Oct 14 2009 We're As Good As Dead: Robots Driving Tank
We can only pray this is an elaborate Photoshop hoax or we're all as good as dead. Well, you are, I'm as bad as dead. And twice as bad as that nancy Leroy Brown. That jive-talking mother ain't got nothin' on me!
Picture [pictureisunrelated]
Thanks to Daniel, who actually is meaner than a junkyard dog and once pushed an old lady into traffic.
Jul 6 2009 Slow Roller: Guy Builds 2MPH Fiat Tank
Ironsmith Kogoro Kurata went and built himself a little tank out of a Fiat and old tractor. Unfortunately, it tops out at 3km (~1.8MPH), making it the world's most boring drive. You could fall asleep at the wheel for an hour and not even make to the end of your driveway. No, this thing needs some rockets. And fuzzy dice. Because nothing says, "helloooooo ladies" better than a pair of fuzzy dice. Besides me. Helloooooo ladies. You liked that, didn't you? It's my deep voice -- it resonates inside you. Like an opera singer's, but 80x manlier.
Hit the jump for a video of the tank inaction(!).
Feb 14 2009 Real-Life Warhammer 40,000 Rhino Transport
So the creaters of Warhammer went and made a real-life Space Marine Rhino replica to folks excited about the upcoming video game. And, also, to crush the hell out of some little cars. Per my tipster, Sam:
Thought you might be interested in knowing about this, as it was modified from a old WWII British tank to promote the upcoming Warhammer 40000: Dawn of War 2 game that is about a week away from being released.
Nothing really amazing if it was just a normal tank (crushing cars is still cool, but still would be nothing new) but since it was heavily modified into a working replica (mostly) of the Warhammer 40000 Space Marine Rhino transport, it's been an ecstasy trip for 40kiers like me and anyone else seeing one their favorite tabletop franchise coming to life.
Freaking sweet -- I want one. And not just because some jerk broke my passenger side mirror off without leaving a note. No, it's because I want to crush the car that did it -- driver too! With a tank. A Warhammer tank. VROOM VROOM!! This ain't no table-top game, bitch, this is real life!
Thanks to Sam, who Wars the Hammer like nobody's biz.
Jan 9 2009 New Presidential Limo Ready For Action Jan 20
CLICK HERE FOR FULL SIZE IMAGE
Remember the new presidential limo that Cadillac designed to be PEW PEW proof? Well it's been approved for use starting January 20th and is jam-packed with all kinds of exciting features like extra presidential blood (I'm not kidding) and 8-inch thick (me too, ladies) doors that weigh as much as a 757's cabin door. I thought it was funny the driver side window is the only one that goes down and even it only 3-inches (me too, ladies) to "pay a toll or talk with secret service agents running alongside". Pay a toll? Get freaking real! I know the picture is small, so click here to see the full size image and read all those little words. Then, read my lips: No. new. tickets. Seriously, I'm already driving on a suspended license. Shhhhhh!
Inside the Rocket-Proof Obamamobile [gizmodo]
Thanks to Pat and Vossk, who allegedly both banged hookers in the back of this thing while it was being built.
Dec 17 2008 Santa, I've Been Good This Year, I Swear. Fine -- I'm Lying, But, Damnit You Chubby Bastard, I Really Want This R/C Tank
And what an R/C tank it is too! The 6ft, 550lb beast is a 1/4 scale replica of a German King Tiger and operates via two 500-watt, 24 volt motors, capable of pulling a car. Complete with a 2ft gun and functional turret, the tank is clearly ready to destroy at its operator's command. Unfortunately, the wickedness costs $10,230, which means laying siege to your neighbor's house is probably gonna have to wait -- till you can steal their car while they're on vacation! Drive that land-yacht right through the bay window. Extra points if you can park upstairs!
Toy tank will blow your mind [thesun]
Thanks to Richthegringo, who once road a tank into K-Mart and raided the blue-light special.
Nov 17 2008 Oooh, Nice Ride: The New Presidential Limo
General Motors, best known for their delicious line of breakfast cereals, has designed an all new presidential limo for when Barack Obama takes power next year. They were going to do it four years ago, but figured, f*** it, let's focus our efforts on going belly-up for awhile. Anyway, the car.
Most of the specs of this car are top secret, but a few tantalizing details are floating around, such as the five-inch-thick windows that are about half as transparent as regular glass and can stop projectiles from assault rifles, rocket-propelled grenades and high explosives. It's also said to be built of a combination of blast-proof ceramics and exotic metals, and certainly won't have a convertible top or sunroof. While GM's trying to make it look like a Cadillac DTS, it's based on the company's line of heavy-duty 2500 trucks.
Top secret specs my ass. I'll tell you all about this thing: It runs on a rocket engine powered by the tar-like blood of terrorists. It can also hover. Comes complete with dinosaur chauffeur who doubles as sexual masseuse should you hit rush-hour traffic. AM/FM radio. Four tires and spare donut in the trunk. Mini-bar. Wicked two-tone paintjob. Left and right turn signals. Bomb proof undercarriage. 7MPG city/13 highway. A real pussy magnet. I'm serious -- the CIA stole my blueprints.
Obama's new presidential limo is built like a tank, looks like a Cadillac [dvice]
Nov 5 2008 Hummer Tank, Because, Yeah, Just Because
There are many things in this world that simply remain unexplainable. Like why all banana-flavored candy tastes like ass. And also, why the hell anybody would put treads on a Hummer H2T. Hell, or even buy one for that matter. My own poverty aside, what could possibly be cooler than a Hummer with treads? Ha, you're right -- a Hummer with treads on fire.
Hit it for a bunch more of the ridiculousness.
Continue Reading " Hummer Tank, Because, Yeah, Just Because "
Sep 19 2008 Sure, Why Not?: Cardboard Cat Playhouses
These fold-it-yourself cat playhouses from suckUK are made from grade-A cardboard and there is no way in hell my cats could fit through that little hole in the top without utterly destroying the thing. But if you have small cats, each one costs about $27, making them some of the most expensive pieces of soon-to-be shredded cardboard I've ever seen. Seriously, if you love your cats and want to get them the nicest playthings, do what I did and get them all Power Wheels. Oh, hold on. "Jimmy, what did I tell you about running over the dog's tail? Haha, yeah, you want to be going full speed. Good kitty."
Product Page
Thanks to Phil, whose pets dine exclusively on Dom Pérignon. Drunk pets are the best pets!
Jun 16 2008 Epic Failures: How Not To Drive A Tank
Tank Driving 101
Don't drive your tank off a cliff. Don't drive your tank too deep in a bog. Keep your treads on at all times. Don't try to mount another tank from behind unless you've taken it out for dinner and bought it a few drinks. Don't try to stunt-drive your tank on a single tread. And last but not least -- never, ever, ever pose for a picture with the tank you just f***ed up.
And while I'm not saying I could drive a tank any better than these guys, it'd be pretty hard not to.
A nice big gallery of tank mishaps (and a few planes for the hell of it) after the jump.
Apr 10 2008 Boy Builds Homemade 1:2 Scale Panzer Tank
This isn't the first miniature Panzer tank we've featured on Geekologie, but it certainly is the most plywoody one. Kettering University mechanical engineering student Will Foster built the 1:2 scale tank using plywood, a three-cycle diesel engine, and a bunch of other random crap. It has a top speed of 20 MPH and can shoot paintballs, golf balls, and empty Red Bull cans out of its air cannon. Will estimates it's got about $2,000 worth of parts in it, but says he's spent over $10,000 due to the trial-and-error nature of its construction. Let's see, what else? Oh yeah, it's got a sweet "420" painted on the turret in red. Will, you funny little stoner you -- so crafty. Seriously though, I commend you on your ability to finish a project while smoking the chronic. Did I say chronic? I meant schwag (and maybe the occasional beaster). Still, good job -- the only thing I ever made in college when I was high were straight D's.
Video of Will and the tank after the jump, along with a link to the longer article.
Continue Reading " Boy Builds Homemade 1:2 Scale Panzer Tank "
Jan 9 2008 Tank Chair PWNS Powerchair, Hover Round
If you're anything like me you're drunk at 11 am and watching The Price Is Right like any normal person in their right mind. And if you are even more like me you get annoyed by all those damn Powerchair and Hover Round commercials with the geriatrics speeding around like bats out of hell on their motorized death traps. Well now there is an electric chair to beat all chairs -- the Tank Chair Mk II.
"Boasting a top speed of 5 mph, the Tank Chair Mk II has 24V, 2HP, 127RPM variable speed motor that gets its juice from four Optima Deep Cycle batteries. Its creator claims that the chair can even outpace a golf cart." Wait, wait, wait -- 5MPH, what the hell? I figured the thing would at least be good for 15-20MPH. Maybe if the Mk II ($15,000) sells well they'll up the ante. Because I can't very well mount a submachine gun and paint flames on something that only goes 5MPH. I'd be the laughing stock of the neighborhood. Which I kind of already am for parking my car in the neighbor's pool one night. I told him I was testing a new submarine car for the government, but he called the police anyways.
$15,000 Tank Chair for the disabled [bornrich]
Jan 4 2008 Jet Engine Fire Extinguisher Does The Job
Some Hungarian engineers got together and built a fire extinguisher using two Mig-21 jet engines. It was specifically designed to extinguish pipeline and oil drilling fires. As you can see from the video (after the jump), it really makes fires wish they had never started. And it makes me wish I had two spare jet engines lying around. Not that I'd make a fire extinguisher, because I wouldn't. No, I'm building the world's fastest couch, and I think those are just what I need for a speed boost. Because right now my top speed is like, well, 0. It's a pretty slow couch, it just sits there.
Video of the thing in action after the inferno.
Continue Reading " Jet Engine Fire Extinguisher Does The Job "
Nov 30 2007 Donk Tank: A Maybe For The Christmas List
The JL421 Badonkadonk (yeah) Land Cruiser/Tank is a pretty sweet little vehicle. It fits five people inside or on the roof, can be controlled from inside or out, and reaches 40 mph. It's got a 400 watt "premium sound system", carpet interior, accent lighting, and Star Wars styling. They're built on an order-by-order basis, so you can have it pimped out even more should you desire a sex-swing or laser cannon. They run $20,000 and are available through Amazon. If you buy one I'd like a ride sometime. Unless you modified yours with the sex-swing and all. In which case I'll pass. Not that I wouldn't trust you or anything, but I wouldn't trust you. Because you're a sick pervert. Sex-swing: cool. Sex-swing in tank: sexual deviant.
Note: Hunter S. Thompson not included.
A picture of the thing at night after the jump.
Continue Reading " Donk Tank: A Maybe For The Christmas List "
Nov 16 2007 Ripsaw Vehicle Is Nasty, Will Hurt You Bad
The Ripsaw is an unmanned ground vehicle that tears shit up and doesn't even bother taking names later. It goes from 0 to 50 MPH in 3.5 seconds, is very maneuverable, and can knock over barns. It's been around for about two years since it hit the scene as a privately funded DARPA challenger and military prototype, but now they're available to the masses. And for only $200,000. Of course I would want to be able to get in mine and drive it, otherwise it's just a really sick RC car. I'm going to do donuts in the yard of that a-hole down the street that throws his newspaper at me whenever I drive by. If he comes out of his house I'll tell him exactly where I'm gonna ram this thing if I ever catch him with another paper.
Another picture and a video after the jump, which is definitely worth watching all of.
Continue Reading " Ripsaw Vehicle Is Nasty, Will Hurt You Bad "
Nov 7 2007 Home Inspecting Robot Checks For Cracks
Sanyo developed this conceptual robot to check out the foundations of homes in Japan and make sure there's no structural damage or other problems. It goes on sale next year for less than $8,850. Which means it's in the $0.01 - $8,849.99 price range. Probably closer to the high end. It's called the 'Yuka Shita Inspection robot'. Which pisses me off, because I was just about to develop Yuka Shita brand toilet bowl cleanser.
Sanyo comes up with conceptual robot [ubergizmo]
Nov 2 2007 The British Develop An 'Invisible' Tank
The British have allegedly developed an 'invisible' tank that will be ready for service by 2012. Basically the technology "uses cameras and projectors to beam images of the surrounding landscape onto a tank." While I can understand that it will probably be better than paint, I get the feeling it will only look 'invisible' if you're looking at it from the exact perfect angle. And obviously the picture above isn't real. The man behind the dream is the Ministry of Defense's Professor Sir John Pendry, who said the only real drawback was the reliability of the cameras and projectors. He then added "The next stage is to make the tank invisible without them - which is intricate and complicated, but possible." Proving beyond shadow of a doubt that the whole project is indeed run by a crackpot.
Army tests James Bond style tank that is 'invisible' [dailymail]
thanks to David, the man James Bond was modeled after, for the tip
Oct 5 2007 Panzer Paintball Tank Is A Cute Little Thing
The Paintball Panzer is a tank designed for use in paintball matches. It has a 24-inch gun, and can shoot 15 balls a second. They cost a staggering $18,000 apiece. Now I'm not here to steal their business or anything, but for only $4,500 I'll sell you a Paintball Plymouth. And if you're thinking a Paintball Plymouth is just my neighbor's stolen Neon with the windows knocked out, you're right.
A video of the cute little bugger after the splatter.
Continue Reading " Panzer Paintball Tank Is A Cute Little Thing "
