Oct 29 2009 DO WANT: This Giant Freaking Treehouse
Where was this when I was growing up? Not in my backyard, that's where! I did have a Cabbage Patch Kids playhouse though, so there. And you know what? There was a wasp nest in the roof, but did that stop this future blogger from playing house? HELL NO IT DIDN'T.
Well, if you did find yourself fancying your childhood treehouse as the world's greatest, you may find yourself having to think again after getting to see the treehouse Horrace Burgess has built around Crossville in the United States state of Tennessee.
You start to appreciate the greatness of the treehouse Horrace Burgess has built when the figures are brought in. Standing at 97 feet in height, one agrees that the structure Horrace Burgess has built is the structure to beat, if you want to lay a claim to owning (or even having seen) thegreatest treehouse in the world.
Impressive, Horrace, but where's the 'No gurlz allowd' sign? And don't EVEN tell me you let females in that thing. THAT IS BREAKING THE SACRED BOND OF TREEHOUSE OWNERSHIP. Punishable by, um, letting me crash there for a week month. Come on, I'll eat your squirrel problem!
Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures and the link to even more.
Oct 8 2009 Wow, That Was Sad: Tree Electrocutes Itself
This is a video of a tree which, unable to cope with the unruly birds and squirrels that have taken up residence in its branches, has decided to off itself with the help of a nearby power line. It's almost as painful to watch as your apartment building going up in flames because you were trying to grow pot in your closet. Almost. NOT THAT I'D KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT. Pfft, I went to D.A.R.E.!
Tree Electrocutes Self [collegehumor]
Thanks to NUTZBABIE, who I would probably steer clear of.
Sep 28 2009 Crazy: Lockheed Martin's Samurai Monocopter
Monocopters are single-bladed airfoils, best known for falling from maple trees as whirligigs. But this is a radio controlled version developed by Lockheed Martin that actually flies UP instead of only down. I predict robotic versions in the future with really, really sharp blades on them.
Eventually, the SAMARAI project was supposed to produce a nanomonocopter (?) about the same size as a seed pod (on the order of 1.5 inches long and 10 grams in weight), driven by a miniature rocket or jet thruster, able to send back streaming video (that was stabilized somehow), autonavigate, and deliver a 2 gram payload up to a kilometer away. The big version in the video above was a testbed to help engineers figure out just how to get this thing to fly in a stable and controllable manner.
Forget helicopters and monocopters, what ever happened to good old fashioned jetpacks? Because jetpacks, as my Magic 8-Ball just confirmed, are the wave of the future. Just saying, you ever made love to a girl wearing one? Don't do it from behind.
Lockheed Martin SAMARAI UAV Scares Me [botjunkie]
Sep 22 2009 Idiot Moron Uses 600K Text Messages/Month
Some idiot moron, in an effort to become the world's biggest failure at life, used 662,258 text messages on his iPhone in a month. Plus the jerkbag got the 12,301 page itemized bill sent to him, so he doesn't even care about trees. I did the math, and it comes out to sending a text message just about every 4 seconds, all day every day. So I assume there was some sort of automated program involved. Also, a monster douche.
Hit the jump for two videos of the idiot looking at his bill.
Continue Reading " Idiot Moron Uses 600K Text Messages/Month "
Aug 11 2009 I Like: Sticky Notes In Wooden Block Form
This is a block of sticky notes that was designed to look like a chunk of wood. And, as I'm sure you all know, wood is good. But metal -- metal is bettel. I AM THE RHYME MASTER! Although, truthfully, metal is not bettel. Because that's the stuff they make modern robots out of. And by the associative property of mathematics (I'm excellent with numbers), that makes the material inherently cold and evil. Ever seen a wooden robot? HELL NO, I BURNT THEM ALL. High-five! Now, help me drag this BEEP BOOP BOPPER to the fire pit.
Jul 8 2009 UPDATE: Highly Questionable, The USB Chainsaw
The i.Saw is allegedly the first USB-powered chainsaw. Supposedly it's real and available for $60 pre-order, but I dunno. I mean, a USB chainsaw would be handy to have around the office, I just question it being a real product. Because $60 sounds a little too good to be true. And with the amount of dead hookers yours truly The Superficial Writer The IWatchStuff Writer disposes of on a weekly basis, this thing would practically pay for itself (but not literally so we'd still have to sell drugs).
UPDATE: Unsurprisingly fake. Thanks to reader Owen who pre-ordered and received this email:
Hello:
We love that you liked the i.Saw enough to pre-order.
Truth is, you already own a chainsaw. Your keyboard.
Help save more trees by cutting down on unnecessary printing. Download
PaperCut, a free application that plays the sound of a chainsaw each
time you press Ctrl-P.
Questionable video after the jump.
Continue Reading " UPDATE: Highly Questionable, The USB Chainsaw "
Jun 21 2009 NYC Billboard Tracks Greenhouse Gases
Deutsche Bank put up a billboard in Madison Square Garden that allegedly displays almost real-time data on the amount of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere. And I, for one, can't read that number.
Kevin Parker, global head of Deutsche Bank's Asset Management division, said of the counter at its unveiling: "It will be a huge task to bring global emissions under control and my hope is that putting this data in public view will spur both governments and markets to move us more quickly to a low-carbon economy."
The counter increases at around 800 tons a second, which, if you are good at the maths, you know translates into, um, a lot per day. At least half of which is my roommate. Seriously, dude's so gassy the walls in his bedroom are turning brown.
World's first real-time carbon emissions counter adds a chilling 800 tons a second [dvice]
May 31 2009 Sweet!: Plant Some Trees, Grow A Chair
The Growing Chair is a clear plastic frame in which you grow trees to form a seat shape so that, in your old age, you can sit around drinking moonshine and reminiscing on the days when you had to use power tools to make a chair (or were Amish). Personally, I love the idea BECAUSE I AM ONE WITH GAIA. And by one with Gaia I mean a nudist. Except I wear jean shorts.
Hit the jump for another picture.
Feb 11 2009 'Invisible' Treehouse Hotel Is Hard To Find
Let's face it, we all want to live in treehouses. Unfortunately, I purchased all the remaining trees on earth, so it looks like you suckers are out of luck. Hey, there's always telephone poles. Also, I will be selling acorns for $1,000 a pop. Anyway, this is a treehouse hotel constructed of mirrored glass by Swedish architectural firm Tham & Videgard Hansson Arkitekter.
It is an old architectural trick used since the invention of mirrored glass: covering buildings with the reflective material and declaring that they blend in with the surroundings. Most architects use it to convince wary citizens that it is OK if their building is tall because it will reflect the sky and nature. The rendering always makes the building disappear, and the reality is always a big clunky mirrored box.
I like it. And not just because I was conceived in a treehouse. Because I wasn't -- I was conceived in the trunk of an Oldsmobile after a drug deal gone horribly wrong. Oh, I'm sorry -- was that too romantic to tell this close to Valentine's?
Hit the jump for schematics of what the inside looks like.
Continue Reading " 'Invisible' Treehouse Hotel Is Hard To Find "
Jan 21 2009 Wow, That's Woody: A Custom Wooden Vespa
This wooden Vespa was made by woodmaster Carlos Alberto to show off his skills in the art of woodery. The entire exterior was constructed of laminated hardwood and, I've got to admit, it looks pretty damn amazing. But the question remains: is there a cooler form of transportation than a wooden Vespa? And the answer, of course, is yes, all of them. Including hobbling on crutches.
Hit the jump for several closeups and a link to the build page.
Continue Reading " Wow, That's Woody: A Custom Wooden Vespa "
Dec 31 2008 All Of Crappy 2008 In A Mere 40 Seconds
This is a time-lapse video made by Eirik Solheim of the year 2008. As you can see, it was an eventful year. The trees started off naked, put on their sexy spring and summer dresses, then stripped down again in the fall. And I imagine there was a botanical orgy of immeasurable proportions in there somewhere as well. You know -- trees humping trees, a couple bushes trying to get in on the action, maybe a lone deer banging a stump. But maybe that shit doesn't really happen the way I imagine -- how the hell should I know, I'm not a freaking Hobbit!
Dec 18 2008 'Tis The Season: Beer Bottle Christmas Trees
With Jesus' surprise roller-skating party just a week away, I thought I'd spread some holiday drunkeness in the form of beer bottle Christmas trees. This first one is made from 1,050 bottles, and there's a video after the jump of a Heineken tree with over 2,000. Also, I added a video of some drunkard making a Jagermeister tree out of a big piece of plywood and airplane bottles. It's amazing the time and effort people put into these things. A thousand bottles, 200 lights, 60 man-hours of labor, and one drunk Geekologie Writer to bring it all crashing down. Feliz cumpleaños, Jesus! And tell Santa I'll post nudey pics of Mrs. Claus if he pulls that coal shit again this year.
Hit it for the other videos.
Continue Reading " 'Tis The Season: Beer Bottle Christmas Trees "
Dec 13 2008 Apple Apples Sadly Aren't McIntosh
Some Apple fan in Japan, one who owns a Fuji apple orchard, decided to profess his love for Macs in the only way he knows how, by growing fruit with the Apple logo and little pictures of iPods on them. How did he achieve the feat? Simply -- with stickers. You just put a sticker on an apple while it ripens, take it off when picked, and presto -- an iPod apple. What about the stickers makes the images appear? F***ing sorcery! And that, my friends, is scientific.
Hit the jump for a close-up.
Dec 1 2008 Yes Please!: A Sweet Chainsaw Bayonet
So I was out shooting the ol' shotgun the other day, and I thought to myself, "self, could blasting the hell out of this stump get any more awesome?" And the answer, dear reader, is yes, a chainsaw bayonet would have totally made it awesomer. PEW PEW, BRUUUM BRUUUM BR BR BRUUUM!! Oh yeah, that's the stuff. The stuff of boners.
Hit the jump to see a picture of the saw mounted on a shotgun, along with a video of a guy terrorizing pumpkins with the AR-15/saw combo. Fun for all ages!
Sep 17 2008 World's Shortest Man Meets Leggiest Woman
The Guinness Book of World Records held an event yesterday in Trafalgar Square to celebrate the release of the 2009 edition. Among the attendees were Svetlana Pankratova, world's leggiest woman (at 52"), and He Pingping, the world's shortest man (at 2' 5.37"). As you can see, the photoshoot gave He the perfect opportunity to score a worm's eye view of Svetlana's love nest. Nice He, but if I was you I would have climbed one of those legs and built a treehouse.
Shortest Man Meets Leggiest Woman [aol]
Thanks to Pat, who swears he dated a chick with even longer legs and had to use a grappling hook to have sex.
Aug 26 2008 Guy Builds Sons, Self A Wicked Treehouse
Steve Norris, vying for a Father Of The Year award, built an awesome treehouse for his two sons in a 58-year old silver maple.
It's equipped with electricity and cable TV. There's an intercom so Norris can talk to his kids if they're having a sleepover, and a urinal that drains into a pail beneath the structure.A smoke detector is wired to the house, so family members can be alerted to any smoke, whether they're in the treehouse or not. A revolving light clicks on when the treehouse's trap door opens (where a rope ladder drops down).
The roof is sealed and welded on tight, and the floor is sturdy enough to hold an adult. Stephen sleeps in a loft bed, Ryan on a mini-futon and their father on a pull-down bed.
Haha, you got a smoke detector in your treehouse. Seriously though kids, I'm sure you could still smoke pot in there. Norris figures he put about $5,000 into the fort, and has it insured for $20,000 in case the market goes sour and he needs to burn it down and collect.
Norris wants to see his sons grow up with the treehouse, which he thinks will last about 15 years. "We're planted here now," he said.
ZOMG, planted, too funny! Make like a tree and get out of here!
Treehouse is envy of neighborhood [therecord]
Thanks to Brad, who was building a treemansion when it got hit by a tornado and carried to Oz, where he had the opportunity to bang a bunch of Munchkins, but declined.
Aug 22 2008 I Knew It: My Childhood Sucked Without This Kidtropolis Magic Indoor Treehouse Bedroom
Kidtropolis is a company that makes childhood dreams come true, provided your parents shit gold nuggets. This is an almost finished "Magic Treehouse Bedroom" built for the luckiest kid alive. I mean, not only does the youngster get a treehouse, they get one in their bedroom. They probably have an entire Ewok village in the woods behind their house. Me? I don't even have a treehouse anymore. The town came and tore it down. Something about "not building treehouses on telephone poles". You know what I said? "Urban jungle, bitches, urban jungle!" I sure told them.
Hit the jump for a few more pictures of the awesomeness.
Aug 11 2008 The Telemegaphone Is Now Accepting Calls
The telemegaphone is a combination telephone and megaphone, hence the clever name.
Telemegaphone Dale stands seven meters tall on top of the Bergskletten mountain overlooking the idyllic Dalsfjord in Western Norway. When you dial the Telemegaphone's phone number the sound of your voice is projected out across the fjord, the valley and the village of Dale below.
Telemegaphone Dale is wind powered and self-reliant. Recently however, the weather has been exceptionally calm in Dale and there has been a massive amount of people calling.If the Telemegaphone doesn't pick up, just give it a few hours to recuperate and try again. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Awesome -- finally somebody who will listen to me. Hello, Dale? Are there any pretty birds around? TWEET TWEET! Here birdy birdy! How's the view? Is it as awesome as I'm imagining? Is there a rainbow? I bet there's a rainbow. There is, isn't there? Shit, was that just Bigfoot? Haha, made you look. Quick, a unicorn! Jesus, you're gullible. *flush* What? No, I'm not calling from the bathroom. Wait, don't hang up! I need you. You're my only friend. You and the woodland creatures are all I have. Will you stay on the line until I fall asleep? Please? Okay, now let's so goodnight at the same time. Ready? Goodnight! Oh, you were off, let's do it again. Hello? HELLO?
Thanks to Abraham, the OG Emancipation Proclamater.
Jul 30 2008 Sure, Why Not: Trees As Artists
British artist Tim Knowles ties markers and brushes to tree limbs and makes the helpless botanical bastards create art.
In collaboration with the wind and local weather conditions, calligraphic gestures and automatic drawing readings are recorded on paper. The amazing thing about Knowles' Tree Drawings is the unmistakable signatures that each drawing reveals as an indication of the unique characteristics and even genus/species of a specific tree.
Interesting. Ooooh, nice work Mr. Pine, another, um, turd. While I find the actual art of questionable merit (my maple could do so much better), I do love the photos of the trees painting. Regardless of my personal feelings, I do hope this style of art sells. Tell me I didn't just staple a Sharpie to my penis for nothing.
Hit the jump for several more pictures.
Jun 30 2008 Cardboard Bicycles Could Be Coming Soon
Remember the kid that built that wooden bike awhile ago? That thing was sweet and made from trees. And so is this one. Phil Bridge is a 21-year old Industrial Design student that developed a cardboard bicycle. The idea is to make bikes so cheap that nobody will be put off by the thought of buying a bike as a means of personal transportation.
A typical round town bike can cost several hundred pounds. That's a large investment for people who aren't sure whether they will use it. The idea of cardboard is to completely devalue the bike.
Phil's current prototype can hold up to 168-pounds (I'm out), costs $6 to manufacture (frame only, it uses a standard chain mechanism and wheels) and will cost about $24. Allegedly it's even rainproof. It is not, however, fireproof. So be sure to park it inside if you live near a volcano.
Cardboard Bicycle Costs Just $30, Don't Leave It Out in the Rain [gizmodo]
