Nov 5 2009 On This Day In History

In 1955, Doctor Emmet Lathrop Brown was standing on a toilet hanging a wall clock when he slipped and beat his head on the bathroom sink. Unconscious, Doc had a vision. And that vision was that of a flux capacitor -- the device that makes time travel possible. The rest, my friends, is history. Or should I say, future? Time travel joke!

Wiki Page

Thanks to Zach, who doesn't need roads where he's going.

Nov 3 2009 Could A Human Beat A T-Rex Arm Wrestling?

I say yes, but Jack Conrad, a vertebrate paleontologist at the American Museum of Natural History in New York, is arguing otherwise. Don't act like you know dinosaurs. I KNOW DINOSAURS!

"Doesn't matter," Conrad says. "There's no chance that any human alive could win." The T. rex's arms might have looked wimpy, but they were extremely strong. Each was about three feet long and, based on the size of the arm bones and analysis of the spots where muscle attached to the bone, they were jacked. "The bicep alone--and this is a conservative estimate--could curl 430 pounds," Conrad says. Even the beefiest humans max out at around an embarrassing 260 pounds.

Surely an Over the Top-era Sylvester Stallone would put up a good fight? "Not even Lou Ferrigno in his prime would stand a chance," Conrad says. "They didn't just have big biceps. Their chest and shoulder muscles were huge too. They had huge arms and shoulders--bigger than my leg. They had the strength to rip a human's arm right out of its socket."

So you don't think I could beat a t-rex? Well Jack, I guess there's only one way to settle this. *warming up time machine* See you in a second!

UPDATE: Yes, AND have sex with it afterward. Put that one in your science book and intelligently design it!

Could a Human Beat a T. Rex In Arm Wrestling? [popsci]

Thanks to Xkrimeg, who could beat a giant arm created in a government laboratory at arm wrestling despite her being a girl and built for domestic chores.

Oct 15 2009 Wait, Whaaaaat?: Large Hardron Collider Trying To Destroy Itself From The Future

According to a couple nutjobs that I'm actually starting to believe, the Large Hadron Collider is actually destroying itself FROM THE FUTURE to prevent the discovery of the Higgs boson particle. Whoa.

According to the Times, two physicists posit that the reason that the Large Hadron Collider (and, previously, its unbuilt American counterpart) keeps running into problems isn't bad luck or shoddy workmanship. It's that the LHC's quest to discover the Higgs boson--a heretofore only theorized particle that scientists believe is what gives objects mass--is creating problems to keep itself from being discovered:

"A pair of otherwise distinguished physicists have suggested that the hypothesized Higgs boson, which physicists hope to produce with the collider, might be so abhorrent to nature that its creation would ripple backward through time and stop the collider before it could make one, like a time traveler who goes back in time to kill his grandfather."

I didn't even think about that. But now that I do, it makes perfect sense. And by perfect sense I mean none at all. Unlessssss the LHC is actually a giant T-1000! Then we're back to making perfect sense. I think. I dunno man, I smoked weed for breakfast.

Destroyed by Malicious Forces from the Future? [good.is]

Thanks to ffffffffffffff, Patrick, Elizabeth and burntout, who have secretly been sabotaging the LHC for the sake of humanity. Don't worry guys, your secret's safe with me.

Jul 16 2009 The Leidenfrost Effect, Or: How It's Okay To Stick Your Hand In A Can Of Liquid Nitrogen

Science is amazing. And I'm not just saying that because it's my only hope of cloning dinosaurs or inventing a time machine. Yes I am. But still, the Leidenfrost Effect is cool too.

The Leidenfrost effect is a phenomenon in which a liquid, in near contact with a mass significantly hotter than the liquid's boiling point, produces an insulating vapor layer which keeps that liquid from boiling rapidly. This is most commonly seen when cooking; one sprinkles drops of water in a skillet to gauge its temperature--if the skillet's temperature is at or above the Leidenfrost point, the water skitters across the metal and takes longer to evaporate than it would in a skillet that is above boiling temperature, but below the temperature of the Leidenfrost point. It has also been used in some dangerous demonstrations, such as dipping a wet finger in molten lead or blowing out a mouthful of liquid nitrogen, both enacted without injury to the demonstrator.

Well neato. If you don't like reading the guy in the video explains the whole Lederhosen effect and even demonstrates the water on a hot surface and dipping your hand in liquid nitrogen experiments. So, watch that while I run to the restroom.

Okay, now which one of you jokers filled the toilet bowl with liquid nitrogen? And, hypothetically, how long do you think it takes to thaw a frozen python? And, if using a microwave, should you use the defrost or popcorn button?

Youtube

Thanks to towhee, who, like all women, has a heart that pumps liquid nitrogen.

Jul 13 2009 Who Was Right?: 3 PSA's From The Future

Not to toot my own horn or anything but *DOOT DOODLE DOOT* I was right and all you naysayers were wrong. This is a short clip of three different PSA's (public service announcements) that somebody recorded from the future that prove my theories about robots, hyper speed and time machines. Watch them. Then, watch this. WAIT WAIT WAIT WRONG DVD DON'T WATC....THAT'S NOT ME I SWEAR! I DON'T EVEN HAVE A GEEKOLOGIE WRITER TATTOO. Just please just turn it off before you get to the alligator pool float part that I, uh, only know about because....shit.

WARNING! Do Not Talk To Robots! [tvmunchies]

Thanks to Rodger, who was the one who traveled back from the future to warn us all. Good lookin', mind if I borrow your keys for a second? Literally, a second. Isn't time travel great?!

Jun 11 2009 DO NOT OUTBID ME: How To Sell A Washer

As we've learned in the past, personal selling takes skills. We've seen people do it right, and we've seen people do it horribly, horribly wrong. This is another example of successful selling.

Once while washing a load of towells it got a bit out of balance and it got so out of control for a minute that I swear I actually saw a porthole to another dimension open above it just for a second, there were dinosaurs on the otherside and they looked scared too, it almost sucked me in but I held onto for my life to the deepfreeze. It sucked my shoes and pants off though and it got the iron as well which pissed me off because it was quite a good one. Luckily it sucked it's own power cord out of the wall and stopped before the whole house went in.

I drew a picture of the dinosaurs i saw incase people didn't believe me, they are partly red because my green felt ran out half way through.

Well, it's been real folks, but I'm boldly going where no man has gone before. Pantless. DINO-RIIIIIIDERS!

Hit the jump to read the entire ad (which is actually mad long) and see the dinosaurs.

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Jun 9 2009 Doctor Who Fan Dies, Has Themed Funeral

Sebastian Neale, a 26 year old from South Wales and mega-fan of the Doctor Who series, passed away recently due to head injuries and was given a proper Dr. Who themed send off.

The funeral music was swapped out in favor of the Dr. Who's theme song and mourners were greeted with the Doctor's words, "I'm a time lord ... I'm not a human being. I walk in eternity." Instead of Bible verses, the funeral consisted of quotes from classic Who scripts, including William Hartnell's famous speech from "The Dalek Invasion Of Earth": "One day, I will come back. Yes, I shall come back. Until then there must be no regrets, no tears, no anxieties. Just go forward in all your beliefs, and prove to me that I am not mistaken in mine."

Wow, I just got a little teary eyed. You know, this got me thinking about my own funeral. I've decided I want it to be Geekologie themed. I'd like the presiding wizard to read a few of my funnier posts (which I have yet to write), and you mourners (and rejoicers) to read some of your comments. Then, Daisy will proclaim the whole thing a fake, and that I'm secretly crashing in Baja and Max's garage, waiting to start a new life. The ceremony will end with The Superficial Writer urinating into my open casket.

R.I.P. Sebastian, I hope your Tardis takes you to whenever you want.

Hit the jump for a better shot of the casket.

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May 15 2009 Oldest Human Sculpture Found In Germany

What you're looking at is believed to be the oldest sculpture of a human found to date, and was carved out of a mammoth's tusk. That's right, mammoth -- the very same mount Jesus used to ride into battle. Wow!

The distorted object, which portrays a woman with huge breasts, big buttocks and exaggerated genitals, is thought to be at least 35,000 years old.

The 6cm-tall figurine, reported in the journal Nature, is the latest find to come from Hohle Fels Cave in Germany.

"I think there are good reasons to emphasise sexual interpretations, but we really don't know whether it is coming from a more male or a more female perspective. We don't know very much about how the artefact was used."

Oh man, those cave people were a classy bunch, were they not? They so were. And such the artisans. But seriously, is that really the way women used to look back then? Because, if so, BBW AND mammoths? *firing up time machine* Somebody smells a threesome!

Hit the jump for another picture with more angles.

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Apr 23 2009 Scary: A Childhood Photo From The Future

This is a childhood photo FROM THE FUTURE. Don't ask me how I got it, but suffice it to say I got some wires crossed when I was building my time machine (read: I showed up in 2120 with a trash bag full of dinosaur-sized condoms). Anyway, I brought this back to show you how not cool the future is. You want your kids growing up with robot pals? No, no you don't. And if you do, well, *ffffubt*. Oh that? Nothing -- just a little contraceptive blowdart.

Hit the jump for a worthwhile picture of some African robots.

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Mar 8 2009 Wow: Over 64,000 Years Of Halo 3 Played

That's right folks, if you add up all the individual hours people have played Halo 3, it comes out to over 64,000 years.

The billionth game of Halo 3 was played last Saturday. Bungie then calculated the play time of every online match - not counting custom maps - and it reaches 2,023,153,340,764 seconds, which equals out to roughly 64,000 years.

To further drive home the point of how huge of a number that is, they mentioned that 64,000 years ago neanderthal walked the Earth and modern man hadn't yet set foot in Asia.

Some guy in the comments went on to speculate that a low-ball estimate of World of Warcraft gameplay was up around 750,000 years. Either way, I'm crying. And not because we haven't cured cancer either it's just that *sniff* I'm so damn proud of you guys.

Halo 3 reaches one billion matches and 64,000 years of play time [omghalo]

Thanks to Mark, who contributed not one but 10,000 of those years.

Feb 16 2009 Digging Is Fun!: Backyard Toy Time Capsule

If there's one thing my grandpappy taught me it's how to make gin in the bathtub. And, if there's another, it's how to bury your money in coffee cans. So he would probably scoff at paying $20 for the Backyard Safari Underground Time Capsule. And, to make matters worse, you're only supposed to bury the POS six inches under the ground so you can still fill it with more garbage via the fake rock screw-off lid. Hey kids, I've got news for you: if I see a fake rock in your yard, I'm digging that shit up and stealing your G.I. Joes and love letters from Susie Q Heartbreak. And, if it turns out to just be a house key hiding rock, I'm letting myself in and kicking your ass! Happy President's Day!

Underground Time Capsule perfect for hiding things in the dirt [dvice]

Feb 10 2009 Sorry LHC, Google Beat You To It: Street View Van Rips Hole In Space Time Continuum

Ha, and all along we thought the Large Hadron Collider would be our doomsday machine. Little did we know it would actually come in the form of a free candy van outfitted to take pictures of the world's roads. That's right, as evident from these photos, a Google Street View van operating in Missouri has torn the very space time continuum we depend on to make our clocks work. So, what happens now? Your guess is as good as mine. Unless you guessed 'massive orgy', in which case, okay, yours was better.

Google Maps street view rips hole in space-time fabric [neowin]

Thanks to sean, who runs thetechpit and an illegal casino in his basement.

Jan 7 2009 Time Flies!: An Artsy, Steampunkish Watch

Deviantartist sadwonderland went and made a steampunk styled wristwatch. While it doesn't look super steampunky, I still like the style. Hell, I'd wear it if I was a woman. Or, haha, home alone with the door locked and shades pulled tight. I'm not kidding.

This is a fancy steampunk-style wristwatch, fully functioning, with a new battery in it all ready to go!

A pair of angelic wings and decorative clock cogs frame the timepiece, and a charm chain hangs below, carrying a cog and a small victorian heart.

Perfect for costuming or fancy time-travel parties!

I'm digging those wings. And you know what they say -- time flies when you're wearing a steampunk watch! What do you mean they don't say that? Well what do they say? Toy boat ten times fast? Fine! Toy boat, toy boat, toy boat, toy boat, toy boyt, toy boyt, toyboyt, toyboyt, toyboyt, toyboyt! Oh, now everyone in the coffee shop is looking at me funny. F*** you, people, I'm a blogger damnit!

Lestrade Watch [deviantart]

Thanks to KXHone, who doesn't need a winged watch for time to fly, just alcohol.

Jan 6 2009 Tokyoflash's Latest Bling: Is That An R75 On Your Wrist Or Do I Just Want To Do You?

Tokyoflash's first design of 2009, the R75, is now available, and you have the Geekologie Writer's personal guarantee it will get you laid.* How could it not -- it comes in three different colors, including gold! Like my teeth! It can also tell time in there different modes! F*** I'm excited!

Hour-centric mode displays the hour in digits on the lower display and minutes on the upper display, each LED representing a progression of five minutes. Perfect for when you need to know the approximate time quickly.

Minute-centric mode displays the exact minutes in digits on the lower display with the upper display representing the progression of hours using twelve LEDs.

Binary is presented on the upper display only. The top line of six LEDs indicate the hour, the second line indicates minutes. To read the time in binary, refer to the example below. Binary is read from the right, the first lit LED representing the number 1. This is then doubled; 2, 4, 8, 16 and 32, a combination of these numbers representing the time in hours and minutes.

Damn do I love a watch that's hard to read. It keeps the ladies looking at your wrist longer. And that, provided you plucked the hair out of that nasty looking, potentially cancerous mole, is a good thing. R75's are available now with either blue or white LEDs for $235. Also, I'm available now for celebrity appearances and photo-ops (price inversely commensurate with drunkeness at time of booking).

*Geekologie Writer's personal guarantee not guaranteed. This coupon has no cash value.

Hit the jump for two more pictures and a link to the product page.

Continue Reading " Tokyoflash's Latest Bling: Is That An R75 On Your Wrist Or Do I Just Want To Do You? "

Dec 31 2008 All Of Crappy 2008 In A Mere 40 Seconds

This is a time-lapse video made by Eirik Solheim of the year 2008. As you can see, it was an eventful year. The trees started off naked, put on their sexy spring and summer dresses, then stripped down again in the fall. And I imagine there was a botanical orgy of immeasurable proportions in there somewhere as well. You know -- trees humping trees, a couple bushes trying to get in on the action, maybe a lone deer banging a stump. But maybe that shit doesn't really happen the way I imagine -- how the hell should I know, I'm not a freaking Hobbit!

Amazing time-lapse video shows 2008 in 40 seconds [dvice]

Dec 3 2008 Time Cube Clock Is Rarely An Actual Cube

The $12 Cube Clock is shaped like a cube at noon and midnight but rotates to create all kinds of crazy-ass shapes in the interim. "The largest triangle is for displaying hours while the medium is for minutes and the small triangle on the edge represents seconds." At only $12, the clock makes a great stocking stuffer for Christmas. Alternatively, you could stuff it into the bottom of a sock and use it to beat off a would-be thief. Just trust me, you don't wanna use your hand.

Hit the jump for a couple pictures of the rotational fun!

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Nov 6 2008 Scientists Still Hope To Clone Extinct Species

Scientists, spurred on by the passing of Michael Crichton, have kicked their efforts of cloning extinct species into high gear. And I think I speak for all of us here when I say, sex with dinosaurs: it's about freaking time.

Japanese scientists have produced clones of mice that have been dead and frozen for 16 years -- a feat that could lead researchers to one day resurrect long-extinct species, such as the mammoth.

Researchers had thought that frozen cells were unusable because ice crystals would have damaged the DNA. That belief would rule out the possibility of resurrecting extinct animals from their frozen remains. But the latest research -- published in the journal, Proceedings for the National Academy of Sciences -- shows that scientists may have overcome the obstacle.

Yes please! Now tell me somebody's got some frozen dinosaur remains around here somewhere. If not, we're going to need to go back in time and get some. Damn, sometimes my profound logic amazes even me.

Scientists hope to clone extinct species [cnn]

Thanks to Jonathan, who fears for a dinosaur apocalypse. Which, incidentally, is my dreamworld.

Sep 29 2008 Guy Makes Back To The Future DeLorean

A loyal Geekologist recently took these pictures of a DeLorean that was modded to look like the one from Back To The Future. It appears to be an exact replica if you ask me. I just wonder if the flux capacitor is functional. Because if it is....a nice candlelight dinner, just me, one very lucky dinosaur -- you get the picture.

Hit the jump for a few more and a link to the very worthwhile gallery.

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Sep 25 2008 Google Makes Google Timeline For Birthday

To celebrate its 10th birthday, Google went and made themselves a little interactive timeline so interwebbers like ourselves can see the company's progression from no-name to world dominatrix. What does the future hold for Google? How the hell should I know, I'm no fortune teller. But I am a bank teller -- come hold me up!

10th Birthday [google]

Thanks Pi Kappa Phi, I drank all your beer.

Apr 24 2008 Forget Time Travel, Now We're All Gonna Die

Remember the two Russians that were convinced the CERN Large Hadron Collider would tear a hole in the fabric of time so we can all travel to the future and ride hoverboards or the past and have sex with dinosaurs? Well now there are two gentlemen fighting a legal battle in Hawaii to prevent CERN from ever colliding anything. Why? They're convinced it'll open a black hole bigger than my girlfriend's gaping pie-hole, swallowing the earth -- and possibly the whole galaxy! My oh my.

Walter Wagner and Luis Sancho contend that scientists at the European Center for Nuclear Research, or CERN, have played down the chances that the collider could produce, among other horrors, a tiny black hole, which, they say, could eat the Earth. Or it could spit out something called a "strangelet" that would convert our planet to a shrunken dense dead lump of something called "strange matter." Their suit also says CERN has failed to provide an environmental impact statement as required under the U.S. National Environmental Policy Act.

Wow guys, way to be a bunch of weenies. You two never blew things up when you were kids did you? You know, you could learn a thing or two from Everett about living on the edge. I say f*** it -- if the thing creates a black hole and turns us into a shit-like lump of dead matter, we won't even be around to notice anyway. Screw it. Besides, I'm really banking on the whole time travel thing. Which is why I volunteered to have the particles collided with my face. If there's anybody who's gonna the be first to ride a tyrannosaurus rex while shooting at other dinosaurs with a giant laser beam, it's this guy. That's right baby, real life Dino-Riders! Now who's with me?

Try this headline: Black Hole Eats Earth [intl'heraldtribune]

Thanks to Kiyoshi, the only one who can stop the world from ending, for the tip