Oct 22 2009 I'd Rock It: The Three Teen Wolf T-Shirt

It was only a matter of time before somebody smoked enough weed to realize how cool a Three Teen Wolf Moon t-shirt would be, and here it is. Available from 80's Tees for 20 silver bullets, the shirt is sure to be a hit at parties. Mostly sausage parties, but still, you might make some friends.

Product Site

Thanks to chris, who howls at the moon to attract girls. He's a furry lover!

Jul 13 2009 Idiot Moron Falls Into Manhole While Texting

Teenager Alexa Longueira fell into a manhole while texting and walking. And I think we can all agree: under no circumstances should she be granted a license.

She was walking along Victory Boulevard about to read a text message on her girlfriend's cell phone when the sidewalk was suddenly gone.

"Like, there was no warning about a big, open hole," she said.

It was a big, open manhole.

Alexa tumbled six feet underground and landed in four inches of raw sewage.

Warning? You don't need a warning IT'S A GIANT HOLE. I bet at least six blind people avoided it that very same day. And what was the other thing? Oh yeah -- I hope Master Splinter and the gang whipped your ass while you were down there.

Texting teen falls into manhole [abclocal]

Thanks to Slopez, who fought off three ninjas and two vikings while sending me this tip via SMS.

Jun 24 2009 Great News, Twihards!: Twlight Makeup Line

So apparently (I can't believe I'm writing this) there's a Twilight makeup line coming out from DuWop, the cosmetic line being used during the filming of the new movie, "Blue Moon" or whatever. Want to look like a vampire and save $16? Don't sleep.

Be transformed. Let the alchemy transcend.

This special limited edition Lip Venom is a sneak preview of our highly anticipated Twilight Venom, debuting this Fall. Lip Venom V is not your typical DuWop venom. Instead of a gloss, Lip Venom V is a shimmering crimson lip stain suspended in a venom-laced liquid lip conditioner with a bite, and contains argan, avocado, olive oils and vitamin E.

This product should be shaken before use to represent the blending of the human and vampire worlds and applied repeatedly until lips are plumped, revitalized and the desired intensity of color has been reached.

WOW. I just bought like 30 billion shares of DuWop stock. Also, I'm not afraid to admit that I love the Twilight series, and I'd be happy to stay up all night talking to any of you (legal) Twihards out there about Edward Cullen and just how sexy he is. Provided we do it topless. Oh, and call him by his codename: The Geekologie Writer.

Hit the jump to see the Edward and Bella Barbie dolls coming out this fall. And tell me: is it just coincidence Edward's head is shaped like a dildo? I THINK NOT.

Continue Reading " Great News, Twihards!: Twlight Makeup Line "

Jun 22 2009 Girl Electrocutes Herself Tweeting In Bathtub

Following in the trend of tweeting from the bathroom, a 17-year old Romanian girl died while apparently trying to Twitter from the tub (this new loofah feels great!).

The Austrian times says that Maria Barbu was, in fact, in the tub while using Twitter when she likely reached to plug in her charger with a wet hand, electrocuting herself in the process.

As much fun as I do want to make of Maria, you really can't blame her. Women understanding electricity? BWHAHAH AHAH HA HA! God, I needed that.

Girl Dies by Electrocution While Twitting in Bathtub, Apocalypse Draws Nearer [gizmodo]

Thanks to Julian, who once showered with a toaster but the bread got all soggy.

Feb 11 2009 Teens Spend Average Of 7.25 Hours Per Month Looking At Adult Content Online

I thought it would be more. Waaaay more.

That equates to 87 hours a year spent surfing for porn. A further hour and 35 minutes is spent looking at dieting and weight loss websites.

The poll revealed teenagers spend at least three hours and 10 minutes a week researching topics for their homework, and another one hour and 40 minutes downloading or listening to music. A further two hours and two minutes is spent looking at clips on YouTube, whilst an hour and 22 minutes is spent scouring NHS direct or other health websites for information about illnesses, puberty and growing pains.

Chat rooms, forums, MSN, and social networking sites such as Facebook also play an important role in the average life of a teenager, who can spend up to nine hours a week chatting to friends and new acquaintances.

Nine hours a week on Facebook? Jesus, what a bunch of rank amateurs. Try nine hours a day. Haha, I just Superpoked you, now Superpoke me back.

Hit the link for a much more in-depth breakdown of how teens piss away their lives online.

Teens spend average of 87 hours a year looking at porn online [dailymail]

Thanks to Skynet, who has apparently become self-aware and is now sending tips. Yikes.

Jul 9 2008 Idiot Kid Tries To Feed Cops LSD Cookies

Christian Phillips, 18, of Lake Worth, Texas, was arrested for delivering baskets of drugged cookies to police departments in the Dallas area. Christian, who we will now refer to as Dishonorable Captain Meltyface of the USS Acidprise, decided to be charitable with his stash of LSD and make some psychedelic cookies for the area police force. He was arrested after police were "tipped off that someone was falsely claiming to deliver treats on behalf of Mothers Against Drunk Driving." Wow man, that was kind of a dick move. You could have at least manned up and said you were from NORML or something.

"Our officers took a good whiff and thought they smelled like marijuana," McGuire said, adding that preliminary tests instead detected traces of LSD.

The suspect denied trying to contaminate the goodies or harm anyone and said one of his friends might have been smoking pot while Phillips was baking, McGuire said. The suspect is not affiliated with MADD, the chief said.

In Fort Worth, at least three officers got sick after eating some cookies and candy from a basket delivered to that police station Monday night, authorities said.

First of all, Captain Meltyface, you should have made donuts. And secondly, police, you don't get "sick" from eating laced cookies and candy, you get "tripping". You know, like the ceiling looks really awesome and and you see faces in a brick wall. Sick is a fever and diarrhea. Tripping is light trails and crawling around on the floor because the ceiling is two feet high.

Hit the link for the full story.

Teen Accused of Giving Cops LSD Cookies [aolnews]

Thanks Pat, you wanna drop and then walk around town and comment on people's yards?

Feb 15 2008 Teenager Alarm May Be Banned In England

If you haven't heard (!) yet, stores and malls in England have been using a device called the Mosquito Alarm to keep kids from loitering. It's basically like a dog whistle, but for kids. The device "emits high-frequency noise which is audible — and annoying — to young ears, but generally not heard by people over 20." Apparently it's the same frequency that kids have been using for cell phone rings to avoid adults hearing incoming calls when they're using them places they shouldn't. Now England's commissioner for children and a civil liberties group are joining the fight to ban the alarm devices. I, for one, don't live in England but am all for the use of these devices. Hell, I want one installed in the house. My son just isn't getting the hint. I turned his room into an office, changed the locks to the house, and the asshole still hangs out on the lawn. I mean Jesus, he's 14, time to leave home already.

High-Pitched, Anti-Teen Gadget Under Threat [therawfeed]

Thanks to Delphine, who is beautiful and can't hear these noises, for the tip