Sep 19 2009 That's Classy: Truckvette Spotted At Walmart
That has got to be the fastest looking truck I've ever seen. And I saw a truck shot out of a cannon before, so I know. Still, needs truck nuts.
TRUCK-VETTE [peopleofwalmart]
Thanks to Alan, who once drove a truck to the moon and did donuts in a crater. Bitchin'!
Aug 7 2009 You're Doing It Wrong: Dell Shipping Options
I don't even want to know how much this shipping option is, but one thing is certain: it's not worth it. Not only is the box being crushed, but it's upside down! Dude, you're getting a Dell broken computer.
Thanks to Todd, who, for actually taking the picture, receives today's unsafe driver award. Congratulations!
Jul 1 2009 Vroom Vroom Kabloom: 2,700 HP Jet Truck
Chris Lentz, instead of going the classy route and getting a pair of truck nuts, decided to throw a Czech built Motorlet M-701 turbojet in the bed of his truck.
The fifty-five-year-old electrical foreman from Jackson, Michigan, had longed for a jet-powered truck for decades. Two years ago, Lentz discovered a way to realize his dream when he met a pilot from New York who imported used turbojet engines. After watching an example run on a test stand, Lentz paid $10,000 for one.
Unfortunately, it's pretty unimpressive.
Without jet assist, Lentz's 231-hp V-8 accelerated its 6600-pound burden (truck, jet engine, two occupants) to 60 mph in a sluggish 14.5 seconds.
The best of three runs in hybrid mode - exploiting both piston and jet propulsion - trimmed six seconds from the sprint to 60 mph. The quarter-mile speed jumped 30 mph and we achieved 140 mph after 45 seconds of acceleration.
Wow. You could probably tape bottle rockets to your bumper and go faster. Just sayin', HAPPY CANADA DAY! Somebody burn themself with a firework for me.
Video after the jump.
Continue Reading " Vroom Vroom Kabloom: 2,700 HP Jet Truck "
May 13 2009 UPDATE: Zapatag Calls Out Bad Drivers
Zapatag is a user submitted database of bad/inconsiderate/female/rude/raging drivers' license plate numbers and their alleged infractions. I have no idea of the legality of such a system, but quite frankly, I don't care -- I think this is a great idea. Provided, of course, I never see a GK WRITR tag pop up. If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk! That said, I change my mind about the GK WRITR thing -- make as many sightings as you can around the DC area talking about how handsome I am and how I can make light turns green by unbuttoning my shirt. Also, maybe mention that it looked like my truck was dragging its muffler but it turned out to be my penis. Ladies?
UPDATE: Click HERE to see all my infractions to date.
Thanks to The Jerk, who already has like fifty listings.
Mar 4 2009 Cat Truck Designed To Pick Up Girls
This is a 1998 Dodge Truck that some guy heavily modded to look like a giant pink cat. A veritable kitty-magnet, if you will. It's currently for sale in Central Ottawa, Canada for $10K.
I have a dodge truck cut in half to make this cat mobile. It has a turbo charger, air intake, neons, aftermarket exhaust, headers and a cat body kit. Made to pick up GIRLS, THEY LOVE IT.
Of course they do. Wait -- didn't I see you circling the middle school?
1998 Dodge [usedottawa]
Thanks to Chris, who picks up chicks the way God intended: with a giant claw.
Nov 29 2008 Tilt-Shift Video Makes Big Things Look Small
Tilt-shift video: I don't even know what it is.
Tilt-shift photography can be used for many things, but one of the more interesting is a technique used to trick the mind into thinking very large things are very small. Tilt-shift takes advantage of our familiarity with very close up images of small things, where the object of interest is in focus, but everything else is progressively blurred.
You know, you could almost write a novella about all the things I don't know. Ha, just kidding, tilt-shift video was the last piece of the puzzle. Knowledge: the shit's like money for your brain. Drugs: drugs are like your brain getting robbed by a bearded man who uses the money to take it on a tropical vacation. Whee, Mexico!
Amazing Tilt-Shift Video From Monster Truck Rally [jalopnik]
Thanks to Jake, who allegedly has some tilt-shift video of your girlfriend he'll post on the internet if you don't send him all your Star Wars figurines.
Nov 10 2008 What Could Possibly Go Wrong? (Everything): World's Largest Truck Going Robotic
A group of sickos at Carnegie Mellon have decided to automate the world's largest truck, a 3,550-horsepower, 700-ton behemoth designed to haul 240-ton loads.
Autonomous vehicle technology is pretty much in its infancy," said Tony Stentz, a professor at CMU involved in the project. Stentz expects that over the next five to 10 years, the technology will expand to areas beyond mining, eventually finding its way into consumer cars and trucks.
Autonomous vehicle technology. Really has a ring to it, doesn't it? No, it doesn't -- and anybody that answered yes is a robot sympathizer and officially on the FU-BOTS shit list. Seriously, this is bad news. You know what happens when a 700-ton robot truck gets road rage?
A: Everybody dies.
World's Largest Truck Goes Robotic [discovery]
Thanks to Hayden, who gets a free membership to FU-BOTS for finding this as scary as I do.
Oct 7 2008 Wait, What?: A Smart Car Monster Truck
Somebody modded a Smart Car into a monster truck because, well, that's what people do. You come up with a really bad idea after a long night of drinking, and the next day you make your inebriated dream a reality. Trust me, it's the human condition.
Thanks to Tim, who has drawn up plans for a Big Wheels monster truck.
Aug 26 2008 How To Slow Down Speeders In China
This is how local authorities decided to combat speeders on the Jing Zhuang highway in ShanXi province, China: with two 100 foot long, 2 foot high barriers that require motorists to slow down and wind their way through the passage. Hey, you know what else discourages speeders? Cutting their brake lines. Because then they can only go as fast as they feel comfortable hitting a tree. My wife sure as hell doesn't speed anymore. Or even drive for that matter. You see, she's dead. *sobbing*And the sad part is *sniffle* I hate cooking for myself.
Jump for one more picture of the foolproof anti-speeding deterrent.
Jul 16 2008 Oops: How Not To Use A Drive-Through ATM
This is how not to use a drive-through ATM. Now I hate to sound sexist or anything, but this is quite clearly a woman's doing. So what if the only people in the truck were a guy and his 10-year old son? His wife probably demanded some cash before allowing them to leave on their male-bonding camping trip. And you know what she was gonna use the money for while they were gone? Shoes. Shoes and, more than likely, a male stripper. Now do I know women or do I know women? I freaking know them like the back of my hand. See, there's the scar from when I cut myself opening a can of catfood, and there's the...wait a minute, I don't remember getting a "chauvinist asshole" tattoo.
Note: Thankfully, both the driver and his son escaped from the truck unharmed.
Thanks Kate and Jaybone, either one of you want to be towed behind my truck on an office chair? We could go through the drive through at Dairy Queen and get ice creams.
Jun 27 2008 Half RV, Half Houseboat, All Totally Awesome
Cool Amphibious Manufacturers International retrofits RV's to make them amphibious. You just drive the massive mother into a lake, and presto, houseboat for the weekend. I want one badly but they cost anywhere between $850,000 - $1.2 million, putting them about $850,000 - $1.2 million out of my price range. Oh well, I guess I can always steal the neighbor's RV and drive it into the lake. It might float. Some sugar in the gas tank should do the trick. Check out a link to the company's website after the jump -- they even make an amphibious SUV and sports car. Neat shit. Certainly brings new meaning the the phrase, "I drove my RV into a lake", doesn't it?
Friend: What did you get into this weekend?
Me: You know, the usual -- I drove my RV into the lake.
Friend: HA! No seriously.
Me: I'm being serious, it's amphibious.
Friend: Man, if you're just gonna lie--
Me: Fine asshole, I had sex with some chick from outerspace.
Friend: No way! Do they really have three tits?
Hit the jump for some more shots and a link to their pictureful website.
Oh, and have a great weekend!
Continue Reading " Half RV, Half Houseboat, All Totally Awesome "
May 22 2008 Oh Man, I NEED One: Duckhunt Hunting Hat
Man with one of these I wouldn't feel so out of place shooting the bull with the "colorful locals" (read: rednecks) in town. A pixelated duck being shot at is the universal language of men in these parts. And at only $22 this hat is practically a steal. Although truthfully, I've never actually paid for a hat before. I just show up at the bar around 11:00 A.M. when they open and take any that were left on coat racks the night before. Then I proceed to get drunk and brag about any good finds. Which, nowadays, is anything without scabies.
Duck Hunt Trucker Hat, Not What I Always Wanted, But It'll Do [uberreview]
May 13 2008 Jerrari Is Half Jeep, Half Ferrari, All For Sale
Looking to buy a car but can't make up your mind? Have you got it narrowed down between a Jeep and Ferrari? Well why not pick up this sweet-ass Jerrari and get both!
This one-off combines a 1969 Jeep Wagoneer with a Ferrari 365-GT front-end. Although currently equipped with a 350ci V8, it could easily be returned to its original Ferrari V-12 power plant.
That's right folks, the Jerrari is the lovechild of a Ferrari and Jeep that spent a romantic night together in the shadowy corner of a used car lot. You see, the two got drunk after lapping up the remains from some wino's jug that he accidentally knocked over while urinating on the side of the Jeep. Yep, they totally bumped bumpers, and the Ferrari squeezed the Jerrari out her tailpipe four months later. The Jeep soon grew tired of the Ferrari's constant bickering and cracked his own block. Now the Ferrari is selling her offspring so she can afford a CD player and new floor mats to attract another mate. Strumpet.
Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures and a link to the auction which has a TON (literally, 2,000 lbs.) more and links to some videos.
Continue Reading " Jerrari Is Half Jeep, Half Ferrari, All For Sale "
Jan 31 2008 Hitch Hands Are Utterly Ridiculous, OMG
I know what you're thinking -- there's no way a product can top the swinging testicles in the "stupid truck accessories" department. Well making a valiant effort is the Hitch Hand. It's a $40 hand that mounts on your truck hitch. You can form it to make such hilarious gestures as "the finger" and "the shocker". Oh my god if I had been old enough to drive in 8th grade this thing would have been the shit.
Hitch Hands Website complete with dumb ass questions section
Thanks to Kelly, who knows a classy product when she sees one, for the tip
