Oct 28 2009 Ever Wonder What Mario Looks Like Naked?

Scary as hell, that's what. Like an adult-sized baby with a serious case of the wonk-eye. I don't think I'll never be able to look Mario straight in the face again. Like a friend who catches you staring at his package in the locker room after some racquetball. That said, how about somebody make one of these for Princess Peach? Unless that makes me a creep, in which case my tipster requested it. Yeah Aisha, you perv!

What's Underneath, Mario? [kotaku]

Thanks to Aisha, who totally asked for the Princess Peach thing, swear.

Oct 14 2009 Live Action Mario, Lou Albano, Dies At 76

Some of you whippersnappers may be too young to remember the awesomeness that was the Super Mario Bros. Super Show, a 52-episode series that come out in '89. But I do, because it was on tv, and tv was my only friend (plus on Fridays there were Zelda cartoons!).

Wrestling fans know him as the WWE Hall of Famer who managed more than 50 wrestlers in his day, with more than two dozen championships won by athletes taken under his wing. 80's music fans might remember him from his appearances in many Cyndi Lauper music videos, including "Girls Just Want To Have Fun", "She Bop", "Time After Time" and "The Goonies 'R' Good Enough." As gamers, we of course remember him as the best live-action Mario of all time.

Sadly, Lou Albano passed away today at 76. He will be missed.

Opening credits to the show on Youtube HERE.
Entire show HERE.

Live-Action Mario Dead At 76 [kotaku]

Thanks to Doctor Steel, Aisha and Gabriel, who promise to send flowers to the funeral. Good looking, guys -- but they better be fireball flowers and not Piranha plants.

Oct 9 2009 What If?: There Were No Super Mario Brothers

This would happen. So yeah, be thankful for Italian plumbers. Except for the pair that stole all the copper piping out of my house. Those two can go to hell.

Animated Gif

Thanks to PK, who once stopped a Bullet Bill from destroying the earth by deflecting it with a giant tennis racket. TOO BAD YOU BLEW UP THE SUN.

Aug 23 2009 Video: The New Super Mario Brothers For Wii

This is a video preview of the new Super Mario Bros. coming out for the Wii. It looks promising and I really like how it's a nice throwback to the original. So you know what that means -- I'm gonna beat my brother in the head with the controller if his turn takes too long! (Frank, buy a helmet)

Youtube

Thanks to Jason and nommer, who have never assaulted a family member over a video game. YET.

Aug 5 2009 I Knew It, I Knew It!: Toad Is A Rude Jerk

That's right folks: that no good, mushroom topped jerkbag Toad has been flipping us off for almost 25 years now. And honestly, I'm not surprised. I always got a bad feeling from the guy. I mean, I bust my ass to get through a castle to rescue the princess, AND THERE HE IS ALREADY STANDING AT THE END OF THE LEVEL. Anybody else find that a little fishy? Like, why didn't you save her yourself? UNLESS YOU'RE WORKING FOR KOOPA! *DUM DUM DUM* But seriously bro, I want to eat your head and go to a concert.

Picture

Thanks to 4thirty, who once licked like six Toads and then talked to a parking meter for 12 hours.

Aug 4 2009 Mario And Peach, Together (Sexually) At Last

NOTE: VIDEO IS NSFW DUE TO LEWD SEXY TALK AND LOTS OF MOANING.

This is a video of Mario and Princess Peach finally consummating their relationship. I almost cried it was so romantic. But I didn't, because I'm a big boy and I wear big boy pants (I sobbed like a baby). Also, fair warning: there's a whole lot of Peach moaning in the video which is kind of weird if there are other people around. Hell, I felt awkward and I'm the only one here. Except for the dog, who I'm pretty sure thought I was watching porno. I said stop staring at me -- it's a cartoon!

Mario and Princess Sex Tape [collegehumor]

Thanks to Julian, who dated Princess Peach in high school but broke up with her because she wouldn't do his algebra homework. Pfft, what are girlfriends for?

Aug 3 2009 Cut Your Nails: Mario & Luigi Tattoos On Feet

Before I go any further, you need to cut those toenails. That ring toe looks like it could cut glass and the middle one reminds me of a little fleshy grape. Great, now I want to eat it. I SAID, "PUT IT IN MY MOUTH!" So yeah, Mario and Luigi tattoos on the bottom of some guy's feet. I reckon he opted for the feet because his mommy would be disappointed if she found out he had them. So you should have seen the look on her face when he put his feet on the coffee table. It was like she just seen a ghost! Or video game tattoos on her son's feet. IT'S THE SAME LOOK!

Hit the jump for a shot of Luigi and one of both feet together.

Continue Reading " Cut Your Nails: Mario & Luigi Tattoos On Feet "

Jul 24 2009 The Casting Couch: Super Mario Villains

As you may very well know, God invented Fridays for leaving work early and logging as much Youtube time as possible while you are in the office. And he sent me here to help. I AM A WARRIOR FOR HEAVEN. Or, from heaven. Ladies? I have wings AND a bow and arrow! *twang* Your heart, it's mine now.

Anyway, this is a video of Mario and the gang holding a casting call for Super Mario Bros. villains. It's not really laugh out loud material, but I thought it was pretty cute and well made. Plus, it's over 7 minutes long, so that's 7 minutes less you'll have to work. Now you may be wondering, "why the hell is the GW posting a video from 2007?" And the answer to that, dear reader, is LOOK BEHIND YOU, NAKED STUFF!

Youtube

Thanks to Rachael, who needs to learn how to send a tip and not just post stuff on her Facebook page. PREPARE TO BE SPANKED.

Jul 21 2009 Simple Enough: Mario Mushroom Radishes

They're mushrooms made from radishes. Now marinate on the depth of what I just said for a second. Still with me? *wheezing* Damn, I thought I lost you. Anyway, these power up mushroom radishes were made by video game themed bento maker extraordinaire, Anna The Red. Pretty simple, huh? Now I know what you're thinking, "Pfft, I could do that". But you're wrong. Remember what happened the last time you tried to use a knife? You almost lost your penis, didn't you? The prosecution rests.

Cooking with Anna the Red: Mario mushrooms from regular radishes [offworld]

Thanks to towhee, who can knows you gotta do the cookin' by the book.

Jul 19 2009 Deep Roots: The Mario Game Family Tree

This is a depiction of all Mario games in the style of a family tree. Obviously, there aren't only ten games, so click HERE to see the super-ultra-high-res joint with all 130+ games. Fun fact: I was born in the same hospital by the same doctor as my father. So, yeah. I swear, it's like we've known each other our whole lives, you and I. Want to hold hands? Okay, but I've got to warn you: mine's hairy sweaty.

Mario Family Line [limitbreak]

Thanks to em.monster, who puts Nessie to shame. And to Kalutika, who fell from the tree of beauty.

Jul 14 2009 Good Lookin': Punkified Nintendo Heroines

This is a drawing by Agent Melon of Princess Peach, Princess Zelda and Samus Aran hanging out all sexy and punkified. Now why Peach has a Bowser tattoo on her stomach is beyond me, but that wouldn't stop me from talking to it when we're getting intimate. I SAID "RAWR!", BOWSER, ANSWER ME!

Nintendo Punk [agentmelon]

Thanks to Paul, who may or may not troll Hot Topik to meet girls.

Jun 16 2009 You + Me - Clothes + Mario = Romance

This handmade bed blanket was created by Etsy seller punzie and looks great (punzie also does custom work and has a bunch of other designs if you look in the sold items section). Granted, it would look even better with you underneath it. I'm not talking dead hooker style either, I'm talking real romantical like. What do you say, come over around 8? We'll fire up some oldschool NES, drink some sparkling cider (my parents don't allow alcohol in the house) and then retire to my luxurious twin-size. Oooh, you like a little role playing, do you? Well then, let me just slip into my Raccoon Mario costume. Okay, now pretend you're a garbage can.

Hit the jump for a ton more blankets (including some Zelda, Mega Man and Metroid action) and another link to the Etsy store.

Continue Reading " You + Me - Clothes + Mario = Romance "

Jun 15 2009 Super Mario Bros. Controlled With A Theramin

God, finally -- Super Mario Bros. the way it was meant to be played.

Theremin-Controlled Mario Offers Glimpse of a Bizarre Motion Gaming Alternate History [gizmodo]

Jun 4 2009 I Like: Conan's New Mario Inspired Backdrop

These are two comparison shots of Conan O'Brien's new Tonight Show stained glass backdrop and the alleged inspiration for said drop. As you can see, it's based on shapes and scenes from the Mushroom Kingdom. So, yeah. I don't watch the Tonight Show though because I go to bed early. Did I say go to bed? I meant pass out drunk. Also, I don't have television. Or internet. So then where do these posts come from? I AM A ROBOT! *BEEP BOP BOOP* TERMINATE, TERMINATE. Kidding! I hate those bastards. And that wasn't a very funny joke to play on you, I'm sorry. If it makes you feel any better I shit myself writing it.

Conan's New Backdrop Sure Looks Familiar... [gizmodo]

Thanks to Fally, PlayUsOut and Matt, who don't sleep but not because they're vampires. Or are they? Your guess is as good as mine.

May 7 2009 Wow, That's Pretty Brutal: 8-Bit Fatalities

Flickr user tastypaints.com has a dream. A dream about what Mortal Kombat-style fatalities would look like in oldschool, 8-bit games. Nice, tastypaints (I'll keep him occupied, you call the nuthouse).

Before Mortal Kombat, violence in video games was largely unheard of or ignored because of its extreme pixelized simplicity. But when Liu Kang and Sub Zero came along to finish off arcade goers the world changed and parents were in an uproar (not mine though).

Just because you didn't see pac-man violently tearing into the ghosts with his jaws, or mario smashing in the brains of a goomba, thats what I knew was happening. I knew my goal was to kill these enemies, so Mortal Kombat wasn't a big change for me. And so, I decided to show everyone just what I imagined was happening when these little blocky, pixelized abstractions did when they came into contact with eachother, but in a much more visceral, and gory way than could ever be shown with limited graphical systems.

Interesting, tastypaints (are they on their way -- did you tell them to bring a straitjacket?). Hit the jump for two more, and then check out the Flickr gallery to see them all. Haha, they're here! Tastypaints you are going away for a long, long time you demented little -- NO NOT ME, HIM! WHAT IN THE....DAMN YOU, GEEKOLOGIE READER! Well played.

Hit it.

Continue Reading " Wow, That's Pretty Brutal: 8-Bit Fatalities "

Apr 9 2009 Realistic (And Super Creepy) Mario Bros. Shirt

This is a super creepy looking Mario Bros. t-shirt that costs $20. You know, I'm really torn because I'm not particularly into this style of art, but I do love dinosaurs. Rock *me* hard place. And I do mean hard. Who knew Yoshi could be so sexy?

A: Me. September 1991, Super Mario World. First boner, age 10.

Hyper-real Mario, Luigi on Nightmarish Shirt [militantgeek]

Thanks to Jizzle, who tried to convince me he's ridden a dinosaur before but I could tell he was just trying to make jealous.

Apr 7 2009 Star Wars And Mario Russian Nesting Dolls

Some artsy folks went and custom painted traditional Matryoshka dolls to look like characters from Star Wars and Super Mario, respectively. Not bad. I think these would make a great arts-and-crafts project to do with your kids, provided they don't eat the paint or glue their heads to the kitchen table. Which, be honest, they totally will. Haha, do I know your kids or what? On my way to work today I saw your youngest standing in the front yard hitting himself in the head with a Whiffleball bat. *sniff* Made me wish I had one of my own. The bat, not the kid.

Hit the jump for some closeups of the two sets.

Continue Reading " Star Wars And Mario Russian Nesting Dolls "

Jan 8 2009 Super Mario Bros. Knocked Off As Best-Selling Video Game Ever, Your Wii Mii Rejoices

That's right folks, Wii Sports is now the best-selling video game ever. And not just because it comes bundled with the Wii, but 100% because it comes bundled with the Wii.

Shocked? Don't be. Unlike most video games that can be bought at retail, Wii Sports comes bundled with the Wii hardware in every territory other than Japan and Korea. In other words, if you bought a Wii, you bought Wii Sports whether you liked it or not (chances are, you liked it). With over 45 million Wiis sold worldwide to date, it's only logical that Wii Sports would start smashing records sooner or later.

And before you brand Wii Sports a false champion due to being bundled with hardware, consider that Super Mario Bros. was also sold as a bundle with the original Nintendo Entertainment System during its mid-80's heyday.

Well hooray. More importantly, did anybody notice that I Photoshopped Mario's fingers so he's now holding up two (for second place!) instead of one? Because I did that. I also took the pinky off his other hand. Gambling debt.

Wii Sports is best-selling game ever [yahoo]

Thanks to D.K., who may or may not still attend anger management classes for all the barrel throwing.

Nov 7 2008 Stylin' And Profilin' (And Kicking Myself In The Nuts For Writing That) With A Mario Hoodie

Looking for a sweet new hoodie to rock this fall? How about a Super Mario inspired joint? The MarioFlauge hoodie is currently available for pre-order and will set you back 65 pieces of eight. It's jam packed with enough golden coins, warp pipes, and phallic mountains for even the most discriminating hoodier. And speaking of which: Geekologie hoodies.

Product Page

Thanks to Dan, who agrees to wear this hoody if you dress up like Princess Peach.

Oct 20 2008 My Turn, My Turn!: McCain's In Game Ads

Remember last week's Obama in-game ads? Well now it's McKillaCain's turn, and he's gone with a different approach. Namely using old games instead of modern ones. Like Obama's, the ads were professionally photoshopped by Paul Tassi, and are a throwback to a simpler time. A time when gas was cheap, video games were basic, and I had no idea what my penis was for. I think it's a coffee stirrer.

Hit the jump for a bunch more.

Continue Reading " My Turn, My Turn!: McCain's In Game Ads "