Nov 6 2009 Wow: LHC Shut Down Over Piece Of Baguette
Apparently coming back from the future to destroy itself isn't the only problem the Large Hadron Collider has to face, now it's being sabotaged by crumb dropping birds. CODE BREAD! CODE BREAD!
The Large Hadron Collider, the world's most powerful particle accelerator, just cannot catch a break. First, a coolant leak destroyed some of the magnets that guide the energy beam. Then LHC officials postponed the restart of the machine to add additional safety features. Now, a bird dropping a piece of bread on a section of the accelerator has, according to the Register, shut down the whole operation.
The bird dropped some bread on a section of outdoor machinery, eventually leading to significant over heating in parts of the accelerator. The LHC was not operational at the time of the incident, but the spike produced so much heat that had the beam been on, automatic failsafes would have shut down the machine.
Wow, that's -- what's the word I'm looking for? Pathetic. And by pathetic I mean damn yeah I left that baguette there. YOU AREN'T DESTROYING MY WORLD, LARGE HADRON COLLIDER! Next time I'm bringing jelly.
Baguette Dropped From Bird's Beak Shuts Down The Large Hadron Collider (Really) [popsci]
Thanks to Futuju, Stephen, Kristi, you've got mail and sham, who tried to train squirrels to sabotage the LHC with acorns but the little bastards just kept hiding them.
Mar 23 2009 The Super Nintoaster Burnt My Cartridge :(
The Super Nintoaster is a Super Nintendo in a toaster's body. It's similar to that time I dressed as a woman and solicited men at the bar (Friday), but nowhere near as good looking. It's maker, Mr. Vomitsaw, discusses:
Built from nothing more than a Super NES, a toaster, four different types of adhesives, magnets ripped from a broken hard drive, six orange LEDs, a bunch of resistors, plexiglass, and many many spare wires. Not too dissimilar from my previous toaster, only this time the temperature comtrol knob DOES serve a purpose! If for some reason you feel the need to adjust the brightness of the orange LEDs, now you can.
Good looking, Mr. Vomitsaw. Or should I call you Mr. Barfblade? Pukepruner? Heavecleaver?
Hit the jump for a video of the SNES toasty-ness.
Continue Reading " The Super Nintoaster Burnt My Cartridge :( "
Nov 10 2008 A Darth Vader Toaster: Dark Side That Bread
This $55 Star Wars toaster burns a perfect Vader face into each and ever slice of delicious multi-grain bread (not included) and is available for pre-order even as I type (ships in January).
If there's something every Sith Lord knows how to do it's make a balanced breakfast. While the Jedi have to live off of Jawa juice and fried nerfsteak, the Dark Lord of the Sith prefers to have a reminder of his fiery Mustafar defeat at his breakfast table. Every morning he burns that moment into a slice of bread with the Darth Vader Toaster. This black, ominous kitchen appliance easily leaves the mark of Vader's helmet in every yummy piece of toast. Slather some Bantha butter on top, or make two pieces for an extra-Sithy BLT. Force power not required to operate toaster.
A Darth Vader face in your toast is cool and all, but I can think of plenty of other things I'd rather have burnt into my toast. Namely butter and jam. ZOMG I'm gonna be rich!
Thanks to Romeo, who can burn whatever he wants onto his toast because he has laser eyes.
Oct 3 2008 Magic Hat Makes You Smarter, Look Stupid
This thinking cap promises to make its wearer smarter. How?Using a magnetic coil to send juice to portions of the left side of the brain, researchers claim that they can turn anyone into a savant, improving memory and creativity by incredible amounts.
Being a skeptic, I went ahead and rigged up my own cap on their design. I made it out of aluminum foil, a bunch of refrigerator magnets, and a car battery. Here goes nothing!
UPDATE: I smell toast.
Sep 12 2008 Burn Whatever You Want Onto Your Toast. Cha-Ching, eBay Fortune Here I Come!
Similar in concept to the Note Toaster, comes this little marvel of bread heating technology. The brainchild of industrial designer Sung Bae Chang, the Scan Toaster connects to your computer via USB and can burn pretty much whatever the hell you want onto your bread.
The toaster utilizes a network of toasting "modules" -- hot wires that rotate within a 30 degree radius -- that burn the image or text you have selected onto the delicious slice of your choice.
Awesome. Crank out a Virgin Mary or Large Hadron Collider and start raking in the dough on eBay. Or, if you want to get really creative, a giant member spewing butter or jam. Just saying, sex sells. Unfortunately my condo doesn't -- somebody buy this freaking dump already.
Scan Toaster puts the power of 'miracle toast' in the hands of mere mortals [engadget]
Thanks to Julian, who's looking for a lovely lady to butter his bread. And also, make him an omelet.
Sep 10 2008 A Nice NES-y Breakfast: Thanks Nintoaster!
The Nintoaster is a Nintendo inside a toaster. You insert a game, press the lever down, and presto -- a nice heaping portion of NES-y breakfast in no time. It even glows red like a real toaster. But don't try sticking bread in there, because it won't work! Combine this sucker with the Wake N' Bacon and you've got yourself a well balanced breakfast. I'd kill for a cartridge and bacon sandwich right now, that shit's legit.
Hit the jump for a couple more shots and a video of the make and testing.
Continue Reading " A Nice NES-y Breakfast: Thanks Nintoaster! "
Aug 11 2008 Montauk Monster Toast Surfaces On eBay
Some clown of asses sold a piece of Montauk Monster toast on eBay.
The life-changing adventure that will culminate with your successful bidding and acquisition of this item all began yesterday morning. In all honesty the morning began like any other for me. I woke gently to the peaceful soft-rock sounds of my local adult contemporary station. After hearing about the local bridge club and their quest to raise funds for their summer charity drive, I was finally compelled to matriculate to the kitchen for my normal Thursday breakfast of fresh grapefruit, small bowl of raisin bran (skim milk), slightly buttered toast, coffee, and 8 ounces of pomegranite juice. I was particularly looking forward to the juice as it is precisely the anti-oxidant superpower pick-me-up I need to help me attack the day.
But my interest and consciousness was quickly rocked to unspeakable heights when I witnessed what happened next. That toast I eluded to earlier had harmlessly popped up from the toaster as normal. But when I grabbed the first piece to lightly glaze with margarine I was stopped in my tracks the moment I saw the ghostly impression of none other than the unbelievable montauk monster laying peacefully in the slightly charred surface of my morning toast. A wave of both horror and wonderment washed over me as I quickly understood what the bystanders that found the actual beast must have felt during those fateful seconds on the beach.
Uh-huh. The winning bid was $810, but the winner has 0 feedback. So it's unlikely they're actually gonna pay for a piece of toast with a monster scraped into it. But there certainly was a lot of interest -- and questions!
Q: I plan to eat this toast. Will I be guaranteed a hint of monster in the flavor? Either way I'm fat and plan to eat it!A: Well, as I said above, eating this toast would be like using the hope diamond as a door stop. But if you insist on eating it after you win the bidding, then you should find it will taste like any other piece of toast. Thanks, David
Q: What brand of pomegranate juice were you drinking?
A: I only drink POM Wonderful. It's too important of a part of my diet to skimp and pinch pennies. Thanks, David.Q: I was wondering if I can get a couple eggs on the side? Would that add to the cost of shipping? Can you also include a couple of those little grape jelly containers that you get at Denny's? Thanks a lot.
A: This auction is for legendary Montauk Monster Toast only. Sorry no eggs on the side. Thanks, DavidQ: Can I get the toast with eggs and bacon?
A: This auction is for toast only. No eggs, no bacon. Sorry. DavidQ: Can I get it with out the crust?
A: This toast will be a full piece of toast as seen in the picture. If you win the auction then you can take the crust off. Thanks, Dave
Oh man, I hate the crust too. It's like bread skin. And you know what they say: skin is in, but fat is where it's at. And also, my pants. My pants are where it's at. If we're talking about my wallet -- but if we're talking about a party, forget about it. These pants haven't even seen a friendly get-together in months.
eBay Auction
via
EBay Seller: 'Montauk Monster' Turns Up on Piece of Toast [foxnews]
Thanks to Kenny Rogers, who in 1997 banged a hooker with a drumstick from his chicken shack.
Jun 27 2008 Toaster Launches Your Bread When It's Done
Freddie Yauner is a nutjob. A nutjob with a dream. A pretty lame dream. A dream of building The Highest Popping Toaster In The World. And here it is. It uses high-pressure CO2 and a mechanical arm to blast your toast through the ceiling and kill the woman in the apartment above yours that you swear must run on the freaking treadmill directly above your desk all day long. That's it, I'm going up there and screaming at her until she cries.
UPDATE: Damnit, she distracted me with a loaf of banana bread and I forgot what I went up there for. I think she's a witch.
Insane toaster launches your toast high into the air for some reason [dvice]
Thanks to Lee, king of problematic neighbors.
Sep 14 2007 Toaster Teapot Is Toaster And Teapot!
The Toaster Teapot is both a toaster and a teapot. Oh sweet mother, what will they think of next? I have been using both a toaster AND a teapot until now, and quite frankly, I've always felt like a douche. I'm not totally sure if it has anything to do with my breakfast preparation, but you never know. Better safe than sorry. It costs $56, and a neat idea, I guess. I just thought that you weren't supposed to mix toasters and liquids. Because my (now ex) wife tossed one in when I was taking a bubblebath one morning and, well, I still can't grow hair on my man purse.
Toaster Teapot Combines Toaster And Teapot! [uberreview]
Sep 7 2007 Note Toaster Burns Your Bread
The Note Toaster, designed by Sasha Tseng, is a toaster that will burn reminders into your breakfast. Using a stylus, you write on the top, and then the toaster heats your bread while burning the message in. No word of how the damn thing actually works, which means it probably doesn't, or is still conceptual. If I had to guess I'd say there is a laser involved, or maybe black magic/sorcery. I like it though, and want one. I even have my first message ready. "Honey, stop eating my damn bread and do the freaking dishes. Love, me."
A couple more pics after the jump.
Aug 27 2007 Toasty The Tape Player Toaster
Arthur Wu, who is clearly a bread heating genius, has designed the Toasty Single Serving Toaster. It looks like a cross between a cassette tape player and an appliance from the 50's, which makes it awesome. It may only heat one piece of bread at a time, but who cares, it has a freaking toggle switch. But a word of advice from personal experience - no matter how drunk you get, it still won't play your favorite Thin Lizzy tape. Try all you want, but the result will just make you sad (and set off the smoke detector).
Toasty The Tape Player Toaster [yankodesign]
