Sep 22 2009 Idiot Moron Uses 600K Text Messages/Month

Some idiot moron, in an effort to become the world's biggest failure at life, used 662,258 text messages on his iPhone in a month. Plus the jerkbag got the 12,301 page itemized bill sent to him, so he doesn't even care about trees. I did the math, and it comes out to sending a text message just about every 4 seconds, all day every day. So I assume there was some sort of automated program involved. Also, a monster douche.

Hit the jump for two videos of the idiot looking at his bill.

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Aug 13 2009 Why Not?: Send A Text Message To Aliens

HelloFromEarth.net is a website where you can submit text messages to be broadcast to Gliese 581d, a planet 20-light years away that may or may not support life (but 100% does). You have until the 24th of the month to submit your texts. Aaaaaaand here are some awful examples of why the aliens are gonna come kill us all.

Come here and take me with us. Here everyone is crazy.

Ever heard of Jesus? He's pretty awesome. Yay space travel!

... hi....... hehehehehhehehehehee (runs off giggling like a little school girl at lunch over a cute boy)

Of course, not everyone can be an idiot moron, so thankfully there were a couple people who actually know how to talk to aliens.

You are cordially invited to an Interplanetary BBQ. 6.00pm, 4th October, 2452 at my place BYO Meat and Beer. RSVP: Year 2100 Cheers

Junjun, I love you forever. Although we are different and our love is not accepted by others,I cant stop loving you.I want to share my dream with you forever.

Hell yeah, Junjun, get you some! Share that dream. Share it ALL. NIGHT. LONG.

HelloFromEarth

Thanks to Katie and Harsh, who accidentally sexted the aliens. Nice going, guys (forward them to me).

May 23 2009 Uh-Oh: Parents Catching On To Text Talk

Can you believe it? Parents are actually breaking the code of "secret" text speak that teenagers use to talk dirty to one another and make plans to *gasp* smoke the marijuana.

Ever wondered what the secret codes that teenagers are bashing out on mobile phones and computers mean?

Well, wonder no more.

A list of the top 50 acronyms that every parent should know has been compiled and posted onto the internet, MyFox Atlanta reports.

According to the list, a "Code 9" or "CD9" means that parents are nearby.

The words "I love you" can often be difficult for people to say, but the latest way around is by simplifying the phrase to "143".

143 -- really? I'm pretty sure people have has been using that since before Shakespeare. I mean, I used to use that shit in grade school when we only had pagers. Damn yeah I sold drugs!

Hit the jump for the top 50 "must know" phrases.

Continue Reading " Uh-Oh: Parents Catching On To Text Talk "

May 2 2009 On Camera: Bus Driver Crashes While Texting

He's not just driving any bus either, he's sporting that short joint (see man in wheelchair tethered in the back). Jesus. Dude texts for six minutes straight before finally rear-ending somebody. You'd think being on camera would be enough to deter this sort of behavior, but no, it's not. This is almost as bad as your middle school bus driver drinking and smoking the whole ride. Miss you Mrs. Wright! Madison County (AL) Public Schools Bus #114 FTW!

Bus Driver Crashes While Texting [break]

Thanks to Brandon, who once piloted a bus off a cliff but downshifted right before he hit the ground and drove off without a scratch.

Apr 22 2009 Two Pennsylvania Men Set Texting Record

That's right, in a bid to be crowned the world's biggest losers, Nick Andes, 29 and Doug Klinger, 30, sent over 217,000 text messages during the month of March. Also, Nick was mistakenly sent a $27K phone bill (which has since been cleared up) for the textacular achievement. You two must be so proud.

Andes and Klinger were able to set up their phones to send multiple messages. During a February test run they found they could send 6,000 or 7,000 messages on some days, prompting the March messaging marathon.

"Most were either short phrases or one word, 'LOL' or 'Hello,' things like that, with tons and tons of repeats," said Andes, reached by phone.

Andes sent more than 140,000 messages, and Klinger sent more than 70,000 to end the month with a total of just over 217,000, he said.

Wow, that has got to be one of the saddest things I've ever copy/pasted. And this is coming from a guy who copy/pasted a picture of a smushed cat all around town to encourage people to drive slower. So yeah, I'm the authority. Now -- up against the wall and spread em! Wider. Haha, you ripped your pants.

Record attempt reaps 217K texts, $26K phone bill [myway]

Thanks to Thumperchica, who agrees some records are best left unbroken.

Mar 21 2009 Sad: Text Messages For The Friendless

Fiona Carswell is a friendless hag who lives in the woods and tries to entice children into her gingerbread house to eat them. Just kidding, I'm sure she's cool and has tons of friends. But that didn't stop her from designing 'Cell Stickies', which are electro-static stickers with fake text messages you stick on your iPhone when you're feeling down. Because let's face it, nothing boosts one's spirit like catching yourself sticking a fake text message sticker on your cell phone. Am I right? Oooh -- a text. "You are right. As usual." Haha, just as I thought! And here comes another! "You gave me herpes." Shit.

Cell Stickies For The Truly Delusional [ohgizmo]

Jan 23 2009 Help Prevent Carpal Tunnel With Awethumb!

This video is chock-full of slanderous lies and half-truths about the dangers of texting in an attempt to sell you little plastic thimbles to slip on your thumbs when using your cell phone. I'm only posting it because 1. I can't believe these pieces of shit and 2. I just love hearing the guy say "AWETHUMB!", particularly at 0:22 and the very end. $11.50 gets you "2 Small & 2 Large Awethumbs and a Microfiber Storage Pouch that Doubles as a Cleaning Cloth". $18.50 gets you everything mentioned above and an Awethumb handjob.

Product Page

Thanks to Mother B, who doesn't need Awethumbs, because they're stupid.

Jan 16 2009 Oh Wow -- An Even Worse Text-Messager

Remember the story earlier in the week about the girl that sent 14,528 text messages in a month? Well, it turns out she's not the only daughter I'd lock in the basement. Emilee Cox, a 14 year old from Clermont, Florida, sent and received 35,463 texts in a single month. Which, granted, were probably only half actually sent messages. But still, get a life. The best part of the interview:

Haha. Your dad was supposed to email me a picture of you to use. Do you know if he found one?
Uhm idk i think my sister is sending him one.

Got the photos. You are 14, right?
Yes i am.

Wow, even I found that creepy. Anybody else get the feeling the interviewer was at least partially responsible for Willy Wonka's third-quarter earnings?

Full text message interview with Clermont teen who had 35,463 text messages in a month [orlandosentinel]

Thanks to Jessica, who won't return my texts. WHAT'D I DO!?

Jan 12 2009 Girl Sends 14,528 Text Messages In A Month

Reina Hardesty, 13, sent 14,528 text messages last month alone. That's a lot. I wonder if she has carpal tunnel. Or really swollen thumbs.

The online AT&T statement ran 440 pages.

"First, I laughed. I thought, 'That's insane, that's impossible,' " the 45-year-old dad said. "And I immediately whipped out (my junk and) the calculator to see if it was humanly possible." He found it was - barely.

It works out to 484 text messages a day, or one every two minutes of every waking hour.

Luckily, Hardesty has a phone plan that allows unlimited texting for $30 a month. Otherwise, he estimates, he would have owed AT&T $2,905.60 at a rate of 20 cents per message.

The average number of monthly texts for a 13- to 17-year-old teen is 1,742, according to a Nielsen study of cellphone usage.

Wow. I can remember (two months ago) when I had to upgrade from 1,500 texts a month to unlimited because I kept going over. Now before you pass judgment, let me explain: I'm mad freaking popular! Just kidding, text sex. No, not with myself! With myself :(

THIS KID'S A TEXT MANIAC [nypost]

Dec 16 2008 What?: Russian Man Trademarks ;-) Emoticon

Apparently the Russian patent office granted a trademark to resident doucheweed Oleg Teterin, a man who now allegedly owns the rights to the ;-) emoticon. WTF!

But critics doubt the trademark's legal basis as the emoticon has been in the public domain for years.

"I want to highlight that this is only directed at corporations, companies that are trying to make a profit without the permission of the trademark holder," Mr Teterin said in comments on the Russian TV channel, NTV.

He also said since other similar emoticons - :-) or ;) or :) - resemble the one he has trademarked, use of those symbols could also fall under his ownership.

Wow, what is the world coming to? And where does this Ruski get off trying to trademark MY emoticons. That's right folks, I invented them all. Just kidding, but I do use 8===D a lot, often followed by 'PEW PEW!'

Russian hopes to cash in on ;-) [bbcnews]

Thanks Richthegringo, and good luck on your quest to patent all punctuation. Also, thanks to Abby, my new legal consultant.

Nov 3 2008 How To Get Hit By A Bus: The Immersion Scarf

Ooooh, I like that tie. The Immersion Scarf is basically a smaller version of a whatever the hell you'd call this thing. But, instead of being used in conjunction with a computer, it was designed for use with cell phones and portable gaming systems. And no so much for warmth and privacy as much as anti-glare and privacy. So yeah, totally different. Nope, no idea theft going on here at all. And also, no plagiarism. Just kidding, I copy/pasted this shit from your mom's blog. Funny lady!

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures.

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Oct 14 2008 Elephants Text Message Rangers To Warn Villages Of Their Impending Doom

Several elephants (including a male named Kimani) in Kenya's Ol Pejeta conservancy have special collars that send text messages to park rangers should they start to venture too close to a village.

The huge bull elephant had a long history of raiding villagers' crops during the harvest, sometimes wiping out six months of income at a time. But this time a mobile phone card inserted in his collar sent rangers a text message. Lesowapir, an armed guard and a driver arrived in a jeep bristling with spotlights to frighten Kimani back into the Ol Pejeta conservancy.

Not a bad idea. The texting comes as a result of having to kill several other elephants as a result of their crop-destroying behaviors. Kimani is the last of a group of six regular raiders, and has already been deterred 15 times by his texting. Now if I could just rig up something similar for my girlfriends when they venture too close to the house unexpected....

UPDATE: F*** it, I'm going with shock collars.

Kenya's elephants send text messages to rangers [yahoonews]

Thanks to Romeo and Jason, who have both put on shock collars and taken turns running across an invisible fence.

Oct 8 2008 Prevent Drunk Emailing: Google Mail Goggles

Google recently unveiled a Gmail application that may help prevent drunk emailing. When in use, the program requires a potential emailer to solve a few mathematical problems before the message can be sent. Pretty clever, now make something similar for cell phones and we'll be set. Or you can just subscribe to The Geekologie Writer's method of drunk messaging prevention -- dropping your phone in the pisser when you're trying to text. I touched a urinal cake with my finger!

Google's Mail Goggles Prevents Drunk Emailing [wired]

Thanks to The Superficial Writer and DJ LIBOR, who both probably regret sending this tip.

Oct 1 2008 Protest Robot Does Your Protesting For You

Robovox is an 8 meter tall robot designed by artist Martin Bricelj that receives text messages and then speaks them aloud in his loud robot voice.

Its purpose is to serve as a tool for an individual, who's voice usually gets lost in the sounds of the mass, the society. An individual can send a text message using his mobile phone to the dedicated RoboVox's number. Upon receiving the SMS RoboVox says out loud the statement, the protest, the declaration of love, or whatever the message may read, thus lending its voice to the anonymous individual.

Awesome, I'm all for a good protest, I think I'll give it a go. *texting* "QUICK, SOMEONE BREAK MY FREAKING HEAD OFF BEFORE I KILL YOU ALL."

Hit the jump for a video.

Continue Reading " Protest Robot Does Your Protesting For You "

Sep 22 2008 Text Messaging Lowers Your IQ 10 Points

In a recent New York Times article, technology trend forecaster Aul Saffo claims that texting actually makes a person dumber.

The act of texting automatically removes 10 I.Q. points. "The truth of the matter is there are hobbies that are incompatible. You don't want to do mushroom-hunting and bird-watching at the same time, and it is the same with texting and other activities. We have all seen people walk into parking meters or walk into traffic and seem startled by oncoming cars."

whatev, dats a fkng li.

Text messaging lowers your IQ by 10 points [textually]

Thanks to Silver Sided, who swears texting-sex is the wave of the future.

Jul 16 2008 Pope Benedict XVI Sending Text Messages

Pope Benedict XVI is now sending messages of encouragement to pilgrims (you know, the people that ate with the Indians) via SMS texting. The first message was sent this morning and reads as follows:

Young friend, God and his people expect much from u because u have within you the Fathers supreme gift: the Spirit of Jesus - BXVI

No he didn't. Did he? He did. He used a U instead of spelling you.

Hs holiness,

U R lIk 100 yr.z old. pls dun uz U insted of "you" n futR txt msgz.

Sincerely,

d Geekologie Writer

p.s. i M l337 txtor

Note: The story is real, the picture I made.
Pope Benedict XVI texting out messages of encouragement [engadget]

Thanks Julian, but seriously -- stop texting tips, they cost me 40¢ apiece

Jul 11 2008 OMG, OMG, WATCH THIS RIGHT NOW!!!

This is a video of a guy lying down on a motorcycle and text messaging, all while cruising down the highway in New Delhi, India. No way? Yes way! And also, holy shit!

Have a great weekend everybody.

Youtube

Thanks to Lockjaw and Julian for showing me the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen in my entire life.

Apr 22 2008 Sad: Death By Misinterpreted Text Message

Ermine and Ramazan Çalçoban were a Turkish couple going through a separation. Like any normal unhealthy couple, they continued to harass the shit out of each other via text message. Until one day Ramazan sent a text message that, thanks to his cell phone not having a "closed i" (ı) character, proved disastrous.

The use of "i" resulted in an SMS with a completely twisted meaning: instead of writing the word "sıkısınca" it looked like he wrote "sikisince." Ramazan wanted to write "You change the topic every time you run out of arguments" (sounds familiar enough) but what Emine read was, "You change the topic every time they are f***ing you.

WARNING: Sad story follows.

Uh oh, not good. Emine showed the text to her father, who called Ramazan and threatened him for insinuating his daughter was a dirty strumpet. Ramazan shows up confused but ready to apologize, and is stabbed by Emine's father and two sisters. Badly injured, Ramazan tried to escape while Emine attempted to finish him off. At the door he managed to pull a knife out of his chest and stab her before fleeing into the street, where he was picked up by police. Emine bled to death awaiting an ambulance. Ramazan, still confused as to what happened, killed himself in jail.

Damn, like a modern Romeo and Juliet.

R.I.P. Ermine and Ramazan.

A Cellphone's Missing Dot Kills Two People, Three More in Jail [gizmodo]

Thanks to Jaden, who is a very careful texter, for the tip

Apr 4 2008 Woman Dies, Is Buried With Cell Phone, Still Pesters Husband Via Text Messages

Sadie Jones died five years ago and was buried with her most valuable possession -- her cell phone. Now her grieving widower, Frank Jones, claims to be receiving text messages from beyond the grave.

Shortly after his wife's death, Frank claims to have had a missed call on his mobile, which didn't ring. "The call was from my own home number, but there was nobody in the house," he explains. "When I went inside there was a smell like cigarettes which Sadie used to smoke and the smell of her perfume." The 59-year-old also claims that his late wife has been sending them all SMSes from beyond the grave. "There have been messages with words Sadie would say but there's no number."

First of all, when I die (which will likely be sooner than later -- I <3 you, booze), please don't bury me with my cell phone. When I'm gone I don't want any of the people I know calling and disturbing my eternal slumber. I freaking love sleeping. And while text messages from beyond the grave is certainly interesting, I think we're missing the real issue here -- the supernatural cell phone battery. That thing holds a charge for five years? Shit, mine's dead (!) after two days.

Dead Woman Buried With Cellphone Allegedly Sends Texts to Husband [gizmodo]

Mar 7 2008 London Pads Lamp Posts To Help Prevent 'Texting While Walking' Related Injuries

I'm not a big fan of text-messaging while walking, but that's because I have the coordination of a newborn. Apparently a lot of people do it. And apparently a lot of people get hurt doing it (allegedly 1 in 10 London texters) . So now the city is starting to pad its lamp posts to prevent people from running into them while they're busy texting. I personally think this is a horrible idea. It makes the lampposts look stupid and prevents injuries to people who probably deserve it (and should learn a valuable lesson). You have to look where you're walking! Next they're going to start padding cars for people who walk and text-message. I say screw the padding, add sharp spikes to the poles. If you can't manage to look where you're walking then you deserve to lose all that blood.

A painful video after the jump if you forgot what it looks like when someone runs into a pole.

Continue Reading " London Pads Lamp Posts To Help Prevent 'Texting While Walking' Related Injuries "