Sep 17 2009 Sweet Dreams: Sleepy Time Toothpaste

MORE: aid , hygiene , i don't need help sleeping i need help waking up , mouth candy , mouth poison , products , sleeping , sleeping at night , sleeping with the fishies , sure why not , teeth , toothpaste , you're no supposed to eat toothpaste

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PearlyDreams (not what I thought it was either) Natural Sleep Enhancing Toothpaste is supposed to help you fall asleep after brushing your teeth at night. Me? I just chloroform myself and pass out on the bathroom floor.

PearlyDreams (endorsed by Aerosmith's Brad Whitford, so you know it's legit) is toothpaste with Melatonin, Balm Mint, Valerian and Passionflower inside, all of which should combine to ease you into a peaceful slumber.

Pfft, who brushes their teeth anymore? I don't know about you, but I have robots that live in my gums and are programmed to come out and scrub my teeth clean every four hours. Sometimes they throw dance parties on my tongue and *WHOA!* Jesus, I was just having the worst nightmare.

This toothpaste is designed to knock you unconscious [dvice]

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Aug 10 2009 Bad Idea: Creepy Surgical Masks For Dentists

MORE: bad ideas , cartoons , doctor , face aids , face poison , fail , frightening , germany , monsters , no , poor children , poor execution , questionable , teeth , terrible , that's not mickey! , toothpaste , um no , wtf were you thinking , yikes!

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How would you like that nightmare standing above you with a drill in its hand? You wouldn't, would you? My gums are bleeding just thinking about it.

Clever surgical masks with funny cartoon mouths were sent to dentists in Hamburg, Germany. The goal was to lighten up a visit to the dentist for the kids and everyone else, as well as to promote Colgate Smiles Kids toothbrushes.

Honestly, I'd rather knock all my teeth out with a cinderblock than face a dentist wearing a mask like that AND I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH NITROUS YOU GIVE ME. I'll tell you what, give me a take-home tank and you've got a deal. Okay now I -- I have two fingers.

Hit the jump for several more shots of a terrible idea.

Continue Reading " Bad Idea: Creepy Surgical Masks For Dentists "

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Mar 18 2008 ICQ P2P Toothpaste Is Highly Questionable

MORE: AIM , aol , communication , friend's dad , girlfriend , hygiene , ICQ , instant messaging , Israel , mouth , relationships , teeth , toothpaste

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An Israeli pharmaceutical company is releasing ICQ toothpaste that'll ""help P2P communication (person to person) while reducing bad breath." Awesome. I'm going bald, so I really hope they come out with a hair balm for S2E (self to esteem) communication too. You know, it seems like only yesterday I met my first girlfriend on ICQ. I would always race home to the computer to chat with her after I got out of school. It got pretty serious and we finally we decided to meet one day. And yes, you guessed it -- it was my best friend's dad trolling for boys. He broke up with me a few weeks later.

ICQ, the Toothpaste [gizmodo]

Thanks to Steve, who has shining white teeth and pleasant-smelling breath, for the tip

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