Jun 8 2009 Apple's Worldwide Developer's Conference: New iPhone 3GS And Some Other Stuff
Well folks, Apple just wrapped up its Worldwide Developer's Conference in San Francisco, and, (no) surprise!: a new iPhone (and software update) available June 19th. Also, a couple new laptops and a new OS, Snow Leopard (I hope nobody got paid for that). Anyway, the highlights of the new iPhone are as follows:
- Improved performance
- 3-megapixel autofocus camera
- Video recording
- Voice Control
- Digital compass
- Cut, Copy & Paste
- MMS
- Spotlight Search
- Landscape keyboard
- Voice Memos
Wonderful. Especially considering I dropped mine face down on the driveway two days AND THEN STEPPED ON IT AND SKIDDED IT ACROSS THE concrete. Luckily, it didn't break, it just got scratched all to hell. Don't believe me? Hold on, I'll take a picture.
Okay, so you can't take a picture OF your iPhone WITH your iPhone (without using mirrors the way you'd look at your own ass in the bathroom).
Hit the jump for a picture of my wallpaper instead and a visual comparison of the new iPhone and old iPhone.
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May 18 2009 I've Seen It All Now: A Twittering Toilet
That's right folks, a toilet that Twitters every time it's flushed. Because if that's not a sign of the apocalypse, what is? Your mom making out with a robot. Oh, I thought you were asking. What do you mean I said it? LISTEN, I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING! Now, where were we? Right, a Twittering toilet.
@ last user: Great, you clogged me -- about to overflow. Shit on your floor commencing in 3...2...
Twitter Page
via
Twitter Toilet Tweets Your Poo [gizmodo]
Thanks to Julian, clownpounder and Dogless, who don't need Twitter to tell them they should feel two pounds lighter.
May 12 2009 No Surprises Here: How That Viral Samsung HD Camera Phone Commercial Was Created
Remember that viral Samsung ad with the mysterious disappearing phone? Me neither! *rewatches video* Oh right, that looked vaguely familiar. Well, this video explains how they made it just in case you care. And, not to ring our own collective bike bell or anything, but it's exactly how we all thought. Well, except for you -- you're slow. Like a turtle. ONE WHO CAN'T EVEN BEAT A RABBIT IN A FOOTRACE. But still, I like you. I like turtles.
Samsung's puzzling camera trick: here's how they did it [dvice]
Apr 17 2009 Surprise!: Japanese Video Game Harnesses Head Tracking Technology For Perversion
Japanese erotic game maker Teatime's latest perversion comes in the form of Tech48, a platform which allows players to look at the in-game characters using head-tracking technology via webcam. What does this mean to the lay-pervert? More realistic upskirt action. Wow, using the latest in technology for deviancy, I'm shocked. Just kidding, it's the American way. Did I say American? I mean Japanese. My God those people are geniuses.
Hit the jump for a video of the perversion in action (upskirt demo starts at 2:30).
Dec 15 2008 Dubai Resort Building Air-Conditioned Beach
A new Versace hotel in Dubai is going to feature an air-conditioned beach. Ha, and all this time I thought beaches were supposed to be hot.
A system of heat-absorbing pipes and giant wind blowers will "keep tourists cool in the searing 40-50C (104-122F) heat." Soheil Abedian, president of Palazzo Versace hotel that will be home to the refrigerated beach, said: "We will suck the heat out of the sand to keep it cool enough to lie on. This is the kind of luxury that top people want."
Top people? What the f*** is a top person? And, more importantly, how do I become one? Unfortunately, this opulence comes at a cost. Namely, mother nature's ass.
The city's continued expansion will also add to its huge carbon footprint. Each person living in Dubai has a carbon footprint of more than 44 tons of CO2 a year.
A 44-ton footprint -- that's bigger than Bigfoot's! But seriously, Satan, how about a little AC down here, it's freaking hot.
Versace hotel to refrigerate beach [news.au]
Thanks Natalie and jumpin_j, now listen: don't sin lest you want a burning coal jammed up your ass for eternity. And *TSSSSSSSSSS* OH MOTHER OF MELTING ASS TRUST ME YOU DOOOOOOON'T!
Aug 20 2008 Bigfoot: "That Totally Wasn't Me"
In a turn of events that shocked no one, Bigfoot left a message for reporters in the woods claiming the recent pictures of a creature in a freezer, are, in fact, not him. The message, spelled out with carefully arranged arm-length turds, read "that totally wasn't me".
Turns out Bigfoot was just a rubber suit. Two researchers on a quest to prove the existence of Bigfoot say that the carcass encased in a block of ice -- handed over to them for an undisclosed sum by two men who claimed to have found it -- was slowly thawed out, and discovered to be a rubber gorilla outfit.
First, the hair sample was burned and "melted into a ball uncharacteristic of hair," Kulls said in the posting.The thawing process was sped up and the exposed head was found to be "unusually hollow in one small section." An hour of thawing later and the feet were exposed -- and they were found to be made of rubber.
Well folks, it just goes to show you -- you can't believe every legendary creature is real just because some asshats claim to have one in a freezer. You can't will Bigfoot real, no matter how badly you want to make love to him.
Researchers say bigfoot just a rubber gorilla suit [yahoonews]
Thanks to Dan, SilverSided, Laurel, Brad, The Hashishin, Gingela5, and Melanie for letting me down easy.
Aug 18 2008 Geez, You Could Have Just Asked Me: Scientists Confirm Beer Goggles Are Real
In an announcement that shouldn't surprise anyone that's seen the majority of women I've slept with, scientists have concluded that beer goggles are, in fact, real.
Surprisingly, the beer goggles effect was not limited to just the opposite sex among the ostensibly straight volunteers recruited for the study -- they also rated people from their own sex as more attractive.
Beer is making me gay.
"The main question is whether these effects are specific to faces, or whether we would rate anything as more attractive after a drink," Munafo said.Future research could expose people who have been drinking to landscapes or the faces of puppies and other animals, "to see if alcohol has a more general effect on perceiving beauty in the environment."
I don't like where this is going. I am NOT having sex with animals. Or a damn landscape. Well, unless it's the sun setting over a mountain range. I'd ravage that shit.
Jun 20 2008 Wow: Man Attempts Robbery With Palm Frond
Gelando Olivieri was a man with a plan. A plan of robbing V&F Discount Beverage on Voorhis Avenus in Deland, Florida with a palm frond sword and sandal shield. However the plan was foiled when a brave patron pushed Olivieri from the store with a little wooden stool. Gelando -- you're a freaking idiot. A palm frond? Really? Jesus, you could have at least used a rose bush.
Robber brandishes palm frond [cnn]
Thanks Isabel, I've never been less scared of a robber in my life
Apr 9 2008 Indiana Jones Figures Are Cute, Big Headed
These are two Indiana Jones (well one Indiana, one Henry) figures available from PansonWorks. Each costs $30 and would look awesome on my bookshelf. Damn, I just love that Indiana. I was so inspired by the movies that I actually took an archaeology course in college. I had to pay a $60 lab fee, which I assumed was for a fedora and a freaking bullwhip. Wrong! I got a crappy little pick and brush. Talk about a let down. There was no temple of doom, no last crusading, just a horrible damn professor that stared off into space when lecturing. I egged his house after he failed me.
A picture of PansonWorks Street Fighter figures (also $30), just for the halibut, after the jump
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Feb 26 2008 Robotic Breast Massager Is Unsurprisingly Questionable As Hell
Man I have no idea where to even begin with this one, but I'll try. Mr. Wang Wei, owner of Beijing BUBBY (I assume that's Chinese for booby) Robot Technologies, has created a robotic breast massager. Mr. Wei did this when he realized he'll probably never get to touch one himself. I've posted his very convincing business proposal after the jump, which is a must read and explains who can benefit from such a device. As a potential investor I had the unfortunate opportunity to give the device a go, and I've got to say: it felt the exact same as the other time I was groped by a robot with flower-shaped hands. And that one was a window washer.
Mr. Wei's very convincing business proposal after the jump.
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