Aug 28 2009 Perfect With A Lead Vest: The X-Ray Umbrella
The x-ray umbrella is an umbrella with x-rays all over the damn place. It does NOT allow you to see through a woman's shirt. Unless she's wearing white and it's pouring out, in which case, yes, it does do that. And I've got to tell you: as a guy who's broken his arm twice in the same place and now has a plate and a bunch of screws in there (I am NOT a robot, just a man with an advanced biomechanical arm), I'm no stranger to x-rays. Or those gamma joints. You hear that, Hulk? I will arm wrestle the shit out of you!
Aug 14 2009 Rain-Free, Hands-Free: The Shoulderbrella
This isn't the first hands-free umbrella we've ever seen, but it does rank right up there with the stupidest (you're going to get one, aren't you?). The Shoulderbrella is a $25 flexible dong that attaches to the end of any umbrella so that you can form it around your shoulder for hands-free umbrella usage. Also works with parasols! Unfortunately the Shoulderbrella does NOT work with taste and decency. Or shoulder mounted cannons. Which, okay now I'm thinking about boobs. My God I love those things.
Shoulderbrella: Because Holding Your Umbrella Is Haaaarrrd [gizmodo]
Apr 6 2009 For Sale: The T-Virus Vial From Resident Evil
Want to own the T-virus?
Direct from the set of Resident Evil:Extinction comes the very very key virus tube! This is one of the most sought after movie collectibles from this franchise and is yours to bring home today. This is a glass vial with non-removable metal end caps with empty spiraling inner glass tubes. (One of the Tubes is loose) This measures approximately 4.75" x 1.5" and is screen used.
What do you mean, "One of the Tubes is loose"? I ain't paying no damn $4K for a nonfunctional virus container, I'll tell you that right now. You try to fill that up and next thing you know you're spilling T-virus juice down the front of your pants. Which....
UPDATE: It grew arms! Now, who needs a Monday hug?
Thanks to OctopusPie, who's delicious with a little CuttlefishIcecream.
Jan 28 2009 Light Saber Umbrellas: Battle Sith Lords, Women And Wetness At The Same Time
These $40 Light Saber Umbrellas are the first to combine the coolness of staying dry when it's raining with the incredible sadness of wielding a nonfunctional lightsaber out in public. That said, I take mine everywhere. Wow, is it just me or is it raining lady-killer in here?*
*It's just me. Come get some, beautiful.
Hit the jump for several more pictures of the awesome. Also, when rain hits a lightsaber does it crackle and pop like a bug-zapper? That's what I imagine.
UPDATE: Bladerunner Umbrellas, not Star Wars. What, can you blame a guy for drinking?
Continue Reading " Light Saber Umbrellas: Battle Sith Lords, Women And Wetness At The Same Time "
Sep 30 2008 Umbrella Lets Rain Know Where To Stick It
This F*** The Rain Umbrella is made by Art Lebedev and lets mother nature know where to stick it. It's a real product and will set you back about $55. Although, personally, I like the rain. Like that Garbage song goes, "I'm only happy when it rains, I'm only happy when it's complicated." Okay, that last part was a lie. I hate complicated shit. Like math. Oh, an tyoping without l ookkning.
Hit the jump for an uncensored picture and what it looks like from the rain's point of view.
Continue Reading " Umbrella Lets Rain Know Where To Stick It "
Jun 26 2008 Sure, Why Not?: Ceiling Mounted Faucets
The Gessi ceiling-mounted faucet is mounted to the ceiling because walls are boring. You control the flow with a little joystick (or optional remote) and they probably cost a fortune. Especially if you don't already have water pipes running in your ceiling. Still, I like them and wouldn't be upset if one of my favorite bars installed them. But I would be if my girlfriend tried to in our bathroom. Last week she was installing a new shower curtain and, long story short, almost burnt the house down.
Gessi's Crazy, Crazy Ceiling Mounted Plumbing [uberreview]
Apr 7 2008 UFOCap Keeps You Dry, Abstinent
The UFOCap is a hands-free umbrella that makes you look like a giant condom. The thing looks so ridiculous that the majority of people in the advertisement refused to wear them. Currently only available in Korea, they probably won't make it much further. I still want one though. No, I take that back, I'm saving myself for a Nubrella. And for marriage. Otherwise Santa might fill my stocking with reindeer shit and I'll be forced to kidnap the fat bastard.
UFO Cap Makes You Look Like Spin Top, Repels Rain and Women [gizmodo]
Thanks to Andrew, who attracts women like it's his job (which it may be, I think he's a gigolo), for the tip
Feb 21 2008 It's About Freaking Time: The Nubrella
The Nubrella is a $60 hands-free umbrella. If you can't tell from the pictures it's fairly ridiculous looking. Now I've never been one to really care what I look like, particularly out in the elements, but I still don't think I could bring myself to don a Nubrella.
Nubrella is no ordinary umbrella, it stops rain, wind, snow and extreme cold- and keeps your head, face and shoulders drier than ever. It offers more protection, guaranteed! Yet, nubrella went one step further and is changing the game forever. With nubrella's new patent pending "shoulder straps" and "offset handle" you can now be completely hands free!
Wow, "changing the game forever", that's a pretty bold statement. Now exactly what game are we talking about here? I need to know so I'm never caught accidentally playing. Nubrella - I'd rather be soaked.
A couple more ridiculous pictures after the jump.
Nov 27 2007 Umbrella Flask Hides Liquor, Costs Too Much
This Brigg umbrella features a Malacca cane two-piece handle with a fitted screw-in drinking flask. That's all well and good, but the damn thing costs around $880! Now correct me if I'm wrong, but if you have $880 to spend on a freaking umbrella, I'm pretty sure you're allowed to drink anywhere you damn well please. Because you're filthy rich. Who would want to be caught drinking out of a cane/umbrella anyways? You'd look ridiculous. Like I do right now drinking out of my girlfriend's purse. The bartender looked away for one second last night and I had that thing filled to the brim with bourbon. Sure it tastes like makeup and tampons, but that's a small price to pay for free liquor.
Umbrella Flask: Swigin' in the Rain [boingboing]
Oct 17 2007 Umbrella Water Gun Wets The Unsuspecting
The Umbrella Water Gun, from Alexy Woolley Design, is what's created when an umbrella gets drunk one night and goes home with a hussy of a water gun. The unit collects water in the concave top, which travels down into the water gun handle -- so you never run out of ammo as long as it's raining! Brilliant. Just add some dye or food coloring to the reservoir to really piss people off. Just make sure you're wearing running shoes, because if I get sprayed I'll take that umbrella and ram it so far up your ass you'll die of dehydration.
One more after the jump of people who don't understand when to use an umbrella.
Continue Reading " Umbrella Water Gun Wets The Unsuspecting "
Apr 30 2007 SENZ Umbrella is aerodynamic
The SENZ Umbrella is an aerodynamic umbrella which the manufacturer claims can withstand storms up to wind force 10. I'm not even sure what that means, but if there's one thing I've always said about my umbrellas, it's that I wish they were more aerodynamic. And also made out of chocolate.
