Oct 12 2009 Sad: Donkey Kong Reduced To Selling Soda
Seen here unsuccessfully threatening a blurry old man with the 1-2 punch that used to make Mario shit his pants and cry, Donkey Kong, the once fearful gorilla, has been reduced to hocking root beer at local grocery stores. It's a sad day. Also, those arms look a little precarious. I'm definitely gonna stand under one and have a friend push a bunch of cases onto my head. Then, provided I don't get all brain damaged, sue the grocery store. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?! Cleanup in aisle six.
Donkey Kong Soda Display [pixelatedgeek]
Thanks to Jessica, who once laughed so hard she shot root beer out her nose when a friend was telling a joke. It stung. Like a bee, but different.
Oct 1 2009 For Sale: The World's Largest Gummi Bears
I have no idea if these five pound gummi bears are, in fact, the world's largest commercially available sugar bombs, but I do know they look rats and not bears.
The World's Largest Gummy Bear is the lion of the candy world. There is no candy more magnificent or more powerful. This five-pound beast is the equivalent of 1,400 regular sized gummy bears and packs a whopping 12,600 calories.
Its monstrous size is only matched by its enormous taste. The World's Largest Gummy Bear tastes just as delicious as its pint-sized counterpart.Available in several flavors: blue raspberry, red cherry, and green apple. Hand-made in the USA.
Each bear will set you back $30 plus whatever you incur at the dentist. Which, if you play your cards right and flirt with the hygienist, could be a tank of nitrous. Just saying, A-WAHWAHWAHWAHWAHWAH. I feel like I'm on a spaceship!
Hit the jump for a moderately humorous commercial for the things.
Continue Reading " For Sale: The World's Largest Gummi Bears "
Jun 9 2009 Mountain Dew Is Back With WoW Game Fuel
You may recall a couple years ago when Mountain Dew came out with a special edition Halo-themed soda called Game Fuel. You may also recall It tasting like shit and the Geekologie Writer suing because it made his penis shrink (it was visible before, I swear). Well now they're back with two World of Warcraft inspired game imbibe-ables.
The Horde drink is reddish orange and packed with "a blast of citrus cherry". Nice, guys -- God knows orcs probably love that citrus cherry flavor. The Alliance beverage is blue and "packs a punch of wild fruit flavor". Ironically, so do I. Both drinks are available now and guarantee to be packed with previously unheard of amounts of performance reducing yellow #5. Mmmm.
Thanks to PsychoSane13, who can't make up his mind and probably leaning towards psycho. Also, the red drink.
Jun 1 2009 OM NOM NOM: Pac-Man Candy
Want to pound some turdy looking power pellets? Then buy this $12 set of Pac-man candy and rot your teeth out! Then go to the dentist to get them fixed. But don't forget to bring a hidden camera in case he tries to grope you while you're out.
Our fave classic video game now in edible form! This set of three sweet tins will have ya enjoying Pac-Man's power pellets, blue raspberry ghost sours and cherry ghost sours. Each keepsake tin is approximately 2.5"
Cool. Weed would look cool in those. I would fill one with weed and another one with booze and then swallow them and try to get on airplane. But then when security tries to stop me I'll blast off with my jetpack and probably get a JWI because my booze ghost leaked.
Pac-Man Candy For a Retro Geeky Sugar Fix [uberreview]
Apr 27 2009 Real Sugar: Mountain Dew 'Throwback'
Just for the summer (unless they're hugely popular) Pepsi is producing Mountain Dew and Pepsi 'Throwback', which both contain natural sugar instead of that high fructose maize (I'm part Cherokee) syrup bullshit.
The first thing I noticed was how smooth the carbonated soda went down. It's not nearly as harsh as the standard type and I'm sure peeps who aren't avid Mountain Dew drinkers will appreciate the difference.
Also, the aftertaste. It's more natural and clean. Hell, even my burps taste different. I LOVE IT.
Different tasting burps, now that's a selling point. It's like how Maker's Mark makes my vomit taste different. Mmmm. Unfortunately, Dew Throwback contains thrice the Yellow #5 as regular Mountain Dew, so you 'Throwback' fanatics can kiss your penises goodbye.
Review: Mountain Dew Throwback [crunchgear]
Thanks to Octopus Pie, who hates high fructose corn syrup almost as much as low fructose corn syrup.
Mar 13 2009 Chug Those Dots!: A Pac-Man Energy Drink
Nearly thirty years after the yellow dot-munching fool made his first appearance, the mouthy bastard finally gets his own energy drink. Pac-Man Power Up Energy Drink is a three-dollar 8.4oz cherry flavored caffeine high that'll have you bouncing off the walls before you can say, "threeway with Inky and Blinky. No, wait -- Blinky and Clyde. Okay, whoever the blue and orange ones are, those are the ones I want. Finally answer! Oh, and Ms. Pac-Man can watch if she wants." Haha, caffeine isn't instantaneous, silly!
pac-man energy drink perfect for washing down power pills, pretzels, strawberries and ghosts [technabob]
Mar 31 2008 Bronze Boba Fett PEZ Dispenser Looks Niiice
Scott, a man who loves both fruit flavored sugar cubes and Star Wars, cast a Boba Fett PEZ dispenser in bronze.
I made this using the lost wax casting process with an organic burnout. The material is silicon bronze. The original sleeve for the Pez broke, so I cannibalize dparts from another dispenser: Simba from the Lion King. The hole in the body resulted from an incomplete casting of the thin part; probably could have had better sprue placement. I like the results, though. The replacement sleeve was modified for the "battle scar" effect, revealing the Pez. Finishing was minimal, with a pretty standard bronze patina.
Great job, Scott. And you were right about the battle scar, that turned out pretty awesome. Now you'll always know when you're running low on on your sugar fix. Speaking of fixes *shoots 50cc's of granulated sugar into arm* Ahhhh, that's the stuff. Wait, something's not right. *reads box* Iodized salt! Not again.
Several more pictures of Boba PEZ after the jump.
Continue Reading " Bronze Boba Fett PEZ Dispenser Looks Niiice "
Dec 20 2007 Absinthe Lollipops Sadly Won't Do Much
Lit brand absinthe lollipops are lollipops made with real absinthe. They cost $10 for 4 or $25 for 12. The company says they're 100% legal because all the alcohol burns off during the production process. Which makes me wonder if they're really the good absinthe. You know, the stuff that makes you feel drunk, high, and tripping at the same time. From the company's website:
Will these lollipops get me wasted?- Our lollipops will make your tongue tingle and you'll get chattier, but that's pretty much it. However, absinthe lollipop experts have found they go really well with drinks!
First of all, what in the hell is an "absinthe lollipop expert"? And secondly, that's no way to sell an absinthe lollipop. The description should read as follows:
Will these lollipops get me wasted?- Hell freaking yes they will! You'll be sent on an intergalactic trip to Holyshitland as soon as you take a lick. The crackhead on the street corner tried one and said it was better than smoking rocks. Try one and you'll slice an ear off and give it to a hooker before you can say "Damn, I'm tyrannosaurus wrecked, what the hell happened to my ear?".
UPDATE: It appears the company has changed their FAQs section since our incredible review of their product. The statement above used to exist, but has since been removed. That's the power of Geekologie people. Pulitzer prize winning shit.
thanks to prick, who can be a real dick at times, for the tip
Nov 1 2007 Donut Machine Is My Girlfriend's Dream Man
The Dough-Nu-Matic is a stupidly named automatic donut machine. Sort of. You see, you still have to make the dough and put it in. All the machine does is form the delicious little bastards and fry them. You can crank out about a dozen in under six minutes. The unit costs $130 from Skymall (surprise, surprise) and I'm sure as soon as my hideous girlfriend reads this she'll have three on order. One for the house, one for the office, and the crazy bitch will probably mount one in her car. She can barely go a minute without a warm donut.
Dough-Nu-Matic Automatic Doughnut Machine [boingboing]
Sep 6 2007 Sony's Bio Battery Runs On Sugar
Sony has unveiled a prototype battery that generates electricity from sugar. The model displayed generates approximately 50 milliwatts from the four 1.5" cells, enough to power a digital Walkman. A sugar solution is poured into each of the cells, where enzymes break it down, generating electricity. Sony plans to manufacture the batteries for commercial sale, but did not say when. Hopefully they'll get the size down in the meantime, because right now it looks like one of those "day of the week" pill holders old people use. Of course, had Sony just asked nicely, I would have sold them my technology, which turns me and beautiful ladies, into, well, me and beautiful ladies doing it.
Sony's Bio Battery Runs On Sugar [ubergizmo]
