Oct 15 2009 Didn't Need To See That: Hello Kitty Anatomy

Ever wonder what was inside Hello Kitty? Me neither, I just assumed it was hairballs and maybe one of those toy mice. Boy was I wrong -- apparently she has guts. Aaaaaah I just want to lick them!

As part of the Dr. Romanelli x Hello Kitty collaboration we see the release of the "Anatomy" toys. The toy comes in two colorways and features a true Dr. design, revealing the inner organs of the iconic character. The toys have been produced by Medicom Toy.

Wow, so it's a real toy. That's cool. I guess you have to teach your kids about anatomy somehow. And no, NOT BY LETTING THEM SHOWER WITH YOU. Also, I like the Band-Aids on Hello's heart, I thought that was a nice touch. TELL ME WHO HURT YOU, KITTY, I'LL KILL THEM! Also, I'm no vet but you might not what that turd floating so close to your vital organs.

Hit the jump for the other color and a shot of the two models together.

Continue Reading " Didn't Need To See That: Hello Kitty Anatomy "

Sep 30 2009 Bad Idea: American Girl Makes Homeless Doll

You see that doll there? Her name's Gwen, and she's the latest release from the American Girl company. Plus, she's homeless. WTF!? Where's her 1991 Chicago Bull's NBA Championship shirt and mix-matched shoes?

For $95 -- more than your average homeless person would dream of spending on a rather mediocre baby substitute -- Gwen Thompson can be yours. A mixed message if ever there was one.

In the history books that come with every American Girl doll -- bringing to life these little monsters until impressionable little ones believe they are actual people -- you learn that Gwen's father walked out on the family. Her mother lost her job.

As the little kiddies learn to read about this doll as if she's a human being, one learns that, as fall turned into winter, Gwen's mom lost her grip.

Mother and daughter started bedding down in a car.

JESUS. Where's the part about her mom turning tricks in the backseat of that Buick in order to afford Gwen's dress? Just saying, those things don't grow on street lamps. And, as a guy who's no stranger to "bedding down" in the back of a car, trust me: they never really have free candy.

'Homeless' doll costs $95 (hairstyling extra) [nypost]

Thanks to Kristin, who once bought a heroin-addict doll but returned it when she found out it came with real used needles.

Aug 25 2009 "Don't Be Afraid" He Murmured, His Velvet Voice Unintentionally Seductive

That's right folks, now there's a Twilight/vampire themed sex toy. It's a sparkly dildo and marks the coming of the apocalypse.

Updated by popular request... Yes the The Vamp retains hot and cold temperature. Toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience (OR A FIRE!).

JUST IN TIME FOR HALLOWEEN! Who doesn't love those dark and mysterious vamps on the screen and in the books we all thumb through lustfully? That's what we thought. For those of us who fantasize about being spellbound and tantalized by the forbidden comes The Vamp. We promise this vamp won't be the only thing coming for you in the night.

The Vamp is a realistic form based appropriately on our Sire's design but with a deathly pale flesh tone reminiscent of the new moon's glow. Since it's a Tantus toy, The Vamp is made from Tantus' own unique blend of 100% Ultra-Premium Silicone. Don't be surprised if this toy seduces you, its long sleek shaft and deliciously ridged head calling to you in the twilight. But don't save this for just nocturnal escapades, try taking our Vamp out in the sunlight and watch him sparkle.

Yes, out in the sunlight. Because a public park is the perfect place to vamp yourself. Also, to rollerblade. Don't forget your pads and helmet!

NSFW Product Site (with video!)

Thanks to Shannon, LisaMarie, Joemo, Cloie, Ashley, sham, Evy, rya and anyone else I may have forgotten, for all chipping in and ordering me one. You did order me one, right guys?

Aug 20 2009 RAWR!: The Best iPhone Dock Ever Made

This is an iPhone dock made out of a dinosaur toy. You can make one yourself if you want. You just cut a hole in a dinosaur toy, maybe pleasure yourself with it a couple times because I mean, it's there, and then stuff the docking wire in there. It is seriously the best iPhone dock you could possibly ever make and I don't want any lip about it. I mean it, what I say goes. I am the world's greatest lover. BUT YOU'LL NEVER KNOW CAUSE I'M SAVING MYSELF FOR SOMEONE SPECIAL. No, I said special, not special needs.

iPhone Dinosaur Dock Is Bound To Rule Them All [iphonesavior]

Thanks to Byll and Aaron, who, RAWR! Okay, now I'm in the mood.

Aug 4 2009 Voltromas The Transforming Tank Engine

I like trains, and not just because they go CHOO CHOO. I also like the hobos that jump on them! THAT'S ENOUGH FOR ME, OKAY? Anyway, this is a Thomas the Tank Engine/Voltron mashup toy available from Singapore for around $8. It is in no way shape or form licensed or legal. But it is cool. Everybody's calling it a Transformer but it is clearly a throwback to Voltron. Who, despite being a robot, I still liked as a child because he was rainbow colored and, damnit, I'm a sucker for a rainbow. One time I even got a girlfriend to dress up as Rainbow Bright on Halloween. And not to brag, but she did go home with the handsomest pirate at the party. I was one sad ninja turtle. :(

Hit the jump for a couple more shots.

Continue Reading " Voltromas The Transforming Tank Engine "

Jul 30 2009 Not For My Kids!: Darth Vader Robot Arm Toy

This Darth Vader robotic arm toy from Uncle Milton (creep!) costs $30 and will be broken by day's end. God, can I sell products or what? No, seriously, I can.

Build and use a real Star Wars Darth Vader robotic arm! Grip and move objects using interactive controls. Assembles easily with snap-together parts. Kids will learn how robotic arms are being used in medical science applications! Includes stand with built-in controls. Fun and informative learning guide included.

* Assembles quickly and easily with snap-together parts.

* Includes stand with built-in controls.

* Gripping, turning, and extending action.

* Grabs and holds lightweight objects.

Well if that doesn't sound funner than a bunch of Sea Monkeys I don't know what does (except everything, including watching your last Sea Monkey die). No, I hereby challenge you to an arm wrestling match, Vader Arm. Ready? Set? *SLAM* Go. Haha, you have two fingers!

Product Site

Thanks to Slade, who made a necklace out of robot fingers, which is pretty sick. And to naas, who's going to use this arm to choke me for the rest of the week.

Jul 1 2009 Video: Using 'The Force' To Levitate A Ball

This is a video of some guy from the New York Post getting to play around with the Star Wars Force Trainer that's set to hit the market in a few months. I posted it for two reasons: 1. the toy is cool and I want one badly and 2. I could have done a much better review. DAMNIT FOLKS, LET ME PLAY WITH THE NEW TOYS. I can review the hell out of things. I have opinions. People listen to me. Don't you? Don't you listen to -- ARE YOU WEARING HEADPHONES?! You are a dick. But seriously, buy this.

NY Post Video: Star Wars Force Trainer in action [dvice]

Jun 30 2009 Pew Pew, Kids, Pew Pew!: TIE Fighter Fort

Do you spoil your kids? You shouldn't. Which is exactly why you should buy this $75 TIE Fighter playset for yourself and never let them touch touch it. Rope it off in the corner of the living room and sit in it making PEW PEW PEWs while they stare longingly at all the fun you're having. Ask them who wants to play space battle and then tell them you've changed your mind and you'd trade either one of them for a new lawnmower in a heartbeat. Then, send them to bed with no dinner. It's what my parents did, and look how well I turned out. I AM A CATCH. And by catch I mean hellhound. Ladies? GRRRRRRR!

Tie Fighter Playhouse Recruiting For The Dark Side Early [io9]

Thanks to Julian, who can play space with the best of them.

May 24 2009 Fun: Mind-Control Game Coming This Fall

Mattel's much anticipated Mindflex game is allegedly dropping this October for $100. For those of you who think like I do, that's 3 lapdances at a reasonable strip club, or almost 12 at the ones I go to.

It's not often that a Mattel toy targets the 18 - 128 demographic, but we'll be frank -- the Mindflex has us all sorts of intrigued. Originally introduced at this year's CES, said game is a brain-powered fun-fest that relies on intense mental activity to control the height of a ball suspended in a column of air.

It sounds similar to that Star Wars toy coming out, but way more involved. I want one. And not just because I've been honing by ball controlling mind skills for years but *concentrating* did you see that? Look again. Now the left one's lower!

Product Site
via
Mattel's Mindflex coming October 1st for $99.99 [engadget]

May 14 2009 The Study Ball: I Said Do Your Homework!

The Study Ball is allegedly a real $115 product that prevents you from moving from your desk while you're supposed to be studying. Obviously, it's a complete sham unless it weighs at least 200lbs, because I can lift twice that with my littlest piggy.

The Study Ball gadget is a prison-style ball and chain that you can program to keep track of how much time you spend studying. Once you've selected the desired duration, you chain the ball to your ankle and the manacle won't come off until the schedule study time is up.A red LED indicator displays the "Study Time Left" and keeps you informed as to how much longer you've got to keep studying. The ball and chain are made of highly durable steel and weighs a total of 9.5 kg / 20.95 pounds, which makes it difficult to move while wearing it.

21lbs, pfffft. That's not gonna stop anybody from doing anything. Including, but not limited to: robbing a liquor store. ALL THE BOURBON OR YOUR ANKLE GETS IT! What? NO THIS AIN'T NO SKIP-IT!

Product Site
via
Study Ball brings seriously old school methods to child rearing [dvice]

Thanks to e., who actually knows the whole Skip-It jingle. Wow, e., I think I love you.

Mar 11 2009 Go-Go Gadget Ugly: Dr. Claw's Real Face

This is a picture of Dr. Claw's face from Inspector Gadget. For those of you who wanted to keep it a mystery, I'm sorry, but I was too lazy to edit a picture with a censor bar. Oh, and the Easter Bunny isn't real either -- it's just some sex offender in a rabbit costume. Geekologie: shooting straight from the hip since April, 2006.

Hit the jump for a full body shot and bonus MAD Cat.

Continue Reading " Go-Go Gadget Ugly: Dr. Claw's Real Face "

Mar 5 2009 New Mechanical Puzzles Available Soon

A new breed of mechanical puzzle is available for all of you who are tired of your Rubik's Cube, Ball or DodecaWTF. They're called MindStrat Puzzles, and they would drive me freaking crazy. Possibly to the point of punching a whole through the wall and catching the neighbor fapping away in his apartment.

A new type of mechanical puzzles has been invented (and patented) by Greek-Australian Pantazis Constantine Houlis. Unlike traditional twisty puzzles (like Rubik's cube), these are based on gravity. Pyramids are placed inside a sphere, and the sphere keeps the 3D-shape defined by the pyramids, intact. The goal is to shift around the pyramids until all the corners or the sides of the 3D-shape have the same color.

Some of the toys are available now, for $20-$25, and other models will be dropping in the next couple months. So get on it. And then get on this. I'm talking about me. Oh yeah, we're grinding. We're grinding out on the dance floor aren't we? Yeah, good stuff! Oh -- and you're leaving. Come back -- this boner is awkward. *DOOT DOO DOO*

Hit the jump for three more videos of other models, and another link to the product website, in case you missed it in the text.

Continue Reading " New Mechanical Puzzles Available Soon "

Mar 3 2009 Now Turn Away Son While I Blow Up Your Toy

This is a Wolverine punching bag. I bought one for my son. Blowing it up was my first homosexual experience. But it won't be my last.

R Rated Gadgets: Wolverine Blow Up Toy [walyou]

Feb 2 2009 Hey, That's Not A Cube!: Rubik's Balls

Remember the guy that took 26 years to solve a Rubik's cube? Yeah, what a loser. Whenever I'm feeling down I pop in Cheers To You! and think of him. Then I get even more depressed and start binge drinking. Anyway, Professor Erno Rubik is dropping another toy bomb on the world -- the Rubik 360. It looks like it could be fun if it was a little bigger and I was hamster.

Basically, players must get a number of colored balls from a clear inner sphere into their matching slots on the outer sphere. You'll do this by shaking the balls through a middle sphere that has only two holes.

Said Professor Rubik himself on the new puzzle that bears his name: "I feel that the 360 is one of the most innovative and exciting puzzles we've developed since the Cube - adopting elements of my original design, challenging the solver to use skill, dexterity and logic."

I don't get it. Of course, I don't get a lot of things anymore. Like your affection. I thought we had something special :,(

Rubik 360 Will Probably Take That One Guy Another 26 Years to Solve [gizmodo]

Jan 26 2009 Interchangeable Ties: An Obama Action Figure

This presidential action figure is certainly a step above Chia Obama. Available in Japan, Action Obama comes complete with interchangeable ties, hands, and weaponry. He can hold an American flag, microphone, gun, katana, and even a lightsaber. He cannot, however, hold a bachelor party for shit. WHERE WERE THE STRIPPERS, BARACK? I swear.

Random Japanese Obama Action Figure [buzzfeed]

Thanks to Jacen, Ray, MechanicalApe, John and Brit, who are all too old to play with action figures but still do because they're that cool.

Jan 22 2009 Forget Rubik's, I Want A Yoshimoto Cube

A Yoshimoto Cube is actually two separate cubes nested together. The technical terminology for the change is "the transformation of two stellated rhombic dodecahedrons from a cube". Honestly, I just like listening to this guy's voice. It's soothing, like a homicidal maniac's.

Youtube

Thanks to OJ's Mom, who once transformed a stellated cylinder in his pants into a dodickahardon IN YO FACE!

Jan 14 2009 26 Years Later, Man Solves Rubik's Cube

It took Graham Parker 26 years to finally solve the Rubik's Cube he bought back in 1983. If you can't tell by the picture, he's really proud of himself. Kind of reminds me of the first time I ate a 72-oz steak and got my picture on the wall.

'I cannot tell you what a relief it was to finally solve it,' the 45-year-old from Portchester, Hampshire, said. 'It has driven me mad over the years - it felt like it had taken over my life.

'I have missed important events to stay in and solve it and I would lie awake at night thinking about it.

'I have had wrist and back problems from spending hours on it but it was all worth it. When I clicked that last bit into place and each face was a solid colour, I wept.'

Wow, Graham, so you're a little crybaby, huh? Now I'm not saying there's ever a time when a person should just accept their own mental inadequacies and bail on a project, but damnit Graham, that time was 25½ years ago.

Man takes 26 years to solve Rubik's Cube [metro]

Thanks to Praveen, who can solve a Rubik's in under a minute using either the "hammer" or "new stickers" methods.

Jan 7 2009 ZOMG: New Toy Teaches You How To Wield 'The Force' Using Brainwaves Or Something

Oh yeah, a toy that teaches you how to utilize 'The Force'. You know, from Star Wars.

The Force Trainer (expected to be priced at $90 to $100) comes with a headset that uses brain waves to allow players to manipulate a sphere within a clear 10-inch-tall training tower, analogous to Yoda and Luke Skywalker's abilities in the Star Wars films.

First of all, being able to manipulate a ping pong ball IS IN NOT WAY analogous to Yoda and Luke Skywalker's abilities -- those dudes could throw freaking spaceships around.

A state of deep concentration is needed to achieve a Force-full effect. "When you concentrate, it activates the training remote," says Frank Adler of toymaker Uncle Milton Industries, which is creating the Trainer. "There is a flow of air that will move the (ball). You can actually feel like you are in a zone."

Deep concentration....in a zone....hmmm, that sounds familiar. Of course -- Skee-ball!

Toy trains 'Star Wars' fans to use The Force [usatoday]

Thanks to Menchi, who promises to teach me The Force just as soon as she masters it.

Jan 2 2009 I Believe I Can Fly: Plane Mail Postcards

The Postcard Aeroplane is a $7 balsa wood postcard from suckUK that you can send to a friend or former lover. Then, when they receive it, they can punch out the plane parts and fly your message to the moooooooon. One time my grandpa mailed a coconut. To Saturn! Can you tell I've been huffing? I have. I made resolutions! I broke them!

Balsa wood postcard transforms into flying model glider [dvice]

Dec 23 2008 Santa, Quick!: A Millennium Falcon Sled

It's a well known fact that Santa hates my guts because I caught him boning a reindeer one foggy Christmas Eve while I was trying to piss my name in the snow (not Rudolph though, it was dark). So I'm probably not gonna get anything, but I figured I'd try anyways.

Santa,

Just writing to inform you of a last minute gift idea for yours truly -- a moderately priced ($35) Millennium Falcon sled. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

The Geekologie Writer

P.S. If you do not comply I will be forced to fly your reindeer to the moon, where they will die -- flying reindeer can't breathe in outer space!

Damn I write a good letter.

Star Wars Millennium Falcon Sled [ohgizmo]

Thanks to Pat, who's holding out for an AT-AT sled.