Mar 23 2009 The Super Nintoaster Burnt My Cartridge :(
The Super Nintoaster is a Super Nintendo in a toaster's body. It's similar to that time I dressed as a woman and solicited men at the bar (Friday), but nowhere near as good looking. It's maker, Mr. Vomitsaw, discusses:
Built from nothing more than a Super NES, a toaster, four different types of adhesives, magnets ripped from a broken hard drive, six orange LEDs, a bunch of resistors, plexiglass, and many many spare wires. Not too dissimilar from my previous toaster, only this time the temperature comtrol knob DOES serve a purpose! If for some reason you feel the need to adjust the brightness of the orange LEDs, now you can.
Good looking, Mr. Vomitsaw. Or should I call you Mr. Barfblade? Pukepruner? Heavecleaver?
Hit the jump for a video of the SNES toasty-ness.
Continue Reading " The Super Nintoaster Burnt My Cartridge :( "
Mar 4 2009 Now You're Cooking!: Wii Breakfast
This is video of a fake video game called Wii Breakfast. It's similar to Cooking Mama, except fake and with way more peripherals. And speaking of breakfast....
OKAY, WHICH ONE OF YOU BOOZEHOUNDS DRANK THE LAST OF MY GIN?
Thanks to Jillian, who is more than welcome to come over and cook breakfast whenever she likes. Just a heads up though, Jillian -- I like my eggs like I like my panyhose: runny.
Nov 10 2008 A Darth Vader Toaster: Dark Side That Bread
This $55 Star Wars toaster burns a perfect Vader face into each and ever slice of delicious multi-grain bread (not included) and is available for pre-order even as I type (ships in January).
If there's something every Sith Lord knows how to do it's make a balanced breakfast. While the Jedi have to live off of Jawa juice and fried nerfsteak, the Dark Lord of the Sith prefers to have a reminder of his fiery Mustafar defeat at his breakfast table. Every morning he burns that moment into a slice of bread with the Darth Vader Toaster. This black, ominous kitchen appliance easily leaves the mark of Vader's helmet in every yummy piece of toast. Slather some Bantha butter on top, or make two pieces for an extra-Sithy BLT. Force power not required to operate toaster.
A Darth Vader face in your toast is cool and all, but I can think of plenty of other things I'd rather have burnt into my toast. Namely butter and jam. ZOMG I'm gonna be rich!
Thanks to Romeo, who can burn whatever he wants onto his toast because he has laser eyes.
Sep 12 2008 Burn Whatever You Want Onto Your Toast. Cha-Ching, eBay Fortune Here I Come!
Similar in concept to the Note Toaster, comes this little marvel of bread heating technology. The brainchild of industrial designer Sung Bae Chang, the Scan Toaster connects to your computer via USB and can burn pretty much whatever the hell you want onto your bread.
The toaster utilizes a network of toasting "modules" -- hot wires that rotate within a 30 degree radius -- that burn the image or text you have selected onto the delicious slice of your choice.
Awesome. Crank out a Virgin Mary or Large Hadron Collider and start raking in the dough on eBay. Or, if you want to get really creative, a giant member spewing butter or jam. Just saying, sex sells. Unfortunately my condo doesn't -- somebody buy this freaking dump already.
Scan Toaster puts the power of 'miracle toast' in the hands of mere mortals [engadget]
Thanks to Julian, who's looking for a lovely lady to butter his bread. And also, make him an omelet.
Sep 10 2008 A Nice NES-y Breakfast: Thanks Nintoaster!
The Nintoaster is a Nintendo inside a toaster. You insert a game, press the lever down, and presto -- a nice heaping portion of NES-y breakfast in no time. It even glows red like a real toaster. But don't try sticking bread in there, because it won't work! Combine this sucker with the Wake N' Bacon and you've got yourself a well balanced breakfast. I'd kill for a cartridge and bacon sandwich right now, that shit's legit.
Hit the jump for a couple more shots and a video of the make and testing.
Continue Reading " A Nice NES-y Breakfast: Thanks Nintoaster! "
Aug 11 2008 Montauk Monster Toast Surfaces On eBay
Some clown of asses sold a piece of Montauk Monster toast on eBay.
The life-changing adventure that will culminate with your successful bidding and acquisition of this item all began yesterday morning. In all honesty the morning began like any other for me. I woke gently to the peaceful soft-rock sounds of my local adult contemporary station. After hearing about the local bridge club and their quest to raise funds for their summer charity drive, I was finally compelled to matriculate to the kitchen for my normal Thursday breakfast of fresh grapefruit, small bowl of raisin bran (skim milk), slightly buttered toast, coffee, and 8 ounces of pomegranite juice. I was particularly looking forward to the juice as it is precisely the anti-oxidant superpower pick-me-up I need to help me attack the day.
But my interest and consciousness was quickly rocked to unspeakable heights when I witnessed what happened next. That toast I eluded to earlier had harmlessly popped up from the toaster as normal. But when I grabbed the first piece to lightly glaze with margarine I was stopped in my tracks the moment I saw the ghostly impression of none other than the unbelievable montauk monster laying peacefully in the slightly charred surface of my morning toast. A wave of both horror and wonderment washed over me as I quickly understood what the bystanders that found the actual beast must have felt during those fateful seconds on the beach.
Uh-huh. The winning bid was $810, but the winner has 0 feedback. So it's unlikely they're actually gonna pay for a piece of toast with a monster scraped into it. But there certainly was a lot of interest -- and questions!
Q: I plan to eat this toast. Will I be guaranteed a hint of monster in the flavor? Either way I'm fat and plan to eat it!A: Well, as I said above, eating this toast would be like using the hope diamond as a door stop. But if you insist on eating it after you win the bidding, then you should find it will taste like any other piece of toast. Thanks, David
Q: What brand of pomegranate juice were you drinking?
A: I only drink POM Wonderful. It's too important of a part of my diet to skimp and pinch pennies. Thanks, David.Q: I was wondering if I can get a couple eggs on the side? Would that add to the cost of shipping? Can you also include a couple of those little grape jelly containers that you get at Denny's? Thanks a lot.
A: This auction is for legendary Montauk Monster Toast only. Sorry no eggs on the side. Thanks, DavidQ: Can I get the toast with eggs and bacon?
A: This auction is for toast only. No eggs, no bacon. Sorry. DavidQ: Can I get it with out the crust?
A: This toast will be a full piece of toast as seen in the picture. If you win the auction then you can take the crust off. Thanks, Dave
Oh man, I hate the crust too. It's like bread skin. And you know what they say: skin is in, but fat is where it's at. And also, my pants. My pants are where it's at. If we're talking about my wallet -- but if we're talking about a party, forget about it. These pants haven't even seen a friendly get-together in months.
eBay Auction
via
EBay Seller: 'Montauk Monster' Turns Up on Piece of Toast [foxnews]
Thanks to Kenny Rogers, who in 1997 banged a hooker with a drumstick from his chicken shack.
Jun 27 2008 Toaster Launches Your Bread When It's Done
Freddie Yauner is a nutjob. A nutjob with a dream. A pretty lame dream. A dream of building The Highest Popping Toaster In The World. And here it is. It uses high-pressure CO2 and a mechanical arm to blast your toast through the ceiling and kill the woman in the apartment above yours that you swear must run on the freaking treadmill directly above your desk all day long. That's it, I'm going up there and screaming at her until she cries.
UPDATE: Damnit, she distracted me with a loaf of banana bread and I forgot what I went up there for. I think she's a witch.
Insane toaster launches your toast high into the air for some reason [dvice]
Thanks to Lee, king of problematic neighbors.
Dec 20 2007 Jet Engine Toaster Heats Bread Quickly
I've never really had a problem with the average of 141 seconds it takes bread to toast. It's only two minutes and change, just long enough to mix a morning cocktail and get the jelly out of the fridge. But if you can't stand the wait, maybe the Speedy Slice toaster is for you. Designed by Oliver Newberry and being produced by Heinz, the thing toasts bread in only 50 seconds. It uses two ducted 10,000 RPM fans to blow hot air over the toast from both sides and features mysterious "nylon-based laser technology", which in layman's terms means the toaster is a laser guided missile jet engine. You ever had a piece of toast after your damn toaster sucked the cat into its engine? It's hairy and tastes like shit.
Note: I just noticed that the unit appears to only heat a single piece of bread at a time. So, while my toaster may take 141 seconds, it heats four pieces at once, whereas this unit would take 200. So, yeah, baked beans on toast, gross.
Heinz Speedy Slice Turbofan Toaster [ohgizmo]
Oct 15 2007 Hand Warmer Keeps You Toasty Without Fire
The Zippo Hand Warmer is a stylish hand warmer in that classic Zippo style. It costs $30, and can warm up to 24 hours with only 0.4 oz of fuel. Not only that, but the unit uses a platinum-catalyzed glass fiber burner, which means no actual flame to set your pants on fire. I think it's awesome, and need one for those nights I'm sent to sleep in the doghouse for mumbling another woman's name in my sleep and making humping gestures.
Warm Hands Are Happy Hands [electroplankton]
Sep 14 2007 Toaster Teapot Is Toaster And Teapot!
The Toaster Teapot is both a toaster and a teapot. Oh sweet mother, what will they think of next? I have been using both a toaster AND a teapot until now, and quite frankly, I've always felt like a douche. I'm not totally sure if it has anything to do with my breakfast preparation, but you never know. Better safe than sorry. It costs $56, and a neat idea, I guess. I just thought that you weren't supposed to mix toasters and liquids. Because my (now ex) wife tossed one in when I was taking a bubblebath one morning and, well, I still can't grow hair on my man purse.
Toaster Teapot Combines Toaster And Teapot! [uberreview]
