Oct 15 2009 Wait, Whaaaaat?: Large Hardron Collider Trying To Destroy Itself From The Future

According to a couple nutjobs that I'm actually starting to believe, the Large Hadron Collider is actually destroying itself FROM THE FUTURE to prevent the discovery of the Higgs boson particle. Whoa.

According to the Times, two physicists posit that the reason that the Large Hadron Collider (and, previously, its unbuilt American counterpart) keeps running into problems isn't bad luck or shoddy workmanship. It's that the LHC's quest to discover the Higgs boson--a heretofore only theorized particle that scientists believe is what gives objects mass--is creating problems to keep itself from being discovered:

"A pair of otherwise distinguished physicists have suggested that the hypothesized Higgs boson, which physicists hope to produce with the collider, might be so abhorrent to nature that its creation would ripple backward through time and stop the collider before it could make one, like a time traveler who goes back in time to kill his grandfather."

I didn't even think about that. But now that I do, it makes perfect sense. And by perfect sense I mean none at all. Unlessssss the LHC is actually a giant T-1000! Then we're back to making perfect sense. I think. I dunno man, I smoked weed for breakfast.

Destroyed by Malicious Forces from the Future? [good.is]

Thanks to ffffffffffffff, Patrick, Elizabeth and burntout, who have secretly been sabotaging the LHC for the sake of humanity. Don't worry guys, your secret's safe with me.

Sep 22 2009 Mad Scientist: We'll All Be Immortal Cyborgs In 20 Years. GW: In 19 Years I'm Offing Myself

Some crazy-ass jive talking nutjob (61-year old scientist, Ray Kurzweil) is convinced we'll have the technological capabilities and biological know-how to all be loveless immortal cyborgs within 20 years time. Uh-oh.

He says theoretically, at the rate our understanding is increasing, nanotechnologies capable of replacing many of our vital organs could be available in 20 years time.

Mr Kurzweil calls his theory the Law of Accelerating Returns. Writing in The Sun, Mr Kurzweil said: "I and many other scientists now believe that in around 20 years we will have the means to reprogramme our bodies' stone-age software so we can halt, then reverse, ageing. Then nanotechnology will let us live for ever.

"If we want to go into virtual-reality mode, nanobots will shut down brain signals and take us wherever we want to go. Virtual sex will become commonplace. And in our daily lives, hologram like figures will pop in our brain to explain what is happening.

First of all, The Sun is not an accredited scientific journal. And secondly, I prefer real sex to virtual reality any day. Trust me, it's not all that (I once tried making out with the television but she only shocked my tongue).

Immortality only 20 years away says scientist [telegraph]

Thanks to greenman and mystrb, who are already gonna live forever through their written words (in bathroom stalls).

Jul 16 2009 Naked 'Terminator' Tased By Police In Nevada

A Terminator sent back from the future has been tased and arrested by police in Nevada. Good lookin', boys in blue!

19-year-old Sean Stanley Smith was arrested on the Nevada border after he was spotted by a motorist wandering around the highway nude. He was ordered by police to stop but proceeded into a nearby casino - where he was then tasered in front of a group of children.

Smith claims he was a Terminator sent back in time from the future.

When questioned who he was sent back to kill, the Terminator responded, "The Geekologie Writer". Really buddy? TOO BAD I'M VACATIONING IN MIAMI YOU IDIOT MORON! Wait. Did I say Miami? I meant Manitoba. Shit.

Police arrest naked 'Terminator' [yahoo]

Thanks to Bubbles100, who wonders if he was packing more heat than the Naked Wizard.

May 19 2009 Baaaaad Idea: Cheap Terminator Costumes

Just in time for the new movie, Toys-Я-Us is selling $13 T-600 (looks more like a T-6 if you ask me) costumes for children. I mean, it's not even Halloween. You let your kid run around the neighborhood with this thing on and it's game over, man! Wait, that was Aliens. Anyway, the costumes were made to compliment the rest of the crap they're marketing to children under 13 who shouldn't even be allowed to see the movie. Just sayin', my dad took me to see the original Terminator when I was 4. It all makes sense now, doesn't it?

Product Site

Thanks to Reason, who once killed a T-600 with a laser beam and then called its mother Robo-Cop.

Apr 30 2009 Scientists Create Chemical Gel That Moves On It's Own, Will Power Our Future Overlords

Some foolish Japanese scientists have developed a chemical compound capable of moving on it's own. They're convinced it's the stuff future robots will be made of. I'm convinced I just let one loose in my pants.

A group of Japanese roboticists, led by Shingo Maeda at the Shuji Hashimoto applied physics laboratory at Waseda University, have created a chemical gel capable of independent motion, similar to that of a caterpillar.

Using a process that combines polymers, the material not only moves on its own, but also can change colors and can be used to perform calculations. According to the scientists involved in the project the morphable material could even one day be used as components of a future robot, thus making the notion of the incredibly scary Terminator T-1000 a real possibility.

That's....terrible news. WTF, ROBOTICISTS? Roboticists shouldn't even be a real thing. If I close my eyes and say, "roboticists don't exist" three times they should all disappear, right? Okay, *covering eyes* "roboticists don't exist, roboticists don't exist, roboticists don't exist". There *uncovering eyes* HOLY SHIT -- BLOODY MARY, AAAAAAAAHHH!

Hit the jump for a video of a miniature T-1000 in action.

Continue Reading " Scientists Create Chemical Gel That Moves On It's Own, Will Power Our Future Overlords "

Apr 21 2009 Man Wants Camera Installed In Prosthetic Eye, Temporarily Settles For Terminator Eye

Rob Spence has had eye problems since a shooting accident at 13. Now 36, Rob had the eye removed three years ago and decided he wants a video camera in it's place. Only problem: getting a video camera in its place.

Thus far, they've built devices that create wireless NTSC signals--the sort of standard wireless signal a television uses--and are now working on getting this to work in sync with a miniature camera and a battery, all attached to a printed circuit board, all of which has to fit inside a prosthetic eye.

So in the meantime Rob sports the Terminator eye to drum up interest in the project and try to score some funding. Good luck, Rob. And by good luck I mean I won't hesitate to go John Connor on that ass if I have to.

Hit the jump for one more shot and a link to the superlong article.

Continue Reading " Man Wants Camera Installed In Prosthetic Eye, Temporarily Settles For Terminator Eye "

Mar 20 2009 Robot Parties Actually Sound Kind Of Fun

NOTE: VIDEO IS SLIGHTLY NSFW DUE TO LANGUAGE.

This is a rap about a robot party that Shredder threw at the Technodrome. It sounds pretty epic, and I wish I could have been there. Also, that banjo-toting pedobear from Chuck-E-Cheese's touched my butt when I was a kid. Just sayin'.

Robot Party [funnyordie]

Thanks to Erin, who apparently gets invited to all these parties. Hey, how about taking me next time?

Mar 9 2009 Why Do Terminators Time-Travel Naked?

Because the dude responsible for beaming them up is gay. Just like the original Scotty from Star Trek.* For real, yo.

*This statement based entirely on the time he offered to buy me a drink at the bar.

Why Terminators Always Travel Through Time Naked [gizmodo]

Feb 19 2009 This Has Gotten Way Out Of Hand: Army Robots Will Require A 'Warrior Code'

How many times do I have to emphasize that I am not kidding about a robot apocalypse? Did the Terminator series teach us nothing besides Arnold Schwarzenegger should run for governor? Now, in a recent report by the US Navy, it has been suggested that robots participating in battle be programmed with a 'Warrior Code' to help prevent destruction of the entire human potato-sack race.

"There is a common misconception that robots will do only what we have programmed them to do," Patrick Lin, the chief compiler of the report, said. "Unfortunately, such a belief is sorely outdated, harking back to a time when . . . programs could be written and understood by a single person." The reality, Dr Lin said, was that modern programs included millions of lines of code and were written by teams of programmers, none of whom knew the entire program.

It's been suggested we use Isaac Asimov's Three Rules Of Robotics as a starting point for the 'Warrior Code'. Isaac's Rules were as follows:

1 A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm

2 A robot must obey orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law

3 A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law

Being the Geekologie Writer, I got a sneak peak at the Warrior Code in progress, and I've got to say, not good:

1 There is no warrior code

2 PEW PEW

3 PEW PEW

Military's killer robots must learn warrior code [timesonline]
and
Experts Warn of 'Terminator'-Style Military-Robot Rebellion [foxsnews]

Thanks to Bryan, Chris, timgrab, T6000 (what are you doing here!?), Matt, Sprite and Thumperchica, who are all smart enough to know this is life or death, but not smart enough to know I just stole their identities. Hello, credit cards!

Feb 18 2009 No Friends: Robot Plays Paper Rock Scissors

'Berti' is a humanoid robot that was designed and programmed to mimic hand gestures and play paper rock scissors. I want to smash his athletic cup of a face in with a rock. And then tear his fingers off. And then plant them in a cup of Wendy's chili and sue for free Frosties. Oh yeah, who wants a Frostie? Good, get me one too. AND A JR. BACON CHEESEBURGER! Awh sookie sookie. I don't have to make sense, I make dollars, son. Six an hour. I'm saving for a bike!

Britain Robot Playground [instablogs]

Thanks to Romeo, who once punched a Terminator in the face but it did that melty liquid metal thing and so it didn't really do any damage. Still, good effort.

Feb 17 2009 I Can And Will Shoot: Terminator Salvation Toys Make You Look Like A Killer Robot

Want to look like a Terminator? Well I shoot to kill, just sayin'. Apparently this Terminator Salvation toy features a fist that shoots off to hurt your enemies. It costs $74. Which is pretty steep considering you're going to lose the fist, rendering your Terminator arm stupid. Hit the jump for two more toys, a voice-changing Terminator helmet ($74) that has red glowing eyes, and some pieces of plastic that look like metal that you strap to your face ($21). Note: Wearing either of which will get you BB'ed in the neck if you walk by my house at night. Jesus, whatever happened to kids playing with good old fashioned toys? Like matches.

Hit it for the other two.

Continue Reading " I Can And Will Shoot: Terminator Salvation Toys Make You Look Like A Killer Robot "

Jan 8 2009 Learn: How To Excel In A Job Interview

And that, dear reader, is how I became The Geekologie Writer.

Youtube

Thanks to Tim, whose special skills aren't just limited to a 20-inch dong.

Nov 25 2008 Robot Soldiers Will Kill Your Ass Dead

Soon, robot soldiers will kill you. But, if it makes you feel any better, some people think they'll be acting more ethically than humans.

"My research hypothesis is that intelligent robots can behave more ethically in the battlefield than humans currently can," said Ronald C. Arkin, a computer scientist at Georgia Tech, who is designing software for battlefield robots under contract with the Army. "That's the case I make."

He and others say that the technology to make lethal autonomous robots is inexpensive and proliferating, and that the advent of these robots on the battlefield is only a matter of time. That means, they say, it is time for people to start talking about whether this technology is something they want to embrace. "The important thing is not to be blind to it," Dr. Arkin said. Noel Sharkey, a computer scientist at the University of Sheffield in Britain, wrote last year in the journal Innovative Technology for Computer Professionals that "this is not a 'Terminator'-style science fiction but grim reality."

Not 'Terminator'-style science fiction my ass! We're all freaking dead man. And the last thing I need is captain crazy pants there in the picture programming killer robots. I mean, Jesus, look at that wood paneling.

Hit the link below for a nice long article that made me pee my pants a little. Okay, a lot.

A Soldier, Taking Orders From Its Ethical Judgment Center [nytimes]

Thanks to Downey and Daniel, both of whom can kill robots in their sleep.

Nov 13 2008 A Peek At The Terminator Salvation Bike

Allegedly this is the 'Moto-Terminator' bike set to appear in next year's Terminator Salvation featuring Christian Bale and Dick Dragon.

Production director Martin Laing was responsible for envisioning some of the near-future killing devices, and has created (among a lot of other scary looking metal) this Moto-Terminator motorcycle. The bike seems to be the chilling Terminator character we know and love in motorcycle form (note the signature red "eyes"), replete with plenty of new mean toys attached.

ZOMG, the Terminator as a motorcycle. What will they think of next?

A: Transformers.

'Moto-Terminator' Bike Coming to Terminator Salvation [nextautos]

Thanks to Jordon, who once fell off the back of a motorcycle and into a homeless bag-lady's heart.

Jul 9 2008 Great, Just Great: DARPA Awards Grant To Make T-1000's, Kill Us In Our Sleep

The U.S. Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) recently awarded Tufts University a $3.3 million contract to develop T-1000 shape-shifters so they can squeeze under doors and through cracks and shit to kill us all. Part of the original DARPA solicitation for proposals follows.

The ability to safely and covertly gain access to denied or hostile areas and perform useful tasks provides critical advantages to warfighters over a broad spectrum of military operations. An effective and logistically attractive means for gaining entry to denied areas is to deploy an unmanned platform, such as a robot. However, often the only available points of entry are small openings in buildings, walls, under doors, etc. In these cases, a robot must be soft enough to squeeze or traverse through small openings, yet large enough to carry an operationally meaningful payload. Current robotic platforms are constructed primarily from hard materials and, while capable of locomotion with embedded payloads, cannot change their physical dimensions to rapidly traverse arbitrary size/shape openings whose dimensions are much smaller than the robot itself and are not known a-priori.

You thought I was joking, didn't you? Well I wasn't. And I wasn't joking when I just boarded up the door and windows of my apartment either either. I'll be damned if I'm done in by some mercury-ass blob. Ha, I forgot to let the girlfriend in. I can hear her out front pounding...the UPS guy. What a freaking slut.

Hit the links for more in-depth articles that I stopped reading because they were creeping me out.

Tufts to develop morphing 'chemical robots' [physorg]
via
Shape-shifting, organ-probing chembots coming soon [engadget]

DARPA Solicitation For Proposals

Thanks Ryan and Benjamin, I hate living anyways.

Jun 13 2008 Oh Great, We're Doomed: British Complete Skynet Network, Actually Calling It Skynet

Well folks, it's the beginning of the end. With the launch of their last communications satellite, the British have added the final link to their Skynet 5 communications system.

Skynet 5 is the latest iteration of a global communications system deployed by the British Armed Forces. The final satellite in the system was launched this week, and will allow high-bandwidth telecommunications between British forces located anywhere in the world. In addition to voice communications, it will allow data transfer and the remote control of robot airplanes, one of which is called "The Reaper." One of the manufacturers was quoted by BBC News as saying: "So, computers can talk directly to computers."

Haha, we're all f***ed. And here's the real kicker -- the system is actually privately owned and the British Armed Forces are only getting a piece of the bandwidth. Wow. Run for the hills, Terminators coming! Seriously, this can't be good. And while it's not the worst news I've ever heard, it takes second only to "Honey, I'm pregnant."

Sarah Connor Has Failed -- the British Just Built Skynet [io9]

Thanks Shawn, you know how I love bad news on Fridays

Jun 3 2008 Terminator: Salvation' Ending Revealed to be Stupid

Want to know the probable ending to Terminator: Salvation long before its release? Want to be horribly disappointed in something beyond your control? Then look under the cut!

Continue Reading "'Terminator: Salvation' Ending Revealed to be Stupid"

May 19 2008 HAL (Hybrid Assistive Limb) Suit Gives You Ironman-Like Capabilities. Okay, Not Really

The HAL suit was developed by Cyberdyne (not to be confused with Cyberdyne Systems, the company responsible for manufacturing Terminators). Despite the similar names, the suit is far from having Terminator-like features. Or Ironman for that matter. What is does have are some little blue circles that light up.

When a person attempts to move, nerve signals are sent from the brain to the muscles via motoneuron, moving the musculoskeletal system as a consequence. At this moment, very weak biosignals can be detected on the surface of the skin. HAL catches these signals through a sensor attached on the skin of the wearer. Based on the signals obtained, the power unit is controlled to move the joint unitedly with the wearer's muscle movement, enabling to support the wearer's daily activities.

The system was designed with physical rehabilitation and people with permanent disabilities in mind, but it will also be used for heavy labor at factories, rescue support at disaster sites, and the entertainment field. So it may be comparable to the system Raytheon is developing. But at least this one doesn't look like a heap of scrap metal. It looks like an iPod. And what do we know about iPods? That's right -- they don't work after your wife puts them through the wash. So, logically, neither will this suit.

One more picture of the thing in action after the jump.

Continue Reading " HAL (Hybrid Assistive Limb) Suit Gives You Ironman-Like Capabilities. Okay, Not Really "

Dec 13 2007 Home Theater Features Terminator Theme

We've seen Star Wars and Star Trek themed home theaters in the past, and now comes a Terminator one. Darren Mortenson put this all together himself, and allegedly on "a reasonable budget". The picture there shows a television, but there's also a projector so he can watch movies at a cool 159" (see other pictures). Doing all the work himself even scored him CEDIA installer certification. Not too bad Darren, now come over and hook my basement up. I want a damn home theater down there, right now it's just empty. Well, except for my wife chained between a washing machine and a stove. But maybe we could incorporate her into the theater if we went for a Star Wars "chained up Princess Leia and Jabba the Hutt" theme. She'd make a great Jabba. Now I just need an attractive chick to play Leia. Any takers ladies? *wink*

Check out more pictures and a full list of specs after the jump.

Continue Reading " Home Theater Features Terminator Theme "

Aug 2 2007 Make Love Not War

You know what I thought when I watched Terminator? Why can't these giant killer robots just put down their weapons and have sex with each other? Well looks like I wasn't the only person who thought that, because somebody actually went and actually put this together. Check out the entire Flickr gallery here. Possibly NSFW, depending on your office's stance on killer robot sex.

Make Love Not War [Flickr]