Sep 21 2009 Taser Backfire: Man Gets Zapped By Police, Uses His New Found Powers To Run Away
This is a video of some crazy bastard talking nonsense to the police and eventually getting tasered. But, unlike most poor suckers who get zapped, this character uses his new electric power to yell a magical chant, get up, and run for freedom. It works too! Feel free to skip to 2:45 if you just want to see the getaway, but I watched the whole thing because people who ramble nonsense make me feel better about myself. Like anonymously flaming you guys in the comments, but not AS good.
Thanks to Jay and Quark, who have both been tased while reciting the alphabet backwards as part of field sobriety tests AND PASSED. Hardcore!
Aug 1 2009 TASERED TASERED TASERED TASERED TASERED TASERED TASERED TASERED TASERED TASERED TASERED TASERED!
The TASER Shockwave system was designed to shoot any number of tasers off simultaneously, so you can shock a whole bunch of people at once. Or kill one poor bastard.
The TASER Shockwave is a modular system, letting you bunch together dozens of these TASER X26 stun guns. That oughta keep those evildoers at bay -- when they get within 25 feet of this monster, you open up a can of electro-whoopass while you sit pretty with your remote control trigger 100 meters away.
This beast is designed to "instantaneously incapacitate multiple personnel," and is designed for violent crowds and riot situations.
Really? Because this seems ridiculously expensive for something a little tear gas could do. Or a tank. You steer, I'll man the cannon!
PEW
That. Felt. AMAZING. Like love, but even better. Plus, it won't tear your heart out afterward. *sniff* Hold me, cannon.
Jul 21 2009 Guy Huffs Gas, Gets Tasered, Catches Fire
In a tale of spontaneous human combustion, a man who had been huffing gasoline (real Transformers drink it) was tasered by police and went up in a ball of flames. Sweeeeeet.
Police said they were responding to a complaint at a house when (36-year old Ronald) Mitchell ran outside carrying a cigarette lighter and a plastic bottle containing what they believed was fuel.
When he refused to stop running towards them, one officer Tasered him, police said.The man was immediately engulfed in flames, but the officer threw him to the ground and smothered the blaze with his hands, the statement said.
Mitchell was charged with assault to prevent arrest and possession of a sniffing substance.
An 18-year-old woman threw rocks at the officer as he tried to help and he was later treated for a cut on his head and burns to his hands, police said.
Ha, that chick brought rocks to a taser fight, what an idiot. And also, am I gonna get arrested for possession of a sniffing substance for this can of gasoline? Because, sorry coppers, that ain't happening! *glug glug glug glug glug* Transform and 7x7 is 35!
Tasered 'Petrol-Sniffer' Bursts Into Flames [yahoonews]
Thanks to Thumperchica, Justin, Jon, Stephen and Ptentacle, who wanted to roast marshmallows on him.
Jul 16 2009 Naked 'Terminator' Tased By Police In Nevada
A Terminator sent back from the future has been tased and arrested by police in Nevada. Good lookin', boys in blue!
19-year-old Sean Stanley Smith was arrested on the Nevada border after he was spotted by a motorist wandering around the highway nude. He was ordered by police to stop but proceeded into a nearby casino - where he was then tasered in front of a group of children.
Smith claims he was a Terminator sent back in time from the future.
When questioned who he was sent back to kill, the Terminator responded, "The Geekologie Writer". Really buddy? TOO BAD I'M VACATIONING IN MIAMI YOU IDIOT MORON! Wait. Did I say Miami? I meant Manitoba. Shit.
Police arrest naked 'Terminator' [yahoo]
Thanks to Bubbles100, who wonders if he was packing more heat than the Naked Wizard.
Jun 17 2009 Zappity Zap!: Police Will Tase Your Grandma
Just in case you were wondering, the police will tase your 72-year old grandma. You hear that, members of the geriatric species? YOU ARE NOT EXEMPT FROM THE ZAPPERY! Also, does the officer really yell "TASERED!" as he's doing it? Because that's awesome. I'm gonna start doing that.
POSTED! LEAVE A COMMENT -- LEAVE A COMMENT!!
Thanks to Watch-303, alex, double dragon, The Naked Wizard and Beth, who would have torn the electrodes out and flown off on their jetpacks like superheroes.
May 15 2009 Woman Offers Man Baby As Taser Shield
A Missouri woman offered a man her 1-year old child for use as a taser shield when he was being confronted by cops. Now that's solid parenting.
Officers were at an apartment checking on an assault claim made by the woman when a man confronted them, making threats. One of the officers displayed a Taser as the man approached.
Police said the mother offered her child to the man, placing the toddler in the Taser's path. The man, 22, faces two counts of resisting arrest. The woman, 20, was charged with endangering the welfare of a child and interfering with an arrest. She was arrested Tuesday night and placed at the Marion County jail on a 24-hour hold.
Wow, just....wow. Thank God tasers weren't so prevalent when I was a kid or my parents would have probably put an ad in the newspaper. I can see it now:
FOR SALE: One child, male. Large head, cries a lot. Would make a great taser shield.
Mo. mom accused of using child to block Taser [yahoonews]
Thanks to Noah, who knows only teenagers should be used for blocking tasers. Also, lasers. PEW PEW!
Apr 29 2009 Spellbound Apprentice Casts Off Wizard Hat And Robe, Gets Tazed By The Po-diddly
NSFW VIDEO IS NSFW DUE TO THE WORLD'S SMALLEST PENIS.
This is a video from Coachella of a wizard who refuses to put his hat and robe back on (you're doing it wrong!) and instead waves his minuscule penis around like Harry Potter trying to cast a spell of sadness on anyone foolish enough to look.
"It doesn't have to stop," the Naked Wizard says.
"I'll tell you what," the cop says. "You can have a great time -- but you can have an even better time if you put your clothes on...Can I get them for you?"The officer grabs the gown and tosses to the Naked Wizard, but he casts it away again. Then the cops put on their rubber gloves, and things get ugly.
You really can't help but feel sorry for the guy. But, on the upside, this video should make you feel good about your own magic stick. So make sure to watch the video with your significant other while pointing at the dude's nubbin and telling them to be thankful. I swear, a naked wizard on drugs with the world's smallest penis getting tasered by the diddly -- is today my birthday or what?
Naked Wizard Taser Brawl At Coachella [huffingtonpost]
Thanks to A-lice in Wonderland and chainsawarms, who both noted the magician's wand was probably too small to cast any real dangerous spells.
Sep 16 2008 Naked Man Walks Dog, Gets Tasered
A 40-year old virgin in Tallahassee, Florida was tasered and arrested last Friday night for walking his dog in the nude (him, the dog had a collar on). Apparently the man become belligerent and refused to obey a cops orders, which led to the zap zap action. And here comes the kicker:
When asked what he was doing, the man told the officer, "Allah told me to watch a Bruce Willis movie and walk the dog," (Officer) McCranie said.
Holy shit, I need his dealer's number.
Naked man walking dog Tasered by Tallahassee police [tallahassee]
Thanks to Ryan, who at least has the decency to throw on a hat before going out.
Jun 19 2008 Tasers Not As Safe As Previously Thought, 1/3 Of Victims Require Medical Attention
Who would have thought jolting a body with a shit-ton of electricity isn't super-safe? I know I'm shocked (!). According to a report compiled by CBS News and the Canadian Press, tasers are a lot more dangerous than previously though.
...about one-third of people shot by Tasers reportedly required some form of medical attention. Those numbers were drawn from the Taser-use forms that RCMP officers are required to fill out whenever they draw the device, which revealed that 910 of the 3,226 people shot between 2002 and 2007 had to go to a medical facility, and that "many more" people had minor injuries but never saw a doctor.
So yeah, I'm getting one of those tase-proof jackets as soon as they come out. I'll be damned if I get tased again. I got hit once and it was enough. Okay, if I got really drunk at a party and there was a girl I was trying to impress, maybe. But not in the balls. Eight months of Rogaine and still no hair.
Probe finds one-third of people shot by Tasers need medical attention [engadget]
Thanks Julian, and don't worry, I won't tase you bro
May 27 2008 A Shocking Jacket For Personal Protection
Forget tasers ladies, the No-Contact Jacket is where it's at.
The No-Contact Jacket is a wearable defensive jacket created to aid women in their struggle for protection from violence. When activated by the wearer, 80,000 volts of low amperage electric current pulses just below the surface shell of the entire jacket. This exo-electric armor prevents any person from unauthorized contact with the wearer's body.
Pretty freaking sweet. The little blue things you see in the picture up near the lady's neck is actually arcing current. Man that's awesome. I'm getting one for my girlfriend, I'll let you know how she likes it.
UPDATE: She liked it a lot until she wiped her nose on the sleeve. Now she's on the kitchen floor with smoke coming out of her eyes.
Several more pictures, including a close-up of the arcing accent, and a link to two videos, after the jump.
Continue Reading " A Shocking Jacket For Personal Protection "
Apr 4 2008 Busted: Boy Charged For Camera Taser
Remember the disposable camera taser from a month ago? Well it turns out a kid got busted after making one and bringing it to school. Shocking (!), I know. He claims to have gotten the instructions on the interwebs (but not from me, I just linked to the DIY page). The boy was charged with possession of a weapon at school, attempted assault and breach of peace. Way to go dipshit! To his defense though, we all did the same thing when we were that age. At least I did. One time in homeroom I told the inbred yokel sitting next to me jam a clothes pin into an electric socket and it would spark. She didn't believe me. I warned her though: only hold the wooden part, don't touch the metal. It was awesome. There was a big blue spark the size of a basketball, then the electronic clock in the room went out, along with the air pump in the fish tank. She was sent to the office. Next period I had to run the mile in PE, and when I was coming in (after about six minutes), there was the principal waiting for me at the finish line. I puked on his shoes.
Teen Booked In Modification Of Camera Into 'Taser' [wcbstv]
Thanks to Mike, who doesn't need a stupid camera taser because women already find him electrifying, for the tip
Mar 19 2008 The Runt Still Manages To Pack A Punch
At only 3.25", the Runt stun gun is pretty damn small (but still puts me to shame). They come in 350,000, 650,000 and 950,000 volt models and there's even a rechargeable 950 model that plugs directly into the wall via retractable plug. It'll operate about 300-500 times on a full charge, which is good because thats how many times I like to shock attackers. The rechargeable version costs $70, and all the other ones are cheaper. I'd been thinking about getting a stun gun for my girlfriend for some time, and I decided to go with one of these since it's nice and compact. She hates it. Mostly because I told her it was a handheld electrolysis hair remover. You should have seen her trying to get rid of her mustache, priceless.
The Runt - A Matchbook Sized Stun Gun [ohgizmo]
Mar 17 2008 Net Gun Is Probably Safer Than A Taser
The Net-2000 Shooting Net Rod uses compressed air to launch a 52 square foot net at perps (or friends, tigers, etc.). The net can travel approximately 50 feet, so you can be a safe distance away (read: out of stabbing range) and still use the device. They sell for $419, but the net can be reinserted into the device and fired repeatedly, so it's got lots of replay value. Now being the intrepid reporter that I am I decided to track down Spiderman and see what he thought about the new net-slinging device. The interview follows.
Geekologie: So, Spidey. Do you mind if I call you Spidey? (Spiderman nods) Good. Have you seen this new net-gun they've got out?
Spiderman: No.
Geekologie: Well check it out. (plays Youtube video) Do you think this will affect your crime-fighting business at all?
Spiderman: Shit.
Geekologie: Is that a yes?
Spiderman: Shit.
Geekologie: Thank you for your time.
A close-up picture and a video of the gun in action after the jump.
Feb 8 2008 I Don't Know About This: The Taser Shotgun
The taser shotgun is a shotgun that shoots taser rounds. It sounds scary as shit because it is. I don't want to get hit by a shotgun or a taser, so this would be like a double whammy. A double whammy of pain. And pain, my friends, is bad. We all know that. What we don't all know is why the hell there's a taser shotgun on the market. So I'll ask my trusty Magic 8 Ball. "Outlook not so good." I couldn't have said it better, Magic 8 Ball, I couldn't have said it better.
A promotional video that's supposed to give you a boner after the jump. I put it up from Liveleak and Youtube, because the Youtube ones seem to get taken down.
Continue Reading " I Don't Know About This: The Taser Shotgun "
Jan 10 2008 Taser Features MP3 Player, Hooker Styling
Taser, a company that focuses its efforts on developing products that shock people, is releasing a new line of tasers and had them on display at the CES. The Taser C2 features an MP3 player holster that stores 1GB of music, so you can get your groove on while you watch a would-be attacker wriggle in the street. While this may appeal to some, I have a few bones to pick. First of all, if you're listening to music you're going to be a lot more susceptible to attack, seeing how it would be easier to sneak up on you. And secondly, I tried this system and ended up jolting my penis with 50,000 volts when I tried to skip a song.
Introducing the Taser mp3 player [metro]
Thanks to Sebastian, whose story will never end, for the tip
Nov 2 2007 Man Files Patent For Taser-Proof Clothing
The picture above is a diagram from an Arizona man's US Patent application showing his taser-proof clothing. Or if you want to get technical it's the patent for an "energy weapon protection device". It's basically conductive and non-conductive material in layers that prevent an electric charge from ever reaching the body -- because yelling "Don't tase me, bro!" just doesn't work. This stuff wouldn't be such a bad idea if you get tased on a regular basis, and if you had pants and a mask made out of the same material. While a jacket is a good start, you don't want to be zapped in the face and/or testicles because the coppers find out you're wearing a tase-proof jacket.
TASER-Proof Gear is Great for Students, Political Activists, Criminals [gizmodo]
Sep 19 2007 Stun Gun Prevents Unwanted Calls
If you're tired of people at the bar asking to borrow your cell phone to make calls, well here's your chance to fight back. The Immobilizer 900,000 volt stun gun looks like a really crappy cell phone with a chintzy background, but packs a punch. It also has 12 LEDs so you can examine the damage you've done after dropping a would be phone borrower/attacker. It says it has two levels of safety to prevent accidental shocks, but I'm sure you can get around that. "Sure you can use my phone." ZAP. "HAHA, you deserved it -- get your own damn phone you burnt toast smelling ass cheapskate."
Stun Gun Prevents Unwanted Calls [newlaunches]
