Apr 8 2009 Sexy Pirate Statue Angers Townspeople

Several people in the town of Girardville, Pennsylvania are upset over a busty pirate statue whose magical treasure chest (ZING!) draws scalawags into a local antique store. Amongst the town's most outspoken opponents of the statue is local Roman Catholic Priest, Edward Commolly.

"I believe that it's indecent. I guess it would be categorized as soft porn. If there is a definition of that, I would call it soft porn," said Father Edward Commolly.

Sorry, Father, but the definition of soft porn is the dryhumping you see on Cinemax. This is pure class.

"I think it's art. I don't see nothing wrong with that," said Randy Smith of Girardville.

"I think there is worse on television, to tell you the truth. If they want to do anything they shouldn't worry about a statue, they should start on television," said Heidi Martin.

Good lookin', Randy, totally agree: a statue of a female pirate with her blunderbusst (I could do this all day, folks) hanging out is art in the truest sense of the word. You hear that? Now walk the plank, Picasso! Oh, and valiant effort, Heidi, but they should definitely start on the internet.

Pirate Statue Stirs Controversy [wnep]

Thanks to Nefarious Nick, who totally made a friend take a picture while he was touching her rack. Wow, Nick, you've got problems. Awesome problems! Can I get a copy?

Aug 1 2008 Yes Please!: Limited Edition Goonies Pumas

For every kid there's a movie that so was awesome to watch in your youth that it shaped your very being. For many, this movie was Goonies. For me, it was a sick German porno I found in my uncle's closet. But that doesn't make these limited edition Goonies Disk Blaze Pumas any less awesome. Dropping around the 6th of December for an undisclosed number of doubloons, they've got everything a gang of prepubescent treasure hunters could want in a pair of sneakers.

Puma obtained exclusive rights to the artwork and constructed this LE release out of the map on our most iconic runner from the early 1980's, the Disc Blaze. It features the infamous Disc closure system, heavy weave pull tabs and exclusive Goonies film logos on heel, sockliner and midsole. The limited Puma "List" sneaker comes in a customized burlap Goonies sack. Enjoy your adventure trying to snatch these up.

Must have!

Don't you realize? The next time you see sky, it'll be over another town. The next time you take a test, it'll be in some other school. Our parents, they want the best of stuff for us. But right now, they got to do what's right for them. Because it's their time. Their time! Up there! Down here, it's our time. It's our time down here. That's all over the second we ride up Troy's bucket.

Oh man, I could sit here and copy/paste Goonies quotes forever, but I'm on a mission today. It's a top-secret operation I've cleverly named Operation Get Drunk At The Local Street Fair, Eat A Street Vended Sausage, And Buy A Bunch Of Knick Knacks I'll Regret Tomorrow.

UPDATE: I puked kielbasa all over a basket weaver. Mission Accomplished!

A bunch more of the shoes along with, because it's Friday and I love you all dearly, a video of Chunk doing the Truffle Shuffle.

Continue Reading " Yes Please!: Limited Edition Goonies Pumas "

Dec 4 2007 Christmas List: R/C Car Metal Detector

The London Science Museum added metal detecting technology to an R/C car so you can find treasure and have fun at the same time. The car beeps and lights up whenever it nears a metal object. It only costs $83, so I may actually end up getting one. Walking the beach with an old school metal detector is just far too boring for me. Sure I've found several expensive rings, but the women they're attached to usually start screaming before I can get them off.

Metal Detector R/C Car [geekalerts]