Jul 14 2009 Great: EATR Robot Feeds On Dead Bodies

Well we've already seen robots that can feed on organic matter, and now, an even scarier one. Wait, does that say chainsaw?

Robotic Technology Inc.'s Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot -- that's right, "EATR" -- "can find, ingest, and extract energy from biomass in the environment (and other organically-based energy sources), as well as use conventional and alternative fuels (such as gasoline, heavy fuel, kerosene, diesel, propane, coal, cooking oil, and solar) when suitable," reads the company's Web site.

That "biomass" and "other organically-based energy sources" wouldn't necessarily be limited to plant material -- animal and human corpses contain plenty of energy, and they'd be plentiful in a war zone.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! I'm okay, I'm okay. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! No I'm not. Hold me. Lower. Little lower. Lower. What?! THIS COULD BE OUR LAST NIGHT ALIVE!

Upcoming Military Robot Could Feed on Dead Bodies [foxnews]

Thanks to everyone who sent this in. No, really, thanks -- I hate sleeping. WITH YOUR SISTER! (snores)

May 6 2009 Just What We Need: Robots On Facebook

That's right folks, Facebook, long considered one of humanity's last strongholds, is being breached by robots. Warning: under no circumstances should you accept a robot's friend request. And don't let them fool you with Superpokes and Virtual Drinks, THEY SHOULD BE CONSIDERED METALIZED AND DANGEROUS.

Researchers are giving a robot its own Facebook profile page to help foster meaningful relationships with people. The page will be populated with interactions the robot has with people as well as photos of the time it spends in human company.

Its creators hope that embedding it in a social web will give rise to a sustainable friendship can grow up between man and machine.

Umm, how about NO THANKS. Now how in the hell are we supposed to tell friend from robotic foe? I swear, if I catch that robobastard trying to infiltrate the Geekologie Fan page, it is GAME OVER AND LIGHTS OUT. Then lights back on while I find my stuffed dinosaur. THEN LIGHTS OUT AGAIN AND A BUNCH OF GROANING AND RAWR!

Robot to create Facebook profile [bbcnews]

Thanks to ffffffffffffffffff, Aaron, Bilal, Gareth, Kim and Dylan "Free Sex!", who should totally take the 'What Disney Princess Are You' quiz that I just did. I'm Belle!

Apr 10 2009 ShamWow Sells Like Hot Cakes Bluth Corn Baller In Spanish Speaking Countries

This is Vince "Punchahook" Shlomi selling ShamWows in Spanish. And yes, it's every bit as "I want to beat him till he bleeds" as it sounds. Even worse. I actually put my monitor in a choke-hold just watching it. Now tap out or you're dead. I mean it!

Vince Tries To Sell ShamWow In Spanish [consumerist]

Apr 2 2009 Who Called It?: Fire-Breathing Robo-Baby Of Death Unleashed Upon The World

When I'm right, I'm right. And I was right. This is what death looks like.

Sculptor Kenji Yanobe's Giant Torayan robot, a 7.2-meter (24-ft) tall mechanical baby that sings, dances and spits fire, was sighted in Tokyo's Roppongi district last night. The fire-breathing robot spent the night on center stage at "Roppongi Art Night," an all-night event featuring installations and performances by dozens of artists at various venues in the area.

Well folks, it's been fun. *guzzling booze and Amoxicillin*

UPDATE: Am I dead? My tummy hurts.

Hit the jump for a bunch more of the last thing you'll ever see.

Continue Reading " Who Called It?: Fire-Breathing Robo-Baby Of Death Unleashed Upon The World "

Mar 5 2009 Death A La Mode: A Robotic Ice Cream Server

I just don't get it -- why take the chance? What's wrong with paying some pimply adolescent $6/hour to serve ice cream? You have to look at his ugly face, that's what. Still, I want the record to show that I am anti-robotic ice cream server.

These Kuka industrial robots were programmed by 26 students over 5 weeks to serve ice cream (with toppings!) to attendees at Ohio Northern University's homecoming festivities.

Well, like the saying goes, "I scream, you scream, we all scream for HOLY SHIT THAT ROBOT HAS SPRINKLES -- HIT THE DECK!!!"

Hit the jump for a relatively boring 5-minute video about the servers of death.

Continue Reading " Death A La Mode: A Robotic Ice Cream Server "

Feb 27 2009 XBox Live's Don't Ask Don't Tell Policy

XBox Live doesn't want you letting anybody know you're gay. Because that's offensive. Recently, a woman was banned from online gaming for identifying herself as a lesbian in her profile.

My account was suspended because I had said in my profile that I was a lesbian. I was harassed by several players, 'chased' to different maps/games to get away from their harassment. They followed me into the games and told all the other players to turn me in because they didn't want to see that crap or their kids to see that crap.

As if xbox live is really appropriate for kids anyways! My account was suspended and xbox live did nothing to solve this, but instead said others found it offensive.

Hey, that reminds me, people suck. Per XBox Live's don't tell policy:

In regards to sexual orientation, for gamertags or profiles we do not allow expression of any type of orientation, be that hetero or other. Players can, however, self identify in voice communication where context is more easily explained to all players involved.

Weak. I say XBox embrace the gay community and ban all the harassers. I'm tired of gaming with a bunch of pre-pubescent boys anyways. Their voices alone make me want to throw the system out the window. Tolerance, XBox, tolerance. And for those of you that feel stifled by the inability to post your sexual preference on XBox Live, feel free to do so here. I'll even get us started with the first comment.

Identifying Yourself As A Lesbian Gets You Banned On XBOX Live [consumerist]
and
Microsoft's Policy Regarding Identifying Sexual Orientation On XBOX Live [consumerist]

Thanks to Marc, who was tolerant even after I puked in his car.

Jan 4 2009 Russian Roulette: The Nokia Gun Phone

This is a conceptual Nokia gun phone made by somebody in Photoshop. It's fake. Mad fake. Faker than the ID I use to buy booze (I'm 16). Because no phone company has the gigantor cojones it would take to manufacture an actual handgun-phone. And I think we can all agree, that's a fundamental problem with today's society. That's why I outsourced the manufacture of a gun-phone to a friend of mine. And I've got to tell you, this shit looks legit. *BRRRING* Oh, if you'll excuse me -- I need to take this. *BANG* Oh. Uh-oh. Listen, I've gotta run to the vet real quick.

Gun Phone Concept [uberphones]

Dec 18 2008 Stupid Idiots Name Son Adolph Hitler, Bakery Refuses To Make Birthday Cake For The Young Terrorist. Sadly, It Gets Even Worse

A husband and wife team of stupid idiots named their son Adolph Hitler Campbell because, damnit, sometimes beating your kid just isn't enough. "Heath Campbell said he named his son after Adolf Hitler because he liked the name and because "no one else in the world would have that name"." Unfortunately, ShopRite supermarket refused to decorate a birthday cake with the little tyke's name on it. Wait, it gets worse.

The shop has also refused to make a cake for Mr Campbell's second child, who turns two next February. Her name is JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell. Heath and Deborah Campbell's third child will probably not get a cake from that shop either.

The eight-month-old baby has been named Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell, apparently a reference to one of the Nazi's most monstrous leaders, SS head Heinrich Himmler.

For the time being, the matter has been settled - the Campbells had their cake made by Wal-Mart.

Wal-Mart, of course. Anything to make a freaking dollar. Seriously though, this couple should have been sterilized long ago. You know, with bullets.

Baker: No Cake For Little Hitler [yahoonews]

Thanks to GRRR, who named his son The Geekologie Writer, because he wants him to grow up just like me.