Nov 17 2009 DO WANT: Dinosaur Hatchling Ornaments
Just look at that cute little devil wrapped up all tight in his egg! It's like he's a little present himself -- all he needs is a bow! Show your strictly platonic dino-love this holiday season with this $14 Brachiosaurus hatchling ornament from the Big Bad Toy Store. They make the perfect Christmas momento for children and adults who never stopped loving dinos alike. Unfortunately, I want a REAL dino hatchling for Christmas. I'm talking from my loins. Godzilla, Falkor, Puff, Barney -- one of you better immaculate concept me. DO IT NOW!
Dinosauria Hatching Egg Ornament [nerdapproved]
Thanks to Naja, who better have gotten me a season pass to Jurassic Park.
Oct 8 2009 Wow, That Was Sad: Tree Electrocutes Itself
This is a video of a tree which, unable to cope with the unruly birds and squirrels that have taken up residence in its branches, has decided to off itself with the help of a nearby power line. It's almost as painful to watch as your apartment building going up in flames because you were trying to grow pot in your closet. Almost. NOT THAT I'D KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT. Pfft, I went to D.A.R.E.!
Tree Electrocutes Self [collegehumor]
Thanks to NUTZBABIE, who I would probably steer clear of.
Apr 14 2009 Gross!: Man Grows Small Fir Tree In Lung
Apparently some guy was huffing pinecones when he accidentally snorted a bud into his lungs, where it grew into a little tree. Please note: man was not actually snorting pinecones, I just made that up for the sake of providing you with the highest quality investigative journalism. Also, I don't know know if you could tell or not, but I made that graphic using Photoshop. Elite skills: I'm full of them. But hopefully, not evergreens.
Artyom Sidorkin, came to a hospital in the city of Izhevsk in Central Russia last week, complaining that he was experiencing chest pain and coughing up blood.
After submitting to an X-ray the doctors saw a lump in the patient's lung. After a biopsying the lump the doctors pulled out a 5 centimeter fir tree branch out of his lung, complete with needles.
Sick! At least he didn't swallow it though. Because one time I swallowed a pumpkin seed and then several months later pissed a jack-o-lantern, complete with cut-out face and candle. Boy did I feel 8 pounds lighter!
Hit the jump for a graphic shot of the tree and partial lung after removal. NOT recommended for lunch viewing.
Continue Reading " Gross!: Man Grows Small Fir Tree In Lung "
Mar 17 2009 No, Those Aren't Gaudy: Golden Speakers
Everybody knows gold makes for quality audio cable and connectors, but how does it fare as an actual speaker exterior? Pretty freaking ugly if you ask me. But England's Gold Acoustics seems to think there's something to it, because their GA Star line of speakers come complete with gold plating. These things would look great in your house right next to me kicking your ass, don't you think? No word on cost, but I'm going to go out on a limb and....AAAAAAAAAAAAHH! *thud*
Add some bling to your audio rig with Gold Acoustics speakers [dvice]
Dec 31 2008 All Of Crappy 2008 In A Mere 40 Seconds
This is a time-lapse video made by Eirik Solheim of the year 2008. As you can see, it was an eventful year. The trees started off naked, put on their sexy spring and summer dresses, then stripped down again in the fall. And I imagine there was a botanical orgy of immeasurable proportions in there somewhere as well. You know -- trees humping trees, a couple bushes trying to get in on the action, maybe a lone deer banging a stump. But maybe that shit doesn't really happen the way I imagine -- how the hell should I know, I'm not a freaking Hobbit!
Dec 18 2008 'Tis The Season: Beer Bottle Christmas Trees
With Jesus' surprise roller-skating party just a week away, I thought I'd spread some holiday drunkeness in the form of beer bottle Christmas trees. This first one is made from 1,050 bottles, and there's a video after the jump of a Heineken tree with over 2,000. Also, I added a video of some drunkard making a Jagermeister tree out of a big piece of plywood and airplane bottles. It's amazing the time and effort people put into these things. A thousand bottles, 200 lights, 60 man-hours of labor, and one drunk Geekologie Writer to bring it all crashing down. Feliz cumpleaños, Jesus! And tell Santa I'll post nudey pics of Mrs. Claus if he pulls that coal shit again this year.
Hit it for the other videos.
Continue Reading " 'Tis The Season: Beer Bottle Christmas Trees "
Sep 5 2008 Epic Failure: How Not To Parachute
This is a video of basejumper Hans Lange vampire suiting around in Norway. Everything goes smoothly until his parachute fails to deploy properly and he ends up tumbling down the mountainside until he's stopped by a tree. He caught it all on film thanks to a helmet cam. Hans, you are one lucky mother -- an improperly deployed parachute is better than no deployment at all. Seriously, I went on one of those discount skydiving adventures once, and, long story short: they pushed me out of the plane with a freaking bookbag. Thankfully, my ghost is a hell of a blogger.
Aug 26 2008 Guy Builds Sons, Self A Wicked Treehouse
Steve Norris, vying for a Father Of The Year award, built an awesome treehouse for his two sons in a 58-year old silver maple.
It's equipped with electricity and cable TV. There's an intercom so Norris can talk to his kids if they're having a sleepover, and a urinal that drains into a pail beneath the structure.A smoke detector is wired to the house, so family members can be alerted to any smoke, whether they're in the treehouse or not. A revolving light clicks on when the treehouse's trap door opens (where a rope ladder drops down).
The roof is sealed and welded on tight, and the floor is sturdy enough to hold an adult. Stephen sleeps in a loft bed, Ryan on a mini-futon and their father on a pull-down bed.
Haha, you got a smoke detector in your treehouse. Seriously though kids, I'm sure you could still smoke pot in there. Norris figures he put about $5,000 into the fort, and has it insured for $20,000 in case the market goes sour and he needs to burn it down and collect.
Norris wants to see his sons grow up with the treehouse, which he thinks will last about 15 years. "We're planted here now," he said.
ZOMG, planted, too funny! Make like a tree and get out of here!
Treehouse is envy of neighborhood [therecord]
Thanks to Brad, who was building a treemansion when it got hit by a tornado and carried to Oz, where he had the opportunity to bang a bunch of Munchkins, but declined.
Aug 19 2008 Father Nails XBox To Tree To Spite Sons
Some poor kids' dad nailed their XBox to a tree to teach them a lesson. One about hating your father.
My husband had repeatedly warned our 3 boys about their behavior while playing the XBOX. Tuesday, after I arrived home from work, our oldest son told me to look in the backyard at "Dad's artwork". Well, I wasn't surprised to see the XBOX proudly displayed on the nearest tree... way to go Honey!!!!!
Wow, I can honestly say I'm glad these aren't my parents -- making your kids play an old Xbox when the 360 has been out forever. I may call social services.
A costly lesson... [ireport]
Thanks to Diego, who experienced a similar abuse growing involving Tetris.
Jul 30 2008 Sure, Why Not: Trees As Artists
British artist Tim Knowles ties markers and brushes to tree limbs and makes the helpless botanical bastards create art.
In collaboration with the wind and local weather conditions, calligraphic gestures and automatic drawing readings are recorded on paper. The amazing thing about Knowles' Tree Drawings is the unmistakable signatures that each drawing reveals as an indication of the unique characteristics and even genus/species of a specific tree.
Interesting. Ooooh, nice work Mr. Pine, another, um, turd. While I find the actual art of questionable merit (my maple could do so much better), I do love the photos of the trees painting. Regardless of my personal feelings, I do hope this style of art sells. Tell me I didn't just staple a Sharpie to my penis for nothing.
Hit the jump for several more pictures.
Jun 20 2008 Wow: Man Attempts Robbery With Palm Frond
Gelando Olivieri was a man with a plan. A plan of robbing V&F Discount Beverage on Voorhis Avenus in Deland, Florida with a palm frond sword and sandal shield. However the plan was foiled when a brave patron pushed Olivieri from the store with a little wooden stool. Gelando -- you're a freaking idiot. A palm frond? Really? Jesus, you could have at least used a rose bush.
Robber brandishes palm frond [cnn]
Thanks Isabel, I've never been less scared of a robber in my life
May 29 2008 Huge Piñata Shaped Like A Monster Derrière
Remember when you went to your friend's birthday party in kindergarten and he ended up hitting you in the eye with a huge wooden dowel because he had no idea where the piñata was? And then you yanked the thing out of his hands and beat him in the head with it until his parents pulled you off and asked you to leave? That was awesome. Especially how you pushed his cake off the table and grabbed a couple presents (Voltron, baby!) on your way out. Good times. Well now you can get three and a half foot "Big Ass" piñatas on eBay for a paltry $50. I pay $15 for the little treasure chest ones I get at the local party store (and they're freaking small). Just imagine all the crap (!) you could stuff in this thing! Tons! After all, nothing says, "We'll miss you aunt Phyllis", better than cracking open a piñata stuffed with airplane bottles at her funeral.
Thanks Mulva, come on over and we'll tear that piñata a new one
Apr 16 2008 Tree Man Of Java Looks Like A Tree, Ent
This isn't geeky, but it is awesome, if only in a freakish, sad kind of way. Dede Koswara, 37, is known as the 'Tree Man of Java' because he looks like a tree (those are his actual feet at the bottom of the picture). He has an extremely rare immune deficiency that prevents his body from fighting HPV, resulting in massive growths of bark-like warts. Sick, I know. Over 4lbs of the stuff has already been removed, and now he hopes to get married soon. Not to a bush or shrub either, but a woman. His first wife left him after he got so covered that he couldn't work any more. We all wish you a speedy recovery and healthy living from here on out, Dede. You deserve a good woman after everything you've been through. If I knew of any I'd send them your way, but I don't. All the chicks I know are strumpets, strippers, or psychopaths.
Be thankful everyone.
Several more uncensored pictures and a VIDEO after the jump, but be warned: they're pretty unnerving.
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Mar 4 2008 Machine Gun Cuts Down Tree, Sets It On Fire
From time to time I look up from drowning my sorrows in beer and liquor at the bar to see what's on the television. And this is one thing I happened to see: An episode of Mythbusters where they tested the myth of being able to cut down a tree using a gun. They started with little machine guns (which all failed), and finally moved on to this behemoth -- the Dillon M134D Gatlin Gun. At 3,000 rounds per minute the gun fells the tree in 45 seconds -- AND sets it on fire. AWESOME! Plus Kari was the one shooting it, and I have a crush on her. So it was extra hot for me, like the leftover curry I had for breakfast. Which, just like Kari, made my heart burn.
Worthwhile video of the gun in action after the jump.
Continue Reading " Machine Gun Cuts Down Tree, Sets It On Fire "
