Oct 6 2009 Cool!: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Pizza Party

Looks legit to me.

Picture [ozozo]

Thanks to Jessica, who doesn't care if there's rat fur in the pizza, she's going.

Sep 3 2009 Scientists: "All Humans Are Mutants"

Scientists are claiming that each human has between 100 and 200 genetic mutations in their DNA. Me? I have two fingers....I have four fingers.

Joseph Nadeau, from the Case Western Reserve University in the US, who was not involved in this study said: "New mutations are the source of inherited variation, some of which can lead to disease and dysfunction, and some of which determine the nature and pace of evolutionary change.

"These are exciting times," he added.

"We are finally obtaining good reliable estimates of genetic features that are urgently needed to understand who we are genetically."

Listen: you can go right on being a freak all you want, but I ain't no damn mutant. I have never even met Professor X! Who, that old guy? The bald one in the wheelchair? Nobody.

We're all mutants, say scientists [bbcnews]

Thanks to Totex and Slava, who only got the incredibly good looking mutations. Lucky.

Aug 31 2009 Ninja Turtles Offering Relationship Advice

I like turtles AND pizza. Also, this is good news for me cause I couldn't cook to save my life anyway (don't even think about it, Jigsaw!).

TMNT Relationship Advice [buzzfeed]

Thanks to Aisha, who offered up this piece of relationship advice: Chicks dig guys who aren't monster douchebags (douching is so 80's).

Jul 31 2009 Robotic Moles To Deliver Goods Underground

An army of little robots that travel through a city's existing sewer lines delivering packages of death to unsuspecting recipients. That sounds wonderful.

The brainchild of designer Phillip Hermes, the Urban Mole is a capsule that travels through existing networks of underground pipes in order to transport packages as diverse as groceries, signed documents and any title that appears on Oprah's Book Club.

According to VisionWorks, "The pipe system is structured like a road network - the more traffic, the bigger the pipe." Electric rails within the pipes provide juice for the Mole's motors in a system that works like a miniature subway. Still more pipes run from drop-off points to delivery centers called MoleStations...where customers can retrieve their items locally. The designer estimates that the average cross-town delivery could take place in less than ten minutes.

Interesting, but it'll never work. Mainly because you and I are gonna sit down there with night vision goggles and crowbars and bash every single one of these things open waiting for a shipment of diamonds. Then, we'll order pizza and party with the ninja turtles. COWABUNGA!

Hit the jump for a coupe more shots of the conceptual couriers.

Continue Reading " Robotic Moles To Deliver Goods Underground "

Jul 13 2009 Idiot Moron Falls Into Manhole While Texting

Teenager Alexa Longueira fell into a manhole while texting and walking. And I think we can all agree: under no circumstances should she be granted a license.

She was walking along Victory Boulevard about to read a text message on her girlfriend's cell phone when the sidewalk was suddenly gone.

"Like, there was no warning about a big, open hole," she said.

It was a big, open manhole.

Alexa tumbled six feet underground and landed in four inches of raw sewage.

Warning? You don't need a warning IT'S A GIANT HOLE. I bet at least six blind people avoided it that very same day. And what was the other thing? Oh yeah -- I hope Master Splinter and the gang whipped your ass while you were down there.

Texting teen falls into manhole [abclocal]

Thanks to Slopez, who fought off three ninjas and two vikings while sending me this tip via SMS.

Mar 20 2009 Robot Parties Actually Sound Kind Of Fun

NOTE: VIDEO IS SLIGHTLY NSFW DUE TO LANGUAGE.

This is a rap about a robot party that Shredder threw at the Technodrome. It sounds pretty epic, and I wish I could have been there. Also, that banjo-toting pedobear from Chuck-E-Cheese's touched my butt when I was a kid. Just sayin'.

Robot Party [funnyordie]

Thanks to Erin, who apparently gets invited to all these parties. Hey, how about taking me next time?

Feb 11 2009 Teens Spend Average Of 7.25 Hours Per Month Looking At Adult Content Online

I thought it would be more. Waaaay more.

That equates to 87 hours a year spent surfing for porn. A further hour and 35 minutes is spent looking at dieting and weight loss websites.

The poll revealed teenagers spend at least three hours and 10 minutes a week researching topics for their homework, and another one hour and 40 minutes downloading or listening to music. A further two hours and two minutes is spent looking at clips on YouTube, whilst an hour and 22 minutes is spent scouring NHS direct or other health websites for information about illnesses, puberty and growing pains.

Chat rooms, forums, MSN, and social networking sites such as Facebook also play an important role in the average life of a teenager, who can spend up to nine hours a week chatting to friends and new acquaintances.

Nine hours a week on Facebook? Jesus, what a bunch of rank amateurs. Try nine hours a day. Haha, I just Superpoked you, now Superpoke me back.

Hit the link for a much more in-depth breakdown of how teens piss away their lives online.

Teens spend average of 87 hours a year looking at porn online [dailymail]

Thanks to Skynet, who has apparently become self-aware and is now sending tips. Yikes.