Nov 19 2009 Modern Warfare 2 Crybaby's Music Video
NOTE: Video slightly NSFW due to adult language from a blimey 14-year old.
You ever wonder what else is going on in the world of a kid who will cry and punch the wall about a video game not living up to his expectations? Apparently a budding music career. And by budding I mean rotting. On the vine. You will never sell those tomatoes! Still, I did find myself kind of bobbing my head from 1:15 - 1:30 (the best part, plus I'm so high I feel like I'm typing with claws). But don't say his name -- he'll knock you out! Probably with rotten-tooth breath. BRING IT NANCY!
GuitarJono1170's Youtube Channel (with a ton of other crappy videos)
Thanks to Matt, who knifed this kid in Modern Warfare 2 and had him crying for days.
Oct 9 2009 Could It Really Be?: Link's Biological Father
This is a picture of a Nordic looking dude who may or may not be Link's biological father. He probably is, I just never pictured Link Sr. as a pantless cigar smoker. I mean, not that there's anything wrong with that. Love you Grandpa!
Picture (WARNING: all other images on that site are verrrrry NSFW. Clicking any of the other tags on the page will take you to cartoon pictures that will get you fired, including a ton more Zelda-themed ones I didn't look at, I swear).
Thanks to Yopoleo, who I question how he found the picture in the first place. Suuuure you just stumbled across it searching Google!
Sep 9 2009 Steel Velcro: Because Plastic Is For Sissies
This new steel velcro can support up to 35 tons of pressure and looks ultra-badass. So badass I want a belt made out of it. Yeah, and a headband. Wait, is this stainless steel? Cause I can't have no rust juice dripping in my eyes!
Developed by German engineers, this new version of Velcro is dubbed Metaklett, and it can support 35 tons at temperatures up to 1472 degrees. It's made from "perforated steel strips 0.2 millimetres thick, one kind bristling with springy steel brushes and the other sporting jagged spikes."
I have no idea what sort of industrial uses they have planned for this shit, but that's not important. What IS important is this: Velco is actually a name brand. The generic term for this type of closure is 'hook-and-loop fastener'. If you already knew that, congratulations. If not, I hope I just wasted some space behind your face! I'm talking about in your brain.
Thank you for being a friendTravel down the road and back again
your heart is true, you're a pal and a confidant
And if you threw a party,
Invited everyone you knew,
You would see the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say,
Thank you for being a friend.
Haha, I'm just messing with you now.
Aug 21 2009 Safety First: A Chain Mail Chess Set
This is a chess set made out of chain mail. It is impervious to arrows and sword attacks. Which is good because a lot of times I like to threaten my opponents with weapons while we're playing. You know, to keep them on their toes (beat me and you're dead). You ever been maced in the face before? I'm talking about the spikey ball not the spray. That shit hurts like a mother. But not half as bad as getting trebuchet'ed in the taint. AND I CAN MAKE THAT DREAM A REALITY. Checkmate.
Hit the jump for a bunch more shots.
Jul 9 2009 Graphene: The Material Of Tomorrow, Today
Science, best known for inventing robots and dooming the earth, is now responsible for a new carbon wonder material called graphene. Nice, science, way to do good for once.
Imagine a carbon sheet that's only one atom thick but is stronger than diamond and conducts electricity 100 times faster than the silicon in computer chips.
"It is the thinnest known material in the universe, and the strongest ever measured," Andre Geim , a physicist at the University of Manchester, England , wrote in the June 19 issue of the journal Science.Like diamond, graphene is pure carbon. It forms a six-sided mesh of atoms that, through an electron microscope, looks like a honeycomb or piece of chicken wire. Despite its strength, it's as flexible as plastic wrap and can be bent, folded or rolled up like a scroll.
Hell yes graphene scrolls! Most practical application EVER. You hear that papyrus? YOU ARE OUTTA HERE! Don't let the Dead Sea hit you on your way out.
New wonder material, one-atom thick, has scientists abuzz [yahoonews]
Thanks to FDSY, who, based on the excitement in his email, popped like 16 boners at the very thought of graphene.
Jun 22 2009 Lookin' Sharp: Klingon Inspired Baby Products
Want your child to grow up a powerful warrior with a mountain range for a head? Then you're in luck, thanks to this traditional Klingon blade inspired crib! You just place your little tyke in there, occasionally throw a lion in the room for him/her to battle, and six years later, PRESTO, you're arrested for child neglect. Also, you have a pack of hungry lions living in your nursery.
Hit the jump to see a rocking horse and baby rattle of the same style.
Continue Reading " Lookin' Sharp: Klingon Inspired Baby Products "
Mar 3 2009 Batman Hoodie: All You Need To Fight Crime
Now that's what I call a freaking hoodie. You don this sucker and evildoers will KNOW you mean business. Or pleasure. You can even zip it up over your face and see out through the mesh holes. Sweet! They'll run you $74-$78 dollars depending on size and are available HERE. Now go get one. Then you can roam your local mall looking for criminals. Quick, over by Hot Topic -- mugging in progress! Oh, false alarm -- rebellious teen arguing with his mom over a novelty t-shirt.
New Batman Hoodie Probably Won't Protect You Against Bullies [gizmodo]
Feb 11 2009 Finally, Zelda II Has Been Translated To Latin
Somebody went and translated all of Zelda II into Latin for the three people out there that might actually play it that way. They also did the original Zelda and Final Fantasy VI. Whee. As many of you may know, Zelda II is a sore subject for me because it's the only game in the entire series I haven't beat. And believe me, I've tried. I fire that sucker up and play through it at least twice a year AND STILL CAN'T DEFEAT THE LAST PALACE. So, anybody want to come over and beat it for me while I watch? The game too. HIYO!
Hit the jump for some more screenshots of the translated games.
Continue Reading " Finally, Zelda II Has Been Translated To Latin "
Feb 4 2009 Pizza Pro 3000: Finally, A Manlier Pizza Cutter
The Pizza Pro 3000 by Fred is a pizza cutter designed to look like a circular saw. That way, you can feel like a real toughass instead of a guy who just baked a frozen pizza for his Friday night Friends marathon. That Chandler, what a nut.
Pizza Pro 3000 Circular Saw [nerdapproved]
Thanks to Michael, who cuts his pizza the way God intended: with Paul Bunyon's axe.
Continue Reading " Pizza Pro 3000: Finally, A Manlier Pizza Cutter "
Jan 17 2009 You're So Oldschool!: A NES Controller Jacket
This NES Controller Varsity Jacket is available for $200* from 80'sTees and has a giant freaking NES controller on the back, hence the name. It's only being made in a limited edition of 1,000 and allegedly they're already running out of several sizes, so if you want one, you better act quickly. Same goes for if you want some of this. No, I'm serious -- my girlfriend should be back any minute.
*Tough guy not included.
Hit the jump for a closeup of the embroidered controller above the breast.
Continue Reading " You're So Oldschool!: A NES Controller Jacket "
Nov 10 2008 Thanks A Lot Big Guy, All I Got Was An Extra Tooth: God Gives Man 260-Horsepower
Allegedly Allah gave Sayyed Muhammad Ahmad Abdallah the power of 260 horses, roughly the equivalent of 30,000 men. He has been married 24 times, fathered 35 children, and can bend coins with his eye socket and rip them with his hands. WTF! He has to have sex with his 4 current wives at least 15 times a day (in total) and can't shake hands with someone without breaking all their fingers. Needless to say, masturbating is completely out of the question.
Thanks to Ian, who God actually gave 330-horsepower -- and leather seats.
Aug 22 2008 Vulcanus Casemod Weighs More Than Yours
The Vulcanus casemod was designed by Czech blacksmith Sergej and forged in the depths of hell. The whole freaking thing is made from hammered steel weighs in at over 110 lbs. Impressive, Sergej, but not as impressive as my case. It's a little something I like to call my PB Case. Get it, instead of PC it's PB because I made it out of lead. Oh, hold on. Damnit Jack, what did I tell you about chewing on daddy's computer? That's right, it's delicious. Now let your sister have a bite.
Hit the jump for some closeups that really show the thing off, along with a video that reminds me of a satanic porno I watched in high school.
Continue Reading " Vulcanus Casemod Weighs More Than Yours "
Jul 24 2008 Stay Calm: How to Survive A Car Crashing Through A Diner And Into Your Table
Kenneth Anderson was enjoying a cup of coffee in a window seat at his favorite diner in North Carolina when some car came flying through the window and mashed him and his table into the bar. He walked away with minor scrapes. I love how afterwards he puts his hat on nonchalantly like nothing happened. Congratulations Kenneth, you win the Balls of Black Holes Award for the day. If they were any denser, your crotch would swallow the planet. Bravo.
CCTV Awesomeness: How To React When a Car Crashes Into You During Lunch [gizmodo]
Thanks to Ross, who once stopped a cement truck with his sultry gaze, for the tip.
Jul 10 2008 Super Chuck Norris Bros. Is Action Packed
This is a video of Super Chuck Norris Bros. Allegedly it's a real game somebody has been working on. Basically you roundhouse kick the shit out of a bunch of goombas, grab a chainsaw or shotgun, destroy the tree and hills in the background, and all around kick ass. What surprised me was that Chuck Norris was caught playing in a video game. Chuck Norris doesn't play video games, he bangs my girlfriend while I do. Then he beats my high score while she's making him a sandwich.
Hit the jump for another video of the game with some kid talking over it complaining about how it's stupid Chuck can't die or lose in the game. Ha, like Chuck Norris could ever die. You moron.
Continue Reading " Super Chuck Norris Bros. Is Action Packed "
Jun 20 2008 Realistic Niko Bellic From GTA4, And Stewie
Well it's been a little while since we've seen some sweet Pixeloo untoonage here on Geekologie. And since today is Friday and I'm already six dryer sheets to the wind, I figured now is as good a time as any to take light some romantic candles and take a milk bath. While not really a toon, this is a realistic rendering of what Niko Bellic might look like after he just cracked his knuckles and is preparing to "kill that ass mad dead." He looks good. Reminds me of myself. I'm handsome and rugged and wear turtlenecks. Seriously though Niko, you can see straight to my soul with that stare of yours, can't you? What does it look like? I always imagined it as a white hazy light that kind of pulsates. Just a giant turd, huh? Damn.
Hit the jump for the FRIDAY BONUS PICTURE of Stewie from Family Guy untooned. It's scary as hell!
Continue Reading " Realistic Niko Bellic From GTA4, And Stewie "
Jun 12 2008 Black Box Casemod Is Actually Bright Red
Some guy scored an old black box (flight data recorder) off eBay and, after removing the asbestos and fiberglass it was stuffed with, threw a Linux server up in that mother. I love the look, but an indestructible casemod just isn't for me. I need an acid-bath casemod that destroys itself should I not log onto my computer for 24 hours. Because otherwise:
The Geekologie Writer wasn't the brightest star in the sky, nor was he handsome by anyone's standards, but he did love his job. And, as was discovered posthumously, cartoon porn. Superficial Writer, please return to your seat. The Geekologist specifically requested no one pee in his casket.
Hit the jump for a few more shots of the mod.
Continue Reading " Black Box Casemod Is Actually Bright Red "
Jun 3 2008 Crazy Computer Desk Looks Like A Drum Set
We've already seen all sorts of ridiculous computer desks here at Geekologie, and here comes another -- the V1 (V for Vision, not Vagina). It looks like the bastard child of a three-way between a car seat, computer desk, and drum set.
The V1 computer desk is dynamically designed to be the best computer desk system on Earth. Comfort, quality, and customer satisfaction are our primary goals here. Three years of planning and development has brought the V1 computer gaming desk to this certain point. It can now be yours.
They start at $1,700 (sans monitor and speakers) but can be customized with different options all the way up to like a billion dollars. Maybe it's for you, but it's not for me. That thing would take up the whole damn room. Although now that I think about it, diamond-treaded foot rests could come in handy during a particularly volatile porn session.
Hit the jump for a few different setups and a link to the website.
Continue Reading " Crazy Computer Desk Looks Like A Drum Set "
May 16 2008 I Know What I'm Getting!: This Wicked Tattoo
Let's face it folks, the Bowser riding a surfboard tattoo is pale in comparison to this wicked work of needle and ink. As you can see, it's a, uh, dolphin with its own tattoo smoking a bong and sitting on a tattered recliner. Oh, and it looks like he's staring at an owl and thinking "AKH" (which may or may not be some prison ink). Seriously, not even Spiderman guy can F with this. This thing is just pure ridiculous. Admittedly, I was high for the majority of my college career but never, ever, ever have I smoked with a dolphin before. Or a porpoise. Okay, that's not entirely true. I did smoke with a porpoise* -- to avoid going to class and to make Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3 even funner.
*High-five for the pun!
"I'd like a tattoo of a dolphin with a tribal tattoo smoking a bong on a recliner, please." [albotas]
May 2 2008 Zombie-Apocalypse Survival Truck Is Out Moonlighting As A Storm Chasing Vehicle
Somebody took these pictures at a gas station in Kansas. They show what is allegedly a tornado chasing vehicle (they're hot on the tail of that one that got Dorothy). Now I've never watched Twister, mostly because tornadoes scare the shit out of me and I was born with a monster vajhyena (its bark is worse than its bite), but I doubt Helen Hunt was driving one of these. Was she? I didn't think so. So, that leaves only one question left to be answered -- what is this vehicle's true identity? Does the government know something we don't? Are the zombies coming? Because if they know the zombies are coming and they're not telling us, that is f***ed the f up. And I'll be damned if the zombies munch my brain. That's why I'm stealing my neighbor's truck tonight and starting construction of my own zombie assault vehicle. I'm mostly just gonna weld a bunch of sheet metal to the body, but I may opt for a flame paint job if it turns out good. Oh, and I'm going to make a bunch of custom bumper stickers with clever zombie-related slogans. Stuff like "Brain: Not the other gray meat you stupid asshole zombies", and "If you can read this you're unusually smart for a zombie but I'm still about to back the f*** over your head".
Several more pictures for your apocalyptic-viewing pleasure, after the jump.
Continue Reading " Zombie-Apocalypse Survival Truck Is Out Moonlighting As A Storm Chasing Vehicle "
Apr 9 2008 Mario "Frustration" Levels With Commentary
This video has been around for a while, so you may have seen it already. And if you have, that's awesome, you should definitely mention it the comments section. I saw it some time ago myself, but not with this guy's voice-over, which made it better. It's probably NSFW though, since every other word the dude says is a curse word. Oh, and it's unbearable long, so let it download and then just skip around for about 30 seconds or a minute (depending on how you feel) to get the gist. If you like it there are about a million other videos on Youtube of hacked Mario levels that are unbelievably impossible (search mario impossible or mario frustration and feel free to post links to any good ones). While it does look tempting to give playing one a shot, I know exactly how it'll end -- with my leg stuck in the television and bleeding (yes, I had to buy an old CRT from the thriftstore after my ladyfriend traded the LCD for "the most comfortable pair of shoes ever").
Thanks to Randomnigel, whose blog I found this on, for having it there
