Oct 9 2009 I Can't Even Believe That's Real: Amazing Bullet Impacts At 1,000,000 Frames/Second
A million FPS, is that even possible? Because that's crazy if it is (also, black magical). I'll probably never do anything a million times, let alone in a single second. But regardless, this is a 10:00 video of bullets doing their thing in super slow-motion. There's some pretty sweet glass breaking action at 4:30, some ballistic gel destruction right after, and some absolutely amazing footage of bullets disintegrating against a steel plate starting at 6:20. It's just so....beautiful. I can honestly say I've never wanted to be shot so badly. Anybody here in a gang?!
Thanks to jamal, who has never missed the bullseye or a day of class. Good attendance AND a sharp shooter -- I like your style, jamal.
Apr 2 2009 Today's Awesome Failure Award Goes To....
Well, actually, it's a tie. First, a liquor store robber who probably had his mommy drive him there while he finished his juice box.
Police say a 19-year-old who tried to rob a liquor store sat down and cried after 76-year-old owner locked him in the store. The man was accused of trying to rob Sykes Liquor Store in Trenton Monday night. Police said the owner, who was behind the counter, triggered the lock after the man grabbed a bottle of Hennessy cognac and bolted for the door.
The man then allegedly pulled out a handgun and demanded to be released. But the owner said he saw that the gun was a fake, refused to unlock the door and called police.Police said the suspect threw away the gun, slumped to the floor and was crying when officers arrived to arrest him.
Wow, that is both sad and awesome at the same time. Kind of like the first time I had sex, but without the -- oh wait, he was crying. Yep, exactly like that then. Next, an idiotic failure at life who called 911 after "locking" herself in her car.
A woman called Kissimmee police to say she was locked inside her car at the Walgreen's on John Young Parkway near Poinciana.
"My car will not start. I'm locked inside my car," the unidentified woman said. "Nothing electrical works. And it's getting very hot in here, and I'm not feeling well."The dispatcher asked the woman if she was able to manually pull the lock up on the door. The woman said she would try, and then, she said, "Yes, I got the door open."
Can we please get that woman's license revoked? And also, oxygen supply. If only she hadn't gotten reception....damn you, Verizon network!
Man cries after attempt to rob liquor store fails [yahoonews]
and
Woman to 911: Help! I'm locked inside my car [orlandosentinel]
Thanks to Joemo and Jason, who have never cried because when they feel a tear coming they just punch themselves in the eye until it goes away.
Feb 20 2009 5 Minute Video Made From 6,000 Paintings
This five minute video was made by Reza Dolatabadi as his graduate film in college. It took over two years to complete and is comprised of 6,000 individual paintings shown at a rate of 20 per second. Freaking amazing. Granted, not as amazing as writing 3,003 posts on Geekologie, but still, valiant effort, Reza.
6,000 Separate Paintings... [theatlantic]
Thanks to Mark, who was going to make a movie out of a million paintings but lost them all in a house fire. So sad.
Jan 14 2009 Morons Who Named Their Son Adolph Hitler Lose Their Kids To Youth And Family Services
Remember Heath and Deborah Campbell, the two failures at life that named their children Adolph Hitler, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation, and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie? Well, unsurprisingly, they've had their kids removed from the household by the New Jersey's Division of Youth and Family Services because they're freaking idiots and shouldn't have been allowed to breed in the first place.
No reason was given for why the children were removed, however, and Holland Township police chief David Van Gilson told the site they had not received any reports of abuse or negligence.
Um, naming your son Adolph Hitler IS abuse.
"They're just names, you know," Heath Campbell told the Easton Express-Times in December. "Yeah, they (the Nazis) were bad people back then. But my kids are little. They're not going to grow up like that."
However, Heath reportedly denies the Holocaust and their home is decorated with swastikas.
Real smooth there, Heath, real smooth. Now if you'll excuse me, I've just been informed your nuts won a date with my tire iron. And guess what -- you're paying.
Report: Child named Adolf Hitler removed from home in New Jersey [nydailynews]
Thanks to Shaggy, who, despite my convincing, wouldn't name his son Thundercats.
Dec 18 2008 Stupid Idiots Name Son Adolph Hitler, Bakery Refuses To Make Birthday Cake For The Young Terrorist. Sadly, It Gets Even Worse
A husband and wife team of stupid idiots named their son Adolph Hitler Campbell because, damnit, sometimes beating your kid just isn't enough. "Heath Campbell said he named his son after Adolf Hitler because he liked the name and because "no one else in the world would have that name"." Unfortunately, ShopRite supermarket refused to decorate a birthday cake with the little tyke's name on it. Wait, it gets worse.
The shop has also refused to make a cake for Mr Campbell's second child, who turns two next February. Her name is JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell. Heath and Deborah Campbell's third child will probably not get a cake from that shop either.
The eight-month-old baby has been named Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell, apparently a reference to one of the Nazi's most monstrous leaders, SS head Heinrich Himmler.For the time being, the matter has been settled - the Campbells had their cake made by Wal-Mart.
Wal-Mart, of course. Anything to make a freaking dollar. Seriously though, this couple should have been sterilized long ago. You know, with bullets.
Baker: No Cake For Little Hitler [yahoonews]
Thanks to GRRR, who named his son The Geekologie Writer, because he wants him to grow up just like me.
Nov 20 2008 Must Read: Man Caught Red Handed And Hairy Palmed With Bottle Of Pasta Sauce
Hell no this doesn't have anything to do with gadgets or gizmos, but it is awesome. In a "boy, I'm really glad I'm not that guy" kind of way. Long story short: a man pleasuring himself with a jar of pasta sauce led cops on a low speed chase in Australia. Long story long:
A man caught near Nobbys (!!) Beach with his penis in a pasta sauce jar led police on a 20 km/h car chase, Newcastle Local Court heard yesterday.
Police drew their weapons when they suspected Keith Roy Weatherley, 46, was armed. Instead, they found him partially clothed with his genitals in a jar, a police statement said.The chase lasted five to 10 minutes, with a top speed of just 20 km/h, before Weatherley was stopped at Centenary Drive, Newcastle. He refused to leave the car.
Four officers used batons and capsicum spray to remove him.
They found a 750-millilitre jar around his penis and noted that Weatherley attempted to continue "pleasuring himself in between bouts of wrestling".
A search of his car uncovered pornography, a home-made sex aid, women's stockings and a Jack Russell terrier.
Wow, continuing to pleasure yourself while wrestling with the cops. That's....well that's just ballsy (ZING!). And I don't even want to discuss the contents of his car. But what I do want to discuss is what kind of pasta jar he was using. And also, was there still sauce in it? Traditional tomato-based or alfredo? Did he add pesto? I bet he added pesto.
Man caught with penis in pasta jar [theherald]
Thanks to Matt, who insists hot sauce bottles are where it's at. Thanks buddy, my penis just spontaneously combusted.
Oct 31 2008 Kid Arrested For Convincing (Senile) Grandma To Perform In His Ganster Rap Video
The elderly: they're wrinkly. AND highly desirable to perform in homemade gangster rap videos. Who would have known? Not me. But apparently Michael Alfinez, 18, from Lake Worth, Florida, was in on the secret. The youth is serving 18 months in jail for abusing the elderly and firearms charges.
The footage showed Marie Huertas, 85, wearing a full black balaclava and, after repeated instructions, uttering a number of gangsta rap phrases that included expletives.
A sheriff's report said Alfinez had admitted dressing up his grandmother and persuading her to flash a gun and money at the camera.Alfinez said he got the idea from a Gangstas & Thugs DVD - which show real footage rather younger hoodlums in action - and "knew (his) grandmother could be like that, too, or better".
Wow, that's one cool grandma. Mine just bakes pies and smells funny. Ha, did I mention the cats? There are cats.
US teenager jailed for 'grandmother gangster rap video' [telegraph]
Thanks to ray, whose grandmother can bust a cap better than you can.
Sep 23 2008 Cribs: Geekologie Writer Edition
I guess things got a little out of hand.
Hit the jump for more of the disgustingness, as well as a link to a whole gallery.
Sep 8 2008 Epic Fail: How Not To Clean Your Fishtank
I know what you're thinking, "is that a video still of a fish in some kid's bladder?" And the answer, dear reader, is yes, yes it is.
The patient, who was admitted to hospital with complaints of pain, dribbling urine and acute urinary retention spanning a 24-hour period, gave an interesting explanation.
Details of the case, which was documented in The Internet Journal of Urology, have revealed that the patient claimed that the fish "slipped" into his penis while he was maintaining his aquarium."While he was cleaning the fish tank in his house, he was holding a fish in his hand and went to the toilet for passing urine. When he was passing urine, the fish slipped from his hand and entered his urethra and then he developed all these symptoms.
Riiiight. So the kid was holding a fish in his hand while pissing and it, like the noble salmon, swam up his urine stream and into the pecker. Sounds fishy if you ask me. Just admit it kid, you're a freak. And also, you should be banned from the pet store.
Boy in bizarre 'fish in penis' accident [practicalfishkeeping]
Thanks to Jennifer, who has a friend that had a similar accident with a turtle.
Aug 20 2008 ZOMG, She's Not Real -- She's CG!
You see that chick? She's not real -- she's a CG version of actress Emily O'Brien created by facial animation studio Image Metrics. And let me tell you, she definitely kicks the shit out of last week's CG facials.
Using (USC's) Institute for Creative Technologies' special scanning system that can capture facial details down to the individual pore, the face of actress Emily O'Brien was transformed into a digital representation of herself, which could then be entirely machine-manipulated. A special spherical lighting rig captured O'Brien in 35 reference facial poses using a pair of high resolution digital cameras. The facial maps were then converted into 3D data using Image Metrics' proprietary markerless motion capture technology.
Hit the jump to see a high-res video of the CG Emily talking and moving. It's freaking amazing. Did I mention she kind of looks like Keira Knightley? Because she does. Now I'm not sure what kind of implications this has for the adult-entertainment industry, but if I had to guess, I'd say a series of wicked pirate-themed skin-flicks. Pirates of The Caribbean: At World's Rear End! Or, alternatively, Pirates of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chesticles.
Hit the jump for a few more pictures and a very worthwhile video.
Jul 15 2008 Guy Tries To Rob Pizza Joint, Gets An Extra Large Knocked The Hell Out
There's nothing funnier than when some asshat tries to rob a pizza joint and ends up getting knocked the f*** out. Especially when his wig falls off and an employee realizes it's her dad.
As Stephanie Martinez was getting money out of a cash drawer, a co-worker, Rudy Sandoval, fought back against the intruder, knocking off his wig and sunglasses. Whe she saw the face behind the wig and dark glasses, "I dropped the money," Ms. Martinez said. "I said, 'Don't hit him again! That's my dad!' And he said, 'What's he doing here?' and I said, 'I don't know!' "
Wow, surprisingly, Stephanie was not in on the job, but her mom was. Robbing your daughter's workplace -- now that's family for you. Hold on, door.
UPDATE: It was my dad, he kicked me in the face and stole my wallet.
Skip to 1:15 for the action, 2:45 for a close-up.
Denton pizza employee: Surprised to see dad when wig falls off robber [dallasnews]
and
Do not rob this pizza store [break]
Thanks to Jaybone and Julian, now one of you bring over a pizza. I can't cook and had to dump the girlfriend after I found out she has a thing for some Italian's sausage.
Jul 11 2008 OMG, OMG, WATCH THIS RIGHT NOW!!!
This is a video of a guy lying down on a motorcycle and text messaging, all while cruising down the highway in New Delhi, India. No way? Yes way! And also, holy shit!
Have a great weekend everybody.
Thanks to Lockjaw and Julian for showing me the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen in my entire life.
Jun 30 2008 Drinking And Driving: Party-A-CarGo
The Party-A-CarGo isn't just the worst named product I've seen in recent history, it's also the drinking-and-drivingest. What is it you ask? Why it's a kegorator and sound system hitch, of course. The $3,000 unit holds a regular keg, 5-gallon cooling system, two 6"x9" speakers, 10" subwoofer, and 9" LCD television. No extension kits or dash-mounted taps available, "I've been drinking" sign optional, but not recommended.
Party-A-CarGo slaps a kegorator on the back of your truck [dvice]
Jun 23 2008 Way To Desecrate My Favorite Characters: Star Wars Dance Competition At Disney
So apparently Disney has now started having "Star Wars Weekends" at Walt Disney World. What does this mean? Among other things, a Star Wars Character Dance Competition that made my blood boil. The video is over 5 minutes long, so what you want to do is let it load, and then watch a random ten seconds of the first 3 minutes, and then actually let it play at 3:11. This video has singlehandedly desecrated the memory of my favorite childhood characters. Kind of like that time at my Halloween party when I walked in on my girlfriend humping Optimus Prime. Suffice it to say I trashed all my Transformers and Uncle Jake isn't my favorite uncle anymore.
Star Wars Dance Off [uberreview]
Jun 20 2008 Woman Died Watching TV In 1966, Found 42 Years Later, Probably Stunk In The Interim
A woman in Croatia died in 1966 while watching television in her apartment, and was just now discovered.
Hedviga Golik made herself a cup of tea and sat down to watch some television in her hometown of Zagreb, Croatia. Sadly, she died in her chair. This was in 1966. She was just found, 42 years later, in her time capsule mausoleum where she's been sitting ever since. She never finished her tea.
Apparently her apartment was never checked, despite a missing person report being filed when she went missing. Only recently did the authorities break into the unit and discover the woman while trying to determine who owned the place.
Damn, that's freaking nuts! I can't imagine how the place went unchecked for 42 years. It had to have stunk like shit for a good long while. Kind of like my place. Isn't that right, Grandma? Grandma? Awh, shit.
Woman Who Died While Watching TV Sat Unfound For 42 Years [gizmodo]
Thanks Shawn, say, you mind calling the funeral parlor?
May 23 2008 Awesomeness!: Weezer's New Music Video Features A Bunch Of Youtube All-Stars!
Weezer's "Pork and Beans" music video is freaking awesome. It's got a bunch of Youtube stars in it that they got together to shoot the video. Just watch it. Like right now, at work. Crank the volume up, break the knob off, and sing along like a freaking maniac (extra points if you take your shirt off or whip your thing out). When your boss comes knocking tell him The Geekologie Writer told you to do it and that if he wants to contact me he's gonna have to use the email tip line. I don't need that asshole calling and interrupting Drunkfest: Memorial Day Weekend Edition.
Thanks James, that video made my day, come over and we'll grill out and drink beers
May 15 2008 (Oh God Please Be) FAKE: Ghost In Elevator
I watched this video a couple of times so needless to say I'm making this post from under the bed. It's allegedly a video of a ghost in a Singapore hotel's elevator (let it load and skip to 1:20 to see the goods). I'm sure it's fake as all hell. Right? It's fake right? Good, because you know ghosts scare the crap out of me. Seriously, I've got a huge mess back there. You know, I'd be more inclined to believe this was real if the ghost wasn't a dead(!) ringer for the bag lady I make out with at the train station on Mondays and Wednesdays. I know she's still kickin' -- we played a little tonsil table tennis just yesterday. I would have won too, but she cheated and bit the tip of my tongue off.
UPDATE: Thankfully, I did some investigative interwebbing and found the creators of the video. It's some human resource group that wants you to work for them and "never have to work late and risk seeing a ghost". Which is stupid because the guys in the video never even saw the damn ghost. That said, I have seen one before. It sucked. It was this real busty chick. I tried to cop a feel but my hand just passed right through her. Tease.
Ghost Caught On A CCTV In An Elevator [aolvideo]
Thanks Emilia, I hate sleeping anyways
Apr 14 2008 I Want To Be A Pusher When I Grow Up
This is the job I want when I grow up. And no, not because it gives you a great opportunity to cop the occasional feel.
Oshiya, or "pusher", is an informal Japanese term for a worker who stands on the platform of a railway station during the morning and evening rush hours, and pushes people onto the train. This video is a good example of just how crowded it gets on Japanese trains.
Oh man that's great. I love how the pusher starts shoving the guy in the white coat when he's nowhere near the door. So awesome. I could totally do that for a living. I'd love my job so much I'd even go above and beyond the call of duty, constantly honing my ability to efficiently get people on the train. I've already got a few new proprietary techniques in mind. Namely kicking and pile driving.
Thanks to Robin, who would make the best pusher sidekick ever, for the tip
Feb 15 2008 Fish Forest Fishtanks Are So Freaking Sweet
I love aquariums, they're so relaxing. I used to have one in my bedroom until the sound of it started making me piss the bed. However that may be worth it to have the beauty of an Adana Aqua Forest Aquariums bedside. They're amazing. However due the incredible plantlife contained in each, they're difficult to maintain. CO2 and fertilizer must be added to the tank, along with grow lights and a special filter system. I think this type of system might also limit the type of fish you can put in the tank, as I only saw tetras in the pictures (I could be wrong about this). All I know is that I want one yesterday. Unfortunately my cats would have a field day with the open top design. I learned this the hard way with the open top mouse cage I used to have.
RIP Professor Squeak, Squeakers, Cheddar, Cheerio, Mighty, Danger, Red Eyes, Mickey, Minnie, Pikachu, Stich, Whiskers, Jujube, Kitty Food, Rascal and Cheeky. You're missed dearly.
Hit the jump for a bunch more of the awesome aquariums, along with a link to their gallery that is a must see if you like there. And no, I've never actually had any pet mice. Those beady eyed bastards scare the shit out of me.
Continue Reading " Fish Forest Fishtanks Are So Freaking Sweet "
Nov 23 2007 U.S. Patent 6313371: Underwear Deodorizer
Well I hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving yesterday and stuffed themselves full. I know I did -- I made my famous Thanksgiving bourbon. My mother brought a great gin dish over and my father cooked up an exceptional moonshine. Fun was had by all until I tried to make out with my sister. Anyways.
Just in time for Thanksgiving leftovers comes U.S. Patent 6313371. It describes the Flatulence Deodorizer, which is a "non-intrusive" pad you tape "inside briefs or panties in the anal area". It's basically a little activated carbon patch that neutralizes odors. And f'ing ridiculous. Just make sure the woman you brought home doesn't see it when you're stripping down. Because she'll jump out the window. And tell all her friends. Please don't get these, just blame the dog or a senile old person. That's what I do.
Farting damage control for the holidays [ubergizmo]
