Nov 5 2009 On This Day In History
In 1955, Doctor Emmet Lathrop Brown was standing on a toilet hanging a wall clock when he slipped and beat his head on the bathroom sink. Unconscious, Doc had a vision. And that vision was that of a flux capacitor -- the device that makes time travel possible. The rest, my friends, is history. Or should I say, future? Time travel joke!
Thanks to Zach, who doesn't need roads where he's going.
Oct 15 2009 Wait, Whaaaaat?: Large Hardron Collider Trying To Destroy Itself From The Future
According to a couple nutjobs that I'm actually starting to believe, the Large Hadron Collider is actually destroying itself FROM THE FUTURE to prevent the discovery of the Higgs boson particle. Whoa.
According to the Times, two physicists posit that the reason that the Large Hadron Collider (and, previously, its unbuilt American counterpart) keeps running into problems isn't bad luck or shoddy workmanship. It's that the LHC's quest to discover the Higgs boson--a heretofore only theorized particle that scientists believe is what gives objects mass--is creating problems to keep itself from being discovered:
"A pair of otherwise distinguished physicists have suggested that the hypothesized Higgs boson, which physicists hope to produce with the collider, might be so abhorrent to nature that its creation would ripple backward through time and stop the collider before it could make one, like a time traveler who goes back in time to kill his grandfather."
I didn't even think about that. But now that I do, it makes perfect sense. And by perfect sense I mean none at all. Unlessssss the LHC is actually a giant T-1000! Then we're back to making perfect sense. I think. I dunno man, I smoked weed for breakfast.
Destroyed by Malicious Forces from the Future? [good.is]
Thanks to ffffffffffffff, Patrick, Elizabeth and burntout, who have secretly been sabotaging the LHC for the sake of humanity. Don't worry guys, your secret's safe with me.
Jul 16 2009 Naked 'Terminator' Tased By Police In Nevada
A Terminator sent back from the future has been tased and arrested by police in Nevada. Good lookin', boys in blue!
19-year-old Sean Stanley Smith was arrested on the Nevada border after he was spotted by a motorist wandering around the highway nude. He was ordered by police to stop but proceeded into a nearby casino - where he was then tasered in front of a group of children.
Smith claims he was a Terminator sent back in time from the future.
When questioned who he was sent back to kill, the Terminator responded, "The Geekologie Writer". Really buddy? TOO BAD I'M VACATIONING IN MIAMI YOU IDIOT MORON! Wait. Did I say Miami? I meant Manitoba. Shit.
Police arrest naked 'Terminator' [yahoo]
Thanks to Bubbles100, who wonders if he was packing more heat than the Naked Wizard.
Jun 11 2009 DO NOT OUTBID ME: How To Sell A Washer
As we've learned in the past, personal selling takes skills. We've seen people do it right, and we've seen people do it horribly, horribly wrong. This is another example of successful selling.
Once while washing a load of towells it got a bit out of balance and it got so out of control for a minute that I swear I actually saw a porthole to another dimension open above it just for a second, there were dinosaurs on the otherside and they looked scared too, it almost sucked me in but I held onto for my life to the deepfreeze. It sucked my shoes and pants off though and it got the iron as well which pissed me off because it was quite a good one. Luckily it sucked it's own power cord out of the wall and stopped before the whole house went in.I drew a picture of the dinosaurs i saw incase people didn't believe me, they are partly red because my green felt ran out half way through.
Well, it's been real folks, but I'm boldly going where no man has gone before. Pantless. DINO-RIIIIIIDERS!
Hit the jump to read the entire ad (which is actually mad long) and see the dinosaurs.
Jun 9 2009 Doctor Who Fan Dies, Has Themed Funeral
Sebastian Neale, a 26 year old from South Wales and mega-fan of the Doctor Who series, passed away recently due to head injuries and was given a proper Dr. Who themed send off.
The funeral music was swapped out in favor of the Dr. Who's theme song and mourners were greeted with the Doctor's words, "I'm a time lord ... I'm not a human being. I walk in eternity." Instead of Bible verses, the funeral consisted of quotes from classic Who scripts, including William Hartnell's famous speech from "The Dalek Invasion Of Earth": "One day, I will come back. Yes, I shall come back. Until then there must be no regrets, no tears, no anxieties. Just go forward in all your beliefs, and prove to me that I am not mistaken in mine."
Wow, I just got a little teary eyed. You know, this got me thinking about my own funeral. I've decided I want it to be Geekologie themed. I'd like the presiding wizard to read a few of my funnier posts (which I have yet to write), and you mourners (and rejoicers) to read some of your comments. Then, Daisy will proclaim the whole thing a fake, and that I'm secretly crashing in Baja and Max's garage, waiting to start a new life. The ceremony will end with The Superficial Writer urinating into my open casket.
R.I.P. Sebastian, I hope your Tardis takes you to whenever you want.
Hit the jump for a better shot of the casket.
Continue Reading " Doctor Who Fan Dies, Has Themed Funeral "
Mar 30 2009 Time-Lapse Video of Mushrooms Growing
This is a highly erotic time-lapse video of some Psilocybe cubensis "gold cap" mushrooms growing. It was created using 1,661 photos over the course of 5 days, 18 hours and 25 minutes. I really liked the zoom-out effect during the video, I thought that was a nice touch. Also, one time I thought I was a superhero and had a slow-motion fight with my friends in their college apartment. That wasn't mushrooms though, that was Robitussin. But seriously kids: drugs are bad, and I'm living proof. Living proof of awesome, RAWR! Whoa -- did you hear that? Sounded like a dinosaur.
Thanks to leftRIGHTleft, who found this video even sexier than I did, which is saying a lot because my pants caught fire.
Mar 9 2009 Why Do Terminators Time-Travel Naked?
Because the dude responsible for beaming them up is gay. Just like the original Scotty from Star Trek.* For real, yo.
*This statement based entirely on the time he offered to buy me a drink at the bar.
Feb 16 2009 Digging Is Fun!: Backyard Toy Time Capsule
If there's one thing my grandpappy taught me it's how to make gin in the bathtub. And, if there's another, it's how to bury your money in coffee cans. So he would probably scoff at paying $20 for the Backyard Safari Underground Time Capsule. And, to make matters worse, you're only supposed to bury the POS six inches under the ground so you can still fill it with more garbage via the fake rock screw-off lid. Hey kids, I've got news for you: if I see a fake rock in your yard, I'm digging that shit up and stealing your G.I. Joes and love letters from Susie Q Heartbreak. And, if it turns out to just be a house key hiding rock, I'm letting myself in and kicking your ass! Happy President's Day!
Underground Time Capsule perfect for hiding things in the dirt [dvice]
Feb 10 2009 Sorry LHC, Google Beat You To It: Street View Van Rips Hole In Space Time Continuum
Ha, and all along we thought the Large Hadron Collider would be our doomsday machine. Little did we know it would actually come in the form of a free candy van outfitted to take pictures of the world's roads. That's right, as evident from these photos, a Google Street View van operating in Missouri has torn the very space time continuum we depend on to make our clocks work. So, what happens now? Your guess is as good as mine. Unless you guessed 'massive orgy', in which case, okay, yours was better.
Google Maps street view rips hole in space-time fabric [neowin]
Thanks to sean, who runs thetechpit and an illegal casino in his basement.
Jan 20 2009 I Can Add!: Tokyoflash's Kisai Keisan Watch
I know what you're thinking, "holy shit, we have a new president!" And also, "damnit Geekologie Writer, hit me the latest in time-telling devices". Well you got it, son. The Kisai Keisan is the latest in Tokyoflash's wrist flasherdashery. If you can add, you can tell what time it is on the Keisan.
Calculate the time with Keisan. Simply touch the button and digits will appear in four vertical lines. Add the digits in each vertical line to read the time. The date is displayed in the same way after the time. The time and date can be accelerated by pressing button A again. To find out more, take a look at the interactive manual to the right.
The Keisan is available for $255 in black with red or green LEDS, and silver with orange or yellow LEDs. But hurry -- they'll be gone in a Tokyoflash! ZOMG, I think I just reached a new level in L337 advertising: +30 selling, -20 dignity! I swear, I could sell fire to Satan -- or cans of bitch to my ex-wife!
Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures of the flashery.
Continue Reading " I Can Add!: Tokyoflash's Kisai Keisan Watch "
Jan 7 2009 Time Flies!: An Artsy, Steampunkish Watch
Deviantartist sadwonderland went and made a steampunk styled wristwatch. While it doesn't look super steampunky, I still like the style. Hell, I'd wear it if I was a woman. Or, haha, home alone with the door locked and shades pulled tight. I'm not kidding.
This is a fancy steampunk-style wristwatch, fully functioning, with a new battery in it all ready to go!
A pair of angelic wings and decorative clock cogs frame the timepiece, and a charm chain hangs below, carrying a cog and a small victorian heart.Perfect for costuming or fancy time-travel parties!
I'm digging those wings. And you know what they say -- time flies when you're wearing a steampunk watch! What do you mean they don't say that? Well what do they say? Toy boat ten times fast? Fine! Toy boat, toy boat, toy boat, toy boat, toy boyt, toy boyt, toyboyt, toyboyt, toyboyt, toyboyt! Oh, now everyone in the coffee shop is looking at me funny. F*** you, people, I'm a blogger damnit!
Lestrade Watch [deviantart]
Thanks to KXHone, who doesn't need a winged watch for time to fly, just alcohol.
Dec 31 2008 All Of Crappy 2008 In A Mere 40 Seconds
This is a time-lapse video made by Eirik Solheim of the year 2008. As you can see, it was an eventful year. The trees started off naked, put on their sexy spring and summer dresses, then stripped down again in the fall. And I imagine there was a botanical orgy of immeasurable proportions in there somewhere as well. You know -- trees humping trees, a couple bushes trying to get in on the action, maybe a lone deer banging a stump. But maybe that shit doesn't really happen the way I imagine -- how the hell should I know, I'm not a freaking Hobbit!
Nov 25 2008 Google Employees Create Spreadsheet Art
This is a time-lapse video of three Google employees creating an 18,600 cell mosaic in a spreadsheet. As you will see, it has a nice wintry theme. Namely, snowflakes. Personally, I would have gone with Frosty bending Santa over his sleigh for not bringing him the new corncob pipe he wanted, while Mrs. Claus watches from the kitchen window and bakes those delicious cookies of hers. But I don't get paid to sit around and make spreadsheet art. I get paid to sit around and desecrate your Christmas memories. Happy holidays bitches!
18,600-Cell Spreadsheet Mosaic Captured On Time-Lapse Video [gizmodo]
Thanks to Harrison, who's allegedly keeping Frosty's head alive in his freezer.
Sep 29 2008 Guy Makes Back To The Future DeLorean
A loyal Geekologist recently took these pictures of a DeLorean that was modded to look like the one from Back To The Future. It appears to be an exact replica if you ask me. I just wonder if the flux capacitor is functional. Because if it is....a nice candlelight dinner, just me, one very lucky dinosaur -- you get the picture.
Hit the jump for a few more and a link to the very worthwhile gallery.
Sep 10 2008 Large Hadron Collider Successfully Tested, Hasn't Destroyed Earth...Yet. Also, Stephen Hawking Chimes In On The Higgs Boson
CERN's Large Hadron Collider went online yesterday and completed it's first major test.
The world's largest particle collider passed its first major tests by firing two beams of protons in opposite directions around a 17-mile (27-kilometer) underground ring Wednesday in what scientists hope is the next great step to understanding the makeup of the universe.
Eventually two beams will be fired at the same time in opposite directions with the aim of recreating conditions a split second after the big bang, which scientists theorize was the massive explosion that created the universe.
We're doomed. And related news, Stephen Hawking is betting against the machine discovering the Higgs boson, aka "God's particle", a particle "believed to give mass to all other particles, and thus to matter that makes up the universe."
"I think it will be much more exciting if we don't find the Higgs. That will show something is wrong, and we need to think again. I have a bet of 100 dollars that we won't find the Higgs," added Hawking, "and another 100 that we all freaking die. AAAAHH!"
Massive particle collider passes first key tests [yahoo]
and
Hawking bets CERN mega-machine won't find 'God's Particle" [yahoo]
and
Has the Large Hadron Collider destroyed the earth yet? (definitely check it out)
Thanks Amanda and Pat -- but don't worry, we'll be safe under my bed.
Jul 23 2008 Fingernail Watch Doesn't Prevent Hangnails
The Timex2154 is a conceptual watch design that took runner-up in the global watch design competition sponsored by Timex and Core77. First place was a sundial. This particular concept was designed by a stoner (hence the 4:20) and fastens to your nail. You push the end to scroll through the different modes and change your color options. My girlfriend is so stupid she would probably nail polish right over it. Hey Timex, if you decide to manufacture this thing can you do me a favor and make a fingernail calculator too? I'm failing algebra because the teacher doesn't let us use calculators. Well, that, and the guy I chose cheat off of is apparently an idiot.
That's time at your fingertips [popgadget]
Thanks Mike, can I copy off you?
Apr 24 2008 Forget Time Travel, Now We're All Gonna Die
Remember the two Russians that were convinced the CERN Large Hadron Collider would tear a hole in the fabric of time so we can all travel to the future and ride hoverboards or the past and have sex with dinosaurs? Well now there are two gentlemen fighting a legal battle in Hawaii to prevent CERN from ever colliding anything. Why? They're convinced it'll open a black hole bigger than my girlfriend's gaping pie-hole, swallowing the earth -- and possibly the whole galaxy! My oh my.
Walter Wagner and Luis Sancho contend that scientists at the European Center for Nuclear Research, or CERN, have played down the chances that the collider could produce, among other horrors, a tiny black hole, which, they say, could eat the Earth. Or it could spit out something called a "strangelet" that would convert our planet to a shrunken dense dead lump of something called "strange matter." Their suit also says CERN has failed to provide an environmental impact statement as required under the U.S. National Environmental Policy Act.
Wow guys, way to be a bunch of weenies. You two never blew things up when you were kids did you? You know, you could learn a thing or two from Everett about living on the edge. I say f*** it -- if the thing creates a black hole and turns us into a shit-like lump of dead matter, we won't even be around to notice anyway. Screw it. Besides, I'm really banking on the whole time travel thing. Which is why I volunteered to have the particles collided with my face. If there's anybody who's gonna the be first to ride a tyrannosaurus rex while shooting at other dinosaurs with a giant laser beam, it's this guy. That's right baby, real life Dino-Riders! Now who's with me?
Try this headline: Black Hole Eats Earth [intl'heraldtribune]
Thanks to Kiyoshi, the only one who can stop the world from ending, for the tip
Apr 21 2008 Oh Man, That Would Suck: Time Lapse Of Man Trapped In An Elevator For 40 Hours
This actually took place in 1999 (old!), but the video has just recently surfaced via The New Yorker. It's a time lapse of Nicholas White stuck in an elevator in the McGraw-Hill building in New York for over 40 hours. White went outside for a cigarette, came back in, and chose the wrong damn elevator. I really think this video provides some serious insight into the human psyche. What insight that may be is a mystery to me. Maybe something about going apeshit in a confined space. Say, is he peeing down the crack of the open doors at 2:12?
New Yorker Article
Thanks to Andy, who was once stuck in an elevator for ten seconds before he punched through the wall got the hell out, for the tip
Feb 11 2008 Uh Oh: Russians Think Time Machine Is Right Around The Corner
Two Russian scientists claim that the Large Hadron Collider (LHC), a particle accelerator in Switzerland, may be the world's first time machine. They're in the process of trying to recreate a miniature Big Bang. They're not sure exactly what will happen, but my guess is destroy the planet somehow. The first particle smash goes down in May, and they believe it may create a rip in the fabric of time, making time travel possible. I don't know about all that, but one time I did an experiment where I collided a subatomic toot with the particles of my jeans, creating a rip in the fabric of Levi's. But there wasn't any time traveling afterwards, just a stink and ruined pants.
News video after the jump, complete with some Back To The Future scenes
Continue Reading " Uh Oh: Russians Think Time Machine Is Right Around The Corner "
Feb 1 2008 Navy Tests New Railgun, It Looks Promising
The Navy is hoping that their newest 10 megajoule railgun (topping their old pathetic 9 megajoule) will replace the standard 5-inch guns on most of their ships. Projectiles fired at this energy level reach about 5,600 mph, but the Navy isn't stopping there. They have their eyes set on a 64 megajoule system capable of shooting at over 13,000 mph and hitting 5 meter targets from 200 nautical miles.
To give you a sense of scale, an 8 megajoule test shot has an impacting force that the Navy describes as being the equivalent of “hitting a target with a Ford Taurus at 380 mph.”
I don't know about the whole Ford Taurus comparison, what I want to know is whether this level of energy is in excess of the 1.21 jigowatts needed to power my flux capacitor. Somebody please do the math. I'm trying to time travel here people. I'm stealing electricity from both my neighbors but I'm still nowhere close to 1.21 jigos. I'd do the whole lightning bit, but frankly it scares me. As an added bonus anybody who helps me break in and steal this electricity (if it's enough) gets a free historical figure's autograph or pet dinosaur, your choice.
Two wicked videos of the gun in action after the jump.
Continue Reading " Navy Tests New Railgun, It Looks Promising "
