Aug 5 2009 Dang, You've Got It Rough: Video Game FML's
Even if you were just born this morning you've probably heard of FMyLife. The concept is simple: you make up some cheeselog story about how much your life sucks and then you post it on the internet (which is magic) so people can feel better about how much their lives suck. It's really a victorious feeling. So yeah, these are some FMyLife's written by famous video game characters. Now, I encourage you all to write your own video game inspired FML's in the comments. I'll get you started:
I think I'm in love. Unfortunately, every attempt I make at sweeping my love interest off her little feet is thwarted by a Big Daddy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (0) - you totally deserve it (24933024 jillion)
On 08/05/1960 at 8:24am - love - by Jack - Rapture, Atlantic Ocean
Hit the link for a couple more.
Video Game FMyLife [collegehumor]
Thanks to Joemo, whose life is awesome. Good for you, Joemo. No, really, I'm happy for you.
Jul 31 2009 Idiot Moron Facebook Geek Test Is Flawed
So there's this alleged 'Geek Test' on Facebook that I took and I scored a 2 out of 10. A FREAKING TWO! Do you know who I am, you stupid Facebook piece of test? Who wrote you? TELL ME WHO WROTE YOU!! Because I am going to beat them within a micron of their life with a science book and then cut them with a laser. Also, as an added Friday bonus, I left my picture up. So in case you were wondering, that's me. TOO BAD I ALREADY CHANGED IT AGAIN, SUCKERS! And if you haven't already, join the Geekologie fanpage on Facebook OR I WILL DRINK THIS CAT.
Jul 24 2009 Man Climbs Building With DIY Vacuum Gloves
This is a video of inventor Jem Stansfield climbing the exterior of a BBC building to show off a pair of vacuum gloves he made out of an old vacuum. Amazingly, he gets to the top, but I question how much assistance he got from the rope holder. Also, if those gloves are that strong and made out of a crappy old vacuum, imagine Dyson-powered vacuum gloves. It would suck the paint off a building! And, God willing, I would eat those paint chips.
Man climbs building with vacuum gloves [bbcnews]
Thanks to Ross, who once made vacuum boots but didn't tie them tight enough and plummeted eight stories.
Jul 23 2009 Tour Guide/Rent-A-Cop Robot Eats Children
Okay, so maybe it doesn't. OR AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT THEY'D HAVE YOU BELIEVE. The Alsok Guard Robot D1 is being put to use in Fukuoka, Japan as tour guide/guard/monster piece of suck. Damn I'm good with the news!
The area's tourist attraction known as Canal City opted to use the decidedly cute and human-friendly services of a Alsok's Guard Robot D1.
In the daytime the robot functions as a kind of tour guide, offering website information and communication in Japanese, English, Chinese and Korean. At night the robot functions as a security guard, ready to alert authorities in case of trouble.
Not to start any wild rumors or anything, but I heard it touched a kid. BURN IT WITH FIRE!
Hit the jump for a video of the monster waste of money.
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Jun 23 2009 Vacuum: Oh Yeah, You Clean Those Drapes
This is basically an updated version of the Proton Packs used by the Ghostbusters. Allegedly, it can suck a ghost through a garden hose. And speaking of which, hey lady -- I've got a little something that could use some...no? We're not going there? Okay.
Capable of cleaning virtually any surface from carpet to tile to stone or hardwood floors., the Ergonomic Backpack Vacuum comes with a powerful suction that is even able to tackle items like broken glass, confetti, nuts and bolts and pet hair among others. Each $170 purchase will come with padded backpack straps, a HEPA filter to remove 99.9% of all dust, telescoping wand, easy reach attachments, a 26 ft. power cord, reusable collection bag and six disposable bags.
Hell yeah broken glass, confetti, nuts and bolts and pet hair -- that sounds like a party! So why wasn't I invited. Is it because of last time? I already told you -- I THOUGHT I WAS IN THE BATHROOM!
Ergonomic Backpack Vacuum [ubergizmo]
Thanks to sarah, FDSY and Chris, who must really love vacuums. Or sucking. SWISH.
Oct 8 2008 The Shower Power: No More Slipping And Breaking Your (Most Precious) Bone
The Shower Power is a powerful suction cup with two handles. It was designed to provide a safehold while you're having sex in the shower. Or in the car. Or on the side of a building. I couldn't find out how much it costs but it can't be much. And seriously, can you really put a price on personal safety anyways? Yes, about $8. Or, if you want to live dangerously, you can do what I do and have sex while swinging from the shower head. But remember: if you're not doing the Tarzan yell you're totally ruining the experience.
Hit the jump for the product packaging which explains how to use the device in graphic silhouettey detail.
Continue Reading " The Shower Power: No More Slipping And Breaking Your (Most Precious) Bone "
May 13 2008 Video Of Darth Drunkard Attacking Jedis Is Sadly Not Nearly As Exciting As I Had Hoped
Remember when that drunk guy wearing a garbage bag and swinging a lightcrutch tried to beat up on the founder of the Jedi Church? Well it turns out the event was videotaped. But sadly, the scene is nothing compared to the one I had imagined. The only time I got excited was when he swung the crutch and almost caught dude in the nose. But he didn't. He just hit the cameraman over the head and then ran away. Making him the suckiest drunk Darth Vader impersonator ever. I make a better Drunk Vader, and all I do is wear black and breath heavy. Although once I did try to use the Force (read: a grappling hook) to score a free bottle of bourbon from behind the bar. Unfortunately I miscalculated the swing, clocked myself in the head, and fell off the barstool bleeding. Now I know what you're thinking -- "Damn yo, the Force is weak with The Geekologie Writer." And sadly, you're correct.
Oh, and as an update to the story, dude had to pay $500 and won't be serving the 12-month sentence originally expected.
Apr 21 2008 Oh Man, That Would Suck: Time Lapse Of Man Trapped In An Elevator For 40 Hours
This actually took place in 1999 (old!), but the video has just recently surfaced via The New Yorker. It's a time lapse of Nicholas White stuck in an elevator in the McGraw-Hill building in New York for over 40 hours. White went outside for a cigarette, came back in, and chose the wrong damn elevator. I really think this video provides some serious insight into the human psyche. What insight that may be is a mystery to me. Maybe something about going apeshit in a confined space. Say, is he peeing down the crack of the open doors at 2:12?
New Yorker Article
Thanks to Andy, who was once stuck in an elevator for ten seconds before he punched through the wall got the hell out, for the tip
Feb 28 2008 President's Home Theater Is Freaking Lame-o
This is a picture of the president's home theater. It looks pretty sucky. Not what I would have gone for at all. Come on pres, where's the Star Wars theme? I mean you could have gone with anything, like Star Trek, Terminator, the Batcave, the Nautilus, Indiana Jones, or just balls-to-the-wall expensive. But no, you go with a red and gold motif and freaking ottomans in the front row. What are you, a woman? Oh, it turns out Laura Bush was the one responsible for the decoration. Well I see who wears the pants in your relationship, Mr. President. That breaks cardinal rule 4 of being a man: Thou shalt not alloweth thine wife to designeth thy home theatereth. You fool!
Another picture of the room, along with one of what it used to look like, after the jump.
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