Oct 13 2009 Waste Of Good Pews: Kellogg's To Begin Lasering "Kellogg's" Onto Corn Flakes

Kellogg's plans to begin laser-burning the signature Kellogg's emblem onto random corn flakes so you know you're getting the real deal. Pfft, what a waste of a perfectly good laser.

Kellogg's embarked on the project to reinforce that they don't make cereals for any other companies and to fire a shot across the bows of makers of 'fake flakes'.

Helen Lyons, lead food technologist at the company, said: 'In recent years there has been an increase in the number of own brands trying to capitalise on the popularity of Kellogg's corn flakes.

'We want shoppers to be under absolutely no illusion that Kellogg's does not make cereal for anyone else.

First of all, I'd like to point out that, unlike Helen Lyons, I would make a great food technologist. I don't even know what that is, but if it involves cereal and lasers I AM THE MAN FOR THE JOB. As a matter of fact, I just invented a new cereal just thinking about it. They're called Laser Flakes, and they're jam-packed with real bits of blinding laserbeams. Marshmallows? Hell no -- try cut up circuit boards. NOW WHO'S THE FOOD TECHNOLOGIST?!

Kellogg's will use laser to burn logo on to individual corn flakes to stamp out fakes [dailymail]

Thanks to SONJEETA, who doesn't eat cold cereal because her refrigerator broke and the milk spoiled. I like milk chunks!

Mar 23 2009 Sure, Why Not?: Cassette Tape Art

'Ghost in the Machine' is a series of artwork by Flickr user iri5 that uses old cassette tapes (or film) to create the likenesses of famous musicians/actors. Pretty clever. Not as clever as jumping off the top of the apartment building with a parachute fashioned from a 13-gallon garbage bag, but hey -- not everybody's a modern Da Vinci. GERONIMO!

UPDATE: Oh God -- little help over here! I think my leg came off when I hit that bush. No, not that one -- the next bush down. Yeah, now more towards the back. Find it? No, that's my penis, keep looking.

Hit the link for the rest.

Flickr Gallery
via
Strange, Archaic Audio Storage Device Used to Create Impressive Musician Artwork [gizmodo]

Mar 16 2009 TA-DA!: Hubless Motorcycle Runs On Magic

This is a motorcycle with hubless wheels. Unfortunately, due to my tiny, dinosaur(loving) brain, I'm incapable of understanding how such future technology works. So this is when I copy/paste some quotes and wait for the next meteor to hit.

Hubless wheels work by fixing the rotating parts (brake ring, bearings, hubless rim) onto the outer side of a non-rotating inner ring that attaches to the motorcycle's swingarm or forks.

Advantages include decreased unsprung weight, reduced structural stress (no spokes to transmit forces through), increased braking leverage, more accurate steering, reduced vibration and a lower center of gravity.

Well hot damn! Let me just grab my leathers and we'll hit the road. I get to ride on the back though -- I'm rocking my chaps commando style. Hey, car behind me, get a load of this sexy ass! Haha, I know where you're going -- straight to BONERTOWN, USA! Oh, looks like you naturally swerve a little to the left.

Hit the jump for more pictures and a video of the magical wheels.

Continue Reading " TA-DA!: Hubless Motorcycle Runs On Magic "

Mar 7 2009 Another Sleepless Night: Scary Robot Gallery

This is a little gallery of scary-ass robots that want to kill you so they can mate with your computer. This particular model is called "My Spoon" and was designed to help people with no arms or really sucky arms to eat. As you can see, it's about to choke out Japanese Health Minister Yoichi Masuzoe. God knows what's it's gonna do to him once he's out, but I suspect use his body as a breeding chamber for an army of nanobots. These nanobots will then invade our fresh water supply and, quite possibly, clog your faucet.

Hit the jump for gallery, and then hit the link at the end for a much larger, HD gallery with explanations of which each of the doomsday machines does.

Continue Reading " Another Sleepless Night: Scary Robot Gallery "

Jan 9 2009 I Don't Know....The Evolution Of Robots

This is a German commercial for something I have no idea what is (saturn.de?) that shows the evolution of technology in robotic form. It confused me in my pants. I definitely felt a little twitter at the part with the t-rex, but the rest of it just scared me. And the chick from Tron at the end? Fine, I'll admit it: boner. It was her voice, I swear!

Youtube

Thanks to pirhan and ITSELF, who know the only good robot is a dead one. Or one that looks like a dinosaur and has realistic-feeling skin.

Oct 14 2008 Army Wants Thought-Sending Helmet Made

A new army grant seeks to develop a helmet that can convey messages simply by thinking them.

Known as synthetic telepathy, the technology is based on reading electrical activity in the brain using an electroencephalograph, or EEG. Similar technology is being marketed as a way to control video games by thought.

"I think that this will eventually become just another way of communicating," said Mike D'Zmura, from the University of California, Irvine and the lead scientist on the project.

"It will take a lot of research, and a lot of time, but there are also a lot of commercial applications, not just military applications," he said.

Interesting, but I feel like there might be too much room for error.

*sending thought messages* Enemies at twelve o'clock. Let's flank them from the left. And 3,2....Jesus, Lieutenant Bridge's ass looks good in that camo. Shit. I'm not gay, I'm not gay!

Helmet to Convey Messages by Thought [discovery]

Thanks to Tracy, who read my mind: boobs. And also, pork chop sandwiches.

Jun 20 2008 It's Official: There's Ice On Mars After All

This is a picture taken by the Phoenix Lander of water ice on Mars. Or, alternatively, some ice in a Hollywood backlot that somebody staged. Or, alternatively, Photoshopped ice. No but seriously, it's water ice on Mars.

The confirmation that water ice exists in the area directly surrounding the lander is big and good news for the Martian mission. NASA's stated goal for the Mars Phoenix was to find exactly this -- water ice -- and then analyze it. With the latest news, the first step is accomplished. All that's left now is to get the water into the Phoenix's instruments, a task which has occasionally proven more difficult than anticipated.

Now I know what many of you are thinking -- "So freaking what?" Well apparently you don't understand the profound implications of such a discovery -- we won't have to tote bagged ice up there to keep our drinks cold.

Mars Phoenix Tweets: "We Have ICE!" [wired]

Thanks to Lee, who is actually helping me throw a party on Mars that's gonna be freaking awesome. Martian chicks and a cooler full of desert juice -- who's coming with us?

Jun 9 2008 Uh-Oh: Robot Achieves Self-Replication

Self-replication is the third sign of an imminent robot takeover according to The Book Of The Robot Apocalypse, a novella I just wrote and which only contains that sentence. Well RepRap is a 3-D printer that is capable of replicating itself. Sort of.

Technophobes needn't run for the hills just yet. The replicating rapid-prototyper, or "RepRap", can only reproduce its plastic parts, not its metal or electronic components. And assembling it is an afternoon's work for a human being, says Adrian Bowyer, the University of Bath mechanical engineer who launched the RepRap project in 2004.

Okay, I didn't read all that but I did catch something about running for the hills, which I'm totally doing after this post. I suggest you come with me or get started on a robot-proof bunker of you own. But under no circumstances should you try banging your vacuum to produce a robot-fighting cyborg. I know it sounds like a solid plan, but trust me, it isn't. And if you're not going to heed my warning and must try anyways, at least listen to this: when you do get stuck (and you will), cut off as much of the hose as you safely can before going to the hospital. A foot of vacuum hose you can hide, but you show up trailing an entire shop-vac between your legs and the hospital staff will suspect something. Like that you're a pervert and your penis is stuck in the vacuum.

Dawn of the self replicating-machine [newscientisttech]
and
The Official RepRap Blog

Thanks to Byard and Eric, who both know that the only good self-replicating robot is a dead self-replicating robot

Jun 9 2008 Lightning Guns To Help Fight The War On Terrorism, Old People With Pacemakers

A company called Applied Energetics is developing lightning guns capable of stalling cars and shorting IEDs from a safe distance. They were originally planning on using them on people, but have since moved to cars and bombs after an unsuccessful attempt at rounding up test subjects (bums). The weapon is expected to be ready within 5-6 years and I'll definitely be adding one to my anti-robot arsenal. You hear that, Zeus? I said I won't be needing your lightning bolt services after all. Your rates were ridiculous anyways you greedy bastard. Oh, and while I'm at it -- I banged your wife/sister Hera! Two birds with one stone, baby! Chalk it up.

Lightning Guns to Short Out Cars, Fry Roadside Bombs [gizmodo]

Thanks Sev, don't lightning me bro!

Jun 2 2008 I'm Still Hungry: World's Smallest Ramen Bowl

Scientists in Japan recently made the world's smallest ramen bowl, with a diameter of only 1/25,000 of an inch. Which, in scientific terminology, makes it invisible except to superheros that got shafted in the cool powers department (unless they can also see through walls, in which case boobs, sweet). The bowl was carved entirely out of nanotubes and was entered in a recent microphotography contest. Now as someone who just recently finished a project on nanotubes and nanotechnology, I know all about these things. Some interesting facts I uncovered during my research: They're made of carbon. They're mad small. Like super-duper small. They put my junk to shame. I hate nanotubes. Nanotubes are stupid.

Microscopic ramen bowl believed to be world's smallest [cnn]

Thanks to Hunter, who holds the competitive eating world record for nano-ramen: five quadtrillion megazillion boobillion bowls

Also thanks to Matt, who's been training hard and might take the title back this year

May 6 2008 "Verb For Shoe" Shoes Are Available, $700

The Verb for Shoe "smart shoe" has been in the works since 2004. It was developed by MIT spinoff company VectraSense and they're finally accepting preorders. What do you get for your $700?

An embedded computer that automatically adjusts the shoe to your feet, syncs with your PC, and communicates with the shoes of others to exchange contact information.

Wow, for all that functionality I was expecting to pay at least $1,000. Of course, if you don't have $700 you could just, oh I don't know, buy a pair of shoes that fits and write people's contact information on your hand. For that kind of Pillsbury dough I was expecting flubber soles, a couple burning lasers, and a money back guarantee that you can't lose a bar fight if you're wearing them. I guess what I'm getting at is this: I lost a bar fight last night. I was wearing sandals. And, contrary to popular belief, beating someone in the head with a flip-flop doesn't do shit.

Verb For Shoe "smart shoe" finally goes on sale for $700 [engadget]

Apr 29 2008 E-Ink Jacket May Get You Punched, Groped

The BLU e-ink jacket is a concept from Lunar Design. It's an electronic fabric jacket that will shock all your chesthair off in a rainstorm.

Imagine a jacket that could display your mood throughout the day, offer maps on your sleeve for city navigation, or flash intriguing advertisements to passersby -- a fashionable twist on the age-old human sandwich board.

Hrrm, interesting. Because people love ads so much I'm sure they'll be ecstatic to see you've turned yourself into a walking "Head On" commercial. Just don't be surprised if someone applies their fist directly to your forehead. Because they will. That said, I would pretend like I needed to see that girl's map in the picture. Let's see here, if I follow the green-line across Zipper River and around Mammary Mountain...ah yes, Nippleville -- that's where I'm headed.

BLU Jakcet by Lunar Design

Thanks to Karina, who looks stunning in e-ink and fingerpaint, for the tip

Mar 24 2008 More Robots Of The Coming Apocalypse

In the near future the planet will be ruled by robots and any surviving humans will live huddled in caves crying about how it was a bad idea to create them in the first place. So yeah, be warned. This is a video of a climbing robot. It looks friendly and harmless enough, but deep down, just like every robot, it wants to kill.

Called Capuchin, the robot scales vertical walls using four limbs that can shift its weight to stay balanced. It and other climbing robots could be key to uncovering the geology of Mars.

Weight shifting robot, cool. But you know what would be cooler? If it had guns. And bombs. Ooh ooh ooh -- and a laser razor chainsaw for an arm. Now that would be a damn robot.*

*Until one actually kills me, robots with weapons will remain awesome.

Youtube

Thanks to Raul, a man capable of surviving the robot apocalypse, for the tip

Feb 1 2008 Navy Tests New Railgun, It Looks Promising

The Navy is hoping that their newest 10 megajoule railgun (topping their old pathetic 9 megajoule) will replace the standard 5-inch guns on most of their ships. Projectiles fired at this energy level reach about 5,600 mph, but the Navy isn't stopping there. They have their eyes set on a 64 megajoule system capable of shooting at over 13,000 mph and hitting 5 meter targets from 200 nautical miles.

To give you a sense of scale, an 8 megajoule test shot has an impacting force that the Navy describes as being the equivalent of “hitting a target with a Ford Taurus at 380 mph.”

I don't know about the whole Ford Taurus comparison, what I want to know is whether this level of energy is in excess of the 1.21 jigowatts needed to power my flux capacitor. Somebody please do the math. I'm trying to time travel here people. I'm stealing electricity from both my neighbors but I'm still nowhere close to 1.21 jigos. I'd do the whole lightning bit, but frankly it scares me. As an added bonus anybody who helps me break in and steal this electricity (if it's enough) gets a free historical figure's autograph or pet dinosaur, your choice.

Two wicked videos of the gun in action after the jump.

Continue Reading " Navy Tests New Railgun, It Looks Promising "

Dec 14 2007 Little Pig Toy Gets Squashed, Retains Shape

Lokulokus are little pig toys out of Japan that you can smush the hell out of but will regain their piglike shape in a few seconds. They're pretty damn amazing and only cost $2-$3 in Japan. Unfortunately I couldn't find any online, so somone either send me a link to a seller or some of the actual pigs, because they're awesome and I want some. No word on how toxic the stuff they're made of is, but I imagine it's pretty damn toxic. I mean that stuff has properties like nothing I've ever seen. I'm thinking these little bastards came from outerspace. I'm talking alien technology people. I'm just hoping they're friendly aliens, because if the rest of their technology is anything like this, they can destroy us whenever they want (or at least violate our you-know-whats).

UPDATE: Official website (in Japanese) kindly sent to me by Neema

A MUST, MUST, MUST SEE VIDEO AFTER THE SPLAT.

Continue Reading " Little Pig Toy Gets Squashed, Retains Shape "

Nov 30 2007 Police Forces To Get Flying Video Drones

Both the Miami-Dade, Florida and Houston, Texas police departments will soon be adding a new officer to the force -- the Micro Air Vehicle (MAV), made by Honeywell. The little RC bastards can fly to a 10,500-foot altitude, hover, and even fly through windows -- all the while transmitting live video. "The unmanned aircraft will be used during SWAT team and tactical operations, especially when officers need video of a heavily armed suspect." Interesting, I'm glad they're finally putting these things to good use. Now I hate to be a conspiracy theorist or anything, but I swear I saw one of these hovering outside my bedroom window last night. There I am, sitting on the edge of the bed masturbating, when I catch a glimpse out the corner of my eye. Now call me crazy, but I think this is solid proof that the government has a vested interest in examining the world's smallest penis.

A video of the little bugger in action after the jump.

Continue Reading " Police Forces To Get Flying Video Drones "

Nov 13 2007 Elevator Goes Fast, Makes You Pee Pants

The Taipei 101 has the fastest elevators in the world, which whisk passengers from the 5th floor to the 89th floor observation deck at a top speed of 37.7 MPH. The trip only takes 37-seconds. The elevators feature triple-stage anti-overshooting systems and high-tech emergency brake systems, but are still scary as hell. I just don't like the idea of being shot out the top of a building at 40 MPH. I'll stick to the stairs -- I need the exercise and it's embarrassing when you pee your pants in front of people.

A video after the break, which is just a monitor showing how fast the elevator is dropping.

Continue Reading " Elevator Goes Fast, Makes You Pee Pants "

Nov 9 2007 Cell Phone Pen Coming Soon, Getting Lost Soon After (Plus A Fun Fill In The Blank!)

Allegedly an employee of an undisclosed company that has been working on development of this phone sent some info to Gizmodo so that the company could "gauge interest in such a device". Well knowing how bonkers people are over cell phones, I imagine people will want it. Real bad. Not much more info except the two circles on the side of the unit are the earpiece and receiver. So, yeah. Some jerk with Photoshop probably made this as a prank. But if not I only have one important question. Does it write? I bet these bastards made a pen phone and forgot to put ink in it. How worthless! What good is a pen-shaped phone that doesn’t write? No good! Unless you...[fill in the blank]

i.e. [set it to vibrate and ram it up your ass]

Pen Phone Design is Smallest Yet [gizmodo]

Oct 4 2007 Finger Touching Turns Fingers To Buttons

Finger Touching, a device developed by Samsung, turns your fingers into the buttons on a cellphone, so you can text faster -- or at least on bigger buttons. It's "easier and lighter in mobile circumstances corresponding to the 3.5G, 4G communication standard." Basically it projects the letters onto the three segments of each finger, and you push what you want. I think this is a pretty clever idea, but I don't need one. Because I don't have a cell phone. Or a land line. I have two rusty soup cans and a very long string. Which is ultra high technology. Don't believe me? You wouldn't know high technology if it called your treefort and gave you tetanus. Which is what it did to me, so I know.

Wearable Mobile Device For Enhanced Chatting [yankodesign]

Sep 24 2007 Salmon Sperm Makes LEDs Better

Professor Andrew Steckl of the University of Cincinnati has been enhancing LEDs with, get this, salmon sperm.

DNA has certain optical properties that make it unique. It allows improvements in one to two orders of magnitude in terms of efficiency, light, brightness — because we can trap electrons longer. Some of the electrons rushing by have a chance to say ‘hello,’ and get that photon out before they pass out. The more electrons we can keep around, the more photons we can generate. DNA serves as a barrier that affects the motion of the electrons.

Not to toot my own horn or anything, but one time some of my DNA ended up on the ceiling fan, and its horsepower increased tenfold. So there, Professor Steckl.

Salmon Sperm Makes LEDs Better [ohgizmo]