Nov 15 2009 This Little Piggy Went To The Post Office: Bacon Flavored Envelopes For Meatier Mail

I think we all knew this day would come: Envelopes with bacon-flavored adhesive. Geez, these are almost as clever as my invention: nipple flavored envelopes. Which, I think you and I both know is the closest your tongue will ever come.

J&D's, the makers of Bacon Salt and Baconnaise, isn't kidding when they say everything should taste like bacon: They just announced Mmmvelopes, bacon-flavored envelopes. $6.99 for 25 bacon-flavored #10 envelopes, $14.99 for 3 packs of 25...."No longer will envelopes taste like the underside of your car. You can enjoy the taste of delicious bacon instead."

Now I know what you're thinking, "but how do I keep myself from eating them?" THEY'RE PAPER YOU IDIOTS. Yeah I have no idea.

Mmmvelopes: Bacon-Flavored Envelopes from the Makers of Bacon Salt and Baconnaise [eatmedaily]

Thanks to Mih0, who invented chocolate-flavored envelopes a long time ago but that ruthless cocoa mogul Wonka stole his idea.

Aug 5 2009 I WANT TO EAT MY LIPS: Bacon Lip Balm

What do you get when you cross Cheetos lip balm and bacon flavored lube? A BACON-CHEESE ORGY TO REMEMBER, AM I RIGHT? God, I sure hope I'm not. You people are freaks. Anyway, bacon lip balm is exactly what it sounds like: bacon flavored lip balm from the porky purveyors over at J&D. A 4-pack will set you back $13, but it's gonna take a lot more than that to fill you up! I'm a pretty skinny guy and I still ate ten sticks for breakfast. PLUS TWO ROCKS AND SOME DIRT.

Amazon Product Site
via
J&D's Bacon Lip Balm [uncrate]

Thanks to Rémy, Ste, tkuper and PrestickNinja, who are smart enough to know hotdogs aren't really just assholes and lips. There are elbows in there too, you know.

Jul 17 2009 Good Enough To Eat: Cheetos Lip Balm

Cheetos lip balm, it just makes sense. And by sense I mean your lips orange. Now swish some Dew around in your mouth and gimme kissies!

Would You Wear Cheetos Lip Balm? [lemondrop]

Thanks to The webcam in your monocle, who records whatever you see. Including in the shower. Provided you wear your monocle in the shower, which, pfft, who doesn't?

Jul 7 2009 Dude, You Should Totally Get A Bacon Tattoo!

I think it's safe to say we would all eat that, but I would go the extra mile and lick the pit. Happy lunching!

Picture [flickr]

Thanks, son, now go to your room. Mommy and daddy are going to wrestle.

Apr 6 2009 I Like The Sound Of That: Huffable Chocolate

Normally I'm an airplane glue kind of guy, but hey, chocolate could be good. Good mixed with airplane glue! That's what I'm talkin' about -- double fist style! Anyway, Le Whif breathable chocolates are supposed to give you the same sensations as eating chocolate, but probably nowhere near as good. An analogy: Breathable chocolate:chocolate::porn:sex. With both breathable chocolate and porn you get no ass! ZA-ZA-ZA-ZING!

Over the centuries we've been eating smaller and smaller quantities at shorter and shorter intervals," says (David) Edwards who, coincidentally (yeah, right) has a new novel out at the same time. It seemed to us that eating was tending toward breathing, so, with a mix of culinary art and aerosol science, we've helped move eating habits to their logical conclusion. We call it whiffing.

No, we call it huffing, Dave. Whiffing is when you try to punch somebody and miss. If you're interested, Le Whif huffgun shells are available in chocolate, mint chocolate, chocolate raspberry and chocolate mango and sell for about $4 a pop. No word on how much huff you get out of a single canister, but if I had to guess, I'd say one...two...three... *CRUNCH* three.

Hit the jump for a video of some bicycle-seat whiffing in action.

Continue Reading " I Like The Sound Of That: Huffable Chocolate "

Feb 13 2008 Chocolate Scrabble Looks Yummy, Delicious

Chocolate Scrabble is a chocolate bar with the alphabet on it. It's 3.5 ounces of delicious dark chocolate. Unfortunately one set of the alphabet does not constitute the tiles necessary to play a round of the awesomest word game ever. So you'll have to buy a bunch of bars. Like 12 (the number of E's in a regular set). Then you'd have to eat 11 Z's, X's, and Q's along with a bunch other letters. Still, I love the idea. It looks a lot more delicious than the Scrabble tiles I made, which are razor blades. Deadliest game of Scrabble you'll ever play.

Chocolate Scrabble [core77]