living space is that of a Large RV (300sq ft) and it has full access to the internet and cable TV. The Habitat Waterford is connected by umbilical cord to the surface with power, fresh air and telecommunication being piped underwater. With no use of petrochemicals.

The bidding starts at $50,000 with a Buy-It-Now of $80,000. The record breaking will be attempted off the coast of Miami, but if you don't live there they say they can build these things anywhere. Real? Fake? Old? Old and real fake? You be the judge. But not the bailiff, I get the gun and to do the oath thing with the Bible.

UPDATE: Looked at the myspace page for the guy behind this. Questionable (but not as bad as Jack). Posted after the click. WARNING: His sultry stare can and will make you cry like a baby.

Several more schematics and info about the thing after the jump.

Continue Reading " Underwater Habitat For Sale On eBay "

Feb 27 2008 Hotel In Istanbul Being Built Underwater

While not the first underwater hotel, the one being built in Istanbul does promise some questionable views. The seven-story hotel is being built in the Istanbul Bosporus Straight, where the visibility underwater is allegedly only 10 feet. So you can forget about any view like that one in the picture! You won't be able to see shit. Well, except the pervert with an underwater camera snapping pictures of you. And yes, I agree, that sounds almost too romantic.

Underwater Hotels - Istanbul Says "Me Too!" [ohgizmo]